I finally finished my memorial video. It was so difficult to make, yet I am so thankful that I was able to put this together to treasure forever. Those of you who never met Rachel can now "meet" her... and for those of you who did know her, this video will bring back some memories...
The music I chose is first "For My Little Girl" by Jon Schmidt, then "River Flows in You" by Yurim. The third song is "Slumber's Caress", by Rebecca Kragnes, and its tune is similar to the song "How Beautiful" which was played as I walked down the aisle at our wedding. The last is "Baptism Hymn" by Jon Schmidt. The process of finding the "right" kind of music was a long one!

It's too bad that the majority of the video footage we have of Rachel is when she was at the hospital... we just didn't know beforehand, and took few pictures or videos at home (plus, I was just too exhausted from dealing with her constant issues to take out the camera!) If it's too sad to watch the hospital clips, you can always go back to the beginning of the video :)

I guess for me, since Rachel was here for such a short time, it was important for me to make this video- to prove to the world that she was here, she was part of our lives, she was deeply loved, and always will be. She was a precious gift from God, and we will treasure that forever. Making this video was quite emotionally exhausting, and I know that I am not ready yet to make one for Amryn...you might have to wait another 6 years for that..

But making this has also been therapeutic... as a Mom, we want to DO things for our children, and this is my way of doing something for Rachel. I feel that now that this is done, I can let go of that yearning.
I hope this video will help memories of Rachel stay in your hearts, too!

In order to watch it, you may have to type in a password. I asked Lydia what a good password for Rachel would be, and she said "Bubbles" 'cause that's what Rachel's nickname was... so "Bubbles" it is!

In Memory of Rachel Elise from Lisa Vanderven on Vimeo.

Our Four Beautiful Daughters

Robyn Michelle Teunise



Rachel Elise



Lydia Joy



Amryn Nicole

Amryn at the zoo!

Ok...I have to make one more post! Tonight my Mom alerted me to the "top news" story that the Aldergrove zoo named their baby giraffe after Amryn! Let me start at the beginning...

On Dec 20 I read in the paper that a baby giraffe had been born at the zoo. This zoo is a 5 minute drive from our house, we have a yearly membership and visit there often. The giraffe was weak and had trouble nursing right from the start, and had to be cared for away from the public eye and with special attention. They tried to get it to nurse by holding it up to its mother, but that didn't work. They were concerned that it wouldn't make it, and began feeding it through an NG tube. I immediately said to Nick, "that giraffe reminds me of Amryn!" The article had said that they did not have a name for the giraffe yet... then on January 5, the day after Amryn passed away, I read that the giraffe was doing much better, and I don't know why, but I felt like writing an email to them and telling them about Amryn and the similarities I found between her story and the giraffe's. Here is the letter I sent to the PR person and her response:

Dear Jody,
I’m not sure if this is the right person to be sending this too… but if not, perhaps you could pass it along to the right one.
My family and I moved recently to Aldergrove and have become members of the zoo. We have visited already four times and have brought some visiting friends as well. We all love your zoo.
I was wondering if I could suggest a name for your baby giraffe. When I read the story of its birth in the paper, I had recently given birth to a baby as well, and our daughter was sick and being fed through an NG tube, just like your giraffe. And like your baby, ours was also weak and unable to nurse from me. Right away I said “That baby giraffe is just like Amryn…”
On January 4th, our baby passed away from Mitochondrial DNA depletion syndrome. The next day I read that your giraffe was doing well and I was very happy to read that. In a way I feel a connection to him since I thought about the similarities between our babies. Our daughter’s name was Amryn…a name that my husband made up. It is a gender-neutral name, and I was wondering if you would consider it in memory of our baby.

Thanks,
Lisa


Hello Lisa,

Please accept our sincere condolences for your loss….there is never the right words to say at times like this….

Thank you for sharing your story with us and your idea in memory of your little girl. It is a beautiful name and personally I love the gender-neutral names, maybe because I have had one all my life as well.

Our baby giraffe is doing well and getting stronger by the day, but we want to be extremely careful before making any decisions about his name. We are definitely considering all ideas surrounding his name at this time, but we would greatly appreciate it if you could give us another week or so to get back to you…..

Warm regards,
Jody

Then, this evening my Mom told me she heard on the 6 o'clock news that the baby giraffe was named Amryn and she couldn't believe her ears! I hadn't told anyone about the letter....
So now there is a cute little giraffe nearby, named after our precious little Amryn, that we can visit. Kind of funny, kind of cute, kind of strange... but kind of neat, too.
Here's the article from the website: (one thing they got wrong was that Amryn was born at the same time and on the same day as the giraffe...the reporter must have embellished the story...)
They also say that "Amryn" means "mighty nation", but actually that meaning is for the name "Amram" which was, in the Bible, the father of Moses.

Here are the links to the two news stories (Langley Times, Vancouver Sun). A copy is shown below.


Baby giraffe meets the public
By Monique Tamminga - Langley Times - February 20, 2008

On his two-month birthday, Amryn, the Greater Vancouver Zoo's baby giraffe, poked his head through the window of his heated enclosure and gave the crisp February air a long lick on Wednesday morning.

With his parents outside enjoying a healthy breakfast of 20-foot tall bamboo trees, little Amryn looked graceful and inquisitive, stretching his head way out, for his first exposure to the public.

Weighing in at a healthy 242 pounds and now standing over seven feet tall, zoo veterinarian Dr. Bruce Burton felt he was ready to start seeing the world and to greet his many fans.

"He doesn't drink as much as we'd like but his weight is good. We believe everything is 99 per cent safe," said Burton, with Amryn grabbing a lick of his sleeve.

Burton was there for the birth of Amryn, monitoring him every day for the first while. He was also checking his blood cell counts and watching his progress, which didn't look good at first.

"He became dehydrated so he was on an IV for a while. Then we tried a milk replacer. He didn't like it. We switched him to whole cow's milk and he perked right up."

Amryn was born Dec. 20, 2007 at 144 pounds. He was born six feet tall, and his mother Eleah had a natural birth.

But Burton said while it wasn't a difficult birth, Amryn was weak and couldn't walk. He also didn't have a sucking reflex and had colic.

He also went nameless for some time, while zoo staff anxiously kept a 24-hour watch of the gentle giant, hopeful he would make it through those precious first days and weeks.

Then in January, the zoo received an e-mail from loyal supporters of the zoo about a possible name for the baby giraffe.

The supporters asked if the zoo would consider naming the baby giraffe Amryn, in memory of their child who had died, but was born at the same time and day as the giraffe.

The parents felt an immediate connection with the zoo's baby giraffe since their child was born at the same time and they had also struggled with feeding and nursing from day one, said zoo spokesperson Jody Henderson.

The child died from Mitochondrial DNA depletion syndrome, which is a associated with grossly reduced cellular levels of Mitochondrial DNA in infancy, she said.

"After some research of the name Amryn, the zoo found it to be of Hebrew origin and to mean "nation of might," which we all agreed was appropriate to our baby giraffe, considering he struggled in the beginning but has come through strong and is pretty mighty," said Henderson.

Just recently, when the sun came out, Amryn had his first outdoor experience.

He was running and jumping around with the animal care staff and his proud parents were close by, watching him.

Slowly, zoo staff will introduce him back to his parents, using the safety of a barrier between them at first.

"Giraffes are tall and gangly and we don't want him to get hurt when they are around him," said animal care manager Jamie Dorgan.

Eventually, the three will live together, he said.

The first baby born to mother Eleah was a girl. She struggled from day one and didn't live past a week. It was hard on staff and that's why they are extra pleased with Amryn's recent progress.

"It's just thrilling," said Dorgan.

Giraffes are the tallest mammals in the world, reaching upwards of 18 feet, weighing up to 3,000 pounds.

Giraffes also have the largest hearts, weighing up to 25 pounds. Their tongues are the size of half an arm and have the same abilities as a hand. gripping leaves from the tallest trees. They only sleep 30 minutes a day, in five-minute intervals.

Baby giraffe making headway at Greater Vancouver Zoo

Chantal Eustace, Vancouver Sun

Published: Wednesday, February 20, 2008

VANCOUVER -- Amryn winds his neck back and swoops down to a keeper's hand to gobble a mouthful of bamboo leaves, a food the Greater Vancouver Zoo's two-month-old giraffe has just started to eat.

"He's doubled his weight since birth," said zoo spokesman Jamie Dorgan, handing Amryn another snack today, hours after the calf's first public appearance on his two-month birthday. "He's doing so much better."

Dorgan said that despite a rocky beginning for the baby giraffe -- Amryn was initially rejected by his mother and had to be bottle-fed by zoo staff - the 110-kilogram baby is thriving.

The calf is the second in two years born to Eleah, the zoo's female giraffe. The first calf died of pneumonia after eight days.

Amryn is named in memory of an Aldergrove child who was born around the time as the giraffe but did not survive, prompting the child's parents to contact the zoo since they "felt an immediate connection" to the giraffe, which was also struggling with its health.

Amryn now gets bottle-fed about 10 litres of milk a day, Dorgan said, which will be reduced over the next few weeks as the calf gets weaned onto solid foods like the bamboo leaves.

"He's a pretty amazing animal," Dorgan said, as Amryn went for another bite. "He's doing very well."

Giraffes, the tallest land mammal, can grow to be up to five and a half metres tall and weigh 1,360 kg.

for all those faithful readers who want to see if there is an update....

I've been getting so many emails from people asking how we are doing and people asking why our blog is so silent... so I thought I'd write a little note to let everyone know that we are ok... sad and struggling through grief, but ok... by God's grace.
I am busy making my blog into a book, and am almost finished... I am just at Amryn's 7th week and am trying to remember everything from her 8th week, her funeral and the days following, since I didn't blog about those. It is taking longer than I thought because looking at her photos and reading early blog posts throughout my pregnancy and around her birth are painful to see and read. I have it written in a journal in point form, so now I am trying to get it all together and remember what all happened. My plan is to get two books published. One for Robyn and one for Lydia...a record of all the things our family went through, did, funny things said, cute photos, etc. from the end of 2006 to Amryn's funeral....my whole blog. From there, I hope to just journal straight into a book.
I've become a bit uncomfortable with losing track of who has been reading this, but don't want to "lock" people out, so I've decided to just write for my family's sake, you know, the ol' once a month update like the old days...and in the meantime just continue making a book of write-ups and photos. Unfortunately, that means I won't be posting on this blog anymore...sorry!

We are doing ok...some days are better than others. At first it seemed like there were more bad days than good, but this week was a bit easier. Why- I don't know. Grief hits me at unexpected times. It is a struggle and we have to face each day one at a time. I've been trying to find focus again, and so have done rash things like joining a gym and buying tons of supplies to make a scrapbook about Amryn. Trying to keep busy...trying not to think too much....looking forward to better weather...trying to keep my chin up and my thoughts heavenwards...resisting depression...struggling through grief and all the raw, painful, difficult and strange things that come along with it.

Robyn and Lydia are ok too. They are grieving as well in their own ways. Lydia is not as cheerful as she used to be, and has become very clingy and sensitive. She notices babies everywhere and will make comments like, "That's a baby like we had! But she is in Heaven... I miss Amryn!" It tears my heart. But I don't mind her need for more cuddles and snuggles- she has become my big baby and that's just fine with me. I know that her giggles are in there somewhere...in time they will come back! We have made a deal with each other that whenever one of us is missing Amryn, we will get a big hug from the other, and so once in awhile Lydia will just say "I need a hug now, Mom"... I'm thankful that Lydia feels Amryn's absence, too...we have each other to comfort during the day. We all miss her so, so much.

Robyn had a week where she cried at school a lot and "missed her Mom". I think she was worried to leave me at home; worried that I would be sad all day. She had a few bad dreams and dealt with insecurity issues, but seems to be doing a lot better now. Having been through this already with Rachel, I sometimes wonder if she thinks "Who/What will be taken away next?"

Nick has work to distract him, but tears spring to his eyes quickly if anyone talks about Amryn...a reaction he finds a bit surprising! He finds it surprising that he can feel fine, and yet his grief is triggered so easily. He misses her, too.

After so many intense weeks of being "public" I feel like retreating a bit into privacy as we deal with this time in our lives. That doesn't mean you can't email me, call or ask how we're doing... the care, concern and support we get is of great comfort to us! All the cards we get are great, too. Once in awhile I will tape one to the window above the kitchen sink and remind myself every time I see it of the comfort in the words.

So... know that we are ok and getting through these days with all the hope and comfort we receive only from knowing God's promises. Thank you for your concern and prayers! To our family and friends: keep an eye out for email updates once in awhile!

I'll end with a few video clips of Amryn (since I had promised those a long time ago) and a video of Robyn and Lydia singing a song from "Veggie Tales"... not a huge fan of all the songs from Veggie Tales, but the girls pick up on lyrics so quickly and they like to "perform" for us. Something about a sports utility vehicle, I think? hmm... why don't they pick up more useful songs so quickly?!

We get so much joy from our two little darlings here on earth... and we still get joy from our two darlings in Heaven, as well. Happy memories, like the ones in this video...








Take care, everyone!

I'd like to share the photo collage that Nick made for Amryn's funeral, a poem written for us by Martin VanWoudenberg, and a link to the service's message by Pastor Schouten. It brought and still brings us much comfort. We miss Amryn so much, and since her death I can't stop feeling nauseous and sick to my stomach with so many mixed emotions. But we found encouragement with this poem, the sermon and all of the many, many comments and cards of comfort...so thank you once again for all of them.




Amryn

My Mother and my Father, what have you given me?
Do you ask yourselves that question,
with grief building by degree?
Think not one moment on an answer
that Evil doubts might give.
Instead hear now your daughter
and know there's nothing to forgive.

You gave me life that grew inside you.
You gave me care each day.
I felt your growing anticipation,
the excitement and the preparation.
I had the prayers for my well-being -
Not a word ever missed by a God all-seeing.

I was given entry into a world our Father made with pride,
I've known the warmth of sunshine,
a fresh breeze upon my face,
and the full, round, sound of laughter
as I was carried at your side.

I knew the sweet caress of water,
the softness of fresh towels,
the gentleness in your touch,
and the smell of skin and closeness,
that would comfort me so much.

I understood tenderness through your kisses,
and in the whispers of your voice.
I knew belonging in the sound of siblings, the safety of a bed,
and the nourishment from your body,
when early I was fed.

The soothing of your touches brought the stilling of my cries.
And all the while the daily cries of congregations,
sent petitions to the throne,
wrapping me in the prayers of hundreds, among whom I belong,
through water and the blessing - to an eternity of song.

Yet you could not give me perfect health,
for it was not yours to give.
But you know I have not died.
I've just begun to live.

His grace gives faith that stands secure
as my ship leaves this life's shores.
As while in grief your sorrows may speak,
"She leaves, and we look on her no more,"
hands were already reaching out for me,
and a voice across the waters was speaking loud and strong
"Welcome all, this my child, for here her life belongs."


And since I've left you father,
and since I've left you, mother,

I've known the entrance into Heaven.
I've known the Light of all the world.
I've felt God's breath of life upon my face,
and heard the sound of heavenly chorus,
while safe in Jesus' arms of grace.

I'm welcomed into the membership, of a throng of faith,
and receive blessings from the millions,
that have already run their race.
I've been embraced by generations that passed on ahead of me,
and been brought to meet my sister Rachel,
both of us sorrows-free.

I've been told that safely somewhere there is kept a book,
older than time, and into which, only God can look.
Among its many pages, I know your two names are there
and just below them 'Amryn,' I AM wrote with care.

These names are there for all eternity,
written by a God, who every detail knew
and He chose to give me all these things,
as only His sovereign will can do.

So how can I ever thank you?
My parents do you see...
what God in boundless grace was pleased,
through you,
to give to me?

Amryn's Funeral

The funeral service for Amryn will take place on Wednesday, January 9th at 4pm in the Aldergrove church building located at the corner of 272 Street and 26 Avenue.

Amryn's body will be laid to rest in a private burial ceremony which will take place before the service.

We wish to thank everyone for their continued prayers and love.

8 weeks, 1 day

Amryn passed away at home and in my arms yesterday at 4:25 pm. She was 8 weeks old. God answered our prayers and allowed her to pass peacefully and comfortably.
Thank you for your prayers.