The Pryhills: Living in WHOLLY Matrimony

There's a Fight Club joke in here somewhere

The Gay Agenda...opportunities abound

On the DC metro, the new "doors closing" message will be voiced by -- gasp -- a lesbian! Randi Miller won out over 1,259 entrants in the DC Metro's Doors Closing Voice contest with her "confident," "earthy" and "unique" voice. "Confident," "earthy" and "unique"?...sounds like a sister to me! Give her a listen. As one who works in the voice over business, I love the way she sounds, despite some rough edges in her delivery. Gaydar is not a foolproof tool, but in my experience is relatively reliable, so when I heard a piece on her this morning on Marketplace, I hustled in to work to google her to see if my incliniation was true. Damn, I'm good!

So the important question is, now that we have family in a potentially persuasive position near politicos, can we amend the message copy to include gay-positive messages?

Might I suggest:
The doors are opening. Please stand back so customers may exit the train. When boarding please move to the center of the car. Studies suggest 2-3 percent of the population is gay. Chances are, somone in your car is gay. Say hello!

For your safety, please step back. The doors are closing in 3,2,1. And if you support constitutional amendments that discriminate against gay people, doors will be closed to them.

Please stand back to allow the doors to close. You wouldn't want them to slam shut on you...it will hurt like a nasty gay bashing.

Extreme Makeover: Charlotte Edition

Some may remember my rant about my white trash neighbors who acheived the pinnacle of redneckdom when they burnt down their house on Easter weekend in 2004 while charcoal grilling on their wood deck. Through the thin foliage screen separating our property, we watched as they rebuilt in a fashion that appeared to be very half-assed. Once they finished the exterior of the house, we could no longer monitor the restoration. Boy were we surprised when we discovered the house was now on the market. Even more surprising were the photographs from inside the house. The day after the fire, Terra and I snuck in the stinky, steaming structure and took photographs of the damage. The difference was amazing! I give you Extreme Makeover: Charlotte Edition (click images for detail)

The real kicker in the online real estate listing: "Home was totally updated in 2004 to include new roof; heat & air; kitchen cabinets and appliances: Electric service entrance; more."

They conveniently neglect to mention why the home was totally updated, but I think most reasonable people will know something is fishy. To this day, you can smell the smoke smell from the street. I am curious if the owner if being forthcoming with potential buyers. I'm trying to recruit some friends to pose as house hunters and see what he says.

Brokeback Yard

Brokeback Mountain as told by my dogs, Anna and Sierra: Brokeback Yard

Don't forget to turn up the volume.
(Low res version here)

Long time, no blog

I have failed. I really thought I could keep blogging at both places, but you can see how successful I have been at that. But Michael has saved the day by creating categories for each of the bloggers who write at Gay Orbit.

Ace Pryhill at Gay Orbit

This link will display only the posts written by me (although I think my three co-bloggers are well worth reading). I'm having a great time over at Gay Orbit and post fairly regularly, although not at the clip I once posted here. I even got my first link from Andrew Sullivan yesterday on this post, which is pretty satisfying (despite being a totally meaningless milestone to those outside the blogshphere).

Judicial Irony

Some provisions of a state law regulating erotic dancing are so broad they are unconstitutional, a federal judge has ruled.

[...] Tilley found the provisions in the law went too far in prohibiting protected expression. In his Oct. 26 opinion, he wrote any owner of an ABC-licensed business would be in violation even if a fully clothed person gave the appearance of having sex while dancing.

"The breadth of this statute would even reach the owners of Bank of America Stadium who permit the Carolina Panther (sic) cheerleaders, the Topcats (sic), to perform dances incorporating movements that, even momentarily, could be interpreted as 'simulat(ing) sexual intercourse,'" Tilley wrote. "When their cheers involved 'handling or touching in a loving way' their own buttocks, they would be in violation of the statute."

NC Erotic dancing law overturned - Charlotte Observer

So maybe former TopCats Renee Thomas and Angela Keathley were not having sex in the bathroom stall at Banana Joes. Perhaps they were just practicing the next week's dance routine. Note the date of the written opinion - October 26. Wonder if Tilley have used the TopCats example had the opinion been written this week?

Eye Candy

The Super Bowl for supermodels: The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Opening a can of worms

I asked this over at Gay Orbit as well, but I thought I might get a different perspective from readers over here, so I ask of you:

With all the talk about intelligent design lately, I have been wondering, is it possible to trust evolution theory and still be a Christian? Is ID theory simply the product of the cognitive dissonance in Christians who have accepted the flaws in literal creationism?

I'm interested in hearing peoples' opinions, so have at it in the comments, but please be respectful.

Sanctity of Marriage my foot!

In the current state of affairs, an arranged wedding between two underage parties incapable of consent meets with less resistance than the union of two consenting adults who happen to be of the same gender. See below for the stunning photographic evidence from the nuptuals:

Continue reading "Sanctity of Marriage my foot!"

Political Correctness Gone Overboard

I'm sorry for those Brits who may be offended, but this doesn't help the case for marriage equality in this country:

Paintings of traditional wedding scenes have been removed from a register office in case they offend gay couples, it has emerged.

Gay 'weddings' will be introduced later this year

The pictures at Liverpool Register Office are being replaced with landscapes ahead of the introduction of "gay weddings" later this year.

Register officer Janet Taubman said the new paintings were less likely to offend.

Register office avoids offending gay couples - Telegraph (UK)
While I think it's quirky that a government office had "matrimonial artwork" in the first place, but considering 97%ish of weddings are heterosexual, is it really necessary to remove all artwork for fear of offending? Will there be any gays in line thinking, "Oh those straight marriages - dirty breeders - they are so offensive!" It's traditionally heterosexual concept of marriage (tweaked to fit our same-sexness) that we are embracing, not wanting to fundamentally alter, right? Could not they add one piece that showed a happy gay couple? Or are they afraid that might offend the straights?

How Would Jesus Boast?

Conservative church leaders, invigorated by overwhelming passage of a state amendment banning gay marriage in Texas, now ponder their next show of political strength.

The ban, which received support from pulpits across the state, rolled to an easy victory by a 3-to-1 margin Tuesday.

"If that becomes a trend, the evangelical community becomes the largest political voice not only in the state of Texas, but America," said the Rev. Ryan Rush, senior pastor of Bannockburn Baptist Church in Austin. "I think that's a positive thing because evangelical Christians stand for what's right."

Proposition 2 passage buoys church leaders - The Bryan-College Station Eagle

I like it, I love it: The Remix

Each week on Monday Night Football, the week's highlights are shown at halftime, accompanied by a rewritten version of Tim McGraw's "I like it, I love it" where the lyrics have been altered to recap the action. I'm sure I am not alone in being a little sick of hearing the same song for the 9th week straight. In honor of Carolina Panthers TopCat cheerleaders Angela Keathley and Renee Thomas' ability to completely distract the country from the action on the field with their action in the stall, and to freshen up the song, I have rewritten the diddy for week 9.

Sing along kids...to the tune of "I like it, I love it"...

Carolina went down south and made the Buccaneers walk the plank.
Some TopCats followed with the goal of getting tanked.
The alcohol kept flowin', the chicks were gettin' down.
What happened next will be the talk of town!
Tying up the stall with some girl-on-girl moves;
Punching out a patron, now the girlies make big news.

(Chorus)
But I like it, I love it, I want some more of it,
I try so hard, I can't rise above it.
Don't know what it is 'bout those cheerleaders' lovin'
But I like it, I love it, I want some more of it.

KC beats the Raiders on a last second play.
Can Houston win a game? No, it's not gonna be today.
Peyton shows the Pats they can't beat him no more.
TO runs his mouth and Philly shows him the door.
But no one's payin' attention to the football players.
When chicks are gettin' it on, who the hell cares?

(Chorus)

The Steelers beat the Packers even without Big Ben.
Vick and the Falcons hold the Dolphins to just ten.
The Vikings got a much-needed win at home,
Now they're calling up the pom-poms on their telephones.
Cincinnati's on the prowl and the Chargers got a spark.
I wonder if there are new pics of the ladies on Fark?

(Chorus)

Fallen Cheerleader Speaks Out

Former TopCap Renee Thomas: I did not have sexual relations with that woman!

Peter Anderson, Thomas' attorney, issued a statement Tuesday: "This was an unfortunate incident which has generated numerous rumors and inaccurate facts. Miss Thomas denies all allegations of any sexual conduct. ... Miss Thomas apologizes to everyone affected by the incident including the Carolina Panthers, the City of Charlotte, Ms. Holden and the Tampa Police Department."

Of course she didn't! Because, it's still better to be a trashy out of control drunk who starts fights in public restrooms, than a trashy out of control drunk lesbian who starts fights in public restrooms...unless you ask the heterosexual men of America, who halfway through the week are all still busy playing out that little fantasy in their heads. I was wondering when the sexual denial would come. From the beginning, I suspected this story might be blown out of proportion (although I was happy to go along for the ride). I've shared stalls with female friends many times to hold a broken door, or to hold a sloppy drunk sorority sisters hair while she threw up from drinking too many blow job shots. Witnesses said they heard "moaning"...might "heaving" have been a better word?

Another woman, Jennifer Chaconas, told the Observer Tuesday that she was in the bathroom and believes the cheerleaders were not having sex. She said she could tell the women were dressed and the brunette -- later identified as Angela Keathley -- told the angry crowd her friend was having a problem.

"They are in enough trouble," she said. "I don't want them getting smeared."

Three other witnesses told police they believed the women were engaged in sexual activity.

Frankly, it sounds like Thomas and Keathley were so drunk, their recollection of what happened is not the most reliable. That is the nature of L-WODs, you know. The mystery remains, and that's probably a good thing, as the hangover finding out Thomas and Keathley were not public restroom lesbian-sex havin' NFL cheerleaders would destroy the fantasies of thousands of heterosexual men, resulting in depression, widespread rioting, lack of interest in sports, a reduced GDP and a plummeting economy.

Wedding Pictures

Here's the album from the wedding we attended last weekend at Seabrook for those who want to see me and my glamourous friends tearing up the reception.

Man's greatest fantasy: two women having sex without him

As the nation's heterosexual males wipe up their collective drool this morning, we find the predictable day-after headline: Adult magazine making offer to cheerleaders involved in brawl

Penthouse magazine is making an offer to the former cheerleaders. The P.R. woman for the magazine confirmed it Monday night.

The nationally known men’s magazine wants to cash in on what allegedly went on inside the bars bathroom stall. The former Panther cheerleaders are accused of having sex with each other and starting a fight.

The Panthers organization isn't saying much, but their website is down. Millions of hits from fans are trying to learn more about the cheerleader scandal.

Yes, learn more...whatever! Show us the public restroom stall lesbian-sex-havin' NFL cheerleaders!

Ok, seriously...this whole hoopla makes me a little uncomfortable. Sarah Warn has the post-game analysis at AfterEllen:

So what's the problem? The story is entertaining. It's news. I'll admit, I got a good laugh out of reading about it. So why shouldn't the news outlets have a field day with it?

The problem is, the mainstream media doesn't cover stories about heterosexual couples getting busted for having sex in a bar bathroom, even though I'd be willing to bet that happens far more often than women secretly (or not so secretly, in this case) hooking up with each other in public bathrooms.

The problem is, the right wing likes to scare heterosexuals into voting away our rights by portraying gays and lesbians as sex maniacs, and the mainstream media enables them to do that with disproportionate and sensationalized coverage like this.

Of course, the media is covering this story so extensively in part because Americans clearly prefer to read about lesbian cheerleaders more than Texas's anti-gay marriage amendment. At least, if phones ringing off hooks and websites crashing are any indication.