Scooting, eating, sleep training

Recently Absy has made big leaps instead of baby steps in growing and developing. She can scoot around wherever she wants and getting faster and faster by the day. She LOVES food. The only thing I found that she hasn't been too crazy about is turkey, but she will eat it if it's mixed with some kind of vegetable. She will cry hysterically if I put her in her high chair and don't have food ready and waiting for her, and she screams between each bite if I'm not fast enough. It's funny for now, but it will get old if it keeps up.

We have started sleep training Abs and so far it has been pretty smooth. We waited for Matt to finish up his summer classes so he can wake in the middle of the night and put her back to sleep since I can't go in there because she knows I can feed her and she will get more worked up if I don't.

Night 1: She went down at 7:30 and woke up at 11:30 and cried for about an hour. Then she slept until after 5:00 and I fed her and she slept in until 8:00! Not bad!

Night 2: She went down at 7:30 and slept until after 5:00!!!! Success!

Night 3: She didn't fall asleep until about 9:00 and she wouldn't calm down in her own bed. She fell asleep with me watching tv. She woke up at 2:30, cried for about half an hour. Then slept until after 5:00, I fed her, and she slept in until after 8:30!

This is life so far. I feel like we are starting to get a hang of this parenting thing. Abs and I are going to make a trip to Phoenix and Wyoming for most of July, so we will see if we can keep up this sleeping routine. Wish us luck!

Re-post

I loved this article. I need to read and reread it often.

10 Painfully Obvious Truths Everyone Forgets Too Soon 

by Marc Chernoff 

The truth does not cease to exist when it is ignored.

You know how you can hear something a hundred times in a hundred different ways before it finally gets through to you?  The ten truths listed below fall firmly into that category – life lessons that many of us likely learned years ago, and have been reminded of ever since, but for whatever reason, haven’t fully grasped.

This, my friends, is my attempt at helping all of us, myself included, “get it” and “remember it” once and for all…

1.  The average human life is relatively short.

We know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to all of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know.  It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step.  You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to the present moment and how the world really is.

LIVE your life TODAY!  Don’t ignore death, but don’t be afraid of it either.  Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take action.  Death is not the greatest loss in life.  The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive.  Be bold.  Be courageous.  Be scared to death, and then take the next step anyway.

2.  You will only ever live the life you create for yourself.

Your life is yours alone.  Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you.  They can walk with you, but not in your shoes.  So make sure the path youdecide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to switch paths or pave a new one when it makes sense.

Remember, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than the top of the one you don’t.  Be productive and patient.  And realize that patience is not about waiting, but the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in.  This is your life, and it is made up entirely of your choices.  May your actions speak louder than your words.  May your life preach louder than your lips.  May your success be your noise in the end.

And if life only teaches you one thing, let it be that taking a passionate leap is always worth it.  Even if you have no idea where you’re going to land, be brave enough to step up to the edge of the unknown, and listen to your heart.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Passion and Growth” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

3.  Being busy does NOT mean being productive.

Busyness isn’t a virtue, nor is it something to respect.  Though we all have seasons of crazy schedules, very few of us have a legitimate need to be busy ALL the time.  We simply don’t know how to live within our means, prioritize properly, and say no when we should.

Being busy rarely equates to productivity these days.  Just take a quick look around.  Busy people outnumber productive people by a wide margin.  Busy people are rushing all over the place, and running late half of the time.  They’re heading to work, conferences, meetings, social engagements, etc.  They barely have enough free time for family get-togethers and they rarely get enough sleep.  Yet, emails are shooting out of their smart phones like machine gun bullets, and their day planners are jammed to the brim with obligations.  Their busy schedule gives them an elevated sense of importance.  But it’s all an illusion.  They’re like hamsters running on a wheel.

Though being busy can make us feel more alive than anything else for a moment, the sensation is not sustainable long term.  We will inevitably, whether tomorrow or on our deathbed, come to wish that we spent less time in the buzz of busyness and more time actually living a purposeful life.

4.  Some kind of failure always occurs before success.

Most mistakes are unavoidable.  Learn to forgive yourself.  It’s not a problem to make them.  It’s only a problem if you never learn from them.

If you’re too afraid of failure, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful.  The solution to this problem is making friends with failure.  You want to know the difference between a master and a beginner?  The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.  Behind every great piece of art is a thousand failed attempts to make it, but these attempts are simply never shown to us.

Bottom line:  Just because it’s not happening now, doesn’t mean it never will.  Sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right.  (Read The Success Principles.)

5.  Thinking and doing are two very different things.

Success never comes to look for you while you wait around thinking about it.

You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.  Knowledge is basically useless without action.  Good things don’t come to those who wait; they come to those who work on meaningful goals.  Ask yourself what’s really important and then have the courage to build your life around your answer.

And remember, if you wait until you feel 100% ready to begin, you’ll likely be waiting the rest of your life.

6.  You don’t have to wait for an apology to forgive.

Life gets much easier when you learn to accept all the apologies you never got.  The key is to be thankful for every experience – positive or negative.  It’s taking a step back and saying, “Thank you for the lesson.”  It’s realizing that grudges from the past are a perfect waste of today’s happiness, and that holding one is like letting unwanted company live rent free in your head.

Forgiveness is a promise – one you want to keep.  When you forgive someone you are making a promise not to hold the unchangeable past against your present self.  It has nothing to do with freeing a criminal of his or her crime, and everything to do with freeing yourself of the burden of being an eternal victim.

7.  Some people are simply the wrong match for you.

You will only ever be as great as the people you surround yourself with, so be brave enough to let go of those who keep bringing you down.  You shouldn’t force connections with people who constantly make you feel less than amazing.

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable and insecure every time you’re with them, for whatever reason, they’re probably not close friend material.  If they make you feel like you can’t be yourself, or if they make you “less than” in any way, don’t pursue a connection with them.  If you feel emotionally drained after hanging out with them or get a small hit of anxiety when you are reminded of them, listen to your intuition.  There are so many “right people” for you, who energize you and inspire you to be your best self.  It makes no sense to force it with people who are the wrong match for you.

8.  It’s not other people’s job to love you; it’s yours.

It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself.  You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.  So make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you.  Know your worth, even if they don’t.

Today, let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as incomplete as you think you are.  Yes, let someone love you despite all of this, and let that someone be YOU.  (ReadLove Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.)

9.  What you own is not who YOU are.

Stuff really is just stuff, and it has absolutely no bearing on who you are as a person.  Most of us can make do with much less than we think we need.  That’s a valuable reminder, especially in a hugely consumer-driven culture that focuses more on material things than meaningful connections and experiences.

You have to create your own culture.  Don’t watch TV, don’t read every fashion magazine, and don’t consume too much of the evening news.  Find the strength to fill your time with meaningful experiences.  The space and time you are occupying at this very moment is LIFE, and if you’re worrying about Kim Kardashian or Lebron James or some other famous face, then you are disempowered.  You’re giving your life away to marketing and media trickery, which is created by big companies to ultimately motivate you to want to dress a certain way, look a certain way, and be a certain way.  This is tragic, this kind of thinking.  It’s all just Hollywood brainwashing.  What is real is YOU and your friends and your family, your loves, your highs, your hopes, your plans, your fears, etc.

Too often we’re told that we’re not important, we’re just peripheral to what is.  “Get a degree, get a job, get a car, get a house, and keep on getting.”  And it’s sad, because someday you’ll wake up and realize you’ve been tricked.  And all you’ll want then is to reclaim your mind by getting it out of the hands of the brainwashers who want to turn you into a drone that buys everything that isn’t needed to impress everyone that isn’t important.

10.  Everything changes, every second.

Embrace change and realize it happens for a reason.  It won’t always be obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.

What you have today may become what you had by tomorrow.  You never know.  Things change, often spontaneously.  People and circumstances come and go.  Life doesn’t stop for anybody.  It moves rapidly and rushes from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds, and happens like this to people every day.  It’s likely happening to someone nearby right now.

Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives.  A seemingly innocuous decision rattles our whole world like a meteorite striking Earth.  Entire lives have been swiveled and flipped upside down, for better or worse, on the strength of an unpredictable event.  And these events are always happening.

However good or bad a situation is now, it will change.  That’s the one thing you can count on.  So when life is good, enjoy it.  Don’t go looking for something better every second.  Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they have while they have it.

Aberle's instruction manual: part 1

It is noon here on this beautiful Friday, in Hawaii, and I have yet to leave the house. The two things that I have been able to do completely uninterrupted are:  get dressed and eat breakfast (pancakes that I didn't even make, already made earlier this morning by Matty). I had big plans to get caught up on laundry, clean the kitchen, and then be able to play the rest of the day by visiting friends or going to the beach or finally try this recipe I had found for copycat Cafe Rio sweet pork. I didn't think to include Aberle's plans for the morning in my agenda. Her plans included being content for ten to fifteen minutes at a time then crying inconsolably for ten minutes, then be consoled and repeat. As I am sure you have already put together, we decided to go with Aberle's plan.

So now I am sitting here, listening to the baby swing rock back and forth and "Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird" on repeat and wondering where my morning has gone, what happened to my surge of productivity I had woken up with, and will I even be able to leave the apartment until Matt gets home.

I have often heard the parents say they wish their child came with an instruction manual. I have decided to write one for Abs.

Aberle's 8 Point Mood Scale: 

cooing softly < grunting < screeching excitedly < feeling ignored squawks < starting to getting uncomfortable/upset yelling < moaning sadly < crying < angry crying < hysteria 

Here are 10 simple steps I have developed in taking care of a fussy Aberle which begins at the moaning sadly:

Step 1. Breastfeed. She's probably hungry. If that doesn't have immediate results and turns into angry crying, jump all the way to Step 6.

Step 2. Give her a binky. When that makes her quiet, continue to Step 3. If her eyes start to close, immediately go to Step 7.

Step 3: Lay her on her stomach and surround her with toys just out of reach. If that doesn't work continue on to Step 4.

Step 4: Move a toy within her grasp. She was probably getting frustrated because her rocking around wasn't enough to bring her close enough to grab it. If that doesn't work continue on to Step 5.

Step 5: Roll her on her back and hand her a toy. By this time, she has had enough of your gimmicks of motivating her to move. If crying turns hysterical, continue on to Step 6.

Step 6: Pick her up and rock her in your arms, bounce around, swing her up and down (the more you look like you have no sense of dance coordination whatsoever, the better the result). Repeat Step 2, once angry cry has calmed to a grunting or deep, sad inhales. If she starts to have the appearance of being sleepy continue on to Step 7. If you have made it back to this step more than 3 times, continue on to Step 8.

Step 7: Lay her on her back back with her head on the flattest pillown in the middle of your bed. Hand her the snuggle dinosaur and your very own cuddle blanket. Wait 5 minutes. If in five minutes there is utter silence, you now have "free time." If there are blood curdling screams, return to Step 1.

Step 8: Put her in the baby swing. BUCKLE HER IN. Turn up the rocking motion settings and music volume up full blast. If this does not produce quiet results in 10 minutes, repeat Step 1. If you have made it to this step more than 3 times or you feel like you are going to cry hysterically yourself or you are going to start pulling your hair out, continue on to Step 9.

Step 9: Give her a bath and let her kick and splash around. She should smile up at you like the last 3 hours were all just a grand old time you two just shared. If this does not happen, please continue on to Step 10.

Step 10: Call your husband in hysterics, tell him he needs to come home as soon as he can, wait for him to come home, and then hightail it to the beach. In the case that you do not have a beach to run to, heaven help you.


In case you were wondering, we were able to stop at Step 8, twice, this morning. She is now waking up in the time it took me to write this post. TGIF!!!

the HI life

Yes, I may have had our baby in a bath tub sans drugs, but no, we have not taken up any other "natural" recreational habits. We have been in our new home in Hawaii for over two months now! It hit me the other day just how precious and short our time is here since Matt has for sure made the plan to graduate in December,  assuming he passes all of his classes. Upon this realization, I make it a personal goal to hit the beach at least three times a week, even if it means pushing a screaming baby in the stroller all on my lonesome merely for the fact that it is literally an eleven minute walk from my front door. I will probably never again be able to say that in my life. Sand can nearly always be found on every surface in our apartment at any given time.

We truly live in paradise. And we pay for it. Just as a point of reference, a good price for a gallon of regular cow milk is around $5.40 (yes, that is the price at Costco). Because our apartment was nasty dirty and very ill equipped we went to the nearest store to get a few basic things: toilet paper, disinfectant wipes, etc. We looked at trash cans and the most basic plastic one, didn't even include a lid, was $45.00! Holy smokes! From then on we decided everything at the two stores on this side of the island was ridiculously overpriced since they have kind of a monopoly on many things that you would have to drive an hour to go get.

We have a stake center in our backyard and the temple steeple is within view of our front window. I have been twice so far and it's so amazing and awe-inspiring to see what a different temple is like and the exact similarities as well. I love going and will love this time being SO CLOSE. Tuesday Temple nights for me from now on!

I have sandal tan lines that I know aren't disappearing anytime soon. I don't know how because I always keep her pretty modest, but Aberle has a diaper tan line. Matt's face and arms are darker than I have ever seen them, and he says it's because he's a laborer and works outside every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. My freckles have made their appearance because of all the outdoor water fun, and I don't mind a bit. I have even given up wearing makeup or styling my hair through the week. I wasn't sure if it was the whole being a mom thing and feeling like I had no time to spend on myself, but I have come to the conclusion that it is just the Hawaiian way. Why put something on that is going to just be washed away in the ocean or straighten something that is going curl or kink by pretty much just stepping outside?

Every thing is so green! I think that is something I don't even appreciate anymore because it's just everywhere! It rains at least once every day. Our neighbors grilled some chicken on a grill on the ground that left a giant black spot right on the front lawn. They put some leaves on it and it was looking like grass in two weeks. Aberle's naps are constantly interrupted by lawn mowers or leaf blowers or weed eaters because there is always yard work to be done and our windows are always open.

I have become so much more culturally educated than I ever have which I realize is not saying much growing up in Wyoming and going to school in Utah. I was once hanging out with a group of mothers and we had a Brazillian girl, a Samoan boy, a Hawaiian boy, a Korean boy, and little, white Aberle - it was basically a Gerber commercial. Some friends from the ward invited us over to share some of the octopus her husband had caught made into a Japanese meal. We have also eaten so many types of curry. We love it!

I now feel like a speed demon whenever I get up to 60 mph. The average speed limit on the highways that go around the island is 30 mph. I thought this would bother me, but there is just so much to look at on either side of the road (jungle forests, waves crashing on the rocks, fruit stands galore) that I don't mind at all. Also it's a good thing because you never know when the occasional shirtless guy with a surf board will dart out across the road.

These are a few of the main things that I have found unique to living in Hawaii. Other than those, my days pretty much resemble how they would be in any other place - laundry, washing dishes, cleaning, planning meals, and making food, and taking care of Abs.

Lovin' the HI life!

November 5th and 6th

It was a Tuesday afternoon, and I hadn't even gotten out of my pajamas, planning to spend the day watching tv and reading and taking a nap whenever I wanted. I remember even thinking, "I shouldn't have taken this week off of work because I am going to be so bored until Matty gets here." After watching a ton of shows, I decided that I needed to be a little productive, so I decided to pack up the diaper bag and set up my room for a temporary nursery with the pack and play and the diaper changing station. I had been noticing a little cramping, but didn't think too much of it since there always seemed to be some kind of little pains in the last two months. 

Then my mom got home and I followed her around, grateful for another person to talk to again and asked her all kinds of questions about labor for the umpteenth time. We started to get dinner ready and I noticed that the cramping was definitely coming and going. I started to pay more attention to the timing of them. I even added an app to my iPad to track them. They were pretty random at first. We ate dinner and I noticed more. My mom and I decided I better call Melanie just in case. 

Melanie thought they were Braxton Hicks which she thought were poorly named and told me a better name for them which I can't remember now, but agreed a man should not be the name for something that had to do with a woman's job and that it was pretty egocentric of him. She told me to take a bath. My dad gave me a hard time because it was going to be the second bath of the day....little did he know at that point it would've been 2 of like 6 or 7 baths that day. 

I noticed blood when I got out of my clothes...this is when I started to really think that it wasn't in my head and I was imagining labor symptoms. I called Melanie, she said, "That sounds like your mucus plug. I thought you were going to wait until Matt got here." I remember thinking, "Was it my fault that I was coming early? Could I have prevented it?" I was sitting in the bath and had one of my first real hard contractions. This was definitely something. I started timing the contractions now since they were obvious and they were every two minutes. I got out of the bath and called Melanie again, she told me to come on over. 

My mom asked, "Do you think it's really happening?" I said that I thought so. My dad looked a little in shock because he didn't realize this had all been happening. We got my stuff together and drove over. I was so glad I had packed the diaper bag. My mom said it wasn't fair that she always went overdue and here I was in labor ten days early when I was so sure that I would have to drop Matty off back at the airport, still very pregnant, most likely very grumpy. I even thought I would go so overdue I would have to go to the hospital to be induced. I was basing this off my mom's experiences - all of us on or after our due due dates, Zach, being 18 days overdue. 

We got to Melanie's house and she checked me right away. I was at 3 centimeters and she said I was going to have my baby tonight. Reality set in at that point. Chrissy came in then and offered me a foot massage and gave me a vitamin drink. I told them that I envisioned the best plan for me was to keep moving and trying different things to get through each contraction. Chrissy got one foot massaged before I had to stand up and walk through a contraction. I never got my other foot massaged. I got checked again an hour later and was dilated to a four. That didn't seem very promising to me, but Melanie assured me that it was fast. I decided I wanted to try to labor in the tub the next hour. 

After about twenty minutes of that, I wanted to walk around again. I circled around through Melanie's house which was set up perfectly for walking laps. Chrissy would follow behind me and pinch my hips when I would have a contraction. At this point, they set up a bed on the couch for my mom to nap. I kept walking. I looked at my mom sleeping on couch, and I was so jealous. I was so tired. At this point I couldn't keep quiet or talk through my contractions, I would moan. As long as it stayed low, it was a productive sound and I was in control. I still don't know how my mom slept through all the noise I was making. 

I had gotten in and out of the bath a few times in that span, still getting about a centimeter farther an hour. Melanie or Chrissy asked what I needed. I told them I needed to go to the hospital. They ignored that. Then it was one in the morning, and Melanie checked me again. I was at a nine. I was determines now to get in the tub and stay in the tub. They woke up my mom. She called Matt on FaceTime. My contractions were feeling so close together now that I couldn't talk or focus on anything in between except looking at Chrissy or Melanie and trying to do what they said, getting drinks of water or eating grapes Chrissy had given me earlier. 

Matt kept saying, "Good job!" "You're doing great!" And "Keep it up!" I didn't think any of those things were nearly as helpful as what Melanie or Chrissy had to say so I told him to shut up. I only kind of feel bad about it. I also managed to ask him if he found his lost keys which he hadn't.

I started to get scared for each contraction. I had a thought that I know didn't come from me that told me "this isn't as scary as you thought, you have been and can do hard things." The next contraction I said I felt like I needed to push to release the pressure. My water still had not broke. I started to push on contractions, but I was not sure where I needed to push from. 

Melanie asked if I wanted her to break my water, I said yes. I kept pushing for what seemed like a long time, trying to rest between contractions. I didn't feel like she was moving at all. Melanie said she could feel her head and that I would be able to also. I couldn't. I started to lose hope. I really thought my pushing wasn't getting anywhere. I said I couldn't do it. Both Melanie and Chrissy said, "You ARE doing it." A couple more pushes and all of a sudden I could feel her head. I think I even said, "I can feel her now." One more push and her body was out. She was put on top of me, blinking with a mad/confused look on her face and making a few little squawking sounds that I thought were absolutely adorable. I don't think I was actually crying but I couldn't stop making noise. It was the best feeling, I had done it! She was here! 

AberleAnn

6 pounds 14 ounces

19.5 inches

Life happens...especially when you don't blog about it

Once again I am trying to re-enter the blogosphere. I have to give myself a little credit though, it has not been a full year since I have posted. Let's see, in the last nine months a lot has happened...

1. Matty and I decided we wanted an adventure and did in fact decide to go to BYU Hawaii for the rest of his degree.
2. Little did we know at that point, our real adventure was starting to grow in my womb. Surprise! Little AberleAnn would be joining our family in November.
3. I spent the next two months in constant bouts of nausea, thinking we would only have one child.
4. Summer began, and I felt like a heavier version of myself again, and decided that maybe I still did want five children.
5. Matt's parents took us all on their 25th anniversary trip to Hawaii! We were able to scope out our future home, convincing us all that much more that that was where we wanted to be. We snorkeled practically every day (excellent pregnant lady activity) and saw hundreds of tropical fish, sea turtles, dolphins, and even a shark - not the scary kind - in our underwater explorations. We ate the food, saw the sites, hiked around, got sunburned, and fell in love with Hawaii and its culture.
6. Housing did not work out for the two of us in off-campus. Matt would move there for the first semester without me, and I would have the baby in Wyoming.
7. We got fed up with the hospital and looked into the possibility of having a midwife deliver Aberle. Turned out, we both felt peace about it and never looked back (Okay, maybe I did once or twice during the laboring procss).
8. We spent two months apart, miserable to be away from each other, but figuring out how to be positive and look to the future. FaceTime helped.
9. Matt flew back on my birthday to try to get things into gear and have baby Abs in that week and a half he was here. Surprise! Aberle came two days before!
10. We spent a week in our babymoon, where Matt and Aberle were able to meet and snuggle all day everyday.
11. Then we sent him back to Hawaii for another three weeks to finish the semester. Then he was back and we were together again with a new determination that we wouldn't be apart like that again.
12. One short weekend, we drove to get a five generation picture with Aberle, Matt, Tracy, John jr. and John sr. Very cool to see the line of family all in one place.
13. We spent an amazing Christmas with almost all of our family (minus Zach, Erin, and Marshall). Where it was fun to watch Aberle's cousins dote on her and maybe steal her binky once or twice - Charlie.
14. Our New Year's Eve plan consisted of flying all day. Aberle was amazing and slept most of each of the flights. We and I am sure everyone sitting around us were grateful for such a good baby.
15. These last two weeks have been spent getting adjusted to our new home. We absolutely love it!

That my friends is our 2013 year in a tiny post. Sorry for skimping on the details and pictures. As I am sure you have assumed, one of my new years resolutions is to keep updated with the blog - mostly for Aberle's sake so she can look back on this special time in her life where she lived on an island. More to come on our Hawaiian adventures!

Future plans

Matthew applied to BYU Hawaii on a whim, first because it was fun to think and talk and dream about during the dreary winter months in Wyoming. Then it seemed like more of a reality for him to study Chinese further educationally because BYU has some of the best language programs. On Tuesday, he got his acceptance letter! This is where we could be possibly in the next 7 months!