Yesterday, I looked after a young, patient and kind 55yo man w an inoperable tumour, and his very lovely wife. I think I said "you don't have to thank me" and "do not be sorry" like a hundred times during the 7.5hrs shift. Lovely people. Some of the nicest patients I've had. They looked after me more than I looked after them, I reckon - they were kept telling me to go on my break, go to for my lunch, applogised for having to go home a bit late though it wasn't even bis fault etc.

They had just received the news of his disease progression the night before and that morning. Inoperable tumour. Told by the A-team of surgeons that it would have been too risky to remove the tumour. Each time the couple teared up and apologised for being teary, I wanted to cry with them. All I could say was - "Do not be sorry. You are allowed to feel those emotions. You are are allowed to cry. You should cry all you want, and then fight all you can." What else can you say? What else do you do?

It's days like this that makes me thankful that I'm allowed to be a nurse. I might not be very good at it but I'm willing to learn. I might not earn millions or even hundreds of thousands a year. I might have to wipe bums and wash pans. I might have to leave work late or skip my breaks. I have to do shift work though thankfully my body clock adjusts well to that. But I get a chance each day to help people and their families live to a more dignified life in the most vulnerable seasons of their lives.

I wonder why the nice people end up with the most aggressive cancers. Well I've got no stats to prove that but it sure feels that way. I wish that there were no sin in this world and that there were no sickness - though that'd mean I'd be out of job. But that makes me look forward to Heaven more than ever- because not only will we get to spend all our time with Christ, He has promised that He'd wipe away every tear. There is so much one can say about suffering and the sovereignty of God - if God is in control, why do we suffer? Why are there massacres of people, of children? There are lots of good books out there. But Lamentations 3 encourages me:

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord 's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." (Lamentations 3:19-22, 31-33 NIV84)

I guess I'm also reminded of Proverbs 16:9:
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
Make each day count. Store up treasures in Heaven. Spend time with your spouse, your family and loved ones. Share the gospel. Laugh more. Stress less. Trust in Him with all your heart. You never know what each day is gonna bring; or when a man would come to your kid's school/where your spouse works and shoot them. Or when you or someone you love may be diagnosed with cancer and have an inoperable tumour. Would your assets and careers be more important in those times?

Life is not about the money, it never should have been. Following Christ and seeking His will fill me with joy. Daniel makes me happy. Nursing makes me satisfied. I may make choices that the world, or even my own family, would think is foolishness. But I rather be foolish in world's eyes than to be foolish in the eyes of God.

I look at my patient, and give thanks for the opportunity to meet them, look after them and pray for them in my own time. The patient may not survive. Odds are he won't. There is only so much more chemo and radiation can do. But nothing is impossible with God and I pray that it might be His will to heal Him. But above all, I pray that He'd be their comfort in this season, and that He'd give them every ounce of strength needed to fight every piece of tissue that's not meant to be there. I pray that the physician and oncologist will have wisdom to give the best advice and care, and so will the nurses. I pray that the surgeons who worked on him won't have to tell too many other patients that their tumours are inoperable. I pray that we will all make decisions today, so that in years to come, we can look back and be confident that we have lived each day to the fullest, and that we've made decisions that we know would make God happy, ones that we'd be glad to take with us to our graves. Amen.

Here I am, one year on, re-watching my favourite show with my best friend..

& I’d gladly re-watch it a million times with you in the next 80 years of our lives (:

I’m looking through some videos from my 3 years in Melbourne. Awesome memories (:

And this to commemorate my departure for the 4th time:



Much fun (:

I’m looking forward to going back, and starting work as an officially registered nurse, but definitely gonna miss Daniel heaps!

“You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful“ - Beautiful, Bethany Dillon

”I have not much to offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross has placed in me my worth“ - Unashamed, Starfield

*

One last interview that I’m going to go for today.
Ah, decision making.

”Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. The unfolding of your words give light; it gives understanding to the simple.“ Psalm 119:105, 130 (NIV)

I went to this concert organised by my church to raise money for some of our missionaries in Niger and PNG - Bundy Unplugged. The quality of the performances was so good lor. And these 2 girls made me fall in love with this song.. (I wanted to say I like this one better than the original one.. well the Joy Williams original is not too bad, much better than the David Campbell one anyway:P)






Better Than I
I thought I did what's right 

I thought I had the answer 

I thought I chose the surest road

But that road brought me here 


So I put up a fight 

And told You how to help me

And just when I had given up 

The truth is coming clear, for...

You know...Better Than I 

You know...the way

I've let go...the need to know why 

'Cause You know
Better Than I

If this has been a test

I cannot see the reason

But maybe knowing, I don't know

Is part of getting thru 


I try to do what's best

Find faith has made it easy 

To see the best thing I can do

Is put my faith in You, for...

You know...Better Than I 

You know...the way

I've let go...the need to know why 

'Cause You know
Better Than I

I saw one cloud, and thought it was the sky 

I saw a bird and thought that I could follow

But it was You who taught them to fly 

If I let You reach me... 

Will You teach me? For...

You know...Better Than I 

You know...the way

I've let go...the need to know why

I'll take what answers You supply 

'Cause You know
Better Than I


*
Hope you enjoy it too :)