I haven’t have the courage to continue writing on dayre since that is the most frequented platform my friends have access to, daily. I wouldn’t want to pretend things are fine when I’m not. Somehow writing on blogger seems to be the best thing I can do right now as it is the lowest profile avenue I can let out my despair on.

The MRT station reminded us of sharing a bowl of piping hot mock sharkfin soup after school. 1 bowl wasn't enough to satisfy the bottomless pit stomachs of ours and we settle for 3 more bowls..

JEM reminded me of the casual hang outs we had after school and occasionally buying old chang kee chicken wings as we window shopped in the mall..

Jurong point reminded me of the times when we stood outside of the Hokkaido cheese tart stall and while I was busy munching on the tart, you were fighting for the last bite which of course never happened. You always gave me the last bite of every food we shared.

EATZ reminded me the times when I tried my best to stay healthy so I ordered an unpopular dish off the menu-Fishball noodles while you picked the laksa. You brought two spoons along when you placed the laksa on the table and I nagged at how unhealthy your dinner was while I continue to sip your laksa soup away.

As my mom nagged at me for not scheduling my graduation photoshoot, I took a peek at the graduation gown invoice and realised that the date of purchase was 29th June 2017. Almost a year since the purchase date. I kept it in hopes we can take the graduation shoot together so I can have it hanged at our home 7 years down the road, exactly what I have planned it out. Which wasn't the norm and you will be 32 by then..

Today,,, I'm looking at the sky full of stars and the closest I can reach out to you is you looking at the same sky I am looking at.

It 3.5 years since we get together.

How are you doing?

Posted a little glimpse of this tiny space on my insta story yesterday and I decided to delete it within seconds of posting. I'm just not ready to let people have access to to my inner thoughts and feelings...Especially I don't know if people reading this platform behind the screen genuinely cares about my sudden withdrawals or just blatantly enjoys gloating at my gloom.

I was rudely woken up by a bad dream this afternoon. Since months ago, I had this tendency of sleeping whenever time permits me to, or usually I will be staying at home when there are nothing on the plate to occupy my time with..Usually I will sleep and it doesn't take me more than 10 minutes to fall into a deep sleep. More than usual, I just fell asleep upon lying down on bed. Today, I had a bad dream of you inviting people to your BBQ party and I was not invited. It is pretty much expected given the amount of hate you are containing in you about me right now. Or maybe I shouldn't classify this as hate but rather, grudge.
I woke up to repetitively thinking about the words you told me two weeks ago.
All I catch was you emphasizing the fact that I chose to leave you in the first place and that there is no way we will ever be getting back together. I'm reluctant to acknowledge this justification to completely give up on this relationship but I figure out that if one is unwilling, there is no point holding on the relationship anymore.

Today abrupt and eccentric dream sorta remind me of the pensive sadness once again.
As much as I want to put all behind, which my first step has been set foot, such a constant reminder isn't all that pleasing to me, Especially when the only proposal I gave myself is to break off from any sort of association I can possibly have with you so it will be easier for me to wholeheartedly surrender this 3 years old relationship.

Its kinda tough to translate how I actually feel into words right now.

There are two things I figure out I can do:
-To put down the ego, admit that it was rash choice, and hoping that there will be extra chance given to salvage the broken string.
(Which I have done and it did not work out)
-To let this relationship dies down and bury behind with time.

I'm left with not much choices and the second path is the one I can embark on.
Surely (hopefully) one day, I'll be happier.

Back with my daily...Or rather irregular musings. I reckoned no one is reading this space anymore and I have no intentions to publicize it on Facebook like how I usually did when I was younger. Views were crazy and I guess many people are interested in how boring my life can gets?
This time round I appreciate for the serenity and able to process what I will be penning down instead,


Its the company shutdown day tomorrow and I am extremely thrilled for this short break.
Technically, our AL is being deducted but the mandatory deduction validated everyone's contemplation to take a leave without feeling guilty or "paiseh". And that is not all, we are going to have another shutdown next Monday!
Before the start of every month, I tend to look at the entire month and count all the working days..March is indeed a long month with only 1 PH, as compared to February though. February had only 17 working days installed for me.
As for March, after deducting the shutdown days and taking another AL this coming friday (Extra extra bonus, I only have 3 working days for this week), I only have about 18 working days. I don't know what's joy if this isn't considered a joy.
Apparently, the semiconductor/manufacturing industry is booming as reported in late 2017 and I'm really uncertain what the trends will be like in 2018.....because......work shows otherwise and this could probably be due to the plunging production rate of iphones.
Nevertheless, I hope the company continue to prosper, so bonus will keep rolling in (hehe) but it certainly will meant madness again.
I'm still on a constant route of learning and I felt that this first job provided me with rich insights that I have never encountered even for the past temp jobs I was employed in before (Stat boards erhem, private transportation monopoly erhem) but I feel that sometimes, people in the company aren't that welcoming.

I couldn't get used to how people communicate with each other during my first 3 months of work and I pretty much had struggled through and cried occasionally. I remember in the month of November, the struggle was intense and I bawled my eyes out every Sunday because doomsday is literally just a few hours away. Especially when my mentor isn't that nice and he even told my manager in the face "I don't know why you even hire her, please be more wise with your selection next time" Totally not something pleasing to my ears but I thought its kinda unjust for him to carve this mindset of me.
In me...I'm thinking dude if I really am fast, you should feel threatened because I can replace you and make you redundant. Truth is, the way he taught me isn't as patient as how he was taught when he was a fresh graduate just like me.
And especially when the way he structure his guidance is all over the place and you just have to accommodate to such mess. There was a time I was so compelled to resign because of the lack of proper system in place and work was basically functionally "hit and run" kinda model.
However, the guidance and mentoring he received weren't like what I am receiving currently but we all know that in a corporate world, the fittest survives, nobody cares if this is fair or not, all these will be deemed silly and juvenile.

I wasn't use to such a lunacy and I don't want to put myself in such position as well.
"Are you sure you will be able to handle the ever changing and fast paced semiconductor industry?"
"Are you able to handle stress and talk to higher management?"
Check all that applies.

Questions I have answered yes, firmly anchor me to press and stay on. Afterall, this is my first job after I have graduated form 23 years of formal education (Well, minus the first few years of sucking pacifier and crawling on the floor) and I might have no idea what other companies got to offer. It could be better but what if, its even worst?
As far as I am concerned, things have been improving SLIGHTLY on a positive note but I know that I still have tons to learn. There are people who may not take me seriously given my age and my years of experience but I believe they have been through this stage and I will not regard such hypercritical remarks. The way to survive through work, I believe is to grit my teeth and focus on my own journey, notwithstanding of the excessive comments or judgmental casts.
That is, focus on my work and scope. During times of mistakes, admit it and put all other additional comments that are uncalled for, aside.

I've seen a fair share of...What we called it...Ugly shades of human and sometimes I ever wonder have some of these colleagues aged backwards or I have been too "easily contented"?
I'll find an answer to this at least 5 years down the road. Who knows I may become like one of them?
The best is I'll continue to stay how I have been maintaining so far.

I once read an analogous description.

To be a bottle of water. Not a bottle of soda.
The bottle is you. What's inside is your emotions and reactions. The outside world and people are gonna attack you and rattle or shake the hell out of you from time to time. If you shake a bottle of soda, when you finally open up, you will explode but if you shake a bottle of water...Once you open it, it is still the calm water it was before it was shook up.

Never let other people and this world disrupt your inner peace.

Learning and continue changing. Been a pampered girl and that is probably because I lack of nothing in life except patience. I am definitely not a girl who is born with a silver spoon in my mouth, given my family financial standing but in retrospect, I will be constantly changing and improving myself especially at work.

I haven't been updating on this space for quite a while and I must say this will be the platform I'll alternate to for now. I'm not sure what the outcome of Dayre's closure will turn out to be but as much as I hope for the decision to be aborted, I feel that there are only so much Dayre's users could do to save the app. AT the same time, I'm seeking Blogger's refuge to once again, jot down itsy bitsy facets of my life. Whoever that will be reading this space, I'm figuring that there will be none as this is a forgotten platform, but I have my reasons not to share. People are awful, I know there are one or two out of the few followers I had actually are overly concerned with my r/s status. In spite of these concerns, I myself is uncertain if these are concerns that stem from within, or are they actually a conversion starter.

I know I'm supposed to be either doing my FYP interim report or be at least studying for my damn 4532 quiz that is on this coming Tuesday but darn it, the module is so freaking hard that it kinda hinder me from wanting to be a power engineer. I meant if I have to face 10 time the difficulty level (Applications) in the future, I rather not be a power engineer :/ Oh and...I have just finished programming for my 4503 assignment. DAMN I dislike programming so much and there are no qualms bout it. Self console myself that at least it is MATLAB and not C, for I felt that MATLAB is so much easier TSK.

So........I haven't been updating this space for a long time but allow me to present some of my incoherent thoughts and random snippets below.

Graduation shoot with my girl friends in September/ August. Really bad at remembering dates so pardon me. Huiboon and Chengee both brought their boyfriends along for the photoshoot and below are the series of some couple shoots I really love. Xinping was Raymond's assistant for the day (Helping him to take some barang barang) while I helped to brainstorm for the photoshoot poses. Had a hard time visualizing the poses in my head but some of the impromptu and candid poses turned out to be really well done.

Sharing some of my favourite photos out of 100+ photos.












 Picked up brush lettering but my passion died down shortly when year 4 started. Been so busy that even if you have the spare time to brush, you wouldn't even feel happy and safe doing it... :/

On a sidetrack, I have been having a rough semester in school currently. Perhaps I shall only elaborate when I have the time to or when I am bold enough. I'm hoping for this semester to pass soon.

P/s: Recovering my ailing legs at home because I have just completed my half marathon today. Ageing already.

Life's pretty mundane recently. Its all about studying and then back to worrying about my DIP individual report. By the way, I took up the role of writing the group report as well so I have like 2 reports to write compare to everyone else. I'm not complaining, at least this is the best I could do. I love writing and this should be alright....As compared to troubleshooting my program. Programming really isn't a healthy thing, most of the times when my codes couldn't work out, I curse and swear so much in my mind that god most probably will not want to forgive me. Then, I'll daydream a little and picture the oh so perfect scenes of me hugging a baby in one hand and grocery basket in another. The baby then poo a huge dump and create a mess on my newly bought laced dress. The other child will then be vandalising the walls I have just painted and screaming like a hyena on loose as he give flying kicks in the air. And tadaa, I will just suck it up and stare back at the codes on the matlab and arduino software while they stare back at me. Occasionally, I'll walk into the toilet and take a breather. Think about life, think about how I am screwing up my own life currently.

There are many wild thoughts in my mind replaying like a broken cassette but right now, I just want to bother about my studies, report and that's it. Other redundant matters need to get out from my mind, especially toxic people. "As we grow older, we learn to care less and not give a fuck about a single soul."

Namaste.

Finals in about 25 days time. I'm not looking forward ya.
Okay bye.

P/s: I hate how I am so used to walking into my balcony thinking to feed my hamster and all I see is an empty clean tank when I am just standing right there.

I was having lesson earlier today and I received a call from my momsie halfway through my class. A little impatient, a little distracted, I decided to pick up thee call. To be honest, I really dislike picking up calls in the middle of any lessons especially when they are unimportant calls. "妹你今晚几点回来？咪咪喘气喘倒很厉害，差不多要死了" We all know that our little buddy (and we call him 咪咪）is ageing really badly, limping and with a face shape that resembles a street rat because of his extreme weight loss but nonetheless we still dote on him a lot despite being just a tiny palm-sized creature. I reached home around 11pm and immediately went to check on my little buddy.............

Though this isn't my first time adopting a pet hamster, this was the friendliest hamster I have taken care of till date. It was actually a Russian Dwarf breed and I didn't have a good impression of this hamster. I sworn to never  get a pet hamster ever since my previous ageing roborovski got captured away by a stray cat which crawled into my house when nobody was aware of it. FYI, I live on the 5th floor so I don't get how the cat manage to source for a prey so successfully. Anyway I managed to catch a glimpse of the cat dashing out with my hamster hanging in its mouth but all was too late. Pretty bad trauma I had back in early 2014 and all I did was locking myself in the room back then and never dared to come out at all. And..... my younger brother just have to bring home a male Russian dwarf a year later when I'm already used to not having any pet at home...Apparently it was a mark of dating gift between his girlfriend and him and his girlfriend own the female one. I was really sceptical to take care of this hamster because I cannot tolerate my younger brother's nonsense for bringing back a pet as a "dating gift". Teenagers nowadays. However,this little buddy of mine was cheeky, active and forever craving for attention from all of us. Extra care was given to 咪咪 because we didn't want the history to repeat itself. We changed our door and make sure that the tank (where buddy lives in) was covered during times when we're all busy with our own chores. Little buddy is always craving for our attention, jumping around in the tank and pressing his little hands on the glass and peep out for us all the times. He gets really active in the morning, attracting for our attention as we prepare to leave the house for work/lessons. We showered our love for him immensely and days past, he became a little overweight.

Watched  The Huger Games-Mockingjay part 1 3 days ago and this explains my blog song, Lorde-Yellow Flicker Beat. Fell in love with the song instantly when the credits roll came in at the end of the movie. The movie was pretty good but I felt like it lacks of the excitement element as compared to the previous two saga. Hoping that part 2 will be awesome. Caught this movie one day after my last paper. My last paper was such a lovely one but you know you are at the losing end when about two fifth of the cohort left the exam hall in 50minutes after completion and I only managed to complete it in an hour. We were given 2 hours for the 100 MCQ questions though. Kind of bothered with the steep moderation even though I could do the paper. Anyway! Finals are over and I really do not wish to mention about it anymore. The end of finals still feel so surreal, it was a pretty bad struggle this semester because I never knew the modules can be so challenging this semester #confessionofaneeestudent Things were going well when I improved last semester but I guess this semester.. I think its about survival and not getting good grades in university anymore. I have a bad feeling I will not pass one of my core modules and this is really not good. I hate repeating lab lessons because I always have no single idea how to play around with the circuits and bread board. I finally have a clear understanding why people say that electrical engineering is the toughest major among all engineering courses. *Puke blood*



Some pixels I have collected from the last few weeks.

Oral presentation for Tech comm. I spent a pathetic 2 hours to prepare for my oral presentation because you know, conclusion part only have that little content to talk about so it is more about trying to be creative to end the whole presentation with a bang....but yay I am glad the presentation went well (after seeing my estimated grade for presentation). My tutor even praised that I am a natural speaker (Maybe I have a flair for speaking, I should just be a sales engineer lol) and I guess my other group members nailed their parts well too. I'm a happy group leader! :D










And Great Eastern Half Marathon! Ya I know I look like the kind that just laze on thee sofa and eat dirty junk food but trust me, I run and I can. I can't do anything for sports but the only exception has got to be running. Anyway I'm always running late for school and outings #punintended

Please ignore my tomboy hair. If not for a poor judgement of hairdresser....I wouldn't have to wait for my hair to grow out desperately. Oh well. Life as such.

It has been a very long time since I felt this wretched. Hope to jot down my thoughts even though I should really be catching up my one week worth of lectures. Really damn sad and I don't wish to talk much about my problems on a social platform but sometimes I hope people can hear me out even though it won't make any difference.The amount of sadness bottling up in me is just too....Insurmountable. Wish that things will be like last semester. This semester...even though my studies was on a better track but I'm not really enjoying it well. Switching from dayre to blogger back and forth and because that's the only thing I can do to ensure a little personal space of mine. Perhaps this is the only much I can blog here because I don't know what to talk about anymore. No point whining out anymore because everything is afterall my fault. I have been wronged too much and I had enough.

I'm upset.

I'm not the kind of person who loves to brag about my personal life out to people or the social media platforms. Even for a photo, I will think hard to post it out on the social media (Except dayre because its relatively a personal platform for me). After all, privacy is golden and I adhere to that. We all make mistakes but social media can frame those mistakes and frame them infinitely and there are three sides to every online interaction, yours,mine and the view of everyone watching us so its better to act carefully when it comes to social media.

Kept my dayre a very private platform and I feel comfortable with just expressing my life to a limited number of friends but knowing that my dayre is being followed, it kinda takes a toll on me, the desperate need to express something in favour to a situation and not really what I want to say anymore.
I'm here, trying to seek refuge thinking that nobody will visit this page anymore and as much as I am not willing to divulge anything that I don't feel comfortable sharing with the masses, I would like some free space to express myself at this instance.

Every quarrel is like a paper cut. Minor but the intensity of pain is really sharp.In the process of picking up the pieces, we realized we did not know one other couple who had been through what we were experiencing who could encourage us along the way. The times when you wanted to give it up, you think about the very first step to why you guys get together. How the guy woo the girl kind of thing and the girl picture the relationship to be something romantic but surreal. How we come so far. How much we like each other from the start and its like we were inseparable at that moment. Your lives slowly became a collusion with your partner but problem arose when you feel comfortable with your partner. Things may go downhill or it will stay stagnant for most. On the way home after my quiz, I couldn’t get the question out of my mind. I began thinking about our time spent together,I had been living life at such a fast pace doing what I thought was in the best interest of us, I never paid attention to the warning signs that our relationship was in trouble. Flashbacks of your past, flashback of this who and who.The ways everything had contributed to our disconnectedness.

Sigh, sometimes I am so tired I don't know what to do. You know you are letting the whole situation cool down too fast and easily and it will only snowball in the next quarrel but you wanted to seek for some justice for yourself and its just never ending. Think about the baby steps you guys took to nurture the cradle of this love.Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

It take months to grow your hair to a decent length but it take only a few minutes to cut it away...
Just like building trust and rapport with a person. 


Miss my long hair and miss all the fun times before something called finals took over my free time. Sigh much pie.