Happy kids=Happy momma

All of our children seem to be thriving right now.

Yes, they have bumps, needs and wants.

But for the most part...all is well.

And I feel so fortunate to get to watch these two on a daily basis with their triumphs, struggles and growths.

Jacob has joined tennis.  While he loves playing and is good at it, I think he loves the socialization more.  Yesterday was his first "away" game.  He came home on cloud 9!!!  From the bus ride, to the game at a different school to the crappy convenience store food they stopped and got, he loved every minute.  It was such a joy to listen to him talk non-stop about those hours "on the road".

He was especially proud of himself because he got everyone to try Cheerwine, which has just come to the PNW.  It's his favorite drink when we are in the south.  My kids rarely drink soda, so this is a real treat!

 Nicholas is taking archery every Wednesday night.  Last night, I got to take him.  Man--he is good and he loves it.  I don't think I saw him talk once, but he does a lot of watching and listening.  This is his thing.

 This is just a picture of my boy from our trip to Palouse Falls last weekend.  Getting so big.

 And the rewards of having happy kids????

A happy mom who can sit back and relax every now and then.

I know...it's rare that I drink.  But it was perfect for this fabulous book on step-parenting that I just finished.

Doors and Windows....

This post is full of peace and serenity.

 It is what it is and for that, I am content and more complete.
 (Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that at 42, I am still learning these life lessons).

However, I need it in print...to read, reread and be reminded.  

And maybe, just maybe, it will resonate with you too.

I do best with analogies.

This post is all about doors and windows to the soul.

It might be the teacher in me or just the reality of who I am.  One who deeply loves, tries to be compassionate and understanding and one who doesn't understand "mean".  While I am a brutally honest person, I know that I communicate calmly and with respect for the person who I am talking to.

In the last year, I've come to realize that I can't please everyone.  Not everyone is going to like me.  And some people are just truly mean...and that is a quality I can not change, nor should I waste my energy to change or conform to.  I spent too much time wondering how I could get them to understand, communicate more or listen.  Lasting friendships/relationships should not be that much work.  Yes, I have a wide variety of friends and acquaintances.  But the relationships that matter can't be just one person always putting in the effort.  Therefore, I shut some doors....to my life, to my heart, to my soul.

This summer, I shut two doors on people.  No longer will I be a doormat for them and no longer will I allow them to cause emotional turmoil and harm to me.  One, I completely have shut out.  I plan on keeping it that way.  This person has no good motives and has caused nothing but pain in our life for as long as I can remember.  I ran out of my Polianna Positive a long time ago for this relationship but kept at it for a number of reasons.  No longer though. The other, is a relative.  So yes, I shut the door, but I'm keeping the window open.  They have chosen to pop their head in occasionally.  I guardedly let them.  It is with pleasantries, but by no means do they get a part of me.  I feel that by keeping the window open, there may come a time when I'll invite them in again (a.k.a.--open the door), but it will be on my terms.

Which brings me to this post.

I'm doing it again, but these are much closer to the heart for me.  I'm staying vague and won't reveal names, because it only matters to me.  But I'm shutting two doors.  Actually, I shut them this weekend.  Final straws, done, exhausted and let down disappointed again.  Interestingly, my windows will remain wide open for them.  But, I feel much more content with having control of my normal open door policy.  Truly, this won't make a change in our outward relationship...as far as they know...they come and go freely..which isn't very often anyway.  I will just not have any expectations....hence, no disappointments.

It's hard to explain the peace that this gives me.

It relieves worry and won't take up space on my runs, with "How can I....."

I sure hope that I can open the door for them again.  And I know without a doubt that I will enjoy the brief moments when they stick their head in the window, without longing to invite them in
and knowing they won't stay.

All of this being said...shockingly, it lets the door and window to my soul be that much freer for those who have been invited in.  I can give more, love more and share more.  I am filled with joy by these people...they are like the smell of warm cookies baking in the oven, or fresh flowers blossoming in the front yard.  They just make my soul a better, more beautiful place.

Vacations

Spring Break rolled around this week and we could hardly wait to get out the camper.

We headed to Eastern/Central Oregon in the John Day Fossil beds.

The first day we left was a little rainy and cool, but nothing a few hoods and a fire couldn't handle!

Seriously...best camping dog ever!

We were only able to make it to one of the units for this trip, but it was amazing!  We drove almost 200 miles in a triangle on this day and it was worth every mile.  The boys were mesmorized!

 This picture doesn't do the scenery justice, but the layers of earth were incredible.

 We stopped along the John Day river for lunch and enjoyed the sun!

 The small towns we went through were like walking back in time.  I even found a half marathon that I think I might be able to win my age group!

 So happy our kids love camping.  All they could talk about was getting McKenly here this summer for another camping trip!  Sitting around the fire, cooking, playing games...it does a lot for my ego when I feel so bad about letting them watch too much tv, play too many video games or be on their phones too long.  They love the outdoors and for as long as they won't to go camping with their parents, we will let them.  Although Michael did tell them that in a few years when Jacob gets his license, he'll let them take the camper.  Yes, I had a minor freak out, but love that we can give the opportunity to have that independence.

For almost 2 hours, these boys sat in this spot and dug for fossils. (Don't worry, it was a designated spot. Totally legal).  Jesse and I enjoyed the sun and the moment.

The weather on the second day could not have been more perfect.  We cooked dinner and breakfast the next morning over the campfire.  I love the team effort that goes into camping trips and wouldn't trade these moments for anything.

McKenly is definitely making it out this summer.  Timothy is not.  However, he is very happy because he gets to go with his mom and her new husband along with his kids to California this month.  Therefore, we too, are happy for him.  He was able to get time off of work by his mom calling and working it out for him.  We all hope he has a wonderful time and that he is able to bond with them in some capacity.  Out of his comfort zone is always hard on him, so we will hope for the best.  He has never been able to bond with his brothers, so hopefully, he can find a place to open his heart to stepsiblings.

We are counting the days for McKenly's visit.  I think between the four of these guys (dad, Jacob, Nicholas and McKenly) there are constant texts going on.  McKenly has been starting pitcher on the varsity team for the last few weeks.  His Uncle Chris (Michael's brother) has been able to see two of his games.  That makes Michelle, McKenly's mom, and McKenly so happy!

March Rewind....

This might be long and yet...it's going to be short...bullet/picture style.

Here we go!

Nicholas took a fly-fish tying class and was really good at it!  He can hardly wait to go fishing with McKenly this summer!

This dog doesn't get enough blog time...she ROCKS!  Our lovely, Jesse.

Nicholas turned 12 and we had a house full of great friends.

Sunday mornings....

McKenly turned 20!  We sent him a happy birthday text!

Nicholas continues to be a chef that knows no boundaries and we certainly benefit from his talent!

Jacob is playing tennis and LOVING it.  It's the first time he has ever really enjoyed a sport.  But this one was all his choice and he practices on his own time.

I completed my first triathlon!!!  (I sucked, but it was fun and heck, I can only get better!!!!

)

This girl....my friend, my teaching partner, someone who I was meant to meet in life...she makes me a better person.

March has been great!  Spring is in the air.  I'm in better shape than I've ever been...the strength training, along with my running, biking and occasional swimming in the wee early morning hours are balancing out perfectly.  Here's to the countdown to summer!