muddy muddy little buddies

As a mom of two boys I have really had to adjust and make some changes within myself. It isn't easy being a girl who hated the feeling of drying mud on her skin, or digging dirt out from underneath her manicured nails. I love to get dressed up, I love my high heels, and I am obsessed with eyeshadow and lip gloss. I was a girl who really didn't have "play clothes" just to get dirty in. I hate dirt and germs period! That's just the way I am. With very few exceptions. There were a some late nights irrigating with my dad and Eric where we got into some good mud/water fights:) But seriously, my dad is still in shock at all the yard work I have done at my house. He made fun of me when we bought it, and told Andy he better hire some help, because there's no way I would have anything to do with it.
I do like to fish and don't mind finding worms to bait my hook. I will go camping(for maybe a day, two at most) and hiking, running and other outdoor activities but I am particular about how I go about, that's all. Since becoming a mother it has been a real learning experience. Everyday I am getting better at handling dirt, bugs, sticky fingers and messy faces, sharing my food and all of that yucky goodness that comes with kids. I am learning to sit back and laugh. It hasn't been easy to adjust but I couldn't have asked for better teachers to show me how to play and have fun. I am so blessed to be their mommy and I love everything about MY boys!

I have two little boys
That means four muddy hands and four muddy feet.
Two pairs of muddy wet pants, four soaking drenched socks. Four, sometimes six, squishy, yucky dirty shoes; because sometimes I am forced to join in the fun:)
Two sweet, adorable, happy muddy faces.
And best of all, two pairs of sparkling sapphire blue eyes full of complete and total bliss, and hearing simultaneously "I lub you mommy!"
I am so blessed and I "lub" being their mommy!


*I am sure they will grow into young men, that will still love to get muddy)

Another birthday and it's hard to celebrate.

It's one of those days that you want to completely surrender to your depression and aching heart. You want to stay in bed, hide under the covers and give in. I'm torn.
On one hand I want to stay strong, I have learned to be really strong from day to day, it hasn't been easy and I'm not as strong as I want to be. I'm not always good at coping, getting out and shopping or stuffing my face with yummy fattening food and a visit with a good friend just doesn't cut it. But to completely fall apart now feels like defeat. If I succumb to today can I pick myself up again tomorrow, or the next time I crumble? I have a family to take care of, and responsibilities. On the other hand, it's good to let it out and have time to continue to grieve. Some days I just don't want to keep it together. I want to hide and just not care about ANYTHING. I want to be selfish. I want to be miserable. I want to remember WHO I lost and just how BROKEN my heart is. Some days I don't feel like hearing people say"he's in a better place, he wouldn't want you to feel this way, you have to stay strong, it will get easier" ( this one is the worst) and so many other ideas people have about loss. Loss is so entirely different for everyone. By writing I feel like I'm taking a little bit of control today and hey, I got out of bed, took Gav to school and even did a load of dishes. Now it's onto baking some birthday cupcakes to take to the cemetery. I might even shower and girly up and take the boys out for our tradition of barbecued ribs. Once you make yourself get going with the day you are somehow blessed with the strength to keep pushing forward. But just because I do it today doesn't mean I won't hide in bed all day tomorrow or some other day. I will always miss him, my life is forever changed and I'm just blessed to have had 20 years with the best little brother in the world.

The world's most contagious smile:)

Families are forever! I would be NOTHING with out my Savior and the Gospel in my life.

This picture makes me cry. It was taken inside his beloved jeep. He was so proud of it. Every time I see a jeep completely covered in mud I think of him and all the fun and adventure he brought to this life.

Happy 24th Eric! I have been telling myself since you passed away that we would celebrate your life on this day, even though you are no longer with us. I try to muster up the strength to make it a happy day but continue to fail. I miss you more than words can express. The hole in my heart is as big as ever. There's still not a day that goes by that I don't think of you, and what you are up to, what we'd be doing if you were still here with us, and just how big of a hug I would give you. I'm so blessed to be your sister and blessed to have great memories. To honor your special day we baked a tastier version of your first birthday cake. I can't wait until I get to see you again! Thank you for watching over me and especially your little nephews, they love and admire you even while you are in heaven.

Preschool time too.

The cutest preschooler ever!

Max started preschool last week. He is loving it! He loves it so much that he begs, cries and pleads with me to take him everyday. I must not be that exciting at home...or he really just loves being like his big brother. Everyday when we drop Gav off Max get's excited and then completely heartbroken when he doesn't get to go to school that day. After his first day it took two hours for him to finally take his mammoth size backpack off. I am really lucky that both my boys are so comfortable in new settings, they just trust that mom will always come back to pick them up. Maybe it's the tricks I learned and used when I taught preschool at a daycare back in the day. Anyway, I'm excited for the new adventures ahead and I'm so glad my boys like school for now. Sorry Max, but mommy isn't ready to have you gone everyday too so we're going to have to compromise.

He is still so little to me.

Kindergarten!

It is so much fun having an adventurous five year old. I can't believe my baby is in Kindergarten. He is so excited to learn and make new friends. We have been through a lot with his speech and developmental delays and I am SO amazed how far we have come. I love my Gavin, he is funny, smart, sweet and will forever be my little buddy( well I'm sure he will tower over me by a foot someday!)

Here's to growing up and going to Kindergarten! I love you Gavin!

He was so excited to get a Batman backpack this year, it's just really big. I think he could fit inside of it.

I still can't believe just how grown up he is already, but instead of crying I've been focusing on our journey through our trials and all of the progress this little man has made. I really am so blessed to be his mommy, that I realized there isn't a reason to cry.

May you share your smile, laughter and friendship with everyone!

Happy 8!

Well I know I was a tad selfish this year for our anniversary, seeing that I was in Texas with my boys and Andy was back home. But his mommy was super nice and took him in for dinner that day and made sure he didn't go hungry. Actually, Andy insisted we go to Texas because it may be a really long time before we can go again with school starting etc. So we made plans to celebrate when I got back. We had a really great weekend together:)

We started out with a delicious dinner at Ruth's Chris steakhouse. The table was covered with rose petals and a little note that said Happy Anniversary. We had a really great waiter too! The food comes out sizzling hot on a five hundred degree plate and the food is AMAZING!

The manager offered to take a picture but he didn't focus it... ha ha

It looked so pretty and tasted so good!

Eight years later and we're more in love than ever.

-We have two very incredible boys, that make life exciting, entertaining and complete!
-One of those amazing boys is now a kindergartner! They grow too fast!
-We own a really great home, that I love!
-We are working on the backyard now, I can't believe how much you appreciate things when you put the hard work, creativity and labor into your own things. It's pretty darn rewarding.
-Gavin asks everyday if it's done yet so we can get a fence and get a dog. He wants a dog so desperately he's almost convinced me that we need one too... we'll see.
-We've both discovered new hidden talents through this process of home ownership too:)
-Andy has a great job, that he loves and is putting his Bachelors degree to great work. Don't worry, he still takes amazing pictures occasionally too.

Here are eight things that I love about my husband:

-The way is blue eyes sparkle when he smiles
-His contagious smile, seriously I wouldn't be where I am with out his ability to always make me smile. Laughing together is the key to a happy marriage! Life is too short not to laugh often and enjoy the bumps in the road.
-His hard work and creativity, he always has amazing ideas and he's finally being recognized for his abilities at his new job. They have nicknamed him "The Wizard".
-This leads me to loving and appreciating his humility, he is very humble and doesn't give himself enough credit.
-His hugs, he gives the best hugs and has learned/ is learning how to support someone who battles severe depression EVERY. DAY. It isn't easy but he thinks I'm worth it and I love him for that.
-I love that he has a strong testimony and holds the Priesthood.
- He is the cutest, best dad ever! His boys love him so much and really look up to him. I couldn't ask for more.
-Most of all, he still tells me, and believes that I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. He makes me feel special. I mean he doesn't always have his contacts in, and sometimes he's a little tipsy from too much cream soda but it means a lot to me.

Here's to eternity!

We look so young!

Texas!

Look! Baby Shumway is finally starting to show:) No, we did not plan our outfits but we do have a good picture of us this time around:)

The airplane!

The boys and I decided to make a trip out to Texas before school started and life got too crazy. In order to get all the fun in and not feel too rushed etc. we crashed Karin and Matt's house for two weeks.( I doubt she'll be begging us to return anytime soon and they are enjoying a little bit of quiet time now.) My boys don't know how to be quiet... they even talk in their sleep. They loved having constant companions. The boys sure had fun playing with the girls. Sienna and Gavin were instant buddies. I'm sure I gained ten pounds from eating yummy food and treats with Karin. I guess I'd do anything to make sure little baby Tanner wasn't being starved:) I mean Karin hardly has a belly.

I have the cutest sweetest boys ever!
Sienna is a great swimmer, she might be part fish! Sadie is too for that matter.
Getting ready to go swimming. The pool was beautiful and the water was perfect. I just wish my boys weren't afraid of the water...I am surprised they are afraid of something, especially Max. Too bad we didn't spend more time there to get them used to the water. It was still a lot of fun.
The bounce house! My boys got in trouble for going headfirst, and backwards down the jumbo slides...they are daring and crazy!
The lighting in there made the pictures kind of blurry.
Sienna's favorite thing to do was wrestle Gavin. It was hilarious. They would giggle for hours and it was great to see how well they got a long. She even turned him into a Prince on several occasions with her magic wand. I loved seeing how imaginative they were together!
We finally tried the Rain Forest Cafe. It was pretty cute inside but the girls were terrified. This is the only picture I got where they weren't scared. The food is nothing to brag about so I would pass if you come across the opportunity.
At the park:)
This girl could swing all day, such a cutie!
Freedom to climb and squeal as much as he wanted. Max was in heaven!

Snow cones and a birthday BBQ at a neighbors. My boys made themselves at home. I love how welcoming all of Karin's friends are. They are pretty awesome!

We grabbed some delicious donuts and spent another morning at the park.

I loved how Sadie just ate hers hands free, and only the icing. Gavin swallowed his in two bites.

This boy loves his freedom and parks give him just that.

Sweet Sadie:)

And that was our trip to Texas.

Now it's off to Kindergarten for Gav and preschool for Max! They are growing up too fast!