Everything gets so complicated here.... sometimes i feel that im screwed inside out. things here are so crazy. it's likely because we all know that we will only be here for a few months so we don't really care about what we do. it feels like "it's now or never".

just created a blog for my korean exchange. :) link: http://herkoreanepisode.blogspot.com

every hour seems so precious

wtf seriously.

i just woke up and the moment i thought that i'm left with less than 24 hours in sg before my exchange, i felt LOST and upset.

I've never felt this way before. never so upset about having to leave my friends and family before. though it's only for about 5 months? but it's long enough to make me miss them much.

today is going to be a heavy day for me. well, i have a lot of things to prepare and pack. those should keep my thoughts away :)

i will leave whatever that happens here in singapore and experience exchange with an optimistic open mind and a light heart :) Nice.

I think I must be mad. I cried when I was watching 127 hours just now. Really, I think I'm losing myself. My shell seems to be broken. I did not even try to control my tears.

Okay, I wasn't really crying. but my tears just flow down like a loose tap. CRAZY. It's not a sad show but it's aching because the guy was cutting his own flesh, veins and nerves, sawing his bones and pulling his arm, trying to detach himself from his lower arm that was stuck between the rocks. OMG.

The sight of it was just too much for me to take it. It was stressful to the max. So then, my tears started flowing. really... it was gore. HE WAS SO BRAVE. MY IDOL. He faced the brutal reality TO THE MAX.

In the past, whenever I felt touched or sad or for whatever reason that my tear glands started getting active, I would always use my mind to control myself and try to distract myself from my emotions. BUT just now, I WASN'T. I just wanted to watch the show and admire his courage (tho i was watching with my eyes half closed to avoid the gore scenes).

I'm not that crazy lah. I'm sure if it can make me tear, there're definitely more who were tearing. I am sure. HAHA.

AHHHH. 3 days 3 days 3 days left. SOBS. I haven't pack my luggage. somebody please help me to pack please please pleaseeeeeeeee

I think God is trying to prove to me that I'm wrong for having little faith in myself and not enough trust in the people around me.

I wish that my flight is on sunday. the next few days don't seem bright for me.. I've been meeting friends for farewell dinners. and honestly speaking, after a while, i feel a bit tired of meeting up for farewell dinners.. for it's the thought that counts, i will still miss them when i'm there. there's not much necessity because i will see them again in 5 months. having farewell dinners with different groups over a span of 4 days (and more to come) is more than enough.. it's quite taxing for my body...

I foresee this exchange to be a life-altering event for me. i will come back a little different. i'm gonna face life alone in a foreign country.. friends are going to be what i need.

I need to pack my luggage, and go to the bank to settle my bank draft. this is tiring.... i just want to stay at home.

I was looking forward to visiting science centre for the CSI exhibits.. but now, plan is changed. this feeling is not good. it was something that i anticipated.. but.. sigh.. and it's nobody's fault.

I haven't been home for a while. finally today's the last day of my internship. I think I should stay at home on Sunday... it's the only place where i'ld feel comfortable without even seeking for it.

Why do i feel like i'm a pathetic girl right now? the life of a 23 yr old girl should be more exciting. i'm still young.

I can't wait to go to hong kong and korea.

I was checking out my stats... still got people read my blog?? i am surprised. so weird. my life isn't interesting at all lor.

I can't imagine how bad it will feel like on the day I leave for hongkong. It'll probably feel heavy. I am anticipating that kind of feeling as much as I don't wish it to come. Well, it could probably turn out to be the opposite of what I think it will be like.

I should have trusted my intuition, not get wavered, be firmer with my stand. I was right. I gave myself a treat and now it's time to take it away.

I know I can talk myself out but if I be myself, I will be stuck. Screw me, seriously. Why am i born a virgo.

I haven't blog for quite some time... since my previous post, quite a number of things happened i think..

Christmas 2010 was awesome. We had a pot luck party at juan's place and we played murderer till morning. haha. Then it was new year 2011. We booked a service apt at goodwood park. The room was small but the living room was big enough to contain all of us. And again, we played murderer the entire night. haha. It was crazy...

Year 2010 has been quite a happy year for me. Summer internship was awesome at kelly services. I had a number of great hang outs with friends and beginning to love wine over hard liquor. Overall, it was fruitful.

Year 2011 has just begun. I'm currently waiting to set off to Korea for my overseas exchange. As much as I'm looking forward to exchange, I want to be with my friends and family. I know the choir peeps will come and send me off but I have been telling them not to come. I think sometimes, or most of the times, I fear my emotions. I am too rational to be emotional. I can't tear in front of people because I'll feel like a loser. I'm too proud to let people see the soft side of me. That's who I am, I know. Meanwhile, I'm working at a furniture trade magazine publisher. i really feel like I'm in school. Eecently, I have been tasked to write an article based on an interview. I'm really not sure why my editor assigned that to me. Though i'm supposed to be a junior writer.. but i'm really not studying mass comm nor journalism. Anyhow, I will embrace it and learn as much as possible.

Love used to be simple when we were younger. I remember when I was still in deyi, the relationships that my friends were in and those which i was in, were simple and pure. It was love at its simplest... right now, things have become more complicated. It's becoming more and more similar to what we see in drama. I used to think that those scenarios shown on TV will never happen in reality, but now, they sure do.

I have 2 friends who just broke up with their partner of 6 years. 6 years.. makes a quarter of our lives at this point. maybe they started too early.. I'm not sure. but if you're able to see the same person for 6 years already, what's another few years before you get married? I don't understand because I'm not in their position. Maybe it is really tough.. It's not for me to judge.

As much as i think (i always do) that I'm perfectly fine with an open relationship, lust, hanging out and being close to someone of the opposite sex, and without having much of a commitment to that kind of relationship, I would also find it tough if I were to be caught in that kind of situation. If it was just the two of them in another island, a place where nobody recognises them, things would have been easier. because they don't have to care about how people see them, what they have to say about them. In these situations, it would be easier if they do not have common friends. but if there are common friends, things become much complicated. If it was me, I'ld be perfectly fine with people knowing about it but i detest having to witness the change in expression or the shock i would see in my friends' faces when they come to know about it. It may be a short period before they get used to it. but that short period of time is hard to pass. I might have to answer a whole list of questions. Why would anyone have to put themselves in that kind of awkward situation? If everyone is as open-minded as that party is, nobody will find it strange. On top of all these, since this scenario that I quote is of an open-relationship, nobody should pin hopes on it. It becomes unnecessary to share with friends because we know that there will be no outcome. It has no commitment because we fear withdrawal.

Boo

Was watching a taiwanese show with my mom and one character in the show yelled, "I won't let you hang up on me before I do!" hahahahaha. SO LAME.

It reminded me of my secondary school life. Used to chat on the phone for HOURS EVERY SINGLE DAY. GOODNESS. What is there to talk about?? HAHA. And that was what we used to do. We hung up TOGETHER. Amazing...

How have the past 7 or 8 years passed, that we lost our energy in search of life's simple pleasures and innocence? We're no longer that bitchy, I supposed. We have no time for that. As we grow up, we begin to talk less about the needless-to-speak for we do not want to be ignored by those who do not bother to listen to things that aren't worth their time.

It's amazing to see how people have/ haven't changed. I do think that I've changed but I am also aware that there're some things which make me who I am that haven't changed. The other thing that I know is that, I am more aware of myself; which makes me confused when some people around me think that my emails are... authoritative? I have always been conscious about the tone in my emails. For those which are not tactful, I meant it that way. But for those which are not meant to be not tactful, how are they not tactful? For learning is a continuous process, I'm still trying to figure 'em out.

Today's my brother's birthday. So HAPPY birthday BROTHER! and also it's Ben's birthday. So Happy Birthday Ben! Ben's my colleague at Kelly Services.. He really did make my days at Kelly more fun. Haha. Enjoyed the banter I had with him at work.

Weishan reminded me about how a year passed so fast. A year ago, we were playing monopoly at my place on my brother's 19th birthday. Now, he's 20. I think the past one year has been fruitful.. :)

Just had 2 of my wisdom teeth extracted. I was totally mentally prepared before the surgery. Heard so much about it from my friends. The injection was quite painful but it is bearable. The surgery later on was just.. something painless to go through but scary to be in that situation. With my eyes blinded, equipments placed on my chest, dentist (more like a surgeon) prying my tooth and noise of the drilling tool, the whole thing felt like a... mechanic fixing a spoilt machine.. just that the machine was a human. It's like an operation. It's painless but freaky. I just kept humming choir songs, thinking about other stuff to distract myself from the reality. Haha. The first day of recovery was awful. The wound just kept bleeding. The post-op instructions were the ones that made me felt like I shouldn't have gone through it. Everything was do-able except for one - Do not blow your nose for 1 week. EXCUSE ME? you're asking a person with minor sinusitis to not blow her nose for 1 week. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? Crazy... Another thing is.. I didn't know that I need to have stitches on my gums.. I'm supposed to go back a week later to remove my stitches. It's the first time in my life I have stitches. I realised now that I'm afraid of pain. Not that I have a low threshold of pain; It's the thought that it's gonna be painful that I'm scared of. I've been popping painkillers every 6 hours, before I could feel any pain. Haha.

On a separate note, things happen because of karma. We all know that.