Second child.

  I think every mom has the fear that they won't love their second child as much as their first. I know I struggled with the thought. I was more worried about Adalee and how she would transition. The first time I held Adalee I didn't have an immediate connection.. That might have to do with pushing for 2 1/2 hours and being so emotionally and physically drained I was just thankful it was over. I do remember when I did feel that connection with her and it made everything so worth it. This time my labor was so fast and I only had to push 3 times so the moment they put the baby on my chest I had that deep connection that I had been waiting for.  I was so in love with this little man and all I could think about was Adalee coming to meet him. I longed for the moment when Adalee would run into the room and kiss her little brother and fall in love like we had. Yea it didn't happen like that. We had her come the next day because I had the baby at 8:30 the night before. I started crying before she came in because I missed her so much. Eldon got her a meal from Wendy's and she got a new train toy. She was excited to show us her train and show us  that Eldon was there. When we asked her if she wanted to see Taysom she really had no interest. She did come and give me a hug eventually which was nice. We didn't really push her to see him. Braxton was holding him and she eventually walked over and looked at him and sat next to Braxton but wouldnt touch him. The moment was nothing like how I dreamed it would be but I was still so happy. She didn't stay long because she wanted to just go home so they did.
  Once we brought him home though she loved on him and hasn't stopped since. She loves to hold him before bed. She always makes sure to tell us when he is poopy. She hasn't complained about his crying which I was sure she would. She will help put his binky in his mouth by shoving it in there as hard as she can. She also will try to wrap him up in his blanket and when I put him on the floor for tummy time she will play with him. I knew she would be an awesome big sister and I am so grateful for that. They are the best!

Guess who's back..

  Well we are back! I hope for good! I really need a place to just write and here it is. Here is a little update on what is happening in the Robertson hood.
  Braxton- He graduated from UVU in 2012 with a Bachelors in Criminal Justice. He originally wanted to be a cop but he is now planning on Law school. He will be taking the test this summer and will be applying for Fall of 2015. In the meantime he will be practicing and studying up on his Chinese so that he is more proficient. He is still working for Costco. He is a supervisor on the Front End and is enjoying it.
  Britta- I just had our second baby and the delivery and recovery was a dream! It couldn't have gone any better. I had really bad varicose veins this pregnancy. I had them with Adalee but they were 10x worse this time around from the very beginning. I am so glad I work for a great company and I have good insurance because I was able to stay home and off my feet for 4 months. About 4 days after I had Taysom all my veins disappeared. I am trying to sew more but I just spend the majority of my time watching the kiddos!
  Adalee- Our little girl is 2 1/2 now. She is so smart. In the past few weeks she has really expanded her vocabulary. She has been talking in complete sentences since she was 2 but now you can easily have a complete conversation with her. Lately she has been doing funny things like calling Braxton babe and blessing Braxton in her prayers by saying Dad and Braxton. If you ask her to count she says 1,2,3,6,7,8,9,10,11,12. She knows her alphabet and recognizes almost all of her letters when she wants to. She also knows her colors. She has been saying things like "holy cow mom", or if you ask her to do anything it is "not today maybe tomorrow". She is NOWHERE close to being potty trained because she is terrified to pee on the potty. I still ask her everyday and I am just waiting till she is ready. She is in to Disney princesses. She loves Rapunzel and Cinderrlla. Her favorite movies right now are Megamind, Tangled, Polar Express and Lilo and Stitch. She loves her baby brother and always wants to play with him and love on him. She is an awesome big sister!
  Taysom- He is 1 month old already! He is the perfect addition to our family. He is so sweet and is always content. He just wants to eat and he is happy. I am so grateful he is a good baby because most days we have a hard time with Adalee and it makes it nice that he is easy. He defiantly likes to be held and loved on. He absolutely hates being naked. He hates having his diaper changed and he screams the whole time he is taking a bath. He is starting to get bigger and he is chunking up a little. It looks like he will have light brown hair and blue eyes. He has a fryer tuck hair style right now. There isn't much on top but the back is longer. He is starting to throw out some smiles and it just melts my heart. He is still in newborn clothes and wears size 1 diapers. He is probably about 8 pounds.

 We are planning a move to Texas in the next few months. Braxton's parents have so graciously invited us to live with them until we go to law school. We are going to get our debt paid off so we won't have to deal  with it while he is in school. We are so excited to move from Utah but on one hand we have been here our whole married life and it will be sad to leave our friends and family. Braxton will be transferring out with Costco and I will be staying home or working somewhere in town! We are excited to see what the future holds for us!

Baby # 2

   Well if you are my friend on Facebook or Instagram you would know that we are expecting Baby number 2! We are very excited. I plan on doing belly updates starting Friday. I will 16 weeks then! Well as I have already said I was on my 4th round of Clomid and I still wasn't getting pregnant. I went to my specialist to start doing some tests to see what was wrong with me. I had to wait 8 weeks after my last dose so my hormones would be straight. I got my period about 7 weeks in so I would have to wait until my next period so I could get tested. Well a few weeks after that I started to feel very bloated. No sickness or anything I was just feeling chunky. So I thought we'll I am pregnant which I highly doubted or I just needed to start running again. It was a Sunday and we had just gotten back from a drive up the canyon. On the way home we talked about how we both feel strongly about adoption and that would be the best route to go right now. When I got home I decided to take a test just in case. I used the test and left the bathroom. I have taken so many tests and have seen so many negative signs that i really didn't want to look. About 20 minutes later I went in to look at it. It was positive. Braxton was home and I said his name and came out of the bathroom holding the stick with tears in my eyes. Braxton didn't believe it he was like stop playing around but once he saw my face I think he knew I was serious. Braxton made be drink a gallon of water so I could take another test and sure enough it was positive. I took about 12 tests, set up my appointment and the rest is history.
  I have learned that The Lord answers his prayers on his own timeline. We were praying so hard every night and we had faith that things would work out. Sure enough our prayers have been answered. Adalee is excited and I think she understands what is going on. I am due December 27th. It is a terrible time of year for a birthday but all I want is a healthy baby anyway!  Thanks for all the prayers on our behalf also!

That moment!

 Every parent has those moments when your child just makes your heart melt. Some days it happens more than once, some days maybe it is just a smile but everyday I fall more and more in love. Little Adalee is so much fun and very loving. She knows just how to pull at your heart strings. A few weeks ago for example I just didn't feel well. I think all of the fertility drugs that I have taken has really screwed up my body and I have been in terrible pain. Just as the pain was getting worse, I had tears streaming down my face, Adalee came over and said "momma, you ok?" I said "yes baby, momma is just in a lot of pain right now." She then came and laid down facing me and said " I love you" then wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me, she only laid there for a few moments but it couldn't have been better. Or that moment when we tell her it is time for prayers and she sits next to Braxton, lays her head on his shoulder, folds her arms and reverently waits to say amen. Or that moment when someones run into are grocery basket at the store and she says "oh excuse me" or she accidently  knocks into someone at the park and she says "sorry". It is times like this that i feel we are doing something right. In her short 2 years of life she has taught us more than we could imagine and best of all she has taught us the true love of Christ and there is nothing better!

Emotions!

Do you ever just sit in bed and think? Most nights i have a hard time going to sleep because my mind is racing 200 mph. Sometimes i worry, sometimes i act out scenarios in my head and think about what i would do (yea i kick peoples trash), and sometimes it is just random like tonight. Tonight i was thinking about being pregnant. I miss it! I want to feel a baby move in my belly again. I cant even comprehend how awesome women's body's are though. I mean we can grow a baby!! Choosing to let go of your body and your slim figure so that you can bring a human being in the world is amazing and that decision was hard for me. I was selfish. I wasn't ready for my pants to not fit. I wasn't ready to get stretch marks or gain weight. I have always been petite and i have always had a decent body but now i have stretch marks galor, my hips are wider, my stomach isn't flat.I still have baby fat on my stomach. ( i know you people want to slap be right now because i am skinny) but it isn't the same. 

But now this time around i want to punch myself for ever being selfish. Because now i want to pregnant , i want more than anything to bring another baby in this world and i can't. Before i wanted to be pregnant also, but it is just different now. I kind of have always thought that i would struggle with infertility. Once a doctor told me i would have trouble having babies.. why i don't know but when he said it i knew it was true. The hardest thing for me to to see all the pregnant people around me. Utah is like pregnant central if you haven't noticed..My sister told me the other day that " it sucks because she can get pregnant easily but hates being pregnant". I never really thought about that before she said something. I am not envious of people who are having babies because they want to have a family, it is the people who are having babies and don't care about them. 

I am going to start going to a specialist now. He is a reproductive endocrinologist (whatever that means). I did my third round of clomid and it obviously didn't work, so they are afraid my uterus is shutting down. I will know after i go to the specialist what might be wrong and they will go from there.

I know that i am ranting but a blog is an outlet to let go of your emotions right? So many people struggle with this and all i can think about is how grateful i am for Adalee and that she is ours! I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. Like i have said before i know we will have more children. for now i will hold my baby a little tighter, and thank Heavenly Father for all of my blessings again and again. Till next time!

I babysit the boy on the left 2 times a week. He and Adalee are best buds! Here they are making pizza for dinner.

Merry Christmas!

Oh, Christmas is so much better with children! Adalee had so much fun this year and really got into it. On Christmas Eve we opened Christmas Pajamas. I put her baby doll in the box and told her that it was the doll's bed. Then she got in the box and tried to lay down.

Here are some pictures of Adalee opening her presents!

The baby doll stroller was such a hit!

She shouldn't have opened the stroller first because all she wanted to do was play with it.

Her horsey from Grandma and Grandpa!

So excited!

This is a little horse that came in a purse that she got from Grandma and Grandpa also. She LOVED IT!

Loves her purse!

All girl!

All of her stuff. The table and chairs and the doll stroller were her favorite.

Braxton's 3 brothers came over on Christmas Eve and spent the night. In the morning we opened presents and just played and played. The boys all played video games and then we watched a movie. Then we had dinner. It was delicious! Eldon was in charge of the green bean casserole, he didn't get the ingredients before all of the stores closed so he had to buy everything at Walgreens. They didn't have friend onions so he got funyuns instead.. it was actually really good. I also made a jello pretzel salad which didn't turn out very pretty but it was really yummy! It was a very relaxing day and i would't have had it any other way!

Yummy DINNER!

                                                                          ENJOY!

A day in the life..

The nails, the hair, her cute naked body... she is my everything!

Take off you diaper and put it in the trash Adee!

Coloring "punzel" and showing those cute painted nails.

Diva!

I had the day off today.. I planned on getting some stuff done for my primary lesson and get some stocking stuffers but are car won't start so we have just been hanging out. Super bored. ENJOY!