moved.

going for church pre-camp and then camp! cya everyone BYE :)

you can still phone me for anything but i doubt there'll be anything.

the first 34 minutes of chuck s03ep01 were so....sad.

feel lethargic.

shifted YDOs team again. but its probably the last shift ._.
got my new laptop at sitex, is toshiba and im configuring it now.

church camp in two days~


-------------

it's not quite the same,
all-consuming lethargy and inertia,
apathy replacing emotion;

an empty void.

too damn tired.

will rant tomorrow. and talk about interesting stuff.

SAJC tmr.

here i am, once again,
i'm torn into pieces,
can't deny, can't pretend,
just thought you were the one,
broken up, deep inside,
you won't get to see the tears i cried,
behind these hazel eyes;

-----------------------------

music is therapeutic. somewhat. and cathartic.
one of the tumblr posts i reblogged -> http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9cequj90z1qaobbko1_500.jpg

ohwells.

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live - Albus Dumbledore, Philosopher's Stone

one step forward, one step at a time.
today's 10km run was. somewhat exhilarating towards the end.
like a sense of accomplishing the impossible :) lol although i did walk a lot, i only stopped once. very shortly. and i nearly hit my target of one hour -> 10km in 1 hour 5 minutes.

and there was a lot of time to reflect. especially between softball and soccer. and team trainings. suffice to say, there's a lot more interaction within soccer. and imo that's important. what i want to say, i've said before.

the languor of post-exam freedom. but there's so much stuff to do, such as OSA personal statement *big sigh* and THIMUN prep crap (it even rhymes). and hosting russian guests! hope we'll and they'll clique less? ohwellz.

HP7pt1 wasnt too bad i guess. compared to the rest? emma watson! (who looks...less pretty in short hair)


----------------------------------------

try to smile everyday,
and you might just succeed one day,
genuinely;

and when you smile,
the whole world stops and stares for awhile,
because you're amazing
just the way you are;

-------------------------------------------

i would post but i procrastinated the day away.
and there's 10km run tmr. so.
tmrw then :)

in any case the robot unicorn song is somewhat addictive.
idk why it generates unreasonably random happiness ._.
which is...good i guess...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSMeUPFjQHc

--------------------------------------------

to be teetering on the edge of the precipice,
tugged both ways by unseen, unknown forces,
felt only by the frayed remnants of emotion and
the wretched dregs of indecision;

to be standing in the middle of the fork
in the roads, both paths shrouded
by fog and opaque to discernment,
where knowledge and wisdom fail and where
experience, ever essential, fades nonexistent;



-might expand this later/post on tumblr-
oyasuminasai.

you are my drug and my poison,
elevating me to extreme heights, yet
casting me down into the depths

:C

clearing all the random assortments of papers over the years is like clearing memories.

mostly dreary memories though. and a few wistful ones.

hi. debate chalet is over.

shan't bother to go into a lengthy, detailed reminiscence of what happened. just some key points.

despite having less than seven hours of cycling experience, i successfully cycled 50km without dying :) in about 4 and a half hours. the forward journey was very long.
AFAX was disappointing. heard so much hype about anime festivals from previous years and everything. kinda boring. or maybe it was just because i don't really watch anime. whatever.
the borders clearance sale next to AFAX proved better. spent fiftyfive bucks (im poor now :C) on seven books, including Star Wars: Millenium Falcon which i finished reading today and am utterly dissatisfied with.

yeah thats about it

commencement dinner plus 4h2 chalet tmrw. bye :)

im going blind...

facebook font and shaun's blog's font is killing me |:

22.5 hours to freedom!!!!!!!!!!!

running non-stop on a neverending treadmill

like a pinball in a pinball machine -
bouncing without rest;

nostalgia done for the sake of common ground;


ultimately pointless.

just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright because i like the way it hurts

...

so maybe im a masochist
i try to run but i dont wanna ever leave

love the way you lie, part two!

just got a portable massage chair whee.

and chinese is haunting me :( :( :(

HiC was awesome.

lazy to post about it. some things don't need to be said :)

chinese. in. seven. days.

i meant to post this at midnight.
but i fell asleep.

its november! O_O 1/11/10 OO:

and a monetary incentive to work towards chinese a1 :/

gogogogogo.

look forward
while dragged
backwards;

crossroads;

the appeal of microblogging -
fragmented thoughts.

jc soccer training. damn fun but damn tiring.
need to get fitter for run for hope (21 nov) D:
10km marathon wtffffffffff gggggg.

chinese muggertron :(

exam results all in all quite good.

yay.

CHINESE Os! !"*$&*"(*£)%"(_!$_")£$_

I WANT AN A2 :(

tired.

need a new computer. lagging muchies :(

too much free time = bored also ): wanna go out.

chinese Os are a reminder of the stuff left undone though. irritating zz.

exam results have been quite good so far.

hope it continues. especially on tuesday (bio + geog) o.o

post-bio celebration was epic ._.

we went to watch dinner with schmucks (NC16) which was actually a comedy about delvin 20 years in the future :) then went swimming at my house with like yangyi woonwei before xboxing, dinnering and then trooping down to like's house at 2.30 am ._. then we watched the prestige (well not really) and slept @ 4. :D

the haze is really bad.
really really really bad.

and i feel sick alr ._.

introspection sucks.

and looking at all the old fb pics. and of like. during sec123 camp and after all that.

today's like. designated memory lane day.

i realise that my blogposts are getting increasingly shorter.
and increasingly more apathetic.

but i don't really care anyway.

in other news, exams are nearly over (i lost like quite a few marks due to fail-ness in chem mcq already) and lost a couple of marks in amath already. physics mcq was epic mindfuck but then again paper 2 was more or less super easy so it should all still be okay. cringing at the thought of geography though. in any case, the greatest is behind.

biology in two days, and then time to party.

and im ill. :)

further cemented my decision not to join jc softball.

seriously? no one started off disliking softball. if you're talking about the sec three juniors, i know for a fact that they started off with a lot of passion for softball. and it's solely their fault for losing it?

you've got to be on that side of the fence to see what's happening.

bloody hell.

left holding one end of the stick
and wondering what happened.

six days from liftoff. and
six days to the end of
science for the rest of
my life.

last time i will ever.
touch. physics.

FREEDOM. in six days.

eyes are burning.
light is shining.
shaun is crying.
kids are dying.

history was manageable.

i squandered today (supposed to mug lit) on random whims and fancies. jchp slips away. ahhhhhhhhhhh.

die die die die die.

emath tmrw. hope i don't careless / screwup / sleep before finishing the paper.

and hope that nothing unexpected comes out due to my inattention.

whee.

ten more days.

10/10/10

one problem at a time.

it's a fucking rollercoaster ride

equal parts angry, equal parts disappointed.

but above all completely disillusioned and jaded.

never should have, for a single second, put my faith in the belief of sanity.

complete bullshit.

fubar? wtfuckkkkkk.

GEOG IS OVER AND OUT OF MY LIFE. FOR GOOD.

twelve days to freedom...

there will be no white flag above my door

on friday after bio it just really hit me. no more compulsory lessons. for secondary school. while this means that no more flag-raising (which is completely dumb), it also meant that there will be no more secondary school lessons for a number of topics.

i am decidedly ambivalent about going to junior college :/ while school life may have been dreary and dull quite often, high school HP has definitely been...intriguing and unique and i think that i wouldn't have it any other way.

our choices define us. my choices leading me to this path have definitely defined me, in more ways than one. we are the sum total of our experiences.

transition will probably be weird. a whole new level of life. in some ways good, in some ways completely retarded.

change is the only constant. let's change through the exams first.

five days, decidedly unprepared.

it's the calm before the storm.

and i'm already tired.

i wrote prose for the first time in a long long time.

all on my tumblr -> http://fancifulscribblings.tumblr.com

it's a mad mad world out there.

11-1 for iLeague, feel accomplished though tired.

eight days to exams. should probably hiatus.

though my tumblr will remain alive. ._.

descent into depravity.

existence is always selfish.

and i feel like im drifting on a piece of wood, in the great big ocean, and i'm helpless to prevent myself from being picked up by the stormy currents.

fling me whither you will.

can't concentrate for fuck.

im gonna die.

sick of having expectations,
and the futility of it;

fuckkkkkk.

i keep bloghopping nowadays.

probably a sign of me trying to live vicariously through others.

mugging outside more and more, eating dinner outside more and more and reaching home later and later.

i was surprisingly productive outside. i reached home and my productivity disappeared faster than guosh.

geog mock test was *cough* okay.

i should get back to work.

artificial isolation,
frigid desolation;

i am irritated. supremely irritated.

fucking chinese ACE. and not knowing how much more you need.

if i end up with something like fifteen ace i will turn homicidal tomorrow.

and why is it that the only occasion in which time passes faster than during the holidays, is during the sec 4 exams?! wtf.

you spin my head right round right round

spinning amidst the sunlight,
meandering in the moonlight;

a gentle breeze caressing his face,
as he runs through the woods,
amidst the low-lying branches and through the dense shrubbery;

i'm going to go crazy crazy crazy mugging.

twirl your hair and spin around insanely,
cackle and grin madly at the nonsense it all makes,
cuz it don't make a difference!

mugging is a quick one-way route to madness!

BYE.

keep me sane amidst the madness,
protect me through the chaos of illogic,
provide me the refuge and safety.


sometimes i feel this catharsis when blogging about stuff.

but i thank God for my friends. and for that everything could be a thousand times worse than they are right now. and that i'm actually so blessed.

the solace of slumber will not chase away the shadow of sorrow

sadly.

and when you smiled, it was like a little piece of heaven;

nineteen days. someone save me now.

today's library excursion was primarily fail. and well at least i borrowed four (and read one) books already. and i got that KI/GP book from denise (thanks!) and the first KI essay is excellent completely agree with the examiner lol. i bet there are many teachers who couldn't write that well ._. existentialism, aptly.

and HRP thus far 63/80, time to work for that 12/20 OD for my a1 :D

and exams three days after OD. which genius did that? i mean putting OD three days before exams.

and i'm spinning faster and faster, and clutching onto that edge.

but it crumbles, and crumbles,

and i just keep falling

just need somebody to loveeeee (LOL sorry random)

i will hereby start mugging intensively like a gordon ._. especially because eoys are TWENTY-ONE DAYS AWAY NOW THAT IT IS MIDNIGHT AHHHHH.

i have created a revision schedule which i will adhere to as rigorously as shaun adheres to the little kiddies. which means completely. yay.

7 october, the start of hell.

and 20 october, the start of heaven <3

4 years' worth, culminating in a fortnight.

let's go baby xD

16/9/10, midnight. it's a promise (of hard mugging)

i totally do not understand meiosis.

and i totally do not understand myself.

nor anyone else.

or maybe it's the midnight melancholic musings.

it's time to try defying gravity~

----------------------------------

you know something is wrong when the evening melancholy seeps over into the morn.

one million words, two days.

and the equivalent of five thousand pages.

probably the second-best fanfic (trilogy) i've ever read. well the plot designs were epic, and the imagination to design it was awesome.

Vox Corporis trumps all, though. to me.

anyway it's time to sleep.

<3 all my friends, especially those that made my 16th birthday so enjoyable :)

on saturday after french i went to watch boeing boeing with shaun edward woonwei jekjin malcolm cheexyn kayhian like. was an awesome show, and the best thing was the cheesecake that woonwei baked for me :D thanks so much haha :) and then my parents brought me to dinner where i brought woonwei and edward along, the baked rice wasn't too bad anyway haha :)

and especially thanks to the people who stayed up to wish me :) like jane, jacq, woonwei, poo, steph :) haha and thanks amanda for calling x)

sunday was even more awesome though :D slept in for the 830 communion and went for the 1030 communion with the church people. O: it was quite cool we were filling in the magazine bible quiz thing :DD and prayer was good :) the last one i mean.

then went off to jason's house to play wii tennis for awhile. i so nearly beat him k. haha then my parents fetched us to iluma where we ate at manhattan burger thingo. i had carbonara which really tasted good. and i koped some of the ribs my parents got. excellent too :) then we went to watch inception

without a doubt inception is the best movie i ever watched. its awesomeness eclipses the worst movie i've ever watched: the last airbender (lol) and it was so freaking fantastic. the plot turns were excellent and i was riveted throughout the movie. something no other film has accomplished before. it was completely mentally exhausting also, working out all the different stuffs and keeping track of everything. as well as in terms of literary accomplishment, thanks to my film analysis this year i kept wondering about freud dream theory and about the cinematic condition. hm i should go re-analyse it :D excellent, without a doubt.

then we went to go on the swing for awhile at jason's house before i started WALKING to amanda's house. something that she was very shocked at (unsurprisingly) ._. i reached the function room at first and was abit O: because i thought it was gna be at her house. then i got totally surprised because the rest were hiding behind the function room counter O: and they caught everything on camera :/

anyway the rest of the night went on excellently, we watched camp rock for all of. 15 minutes? LOL. then we went to play in the playground, then play with sparklers and the camera :D and i got pushed into the pool >: but ohwells lucky i had change of clothes :DD then we went up to amanda's house. it is freaking nice omg. her entire house is just O: then we photobooth'd awhile and then we sat down while thomas started playing the guitar, singing worship songs :)

then we went back down to the function room to cleanup, and then went back up for a short while before my parents came. and i brought back the gay toy story 2 balloon and the trumpet which everyone wrote on :D and the rest of the cake.

thanks amanda for organising it :) and thanks to steph alicia jamin thomas poo bryan nat brad and louis for all coming :) really appreciate it!

and now it's the start of the september holidays which aren't holidays, but all-in-all a wonderful start to this week :)

----------------------------------------

poo gave amanda who gave me this song



I wont talk
I wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You dont know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
Im afraid to move
Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I go ill be on my way to you
The way thats true

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

lol hai im in class now failing to mug for bio spa ._.

woonwei left earlier and now yangyi's in 4h2 with me.

ms tan's bio questions for SPA that she randomed on facebook are omgkiller (Y)

and contrary to yangyi, the materialistic slut that wants so much for his birthday :P i don't want anything for my birthday but uh. if you're rich enough a laptop (but duh no one will buy that), or a nice soccer ball :D

but for a thousand what ifs,
what might have happened?

but for a thousand reasons,
what is happening?

but for a thousand possibilities,
what will happen?

you planted the seeds of hope,
and fomented the implants of discord;

i am confused.

the last week of school. for this term. and the last week before i turn sixteen and wreak havoc sixteen ways before breakfast.

but meh in america they throw huge parties to celebrate sweet sixteen. heck they even have a song (hilary duff) written about sixteen. yet in Singapore it feels kinda. meh. perhaps because sixteen is the age where most singaporeans are subjected to the O levels. although in hwachong we dont have O levels. still, its the grinder year.

maybe its just the lifestyle. ohwells i probably will have lots of stuff to reminisce about. when i turn sixteen. but yay i managed to wrangle a promise of no tuition out of my mum.

prepping for oral. just started. lazy me.

woonwei says (11:12 PM):
cant believe you actually countdown to your birthday
hongkie kenny || seven more days~~~~~ fancifulscribblings.tumblr.com; says (11:12 PM):
lol six days
woonwei says (11:13 PM):
...uh
it's not the new day yet
hongkie kenny || six more days~~~~~ fancifulscribblings.tumblr.com; says (11:13 PM):
oshit.
fuck
i thought 12.13
woonwei says (11:13 PM):
(Y)
sigh for your birthday wish for less crossed eyes

------------------------------------------------------------------------

i fail :)

linked by imaginary bonds and timeless memories,
a web weaved of illusory imagination and hallucinated emotion.
-----------------------------------------------

cell yesterday was awesome :) ate popeye's (fast food restaurant) and had some pasta. delicious :) then we watched a video. which really i guess. was kinda enlightening in some ways? yeah.

today in chinese i sat next to boonyu and basically randomed through the lesson. and i didn't sleep which is an accomplishment :] and returned bentoh the horrible book.

i guess i should never expect too much from later books in a series. tends to become trite, cliché and unimaginative. Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, Alex Rider. notably though Alex Rider still has believable character interactions. but the former two just failed.

spent the afternoon reading an excellent fanfic. and i am now musing on the inherent solitude of my life. sometimes.

and as a poet there is a certain creative license to exaggerate. which happens sometimes

today was a rather bad day all things considered.

1) i borrowed artemis fowl: the atlantis complex from bentoh. apparently it was supposed to be rather good. it failed.

orion is just fail. and barely comical. and why is it that every single time somehow mulch manages to save the day? it's like some super deus ex machina was created for the purpose of letting mulch save the day. randomwth. and there was no mention of minerva AT ALL, while the twins were mentioned as an aside. pretty sucky way to follow up on the cliffhanger from the time paradox. good job? -.- and character development was barely explored, and the plot just seemed trite. honestly, i preferred the first one the most. well maybe it was because i read it while i was in lorna whiston at an exceedingly young age and wasn't so cynical. but if i were to read it today. definitely far better than the atlantis complex. -.- zz i was actually planning to read it twice in a day, but it sucked so much i'll forgo it and just return it tomorrow.

2) the airconditioning in the parliament house was surprisingly inconsistent. and well i was fidgeting towards the end of each debate and during the adjudicator's comments because well. anyone who knows me should know i'm freaking restless. and i hate the heat. blazer + fail aircon = fidgeting. and they took away camera handphones which meant no smsing >< which meant epic boredom.

3) i was severely irked by the rgs debate. i went into the equitable treatment debate intending to whack ny because well. that was our designated role. but i wasn't expecting such a sexist argument by rgs. glendon says it wasn't very wrong. firstly i'd like to make a disclaimer that i am not talking about rgs girls in general nor am i intending to be misogynistic in any way. i have rgs friends who are perfectly wonderful. and i understand that this is a debate but wth. their first speaker basically came up and told us that because of this random statistic by the government that women earn an average of 65% the average salary of men, ALL women are not as rich as ALL men and therefore ALL women do not need to pay for men. but that part was just ...

the second speaker, however, made me start to develop homicidal urges. she started talking about how uh. maintenance of men by women is fail specifically because men will feel awkward at getting money from their ex-wife. apart from the fact that maslow's hierarchy of social needs means that generally monetary needs come above dignity and pride to a certain level, what i really hated was the fact that she pointed out men specifically -.- and perhaps alot of other things in her speech that i didnt really want to bother with.

the third speaker was just wtf. she talked about how women are not obliged to give men money because in singapore, divorce can only happen when men commit adultery or when the marriage breaks down due to irreconciliable differences. firstly, it is not always the men who commit adultery. not trying to be misogynistic again, but there are sluts out there who sleep with a different man each night so on and so forth. her argument that ONLY MEN cause divorce and that women have no part to play is simply ridiculous and overbearingly sexist. and if that was the case that shouldn't it be the same for women? if that rgs girl ever marries and gets divorced she should never go seek alimony.

in the end i ended up walking out of the debates pissed and well. i didn't break anything. that should be a good sign.

oh. and the same judge from last year turned up again. and did the same thing again. stupid biases.

the only good thing was that for the twelfth day in two weeks, i have not paid for my own lunch. and it was pastamania. and i stole excessive amounts of food from those who couldn't finish their food (namely everyone at the table excl. Mr Siew)

screwed up day so far.

i foresee that i will not be getting more sleep anytime soon.

in other news. nine more days <3

5th september~~~~~~~~

LOL okay but i gotta um. 过关. SPAs are spas O_O

YOG is over and i'm tired. and i'm tired also because of lack of sleep. because.

hi.

i muchly prefer weightlifting. weightlifting people you guyz are awesome :) and it was so fun :D idk volleyball is just. stone. ><

maybe i'm just too introverted (and pretending to be extroverted). ohwells.

it rained today. starting around 5pm and for another 4 hours plus. all the way through the fourth match. which cuba won quite nicely (even though they lost one set). the rain was just magnificent :)

an interlude:
---------------------------------------------------------
The bright white glare of the huge spotlights illuminated each falling raindrop, bathing them in fluorescent radiance
---------------------------------------------------------

because the way the spotlights shined on the rain was just. memorable

just how i felt. anyway i was doing quite a bit of contemplation during the rain. while waiting for my parents.

and about the hk hostage situation.

the manila police definitely could have handled things way better. for one, they could have employed better tactics. definitely. number two, negotiate better?

anyway it's a tragedy and the present can't change the past. and this is a sad fact of life. but, not to sound callous, there are many tens / hundreds dying of hunger every minute or something so i guess. its the magnitude of news coverage? :/ well regardless every unnecessary death is still a tragedy, no matter how big or small ><

and well. looking for the opportunity to well. go and buy stuff.

magic away my problems
and whisk me to a paradise,
flit away from these shades of worry and
into the lawns of comfort;

i wish for a wishing star >:

but those are the products of songs and not of stark reality
and life isnt a fairytale of happy endings
but life is a crossroads of paths,
pick one and stick with it;

there will be no turning back.

introspection;

its time to try defying gravity

is it better to watch from the top of the cliff forever more,
or leap for the stars and risk falling. and falling.

i actually like that imagery

weaving memories through threaded webs,
a coalescence of strings amidst the clutter and confusion,
spinning tenuous links amidst the reminiscence;

okay that was freaking random but idk.

just contemplative. at 12.32 am.

the night brings out the best and worst in me. in equal and opposite quantities.

i have just combined newton's third law and equivocation.

YOG weightlifting is coming to an end. and i totally do not know who the heck is in volleyball. hope they're nice but grah? zz everyone leaving after weightlifting tsk. and antoine left alr aish. whee i shall dedicate a song to him tmrw ^^

i have decided to wait. and hope.

http://closethefrontdoor.wordpress.com

heyyy!

im feeling rather okayishly happy now so its a great time to post a blogpost. quite obviously, rather than another emo-despair post.

and i realise how twittish the earlier sentences sound but never mind. they can attest to my um. elation at life. yes.

okay i went to do other stuff and now i lost that elation. nvm.

YOG is quite slackish but quite fun also. LOL and uh. antoine (the new french announcer that came today) is tres tres cool and im learning how to do the 'r' sound ._. i will master it kay.

weightlifting is ending soon and everyone will be going elsewhere tsk. i wonder who the new people will be, hope they're nice too though. if not i will just despair and 消失 into the background LOL.

----------------------------------

night!

everything's a tangled mess of
nonsense;

compounded, and double interest;

shut up and give up?

descent into lachrymose;

i swear my emotions are like on a sine curve >< again. as usual.

anyway read me and tell me,
what to do, what to do;

ahh screw it. im gonna sleep. que sera sera.

hai. i should sleep soon, zz. well yes. nvm im gonna finish this blog post and go to sleep.

basically nothing much happened in the last few days since i last blogged, nothing much noteworthy. geog test was weird and O_O but whatever i just kept writing and writing. history i got 18/25 which wasnt too unexpected. math i got 32/40, apparently alot of people screwed up though so it was quite O_O too.

YOG rehearsals are quite okay, not actually doing much = alot of time for slacking / mugging bio / etc. doubt i can mug bio during the actual events though. hopefully theres some diving to watch from the airconned office. lol will check schedule later. or another day. the food is quite nice, today i was busy looking at the french script. and i realise how fail my french pronunciation is, but ohwells cela n'a pas d'importance. i sincerely hope that french prelims are not counted in my MSG, i will strangle someone if that happens.

zz anyway uh. bio test on monday, i feel like :S but nvm its still only saturday. uh. physics ace spammage but i hope the worksheet actually counts for enough because otherwise i can go :/ already. or maybe i should go do another website just in case :/

anyway uh. im not going for alliance this or next sat >< and i didnt go for cell today ><

and uhh http://lifehacker.com/5548150/how-to-reboot-your-sleep-cycle-and-get-the-rest-you-deserve

quite ironic, huh.

and i guess im slowly getting used to actually forcing something through for poetry? hope it lasts.

Rascal Flatts - What hurts the most




an old video i used to listen to. just found it serendipitously

i havent embedded in a long time. since, well. a long time ago?

haii. its 5am and im supposed to do my lunwen naooo but whocares :D

anyway. physics i got 32/50 which was really quite fail, didnt manage to get one more mark so screwballz. such a pity that physics doesnt allow for half marks :/ SMO was very disappointing as a whole, missed gold by just a bit and i could have actually gotten those marks that would allow me to have gotten gold. but as a whole i quite epically failed the first round, 11/35 >: overall 24 points and a high silver which sucks compared to last year. smo open was better than last year but i still only got a bronze (7 points) and i am quite irritated because i still don't know what the hell i got for my open 2nd round which i suspect did better than my first round simply because of the freefrag question that i wish had been in the senior. honestly, senior combi and inequality was (in my opinion) harder than open combi and inequality. wth? anyway suckish i probably wont get into senior team training next year. gc got 17th in senior in singapore though, grats to him ><

then umm. history test i just chiong'd as much as i could, fluffed here and there and wells. the true tragedy in the test was due to the presence of mr adrian chan the equivocator who hinted to h1 that tragedy was coming out when it was actually about appearance vs reality >< subsequently h1 spread the love and we all got scammed too >:

AMC was freaking easy except for one question which was totally retarded because the wording was so unclear >: everything else was okay though.

(edited: oshit i realised that i think i just screwed up another question. the question said:

list of 30 numbers, each number is 1 more than the average of the two numbers around it. first number 1, last number 30, find largest number in list

the answer should be:
1 30 57 82 105 126 145 162 177 190 201 210 217 222 225 226 225 222 217 210 201 190 177 162 145 126 105 82 57 30, answer is thus 226.

i read it as:

list of 30 numbers, each number is the average of the two numbers around it. first number 1, last number 30, find largest number in list

therefore i got:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30, answer was 30.

zz. 7-mark and 9-mark question gone)

anyway i intuitively guessed the combi question should be correct though i put 12 ways = 2 loops of RYRYRY, 2 loops of BYBYBY and 3 loops of RBRB

when you're young, you feel like you have all the time in the world, all the opportunities in the world just to grasp. the world is your oyster, and there is nothing you cannot do, nothing to stop you from soaring high in the sky. every path is emblazoned and written out in the sky, just awaiting your decision and to grasp the chariot that leads into the maze of life.

When you're young, potential unlimited, nothing matters except your will to do things. Time is but an infinite constant, and the only variable is effort and will. Potential unformed, not molded and fixed. The directions of life are fluid and ever-changing.

As you grow older, and enter the maze of life, eventually you reach a fork, to take the left or meander into the right. Both paths blanketed by fog, and the future is unknown. Take a leap of faith, make a choice and hope not to fall. Hope that the path you take is correct, for there is no turning back, the gate is bolted shut. Wish and pray that the path is smooth, that dead ends manifest not.

The best things in life are left to chance and random whim, and perchance will. and sometimes you trip and fall, stumble in the brambles and obstacles~

fucking pissed today been venting all day but just got this negative ball of dark emotions to get out of me.

started off the day with chinese. was rather hilarious and all in the library, some parts. then came to chemistry. got back our results.

i kinda screwed up alot of easy questions then i got like. 30.5/40 which is bare a1 and i wasn't too happy with myself but at least i know i kinda screwedup and all. then two rows in front of me, liow was being a fucking petulant asshole, taking his test paper and whacking it against the table numerous times, all while muttering "fuck i missed a2 by half a mark" etc etc. i mean like, yeah everyone's gotten bad grades before, but to react like a primary one kid and throw a fucking tantrum in class when you're secondary four, it's just seriously wtf. then i told him numerous times to shut up and yeah being liow he reacted explosively. then throughout the fucking lesson he kept pestering chewty for marks and all and its like wth its like the marks are his entire life and its just one chem test. granted it has some weightage but still...

then after chem was recess, then bio. bio was reasonable i guess, we went through bio spa set 3 practical 11, quite a cool lesson and mitosis was brainkiller but more or less bleh. and i have actually finished the bio spa homework due by tmrw O: then math which was zz as usual. geog lesson, then history where i kinda fluffed alot because i kinda forgot some facts but nvm.

went creamery with junhean woonwei zhenwei guoshe yanperng and gordon. reverso tub with yanperng and woonwei, then mudpie jh buy for us (we wanted to own gordon but jh saved gordon >: ) then jh couldnt finish his reverso so me and yp helped him >:

then i overslept on the bus, missed one stop and thought i would reach buona vista fast. by the time i reached home i wasted like half an hour.

then during math revision i totally freaking blanked out and panicked to zhihao but managed to somewhat sooth myself. i officially hate differentiation and integration though, but meh >: hope i dont blank out tmrw i think i'm overstressed too and the stress is getting to everyone.

but grah i just have this vicious urge to tear up the math paper tmrw. hoping it doesn't get there.

LOL i shall not go into much detail about beauty and all, just wanted to talk a bit about liow's, leibing's, lukyean's and edward's blogpost as well.

what i basically have to say is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder (namely me yay) and that basically i have a somewhat skewed perception of beauty in terms of feminine but anyway i prefer to look past the outward appearance and all so etc. etc.
what i really prefer, however, is nature and scenery. if you were stalking me and going through my hrsy pics you could find that i spent an inordinate amount of memory space on simply taking the shots during the geopark. this is because i really felt that, well, the scenery was exceptionally beautiful. the combination of sky sea and backdrop mountains was breathtaking, and the flowing winds made it all the better. if you were on the top deck with me at some point you might have seen me just leaning back and enjoying the wind. i was feeling exceptionally tranquil there and i loved every moment of it. i think that beauty is what puts someone at ease, be it three-dimensional or two-dimensional, simply put, if you can marvel at something for the sheer ease it puts you at, then well thats beauty. it can come in any form, be it scenery, the wind, someone's character, or snow. yes especially snow for me i love the winter just like lukyean. i <3 winter and the snow especially because it looks so pure and white and it is utterly surreal just looking at the snow gently fall onto the snow-covered ground and yes i know that i have repeated the word snow many times but it just shows my obsession with SNOW.

anyway in response to lukyean's question i feel that we should wait for beauty to impress itself upon us, rather than to look actively for it because then in your need to find beauty you might actually force its impression which makes it rather...unnatural so to speak. :/ and yes i do agree with luky also with regards to singapore as i feel that the multicolours do not express beauty, they just hide the true expression of it within random splotches of colour intermixed with some random words like YOG 2010. that's just my opinion anyway. and yes to leibing the singapore education system promotes a rather hectic lifestyle which runs contrary to the idea of stopping and just looking, looking and taking in the sights etc. which is why hongkong was so awesome because the academic programme didnt run us into the ground and instead promoted time for bonding, scenery etc. the peak view was especially resplendent and the simple yet beautiful scenery in the geotour which i have already waxed lyrical on was awesome. for edward i support your perspectives perhaps simply because i desire the same thing, except with less ability to change the status quo i guess. >: and liow i have already talked about how yes, the education system is stressful and yes it does hamper our ability to admire beauty sllowly but ultimately you could have chosen to course through in life i guess. you didnt need to join HP either. ultimately its all about your desires and i guess sometimes yes its your parents' desires too but ultimately the onus is on you to make the choice. or you can be like edward and try to find happiness from within the system.

anyway yes thats just my opinion. >:

hey i know my blog's been rather dead. but suck it >: okayokay plan for sunday (which i fully intend to carry out)
[in order of importance]
1) History mugging (duh, i mean yeah)
2) Geog homework (because uhh. yeah...)
3) Chinese ybxd (because it's graded)
4) Remember to hand in the lit essays that i kept forgetting to hand in ><

anyway i promised myself i'd cover thursday assembly (23rd July) because it was interesting so here goes.

Firstly we had a very enlightening talk by Mr Edmund Teo with regards to uhh. Qualities all leaders should have, including references to great President Yap ._. and also our most esteemed principal Dr Hon. yeah. then after that was uhh. Sexuality(?!) Education with Delvin and YJ talking about unhealthy relationships and healthy relationships, respectively. Delvin, being the enlightened student that he was, showed us all through the use of relevant and pertinent case studies, exactly what we should all NOT do. YJ, on the other hand, brought up theoretical examples but through his speech he did not embody the true spirit of showing healthy relationships ^^. then we had an epic time watching siewyp trying to get the choir boys to sing on stage. eventually we were treated to a (not-so-)rare rendition of liow singing (rather perfectly) so yeah...

oh and this thursday assembly we covered the stomp issue etc etc. then we had a talk about scholarships and career choices, and me and junhean started talking about how epic PSA was because it had a starbucks and how junhean used to raid his father's office pantry for food and biscuits. then i asked my dad why he never brought me to his office and he told me that his office pantry didnt have food. sad case :(

oh and during the stomp issue lichen brought up the issue of implicit trust in society. which i wanted to bring up but i think he brought the case up more effectively than i could; the case essentially revolves around people having implicit trust in others in society that they will not do anything detrimental to each other or mutually detrimental, such as taking a gun and going on a killing spree in a shopping mall, or rupturing your classmates' eardrums with off-pitch renditions of Fireflies. Furthermore, I think that the school administration, while rather well-intentioned, implemented an action plan that all in all merely served to notify us that HCI is rather vulnerable to laptop theft. And the STOMPer *cough* merely brought that fact up to the entire world. and shaun just epically zi-owned during assembly when he very intelligently informed the whole batch of sec4s how we could steal laptops and frame teachers. yes.

freak i want need to watch inception yes. GRAH @$)%##%

national day holidays seem like a rather apt time to watch GRAHHHH

NO PRIOR PLANS _|_ LOL.

and the science centre visit was LOL they removed the hammer-smashing thing where they recorded your force O: i so did want to smash soemthing LOLOLOL

ohwells abit not 1.30am alr. and SRQ was cool.

history essay probably won't be.

P.S. Lunwen i hate you :(

hrp submitted. for now.

sigh i feel drained tired tired tired tired.

didn't get to go watch inception today. because of hrp but nvm finally done.

if life was a graph fo y against x, of results against effort, i'd love to be plotted on the line y = infinity ><

but that will never happen.

Deuteronomy 31:6 (New International Version)

6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

(thanks to whoever posted this on my tagboard)

but bleh bleh bleh hrp hrp hrp.
been working on it past few days. so tired and i just want to rest

but looking at this term~ how can i?

three and a half more months, gotta stick it out (somehow)

just looking forward to one day of respite. birthday~

maybe i should just use my birthday to recuperate sleep debt. hm.

hey world.

don't need the entire world, just want a small slcie of it, a little piece of heaven;

hrsy is awesome because the people are awesome :) hope that we can all keep in touch. will be writing a panorama article for hrsy too, i hope to do it justice ><

mugging math slowly but surely, and am super distracted. i can't concentrate for nuts my entire life is going topsy-turvy upside down omg. work work work is the ethic, but what happens when i just don't want to continue? :(

give me some time to sort out the souvenirs from all the different countries, then i can give everything at once (i'm sorry, for all the procrastination)

the beckoning of myriad events >< time to stop being distracted, and to WORK.

and i updated my tumblr

bye world. at least i'm alive. and i know it.

hrsy'2010 ftw! :D haha.

is truly awesome whee~ will post about it in conjunction with my uh. panorama article submission ==

boomz~ worldcup tonight!

im at the airport now lololol OO: terminal 1 going to hong kong soon! O:

anyway real was OO: win and delvin was LOL. anyway yeah at the end i temporarily shouted so loud i lost my voice abit OO:

and yeah i went crashing the different MAS committee's, esp edward's during their committee session :D lala.

and it rained like hell OO: zzzz ._.

BYE~

i feel better now.

not much of a reprieve though.

dissolution by distance;

why does it hurt so much yet seem so trivial?

it's that heart-wrenching feeling again.

nothing, nothing, nothing to say~

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?



i could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

grah fuck it's 2 days into term and i'm feeling とても　悲しい (very sad). just my usual bout of emoness i guess.


I wander under the night skies
of the lonely desert,
my faith is parched and my heart is
dry, dry like the cracked and wilted vegetation half-withered,
half-waiting to die and simply
gone; there is nothing, no motivation
to push on.


sigh i really can't write anymore this really sucks; i feel like a mindless drone yet with stabbings of pain;

and i thought c'est fini
but it isn't.

like a void;

aish. holidays over. not that it was much of a holiday to begin with.

SMO Senior and Open are both over. surprisingly i found Open easier. got one damn win question which requires one concept only O: in Open.

Open/2010/Q3 There is an arithmetic progression of primes such that 0 < a1 < a2 <...< a14 < a15, with common difference > 0. If a1 > 15, prove that common difference > 30,000. (Not the exact notation here but ohwells)

anyway lolol i feel epicsianz. like idk. grah.

i) writing block
ii) huge amount of stuff to do
iii) my memory is getting worse

==== fail.

anyway it's been 1 year >< sighs. grah w/e.

nightz. おやすみなさい！

hellohello baby you called i can't hear a thing;

hello world. the world is crumbling. around the four walls of this intangential existence ._.

but existential angst is inexistential whee.

-------------philosophicalbreak--------------

i didn't post because of laziness. anyway this holiday has flitted by damn quickly, and school is reopening soon. omg.

grah this sucks. >< and i've developed a new writing block (lack of inspiration)

oh yeah, world cup fails ttm. byebye france 1 point in 3 games. quite admirable, an example of how any team can fail to such an extent

lolol at this rate mexico for world cup 2010 ftw!

anyway school is reopening soon, can't wait yet don't want it to come so bloody fml soon. GRAH.

i wanna go sleep now and enjoy the last vestiges of this screwedup june.

veritably, the worst june ever.

dreamy reminiscences of a vaunted past;

but it is not good to live in the shadow of memories,
it is not good to be subsumed under the barrage of remembrances,
we forge a new path with each choice at the crossroads,
we decide the direction of our courses.

hi, i'm alive.

or dead. being alive is more of a state of mind, than anything really.

(i never posted it up) but the titular line of one of my poems sounds really apt here ><

meh. am only gonna talk about the happier stuff (in vague attempts to make myself seem less lifeless) [even though it would fail anyway]

perak was awesome -> what more can i say!

1) whitewater rafting
2) abseiling from a waterfall
3) exploring caves
4) hotel rooms
5) CARDS
6) CHEAP BOWLING
7) CHEAPER LAN

._. suck that.

SMO (Senior) was mehmeh okay think i did better than last year but screwedup a couple of questions. no matter grah :/

SMO (Open) was veritably fine i guess. maybehopefully can go through 2nd round(hopefully) yeah!

NUSH Math camp is tmrw~! will be rooming with gc ._.

*headache* byes.

im going to perak from 17th to 21st

don't wither and disappear while im gone all you readers!

and if i die or anything, well,

BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU.


---------------------------------

a piece for you to savour while im gone!


the mind-numbing boredom of clockwork in
a routine world;
the weary illusion of satisfaction in
a constant tableau;

we are enshackled by the world and ourselves –
we do not fly because we never learnt to;

our wings, perennially broken,
our feet, perpetually rooted,
our lives, permanently chained;

we are submerged by the pale pernicious shadow
of intranscendental boundaries,
of uncrossable lines in the circle of
“protection”;

we are like songbirds
in a gilded cage,
the melody, hauntingly beautiful yet
fraught with sorrow;

We want to scream,
But at what?

“When it rains, it's like there's a rooftop on the world. Each raindrop makes a
sound the first time it falls on a surface. Just then, it's like I can see again.”

Daredevil

haiz im watching lots of movies lately. the matrix and daredevil.

and there are many things to take away fromm this. and many literature themes but i shall not go into that now :/

evanescence songs are really quite. idk. thought-evoking?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3DnLKQQ9a4 (im lazy to embed)

grahh. idk maybe like wyx says im a cosine graph. emotional flux all the time.

anyway my results are omgyay its like the one bright spot in my life ironically.

and friday was tiring.

csm we spent our time trying to get to proed lounge and everything and yeah and some parts were just hilarious :)
then we went to watch movie (ip man 2) where jh kept making references to random people in our class ._. win.
then AMPowered meeting (Manpower) then went to soccer with yarn and shaun annd malcolm ._.
then cell (with fail bus services will elaborate later about it)

tiring manxzxz

today mpp seminar darion tanked everything and it went swimmingly :)
then french was sleepy argh and i have frenchc test next week which sucks man.
then AMPowered (Logistics) meeting was quite cool. talked alot of crap ._. then bought some icecream (but imo creamery is way better ._.)

BUT THE BUS SERVICES ARE HORRIBLE.

firstly yesterday i was going to cell by my lonesome self because my mum is sick :( so yeah. reached newton mrt at 2025 (which is superlate but ohwells). my mum told me to take bus so i was like ohwell. then the bus timing thing said that 171 was arriving. and showed that for five minutes even though 171 obv left long ago. then wait for the next one. then in the meanwhile some random bus that was showing "9 minutes left" came then i was wth. then the 171 came and PASSED THE FREAKING BUS STOP. then 700A came but it was packed to the freaking brim fml. in the end i ran. i waited at the bus stop for 15 minutes and it took me 5 minutes to run only -.- wtf sia.

then today. stuck in the jam for damn long. normally journey from home to udders probably 15 minutes. took 45 minutes. The cause: 14 buses lined up in one freaking lane not moving wtf -.- grah

lost all faith in the singapore bus service ._. mrt owns it luh.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


sometimes i just want to keep running. and running. and running. away from everything all of it.

enchanté

i am entranced with the idea of flying amidst freedom in my writings nowadays.

i do wonder why, indeed.

my results were way above expected (for now, at least), let's hope this trend continues into the more challenging subjects >: (read: bio, physics, geog)

and well some things are left to chance (read: RNG)

i find myself increasingly incapable of committing my hand to prose these days. poetry is making me fragmented. and disjointed. and i don't make any sense anymore.

and the maladies of youth are catching up to me already.

watching the Matrix (trilogy) over these few days. even though i already know the ending i'm hoping something changes or soemthing...

reminds me of Neo, doesn't it.

and Agent Smith is like a combination of meepo and holy knight in wtfmodesteroids. perma-creating identical clones of himself with 100% damage and health. just a thought.

bye ._.

enshackle me in chains of routine;

because that's how i feel.

physics is enshackling me ._.

flying high on broken wings :O

geog epic fail. tornadoes got owned :/

You have 3 Page suggestions.

(On facebook)

Everyone needs to see what he done to his cheating girlfriend
Products
You have been invited by Yang Yi.

i feel unprepared for geog and zomg bleh but nvm.

anyway i bought two vcds (daredevil and starwars epi3) for 4 bucks totalz from video-ezy.

could torrent it but i'm not an asshole :)

fell ill (but even so i'm still more awesome than you!)


a convo with woonwei about geog:

woonwei says (9:39 PM):
sigh
i dread 18 pages
why is life so unfair kenny
[[' kenny || fancifulscribblings.tumblr.com \if the clock ran on thirty-six hours\ says (9:41 PM):
LOL.
life is unfair because there is a need to separate the awesome people (me) from the un-awesome people (read: liow) and the bimbotic people (read: shaun-in-delirium)

i have a piece of bone stuck in my gum. fml :(

nymd performance was quite awesome :O

and yeah i sat next to yangyi (on the floor) but it was still preferable to sitting alone ._.

grah. felt so irritable and unproductive today la :(

aiya whatever. go mug geog (hopefully)

because that's what shaun must have been imbibing when he wrote his latest blog post.

anyway bio mugging was :S grah. i feel indignant and incapable of mugging math and chemistry now.

rawr. i am sleeping more and more in french and i am caring less and less about french.

there is hardly any reason to care anymore :/

as a microcosm of life, as well.

if the world ran on thirty-six hours a day;
if the world ran on cooperative clockwork;
if the world ran on happiness instead of hate;
if the world ran on...?

adrenaline rush. at 2.30 am

how non-apt D:

gah but what is owed must be returned,
and what is needed must be fulfilled;
such be the way of life,
and the way the river flows -
time waits for no one,
we are ushered, protesting and clamouring, forward forward forward.

Today, I was walking up the stairs of Starbucks. On the final step, I tripped and my sandals made a crashing noise. Everyone turned and stared at me.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

thank God for friends.

i am entirely whimsical;

we didn't go to island creamery in the end - was planning to collab but something told me it would have been contrived.

thought and thought and internalised on the trip back home,

and realised a lot of things.

it's amazing how much you realise when you slow down -
and take things in slowly;

it is the veil between knowledge and belief,
one without the other yet conjoined together -

the alternation between knowing and believing,
the truth amidst the delusion;

it is the perpetuation of affirmation,
yet the understanding of dejection;

it is the meander of left and right,
the deviation of day and night;

it is the dearth of warm by right,
yet the ambivalence of yes yet otherwise;

it is the mystery of tears and joy,
it is the rotation that start this rite;

it is the sight of light so bright,
it is the flight of wrong yet right;

ohh wednesday was totally surreal;

on tuesday night i wrote a short poem draft on the totality of life. then on wednesday we were given a poem on the MEANING of life ._. which coincided completely with my poem

it was quite a cool poem and reflected my inner thoughts quite parfaitement.

anyway thursday was mehme slept again at french (and there were so few people there zomg...)

but friday was teh <3

i cruised through the day like i was on wings and the hourglass of time was leaking sand. exponentially. :)

after physics we had healthcheck which passed very quickly. played basketball for the first time in two years man. and me and zhenwei owned zhixian and yangxi 7-1 OO: :D:D

then history i got 19/25 which was totally unexpected yeah <3 given that i didnt even finish and rushed out my use all sources

i still got 10/4/5 which i would have gotten better had i done L5

but i was totally not expecting a 3S for my essay anyway. zomg first time i actually hit 10/12 for an essay <3

then the insightseries was dao but woonwei and jh were awesome to crap around with :D

then we went to eat ("safekeeping" the ball in a tree first :OO)

with a somewhat sucky encounter with _____ on the way to coro though :( but i guess the crossroads of destiny have probably closed already. maybe.

and then we went to watch iron man 2 which was completely LOL (personifications ftw)

then we RAN from isetan to rgs (yeah manxz we reached on time)

and JGs were teh <3 we made history good job guys yeah :)

reached home crashed slept.


and im at school now annotating hrp readings and slacking with woonwei and daniel.
first starbucks in singapore manxz :D

yeah time to get back to work bye! :D

talking to liow is like 对牛弹琴.

wtf.

life is so superficial nowadays;

tsk and so exhausting too. i've hardly caught a day of rest and relaxation since the day my soul died in exchange for homework;

hardly a deal with the devil though, we (not totally) signed our souls off for HOMEWORK.

who would? maybe hkc, but otherwise *sighssss*

back to work! ><

meme si je suis fatigué, je dois survivre, pour moi et pour...?

i swear i am. completely random.

[[' kenny || fancifulscribblings.tumblr.com says (11:21 PM):
life is not coloured in monochrome; we dance in shades of grey


[[' kenny || fancifulscribblings.tumblr.com says (11:28 PM):
i didn't need the whole world,
neither their scrutiny nor their apathy;
all i needed was this little slice of life,
hold onto it like my lifeline-

[[' kenny || fancifulscribblings.tumblr.com says (11:39 PM):
caught up in this whirlwind,
i am flung headfirst, higher and higher,
through this maelstrom of frustration and anger,
caught up for breath and unable to think,
plummetting like a burning comet;



whee.

they are perhaps. extremely late. 4 months and 24 days after new year's.

but no one ever said we couldn't have mid-year resolutions.

some recent things have really shaken my life (and me) up, and idk. perhaps its time to change my worldview.

sounds easy but it isnt :/

but without trying there can be no accomplishment :/

haizz. the last few days were also exhausting. and hot. and zomg i kept crashing at the comp.

exams are coming. i feel woefully unprepared too.

i want to escape;

beyond exhausted,

plagued with a persistently recurring headache -

hanging on through grit :/

i am perpetually stuck on commonwealth essay

no impetus to continue :(

much less 1.4k words ugh.

reading articles lately;

here's some food for thought!

http://www.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20100405-208438.html

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article6907681.ece


one on banking, and one on elite education;

reading is interesting >_> and i do need to get out of the completely surreal and unrealistic world of fanfiction OO: fanfiction is and has been burning up insane amounts of my time since forever shit :( well it's been interesting but i really do need to concentrate.

ahh;

and i want/need to write better :( and with more imagination

some things just aren't meant to be said; it trivialises everything.

on a sidenote, shaun's writing is awesome :/ owns me >:

hm, maybe sleep deprivation IS making me moodswing more often >< between emo and hyper.

there's no inbetween;

sometimes forgetting is impossible -
yet maybe i just don't want to.

haiz. i am beginning to find a predication for high tower text -

let's hope it holds;


and for once liow's essay wins -> embankment go ask him for it :O

i think and i think.

and i think i've finally let go.
given up. whatsoever.

maybe maybe not.

hm maybe gordon is right ->

[Gordon] says (11:06 PM):
you too emo alr

im becoming increasingly introspective and introverted i think.
yet in attempts to be more extroverted.






i drift silently in the shadows,
always there in times of darkness,
the invisible hand holding the candle that-
illuminates the night;

yet in daytime
i am transparent -
you see right through me
and to the azure cloudless skies behind.

it is something i bear
silently -
wordlessly i suppress,
and bottle it up,
till nobody can see;

though it is not a bottomless abyss,
it is a well, a deep one,
but with a finite capacity nonetheless.

the lid holds it shut,
the pressure is kept within.
the facade does not shimmer,
the mask does not crack -
all seems well;

but pressure is pressure,
and there are limits to limits -
everything gives way,
someday.

totally depressing;

im gonna fail the written test. gonna get like. 10%?! if im lucky fml.

and the takehome test gg i can only do one question atm

hoping for some miracle :/

i should be diagnosed with

1) ADHD
2) Unproductivity
3) Procrastination
4) Perfectionism

which makes for one gigantic fuckfest of epic proportions :( javascript:void(0)

commonwealth topics suck.

an adventure in space?! wth ><

ugh i should be better off taking a wrecking ball and ramming it into stupid old buildings;

or satiating this weird urge for bloodlust

i realise that my life is becoming increasingly dichotomised;

and in turn so is everything else;

my blog(s) is/are the extension(s) of my emo personality :(

while my happiness *facade* shines through everywhere, huh.

maybe im bipolar idk.

anyway ---

http://www.theamericanscholar.org/the-disadvantages-of-an-elite-education/
it's just an irony that i don't have the time to criticise elite education today :(

supreme irony;

anyway sc carnival was quite fun, even though i was (slightly) ill. and i slept fifteen hours on friday. ugh.

back to work (sadly)

i already have a writing blog.

but firstly because this is noteworthy of posting as its quite close to reality and not like those emo "trysts with my brain", as woonwei calls it.

it's also partially in response to woonwei's tumblr post, well not really fully, but on a remote tangent to some far-off island.

secondly i'm not even sure whether it's considered a prose.

but heck it ><


Control is a lie.

We always think we’re in charge of our own lives, that only our own decisions matter, and that we can change the world, singlehandedly like some messiah.

I used to think that way too, in the heady fire of innocence and youth, a dangerous combination if there ever was one.

Until reality caught up with me. It didn’t catch up to me like an old friend saying hi. It hit with the force of a whirlwind and the temper of a thunderstorm.

Then, I thought that we’re all being manipulated, like puppets on a string, jerking spasmodically to the tune of some sadistic master.

But in the end, there’s no one behind the scenes in the shadows. We’re all just pulling on each other strings, we’re just jacking each other.

And that’s the way life is;

(P.S. this is not really out of personal experience :/, well not the timeline or anth)

and so it is;

life is so needlessly complicated and we wind it up like a twisted rope twisted too many times -

we release it and it flies so fast, so randomly

like a bludger at full force;

illusions can mask the truth until it all comes crashing down-

but it wasn't anything unexpected anyway;

all writings will henceforth be moved to http://fancifulscribblings.tumblr.com

i will probably be updating like. every day. do catch it :D

and comment, if you feel the need to.

good friday and easter sunday have passed. i guess. ><

haiz 987fm came to school on thursday. was quite LOL.

and there are other things which happened which just made me feel like. sian :(

haiz.

tsk i'll make this a quick post given that i still have three more mindmaps to rush out before i go to school _|_

results-wise, i got OWNED O: so much for me being able to cope effortlessly in all my subjects :( i dont think i've ever screwed up so badly before.

bottom 10 in HP for lit bio physics. yeah how ironic (mostly), especially for physics and literature.

but it's not something which can be changed already. ohwells time to go forth and conquer all the mortal beings :O

but in any case i finally did well for humanities. which is. :D i guess.

tskk. sleep deprivation seems to be catching up to me ._.
nevermind train for NS. >_>

haizz. SL project, we went there yesterday >_<> cut down on your training
me -> i can't cut down any further :/

LOL. and she wondered if i was taking vitamins. rawrrr. maybe i need vitamins (to grow taller? :O )
i suppose back to chinesee D: byeee

hello world;

i feel so insignificant.

et inutile;

what is life but a fleeting dream?

shit im feeling emo again :(

this blog is wholly insufficient for me to pour my heart out.

maybe because it's so public, or maybe.

i just can't.

heyhey.

i'm so tired. but was that really unexpected? tskk.

french is becoming an ennui :/ perhaps its the seulement inherent through distance and disappearance of propinquity
(maybe i'm just spamming random nonsense that makes no sense)

but i keep sleeping in french. there's like, nothing to sustain my interest in french class it just becomes an unending routine of change in scene change in topic,
it's so mundane and monotone and monochrome. nothing ever changes. and the class keeps getting smaller and smaller with more and more people leaving, until naught but an empty shell is left.

what's left to do is to be a tape recorder and memory bank for the esoteric phrases that will give you more of a headache than be a panacea.

ugh friday had 2.4 i ran 10:59 and nearly died doing it. i could barely walk after i sprinted in the last leg and nearly collapsed immediately after ugh.

what's wrong with me my body seems to hate me i keep finding new pains each day.

but i don't want to give up soccer. and all these things which i find enjoyable.

and i don't knowww. what is wrong. fuck this.

and fuck it all.

at the start of last year i felt quite :/ and wanted to join h1 because of all the soccer people and all >< and yeah.

but i actually feel quite happy now. h2 may be dysfunctional but it's in a good way :D

watched being human 2dae. >< DAMN LAME ZZ. it's super -.- and cliché >_>

but ohwells.

gordon ziowned today.
Gordon: The other exit is that way right
Kenny: Yes why?
Gordon: I'm taking the bus
Kenny: WHY ARE YOU GOING THROUGH THE GANTRY
Gordon: Zhixian says won't cost money de
(went with him to see)
Fare - 39 cents

moral of the story never trust a scamming zhixian :O

founder's day was boring like shit
talked crap with gordon and shyuetyng was nolifeing shootshagmarry randomly. somehow we survived 1 hour ++ LOL. haizz wl.

why do parents care muchly for grades -.- its getting obsessive to the point of frustration.

or maybe it was just my sucky grades. (but everyone else got that too) -> but parents don't give a fuck about others when it doesn't suit their purpose _|_

this weekend of softball was completely irrevocably totally fucked up. 0 for 4, what the fuck is wrong with me.

and today might be my last ever competitive softball game. like ever.

am so fucking confused and emotionally weary and downtrodden and screwed up. more so than physically.

hcmas outing was awesome. and fun :)

thanks to everyone esp allee i finarry learnt how to cycle :O third time's the charm sia :D rawrr. hopefully i don't forget how to cycle before the next time i go to whatever cycling area there is. ._.

sighs.

i have no idea where i heard this phrase or whatever. maybe my jumbled subconscious just flung it to the world of the living. or something;

cloudless day and starcrossed night;
thunder's growl and flash of light;
restless day and sleepless night;
blinding glow of candle bright;

i have no idea how to continue. came to me in the shine of starlight last night ._.
my fail attempts in dabbling with rhyme. ended up with neither rhyme nor reason;

sighs imagine if certain things had changed in life. or not. life might, would be much more different. and i don't know. perhaps it's foolishness to ponder such stuff;

sighs i've been moodswinging so damn badly :( and i don't know anymore.

anyway thank goodness for the little things in life. like outings and fun and soccer and squash and xbox.

and friends;

scandals scandals scandals;

yay all scandals involving me are dying :DD

and i'm creating new scandals yay! O: they shou;d come to light soon.

sooner or later.

haiz idnos whether i should be moving to livejournal or not. or somehting that allows me to customise privacy :( because right now i feel the privacy edge quite keenly ):

and i think i need a new blogskin too this one seems abit weird to me now. hmph does anyone want to help me find a nice new blogskin? =)

and idnos whether i should change the address. and/or make the whole thing private too :/

haiz mas was awesome, so was speccom, the scandals not so much. haizz D:

kenneth lim fails. and you can quote me on that :)

i wanna go 8th! :D

mas is ending soon. aww. but i'm sure gordon is more sad. no more *cough* sc *cough* haizz. he too flirt already.

tsk. and french test was sian. so tired just fell asleep. might fail who cares. :/

laladuck. damn tired dota'd alot going sleep soon bye.

hcmas is decidedly quite interesting. although i've yet to do research. hm. information sheets are actually very informative.

and math competition fail. sighs i fail too.

and perhaps at life idnos. haizz i should be sleeping soon;

and check this!

amarantine says (1:28 AM):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1O2jcfOylU

went to communion today! (for like, the first time in 4 years...? D: )

haiz...saw quite a few people today, but most of them didn't see me i think :O

lala. i'm outside saizeriya in liang court. :O
bye!

it's now sunday and the school holidays are nearing.

sabbaticals first though, HCMAS plus english triplebankai plus hrp. tmrw.

haiz but idnos, im feeling more and more pissed lately. again.

perhaps its just all the emotions bursting from the dam, i seem to be feeling rather negative lately. and it sucks.

more pensive and more pissed;

and lots of bullshit too, especially coming from certain individuals.

ah but nvm, who cares. bye.

SLEEP IS PROVIDENTIAL, MUGGING IS ESSENTIAL.
(in the kaico-- i mean mugger's world)

laladuck elearning is so -.- yet (Y) haiz. fluctuations nia.

anyway loopholes upon loopholes, we jump through them perpetually.

Shyue 'Shuu' Tyng
Shyue 'Shuu' Tyng
as quoted from regin's 兵法 manual: MUG IS HUM
16 seconds ago

as quoted from debaters: PREP IS FOR SISSIES

lala if only teachers knew that, the world would be happy :)

argumentative essays can go shoot the moon. aiya go sleep bye

and it's the 2nd of march!

maybe edward was right and this is a blessed month, i've got 15 hits from yesterday, maybe it's the gravity of my post or something! idnos!

elearning is over, perhaps that's a good and bad thing in and of itself. the good being the fact that you don't really have to be politically correct and deal with any irritations that you can't just block and ignore, other than the homework itself, of course. not that i'm saying i'd had to block and ignore people over these past two days, but just saying XD. and the good being the sleeping in and not worrying about being late and the luxuriating on the bed and whatever. but yeah.

but elearning sucks because some teachers apparently see fit to give about two to three hours work in the alloted one hour time period. now firstly, if every teacher did that we would be crushed and buried fifteen kilometres deep in shitloads of homework. but luckily some teachers are nice too! :) and furthermore, msn chitchatting is never the same as talking face-to-face with friends :DD haha but there's the good thing of dota and all that shit. but yeahh. and the home environment naturally creates a damn slackish environment in which im not tempted to do work at all :( so yeah.

haha boomz anyway yeah i failed jlpt 3, quite expected really XDD ohwells whocares.

hm MAS thing came out already. and i'm hoping against hope that we can do Pipit or w/e lala boomz yay.

im feelinghyper donwanna do lit/math/eng. hm 1 hour for each is abit -.-

and yay i did 4 ybxd on sunday night in 2 hours i feel so accomplished lala :DD

hmm and we should really ban yzzk. (note to councillors XD)

time to degenerate into something to satisfy my emo and sianded self. here goes.

is the pursuit of happiness ultimately futile? because most forms of happiness are ephemeral and temporary and do nothing to seal one's permanent state of happiness. happiness is firstly based on external circumstances, such as monetary or relationship statuses, and isn't that the basis on which happiness is grounded?

i guess our ultimate purpose in life is to achieve something like happiness or satisfaction. for example, monetary wealth is more of satiating a person's need for materialistic power, and they are supposedly happy with this. the same would go for power, people hoard power for the simple fact that it pleases them. therefore, it is quite evident that happiness is the true objective of life.

many people, however, lose themselves, and lose track of their true objective, when pursuing happiness which manifests itself through these tangents of money, power, and perhaps family. people are willing to resort to desperate measures, lose their humanity for the sake of some money, for the sake of some power, even for the sake of the affections of someone they like. is it worth it, then, to sacrifice one's sense of propriety and what is right to achieve what they want? when they achieve it through these ends, is it really worth it, and will it grant them long-term satisfaction? i think not.

in any case, happiness is probably something ultimately temporary and ephemeral, with there being no way to permanently secure one's happiness. in linking to earlier paragraphs, money and poewr can be taken away, confiscated, misspent in a moment or in a blink of an eye, family can be lost or taken away just as quickly. therefore, happiness is ultimately something that probably would disappear sooner or later.

however, is happiness truly a futile goal? because if it is, then there is probably nothign else worth qualifying our lives for. without the goal of happiness, all other pursuits are in the end, devoid of satisfaction and do not give one any sense of pleasure or happiness, because they do not seek happiness.

(sorry it seems rambly, and i dont want to leave a conclusion because it would probably detract)

massage chairs are totally awesome :DD

especially when coupled with hot showers, it totally relaxes muscles :DD

i've been taking some french tests thingo. its quite LOL.

haiz elearning is boring sia. ): especially since i was stuck at home. zz.

sianded. and i feel inexplicably yet explicably emo :( ohwells que sera sera.

can't breathe properly no more. :(

increasingly harderrr;

it's nearing the end of term 1, so many letdowns and sadness and tiredness and so so much anger, towards myself as well as others.

and so much lameness and retardedness, and school really seems to fly past very quickly as we all head towards...everything! i'd say o levels but we dont really have many. >_>

and haha i know my blog is mostly dead, but ohwells O:

bio and math, the final stretch!

haizzz looking forward to possible sleepover! lalaaaaa.

whee. three weeks more of endurance. then it could potentially be the start of something else;

a break from the ennui of now...

zz lit.

sian la. so many spam notes. i don;t even feel like compiling, no freaking point sia.

wth la. all repetition countlessly.

lala. damn bored and tired and -.-

200 comments in half an hour on one wall post ftw LOL. :O

geoggg ggggggg D:

lala in quarter's beat peicai 2-1

and slept again in french. tootired! D:

fuck, i really envy the professional athletes who can keep going on the court/ field for so so many hours. especially tennis, sometimes even 5 hours on one court and they just keep going and going. haizz.

school seems remarkably slackish now but urgh once i reach home i'm so so so tired.

and i get sleepy and tired around 11pm for mugging?! wth D: if this is the rate im going, my grades can burn in space.

ahh, history is killing me :/

classical music makes me sleepy in the night, but awake in the morning. wts.

global conflicts are completely irrelevant to me at this point due to the fact that i'm still a student and have no political say or whatever so knowing the underlying reasons to global conflicts is thus irrelevant and pointless at this metamorphosis stage in life :)

and thus, i will fail history.

bye!

LOL.

t1w9 proposal first due. 3 weeks to refine it lala :D

and one term to lit review!

deadblog!

and omg despite we losing to ri, we might might still get thru!

hope ri and damai don't die on their respective matches!

school seems slackerish much. somehow.

and time seems to fly faster than any hero on perma-haste >_<

sighs its week 6 and my first obstacle of history iss coming up.

much more scary than physics. >_< ahhhh!
and yay i got into armlu, somehow. need a lot of rethinking though.

and imo, simo is very hard! D:

whee. life is boring. and très chaude.

don't wanna bother about talking about competition.

just one thing. we gotta beat ri. and we will.

probably;

on tuesday after 3 periods of zz english me delvin yuanjun yanperng and gordon went to kap to eat.

and coincidentally, saw adelle brad louis boon li-anne domi and thomas, they were mugging :O

so coincidental.

ugh so tired these days. simo maths is draining tiring confusing irritating.

hm might go benji's house tmrw with bdiv ppls. maybe. to mug/play/stone :O

hm.it's getting hotter and hotter these days.

and it's a pity there isn't a subject starting with U.

if not, my combi could be F*U*CK, theoretically. French U____ Chem KI

but that aint gonna be my combi anw >< lala.

time to stone :)

epic procrastination.

i think my glove is screwed.

but who cares. >_< ahh

competition tmrw. geylang methodist.

hm hopefully i get to bat :/ which is pretty unlikely but who cares.

and i was previously facing a conundrum.

as evinced from my display name.

but from what i've seen, there really is no reason for me to continue down the path that i am going right now.

a year from now, i don't know where i'll be, but i'd probably hazard that it wouldn't be where i am now.

deliberately vague, for now.

and anyway, my lit essay is 1234 words, i didn't refer from anyone :D i did question two which i have not seen anyone do yet, and i did my yueduxinde, albeit suckily.

i feel bad, i didn't go watch audrey's ren ci thing because i was stuck waiting for 'rents in borders and reading a rather LOL-ish unauthorised companion spoof guide to the twilight series like the type that harry potter evoked, even though i have never, am not, and will never read the twilight series. the twishite saga - new moan seems pretty attractive an option though.

and i swear, crocodile tears (alex rider) just dropped right off the fraeking globe. i think. can't find it in bookstores anyway

and i can't find a good skin yet. ahh. sucks.

and i've given up on deviantart. however temporarily, i need a break from writing. from dashing out a few lines about whatever catches my interest, because apparently my attempt at not forcing things is not working.

and now congratulations, i have now rendered myself incapable of writing prose in addition to poetry. i am now, for wont of a better word, an invalid.

take a bow.

slept in french for the first time in 5 months ish.

just too zombified by training argh.

slept at 11 on wednesday, wtf?

and i was going to sleep already after completing the thrice-darn history essay. then i realised that i did not print enuf copies for mpp. and my own history essay. argh.

fuck im going to sleep now :(

life's an intricate maze;

i am so freaking fatigued right now i could collapse and die :)

training wears me out completely. and i usually take 2 days to recover. and oh wow, that's my next training day.

ahh and i revise my opinion about csc =) it is still invigorating to the max, if you catch my drift.

hm darion should have submitted the mpp application forms already.

and apparently im still going to probably be taking up pipit from bill. i think. which will totally clash horribly with my simo training.

and sspeaking of simo and smo i need to contact rongyf. ahhhh D: procrastination.

and my report book (okay i shall go put it into my bag now)

yay i put it into my bag. i feel completely lackadaisical.

:( :( :( i shall go look for any possible blogskin to occupy my new blog template. hopefully it'll be better. (oddly whenever i think of my blog it seems to look vaguely like monica's blog template even though it is quite different -.-)

time to go bloghopping and blogskinsearching. (procrastinate ftw)

passes by so quickly.

and i think i need a new blogskin *forgot to mention this in previous blogpost*

hm. we all metamorphose so quickly.

and forget who we were.

edward gave me a very constructive criticism and i managed to rewrite the c'wealth essasy quite quickly given that i should be sleeping already omg ahhh crap :< so much for new take on old topic gah who cares.

time to type out the 4 poems before i sit on them and shit on them and forget.

a way with words

sometimes said, often suggested, once there, now gone;

ont-il terminé?

the cycle of life, death, life, death,

joy sorrow smile frown tears delight.

pointless? useless? differences made, oui non?

--------------------------------------

okay that was disjointed and probably ttly meaningless and whattheheck.

and wow, i've hit exactly 9999 notifications on facebook since i activated the notifications thingo to send to a different folder on my email.

wonder what'll be the 10000th kiriban.

and hm i had 499 pictures of myself on facebook yesterday. now i have 498 apparently someone untagged me somewhere somewhen but i don't really care.

Commonwealth was LOL, the edit one paragraph in the end took longer than the other four which i basically based off my SALAS-TP essay that i did and submitted on my freaking birthday.

and my birthday was incidentally the date in which i activated my facebook notifications thingo.

talk about coincidences. in the time it takes for me to accumulate 9999 notifications my essay which i thought would never be used again actually has found some use.

and i hope that i can get something some ace some submission thingo for c'wealth like i never did before.

anyway today i had japanese after three weeks of respite.

and halfway through i suddenly bankai'd 4 poems.

but they are probably of very bad quality. one's incomplete, one's iffy, one's rambly and one's completely disjointed. ah wtheck.

will type them in soon

and i have an unofficial non-legally binding (XD) resolution to be more hardworking and i just walked along that path that snaking path. did math homework. extra more than was called for.

aiya heck life's a mess,

a contour of chaos;

sweet sixteen isn't sweet.

and hilary duff evidently doesn't know what she's talking about.

or maybe audrey's right and it's just the 12midnightshit affecting me.

or that usa is much more slackerish and open and without the danger of expulsion for one foolish remark in one stupid assembly in their schools.

every choice in life, is a leap of faith.

some small, some big.

from the meaningless things like what should i eat? is this good? omgomg but what about that one?

to the big things in life. like careers and like life paths!

hm i am feeling awfully philosophical (does this make up for uh. a few days of inactivity?)

ah who cares.

am feeling dead exhausted these days. i have collapsed at the comp more times in the last 30 days than probably in the 100 days before that. even given that that was exam week. i am falling asleep tired and exhausted so so often now.

competition period is ramping up. 25th jan, first match.

our group has ri, acsi, damai, geylang methodist and compassvale.

so if we get past this group, the rest should be relatively easier by comparison.

still am worried i will screw up (like i screwed up TWICE in friday training. ahh crap.)

thee 25th seems so far yet so close.

and my results will probably be screwed by the competition anyway. especially maths haha. (but i am determined to put more effort this year into math. well considering last year, ANYTHING is an improvement)

ahh IMO maths training was mentally *sigh*

apparently the last two weeks i missed was number theory, and this week it just HAD to be geometry.
i understood the examples and the theories well enough (i guess), but i have absolutelyno idea how to apply it and ended up scratching my head blankly for around 1 hour before my mum came and picked me up for french. zz i hope next week will be better. ohwells gongchen returned from beijing so there's always the option of asking him to teach me through the topicsss (especially geometry ohgosh)

ha and delf results came back i soemhow got 73.5 amazingly and my listening nearly passed (12 out of 25) :O well when comparing to my expectatioins of around 8 and comparison to a2 which i took end 2007, when i got 7 for my listening this is a vast improvement. and my comprehension ecrite somehow got 24, which is amazingly lucky to say the least thank God :)

and my petit test somehow got a 16.5 too. hm.

didn't go for afterglow. heard was rather big. ohwells.

and cell now is rather small (sec3 and sec4 boys only) and iantatt's still our cell leader.

i realise that time passes incredibly quickly. and im facing a midteen existential crisis in which i question the direction my life is taking and whether im liking it at all.

and realising that i have to study harder and my conscious is following that, but my subconscious is somehow silently rebelling. abit.

ahh screw. it's 12.32 and i should be sleeping. but i'm not.

lala. yesterday was rather zz. cse orientation slackering ftw.

soccer ftw with sparkies <3 even though it was rather retarded.

anyway hp briefing was full of lols and the audacity of hope ftw (Y)

training was tiring, think my left thigh is strained. ahh crap.

hurtss abit still. hm.

today was first day of lessons.

geog was the slackerest EVER i think. for this year at least i think. rawrrrr.
chewty was quite rambly. haha career guidance ftw lolols.
chinese we started on a compre :O i finished the homework at HOME. BEAT THAT BISHZ.
bio was sleepy. even though i tried not to sleep :( haha but i am slightly less confused for once kk.
lit was okayy lor. WE HAVE TWO WHOLE WEEKS TO READ FRANKENSTEIN HAHA. lala prometheus myth. i shall eat your liver out.
english was compre. zz ._.

ahh i was going home, in the bus in the rain, when i got acute stomach pain. dropped off at 74, walking i turned around to see delvin chua. he though t i was actually waiting there for him LOL.

ate with him before i went home. zz haha. koped all his twister fries <3


today, on msn.

[[' kenny || given up on life; says (10:22 PM):
free 1 hour of sleeping period

- . `~{[S3HP students: please talk to me if there's any problems okay? (: says (10:22 PM):
;lol CSC
i wouldn't sleep if i were u
we have to do a lunwen this year




OMG NOOOO NOOO NOOOO *cries*

ahhh!!!!