Dearest Nicole,
I have no idea why I let myself get like this. You left me long ago and I am still in love. What a state to be in. I go out and look but never think about getting involved seriously with anyone else. Kinda sucks really. For both of us, because you get the worst of it. I get frustrated with my own understanding of what has changed, without myself adjusting to it.
I get the whole reason you can't be with me. I do understand it, and feel paralyzed to change my stance to accomodate. For that I am incredibly disappointed. It helps me to write these words, to take a look at what has transpired. I am still jealous of the fact that you will end up with someone else. I am dizzy to the understanding of what to do with that. I think the only solution is to only relate to your soul from here on out, as that is the whole of you and will be around forever, dancing in and out of my consciousness. When I think about us in this light it is coming clear that this is what you really want also. The pain of this is that I don't get to touch you or stroke you or make love to you. Certainly...
You have been the greatest challenge for me, because you fit me so well in other ways which are very powerful. Our conversation today suggested in no uncertain terms that there is no other way with us right now but to get on the level of simplified universal respect without games or notions or even playfulness which would lead to more expectation. Does that make any sense?
You keep saying that I only want to have sex with you. While that hurts beyond your knowing, it rings deeply, as that is something I truly enjoyed with you more than anyone else in my life. It is beginning to teach me that I am not in the right place in terms of endearment.
Tonight I am meditating on being. My being which extends in an infinite loop, sitting atop my own projection as a human being. I know that our difficulties are exacerbated by each of us having multiple personalities which don't always match up in pleasant ways. This puts an edge into my love, like skiing across an icy slope fully aware that one unconscious move will cause you to lose control. Yet, it is because I was born to take risks that I am.
Nicole, I think you are amazing. You know that. I am impressed with the quickness of your mind, the desires of your heart and the direction of your intuition.
And I am an astral being constantly in projection, like water flowing down a stream, different every moment, but constantly the same. Like you, I have yet to truly come into my own power. Yet, it is coming, is already here in many ways and will continue to unfold over time.
Given enough time my thousand petal lotus will full unfold to the wisdom of OM.
Unto your soul,
an old friend.
I have no idea why I let myself get like this. You left me long ago and I am still in love. What a state to be in. I go out and look but never think about getting involved seriously with anyone else. Kinda sucks really. For both of us, because you get the worst of it. I get frustrated with my own understanding of what has changed, without myself adjusting to it.
I get the whole reason you can't be with me. I do understand it, and feel paralyzed to change my stance to accomodate. For that I am incredibly disappointed. It helps me to write these words, to take a look at what has transpired. I am still jealous of the fact that you will end up with someone else. I am dizzy to the understanding of what to do with that. I think the only solution is to only relate to your soul from here on out, as that is the whole of you and will be around forever, dancing in and out of my consciousness. When I think about us in this light it is coming clear that this is what you really want also. The pain of this is that I don't get to touch you or stroke you or make love to you. Certainly...
You have been the greatest challenge for me, because you fit me so well in other ways which are very powerful. Our conversation today suggested in no uncertain terms that there is no other way with us right now but to get on the level of simplified universal respect without games or notions or even playfulness which would lead to more expectation. Does that make any sense?
You keep saying that I only want to have sex with you. While that hurts beyond your knowing, it rings deeply, as that is something I truly enjoyed with you more than anyone else in my life. It is beginning to teach me that I am not in the right place in terms of endearment.
Tonight I am meditating on being. My being which extends in an infinite loop, sitting atop my own projection as a human being. I know that our difficulties are exacerbated by each of us having multiple personalities which don't always match up in pleasant ways. This puts an edge into my love, like skiing across an icy slope fully aware that one unconscious move will cause you to lose control. Yet, it is because I was born to take risks that I am.
Nicole, I think you are amazing. You know that. I am impressed with the quickness of your mind, the desires of your heart and the direction of your intuition.
And I am an astral being constantly in projection, like water flowing down a stream, different every moment, but constantly the same. Like you, I have yet to truly come into my own power. Yet, it is coming, is already here in many ways and will continue to unfold over time.
Given enough time my thousand petal lotus will full unfold to the wisdom of OM.
Unto your soul,
an old friend.
posted by hari at
9:43 PM
