I may be back, if i ever need this ranting ground again.
Well, hopefully not.
Till then!~
Hello, summer!
First blogpost in a really long while.
In a quick nutshell, I think I kind of gave up on myself frm the previous blogpost and school pretty much went downhill from there onwards. hurhur. Nvm, time to move on! Moment of truth in the form of a dismal GPA will soon arrive. =/
In the meanwhile, SUMMER!
haven’t been doing much, honestly. just the usual tv-watching, msn chatting, dinner outings and shopping with x 10 magnitude. boooooooooring. hahah. Need to search for new book titles and read something fictional instead of the insane law texts all the time. GRR. any recommendations?
and also find a jobbbb asap.
ANNND switch to tumblr! can’t wait =P.
But i would need a good username first. hmmmmm.
Mid term post
DISCLAIMER: Sour words ahead!
Hooboy. It has been 8 fast weeks. I don’t know what to say, what to feel, what to think. I vaguely recall how, at the start of SMU, i was feeling elated that i was being intellectually challenged to think again, to explore new possibilities and theories. It is ironic how my brain is still empty and fluffy after these 8 weeks of the second semester.
I don’t think I have gotten complacent. Then what would be the reason behind my restlessness? I have no idea, though I faintly suspect that it’s got something to do with my wallowing in self pity with my boring life. Ah well, typical me.
LRW legal memo was finished in a bad fashion;
Tort report coming up next and I feel terrible because I have no clue what to write.
Ah.
Okay enough of the wallowing.
Law night bike has just concluded and… I am just glad that I have no muscle aches. Which is pretty amazing, considering what a flab I really am. This is what they call a personal goal I guess! I like how serene it is at night, with only the night lamps offering guidance. The night breeze, some stars and maybe the occasional car or two, are the only companions I need to pass me through the night. it’s an awesome feeling. (well, that is, before fatigue sets in).
Waikiki was pretty wholesome fun too i guess, save for the fact that I am shedding dead skin cells all over. URGHsome. (y).
In other news, I just met up with crystal huiwen, yanting sara, and jasmine yong in the past week. In short, the friends I really love :D. Miss you guys alot, and I really enjoyed our little catchup sessions. It’s so easy to laugh when I am with you guys.
School feels non-existant sometimes.
Talking to jasmine was nice, and she shared with me how someone told her never to settle for second best. That is just too nice and too sweet and jas, i wish u the best too 🙂 I can’t wait for swim team pizza outing. and bkk trip. 5 days of just u guys?! AWESOME. i can just feel it in my veins.
time’s a wasting
I have nothing going on this semester, apart from my academics.
Feeling kinda heartache over a missed opportunity;
initially I thought that I was right in not chasing for it — afterall I am not as passionate as them. and I did think of seeking other pastures. social volunteerism? HAHA.
Then I realised I was wrong. Like a friend said, I will forever wonder what I missed out on. and I want a bit of it. I want to try and experience doing something else, being in another role. too bad, I decided not to take it up.
Bah. No use ranting about it at this point, I gave it up, and that’s that. =(
So why do i still feel so empty inside?
***
I don’t have the same stamina as my law mates. Just slacked for 1.5 hours surfing blogs, blogshopping, watching stupid videos off youtube… and I am barely through half the reading list. Just. can’t seem. to. sit. down.and. read. AND ABSORB. the words are just flying past me. 😦 and there’s lessons tomorrow. I don’t even feel myself trying as hard as last sem for my class part anymore. I really suck. 😦
I need to stop losing faith in myself! I had drive last sem. despite all that unfamiliarity; so why am I slowing down when I should just be filled with greater motivation and determination?
***
am so excited about CNY though. 😀
Some friends told me that they can’t stand CNY songs; on the contrary, i like how CNY songs add to the festive mood. It’s just so cheery and happy. Perhaps I am a little biased, having played CNY songs a couple of years back, being part of an orchestra…. but it is fun. it gives me fake endorphins. and I guess I am pretty much looking forward to eating the goodies and playing card games with my cousins again. 😀
but first, need to get that report and presentation out of the way!
Still, I should be glad my presentation is before CNY eve. THEN CAN SLACKK for a couple of days without any reservation! woooo~~~.
oh just kill that sloth please.
Reading other people’s blogposts makes me feel superficial and childish at times. Perhaps it’s their sophisticated writing styles or philosophical thoughts that traverse through their minds which inks this feeling into me- instantaneous reflection, i would say. Ah. I guess I just feel paper thin at times for… not thinking as much as I should. I need and want to be more worldy.
Then again, I shouldn’t really care, honestly.
I say my life as it is with my never ending pile of superficial problems that could be all solved- in time to come. and that is the reason why I blog. An outlet for me to rant (even more so) and crap and not really care about anything else except to put my thoughts and troubles into this space.
Though if I were a grammar nazi I would probably be really irritated with all those errors. grr.
***
Law school has been a bitch, and it had only been ONE DAY. Honestly I am afraid. I have no idea why but i feel aimless this semester. I have no idea what I want to do. I am not someone who can survive just by concentrating on one thing throughout the sem– improving my gpa. I need distractions- not going out and having fun blah blah blah- but meaningful worthy ones that will carry alongside with it lessons that I will apply and remember in my future student and worklife, and there appear to be none for me to undertake at the moment.
I think the novelty of university is running out, and all i can say is-
GO GO GO.
I just hope i won’t commit the same mistakes I did last sem… please, no…
backlogs are fearsome creatures.
and they are creeping up on me, the way dementors do. and ain’t no patronus is gonna save me from them.
I guess it’s time for me to come up with new solutions to tackle these problems. Creative thinking has its benefits ;).
I know I can do it!!!
***
FYI: i inserted in a few paras in my xmas post on my semester reflections. spot the difference! 😛
2010-A summary
2010 was a good year. It has been a turbulent year, one fraught with change and uncertainty, two life elements that I do not enjoy, but 2010 was good.
Stopped taking allowance from parents. Temp-ed at Aviva Insurance. Gave up on US apps. Quit. CIP at horseriding place. A-level Results. CIP @lion befrienders. SMU NUS Open house. Decided on law. Scholarship Applications. University Applications. Scholarship Interviews. Numerous rejections. Started tuition. Temp-ed at tiny law firm. RACO. Quit. Hong Kong with swim team <3. Got into SMU Law. Decided on SMU over NUS biz. Crashed NUS camp. Made friends. FTB, law camp. Socialising is tiring. RACO concert :). took on 2 more tuition jobs. Macbook + itouch :D. Uni starts. No friends. Made friends. Tried out for ocip. Got into PP10 <3. Presentations. Lucked out and had great groups. Fundraising. CCO Concert. More presentations. Recessweek. PP10 Pulau Ubin getaway :). Farewell UK mates :(!.Reports. Groupwork. Muggerfest. Suppers :D. Exams. Raffles hall stayover with swim team :DDD. Philippines-Project Pangarap 2010 <3. Yishun steamboat gathering + Jia Hui +Sam <3. Sleepover@Charles.Genting :D.PP10 Post Exp. Sisterhood dinner+wei ting’s surprise!. USS with cousins. More meetups <3. Family gathering.
and that about sums up my 2010. Doesn’t sound like much, but I am just grateful for everything that has happened this year. For the opportunities i got my short temp shift @the law firm, the friends I made, the friends I kept, my parents’ support…
I just know 2011 will be even better. 😀
I do wish i can go JB with the sisterhood, but nvm, shall look forward to meeting up with yanting&sara (skype with eunice? booo) and a funky4 reunion hoho! Sam owes me a SHOPPING TRIP! btw sam if ure reading this, H&M opens in JUNE next to cineleisure OMG SO EXCITING- confirmed by sunday times! it’s gonna takeover the california fitness space! woooooo somerset is the shopping haven 😀
money woes.
i hate it when i can see the money flowing out of my fingers.
I would make a terrible accountant, i am pretty sure of that.
😦
Offensive
The other day on Christmas, I was rather offended when my cousin mentioned how I attempted to freaking scam his brother when I offered to give him tuition at a rate of $30/hr only for a j2 student. I assume those words came from my aunt instead of my cousins but whatever it is, that was a freaking insult and seriously, but WTF!??!?!
Merry Christmas to all :)
The past weeks of vacation has been excellent.
I have been counting my blessings for the past semester; and I can only say that I have been an extremely lucky girl. I actually got into law school, bought my first mac (best decision i ever made, though my poor netbook is dying from the lack of usage) survived SMU, got out with a set of grades that I am relatively relieved/satisfied with, met people i can click with, made new friends, kept old friends, had fun, had lots of suppers, had my co swan song at esplanade with cco, gave 3 tuitions and all of them improved :DD, had an enjoyable ocip exp. and team, a great though short genting trip with the law classmates, met up with the cousins and realised that some things just doesn’t change :D, and basically, am enjoying the last week of my vacation with no stress or tight deadlines.
A question that victor and ys often asked (themselves as well) was if we ever regretted coming into SMU. and I am happy to say that it was a good decision i made. i can actually say this with confidence, which is quite a rarity. I like what I am studying, and though I am not sure if this is set to change in the next few semesters as the workload increases (and the provision of seniors’ notes decrease … D: ), I am just glad I am not one of those people who detest what they are studying or wish to switch to a different degree. and as a law student i don’t think I am necessarily more hiong than the students with other degrees in smu. of course, this procrastinating attitude of mine should definitely be changed for the better and I shouldn’t rest on my laurels- lady luck doesn’t stick and the winds could change, but as of now, I am grateful I didn’t spend my first sem locked up ala A levels.
back and onward!
Back for 2 days and counting, and it seems like the only thing i have been up to so far was obsessing over grades, looking at the same photos over and over again, and a good steamboat meetup 😀
I have gotten back into my usual routine of sitting around and slacking on my sofa, watching television and chatting with my friends, with mac as my best buddy. What i think i should do is head down to borders, buy a good fiction book and READ IT while i can. Would beat all those non-fiction law cases, i would think.
ah.
life is good.
I miss phillippines like crazy, waking up with friends all around, and having four good meals a day. Although I whine and do wish that my team would be more bonded than it is now, but there’s no point hanging on to the what-ifs. Onward! 😀 I am just grateful for all those good memories. I need to get my butt down and write a proper reflection. This trip made me learn new, perhaps unconventional things, about others. Nah, it’s not the usual, they don’t have this and that and hence I should count my blessings kind of enlightenment that I got from this trip, unfortunately. I guess at the end of it all, we sometimes forget that ervice learning is a two way thing, and it’s just interesting how we can absorb unexpected insights from different activities and services we engage in.
headed off for a steamboat gathering with the yishun peeps and i just love them to bits. 7 years of friendship and we are still going strong. Honestly, i wouldn’t know what to do without these awesome group of people in my life ❤ 😀 These are the things that make me grateful for making co part of my life (:
