laberinthe

The year was 2019, and things were kind of a mess. I was feeling very much like a lone fish swimming in the deep blue sea. No panic.

Then 2020 arrived and in an instant, I found myself swimming in a sea of fish. As if a whole aquarium of fish had suddenly been tossed into the sea with me. It was kind of crowded, and not party kind of crowd either. All of us were struggling,threshing, bewildered and thrown together. Some panic.


Fast forward to 2024. I’ve got my shoe laces tied and let’s go!

But let’s backtrack a little bit…

To end of 2023 and start 2024 with a small testimony~

2023 in a nutshell was kind of sour and quite a bumpy ride. The last I blogged, I probably wrote about a project that was thrust upon me but that I wanted to see to completion. Well, that bombed. The new HRMS included an analytics tool uses Power BI and all the data could be pulled directly from within… so doing it manually became entirely redundant (…so long as the system data is clean). Then my entire team left, and I received poor ratings in my appraisal because I was appraised by people that I barely work with and objectives that were not my KPIs. This year, I think the new management caused alot of stress on all of us and it certainly brought out the really ugly political side of people.

But there were some spots of sunshine this year. I’m still grateful for friends and colleagues whom accept me for all my idiosyncrasies. I found colleagues who uplift me and keep me in check. While I realized that some will flip like pancakes, there are still some genuine gems out there. Lastly, The new HR team is really awesome too. Fun, energetic, silly and driven (I half expected that they would only hire 3 headed dragons or psychopathic defective humans).

It’s been a beautiful 3 years and I’m grateful for all the opportunities granted me… but even if my boss has stopped exploding in meetings, I’m under no illusion that she likes me, or that I will ever get promoted. So I’m looking for a new place!

I started applying for jobs and going for interviews…some could really be described as *awkward* … but it really sucks when I felt like I had a really interview, and yet the answer ultimately was still NOPE. So I was eyeing a particular position, but I was pretty sure it was closed. I might… have also whinged (prayed) that I didn’t want to have to apply for so many jobs / go for so many interviews >___>

I was getting pretty stressed and dejected… when I had a *bing!* moment. It sounds like such a cliche asian thing but I realized once again how I was holding on to certain misconceptions by measuring my worth based on my job, or my grades, things that I have or don’t have. I was beating myself for failing interviews or “not being good enough”.

But the truth is that our worth is found in Him, and God loves us unconditionally . Whether we are rich or poor, have lots of things, or nothing.

So I learnt to let go. I learnt to stop agonizing over every single application and interview. I’ll just do what I need to do and leave the rest in his hands. I prayed “Daddy Lord, these are my options right now, but I’m going to leave this with you. I pray that you plant me in a place where you can use me and grow me. No matter whether I get a job at A or B… or not. I know you love me just the same. Thank you and love you. Amen~”

Hello thar! This is little fish signing in.

Just wanted to share a little life update and testimony.

But in short, I’ve been absent because… I’ve realized that human connections are great. While its lovely and cosy to be able to post out into the void, get things off my chest and just have nothing argue back at you..

It’s also nice to share life things with people. Who might … not be able to change anything in your situation but could grouse along with you and get indignant (or better yet pray with you). Or might have opinions and ideas on how to improve thinga. Or might smack you if you do something stupid….

(On a random note, it behooves me that my thesis project was about behavioural feedback but I never thought about the implications or application in real life…)

So an update from last episode of TLDR…

Debs was quite content with the present situation, life things pretty stable, job going good. Adulting is happening! So I should be grateful and stop complaining about the small things…

Then like the main character at the start of RPG that waltzes up to the top of a hill and looks down only to realize… ohno. It’s only just starting. It’s not green pastures and blue skies that lie ahead but a myriad of obstacles and challenges….

Our (kindly) old CEO retired and his replacement is militant and inflicting godzilla-like fear and havoc in the organization. My boss resigned.

!!! He seemed so enmashed with the system, I thought he was going to be here forever! -devastated-

Thus, my days as well protected small potato were coming to an end. Enter interim boss aka the dragon lady from our parent company

It seems like she was here to fill the gap and there was some contention with boss on his management style. Yet it didn’t seem like she was totally inline with new CEO.

What was clear was that her expectations of my team were different… and lofty. Her instructions, were sparse. This resulted in sometimes shocking and sudden explosions.

(Background terror: we are currently being merged back into the parent group so it feels like they’ve got their tentacles digging into every facet of our business. Our our HR systems are being changed. They’re pretty half baked and obviously, the differences in our business was never taken into consideration)


TESTIMONY

There’s been alot of tension since New CEO arrived, but my team has been pretty well protected.

I have to say, that in all my working years… my soon to be ex-boss probably is the best embodiment of what I think a good manager should be. Not just a physical meat shield or delegator of tasks, but one that provides stewardship. Hetakes the effort to understands us and tries to work out work related issues together. He also stated that it was his job to protect and shield the team against what he felt was “turbulence” or external problems that might effect the team

;__; Such a beautiful picture. But certainly not a perfect one. Protecting the team from turbulences meant that he bore the brunt of the criticism from management — remember that new CEO? Right about this time he started stomping about like an enraged godzilla and dolling out complaints willy nilly and seemed intent on weeding out the old management.

Much tension was in the air. But we were none the wiser on the details. Management it seems was unhappy with us, but we didn’t know why.

A new project was … thrust upon me. Debs to help with Data dashboarding … across departments. This sounds like a new project that would take up alot of time, and take me away from my core job of L&D. I’m not sure if I can deliver, since I must understand the data to make the dashboard. How will I help other departments? But dashboarding and data is an area I would like to develop, to pivot away from just learning - so okay. I think it’s a good opportunity for me, daunting as it may be.

I just felt that … something could have been done about the process. What started as a tentative question on my interest (where I voiced my concerns) then became my new project project… and part of my KPI, without my explicit consent.

//Tldr; skip above and start here for the TESTIMONY! … But you’ve probably read the above.//

I’m doing my bible readings according to the plan and everyday I find it really amazing. I think its such a base revelation but… how can something written so long ago and in a different context STILL be so relevant!?

Everyday, I find myself journeying together. i look forward to my daily tidbit of advice and encouragement for the day that always is so timely for my situation :)

Given the current instability at work, I find myself digging down deep to ask for some HALPP! Asking for His divine wisdom, for mercy for favour in this situation… because what can I do ? ;__; This is kind of a “I don’t know what I don’t know” kind of situation. So all I can do is give it back God.

I thank You for all that you have provided for me, and all the opportunities you have provided :) But also, surely You placed me here in the marketplace for a reason. So yahweh, I pray for your continued providence and guidance. I pray for Your mercy to be upon me, my bosses and the management. I pray for your favour to be upon me from the bosses and management.

… and it seems like its working. I don’t think anyone has voiced it out (except that one time I complained about it with non-office friends during a lunch… how likely was it that they would have heard me?) but maybe with a better understanding of us, interim boss’s instructions are now more clear. Compared to the starting point where she was just screaming bloody murder about everything and complaining that we were underperforming and not taking ownership. But lady, how do we perform without knowing the expectations?

So okay, this is a minor miracle and a vast improvement … that seems to have mysteriously materialized. Also, it’s not perfect. Her management style is quite different and more micro. We have alot more meetings. But I’ll accept it so long as it gets the work done. Maybe setting things “right” requires closer management? If more regular updates means that targets and expectations can be more rational, that’s good too.

It has its merits as well. I’m still going to be presenting the dashboard in meetings (it seems) but building the dashboard together bit by bit means that I will actually understand the data. It won’t be a death march to management meeting.

In short, things are looking up. Debs just doing what Debs does, but I heard that the management is pleased? Things are moving and changing… God is moving and changing things, and Debs just doing~

Wheeh. That was a long update. Anyway, the journey moves onwards~~

… NO THE END.

Murphy’s Law is when I get more emails and pings than on days when I’m working.

Murphy’a law is opening my browser to search for something and landing up right in my office mail and ontop of a fresh stack of emails .__.

Woeee is me.

But who is going to emo and be grumpy ? Not me! The day is young and world is wide, it’s time to roooll away from my devices!

Bye you :)