lo_invidiate

work, used to be something I could do even if I wasn't best in it.
but recently, i've been feeling pretty lost.
and honestly, slightly disappointed in myself.

sometimes, i tend to forget i just started work a year back.
and maybe, just maybe, it's normal to make mistakes.
so i end up being super hard on myself when i screw up.

hoping things get better.
one step at a time, i'll get there somehow. 

it used to be us.
and that was enough, for everything.
but somewhere, somehow, time got in between us.
and the expectations started getting unrealistic.
and the comparison began.
and.. we just weren't happy anymore.

i hope we can be friends one day.
cos you'll always be special to me.
and in the meantime.. please live your life the way you want to.
YOLO, like you used to say.
and i'll start to do the same.
to live for myself, and to chase after my dreams.

woah. i haven't been back for so long.
that when i keyed in my password, i wasn't even sure if it was gonna work.

a lot happened since my last post about summer studies in korea, almost 2 years since.
year 4, then last sem, then graduation and work.

work - a single word that contains so much inside.
i used to think that as long as you work hard, things will go well for you.
and it was proven to be right when i was still in school.
that as long as i studied hard enough, i was able to get satisfiable results.
but.. it seems like, work isn't so simple.
there's too many red tapes, too many politics boundaries.
i just hope i'll be able to understand all these someday..

love.
it seems like somehow, somewhere, we lost it.
like we want to hold onto each other, but we don't really know how to.
i just hope, we can find a way to go on.
cos i'm tired of sitting the rollercoaster up and down.
and fighting with the one person i love dearly.


till then,
Pam <3

wow. had the sudden feel to blog.
and first thing i realised was.. i haven't wrote anything in this space for almost 1.5 years.
where should i even start to begin with?

so.. i'm currently in seoul, doing my summer studies in Sungkyukwan Univ. (SKKU).
the holiday started in mid-june, with the company of my sis, before class began in late-june.
and, my dear boy just went back today, after spending a whole week with me.

yesterday night, the boy asked me how this trip was, as a whole.
i'm thankful to my family for letting me go on summer studies, away from home for 6 weeks.
thankful to my boy for travelling all the way to seoul to accompany me,
thankful to my friends for enduring me (i'm a pretty emotional person at times)

almost 6 years ago, in Dec '08, i spent a month in Brisbane with my sis who was studying there.
now that i think back, i felt that i've truly grown up since then.
i'm not proud to say, that when i arrived back in Singapore in Jan '09, i was pretty upset that i had to come home.
i pretty much showed all this 'i don't wanna be here' thoughts and emotions to my parents.
fast forward to now, i'm happy to go home, and i want to go home.
there's so much at home, waiting for me.
i wanna be in the company of my family, the boy. i just wanna be home.

and it's not cos this trip was terrible or boring.
in fact, this trip has been kind of a 'mini-adventure' to me.
staying with my friends for the first time, without any of my family members or the boy.
did many interesting things which intrigued me, though i'm good in none.
tried ice-skating for what, 20 mins? gave up, but i wanna learn it back in Singapore with the boy.
rode the flyfish with him in Nami Island. it was sooo fun! :D
and the food is absolutely amazing in Seoul. there's just a h-u-g-e variety of food here.
one of my korean friends actually commented that i explored more than what she does in a year.
no idea to be happy for exploring so much or embarrassed for eating so much.

will post pictures of the places explored and food eaten in the next post, which i hope won't take too long! :x

- pam <3

i haven't written in this space for a while.
or rather, so long that i didn't even know livejournal changed the layout.

since september till now, so much happened.
that i don't even remember some of the little stuff.
hmm, some which should be mentioned are exams and my 20th birthday! :D

leaving the 1- age, and moving on to the big 2!
goddd, feels so long since i've been a single digit age.
anyways, my boyfriend and friends were really fabulous, to throw me a 'surprise' birthday celebration!
though.. i kinda spoiled a lil of the surprise. heh.
but i tried to act as surprised as i could be! :P

this year's celebration was quite cool.
1. lorry + supper hopping = FUN.
2. buffet dinner with family!
it's so funny how we managed to incorporate food into my birthday.
cos those who know me well enough knows...
i live to eat, not eat to live :D
feeling so loved this year. or rather every year!

to the boyfriend:
thanks for being our driver of the night! it's definitely not easy, especially driving a lorry at night!
and our little encounter at the brani gate was a total O_O for me. HAHA.
thanks for the planning and preparationnnnn, i feel your love ♥♥♥

to friends (Aaron, Benjamin, Sim, Elgin, Eugene, Isabelle, Jiahao, Jonathan, Kenneth, Nicholas, Pearl, Seelai, Wenhao):
thanks for everything! :D for willing to head down to celebrate my special day with me!
i had a great timeeee! food-hunting again someday? :D

- pam ♥

there was a terribly heavy rain today :/
when i was a kid, i'll put my palm on the window and see the mist form its outline.
even blowing on it to make it form faster.
but i hated the thunder.
i'll turn on the radio or favourite cd, and blast it while dancing along.

when i was a teenager, i'll walk in the rain.
wishing that someone'd be there to hold an umbrella over me.
getting myself and even my notes drenched.
thinking somehow, the rain will wash my worries away.
hiding my fear of the thunder, making myself braver somehow.

now, as i look at the rain droplets falling, hitting the ground.
i wonder about the people out there.
working, travelling home.
and inside, i pray silently for their safety.
bracing myself for the thunder upon the lightning.

something that never changed.
i never stopped searching for a rainbow.

- pam <3

feeling a lil strange, detached somehow.
like i'm watching my friends via a drama.
i guess, i haven't been around them for a while :/
honestly, i don't even know why.

so, it's e-learning week, aka catching up week.
and so far, i've wasted 3 days.
there's so many fun stuff that are coming up.
and i do hope, i'll be able to go :)
cos after recess week, it's gonna be chiong-all-the-way.

- pam <3