Daddy

My dad passed away this morning at 5:47 am.  Chris and I got to be present for his very last breaths.  I told him "I love you, Daddy!  I'll miss you.  Thank you."  Tears slid generously off my face as I touched his arm.  My mom stroked his hands and face and coached him gently into the next world.  We felt sadness but an immense amount of joy inside our hearts.  We could just get a sense of the joy that he must have returning to our true home. 

Thanks to our friends and family that have been so supportive thus far.  I know I'll still be able to count on you when the really tough part comes . . . missing him.

A Brief Respite

In the middle of winter, Chris and I knew we were ready for vacation.  We spent one entire Saturday talking about what we needed for a vacation and where we wanted to go.  Disney World?  It wouldn't fit in with Claire's nap schedule and was more than we wanted to spend.  Mexico?  I wanted to avoid carting two girls, car seats, and carry-ons through an airport.  A cruise?  It sounded fun, and it seemed my parents would certainly be able to watch the kids, but something didn't feel right about it. 

In the end, Chris and I discussed our vacation wishes and found we wanted:

• water-- a river, a lake, a pond-- anything with that soothing natural element
• gorgeous scenery
• a pool for Hallie to splash in that I could read books next to
• shopping
• restaurants
• a kitchen to cook in when we were sick of eating out
• a separate room for the girls
• lots of places to hike and walk
• no plane rides
• not too long of a car ride

We chose a condominium on the shores of Lake Dillon, CO (minutes from Vail).  I can't tell you how inspired our destination was.  Little did we know when we paid our deposit that in between our first and final payments for vacation Chris' brother Mike would pass away, I would get a tooth extracted and a bridge in place (more painful than it sounds), and that my dad would be diagnosed with an unknown and belligerent form of cancer. 

We needed this time away.  We needed this respite from the turmoil of recent months.  Please don't mistake me, the Lord has carried our burdens and we have felt uplifted throughout it all.  Chris and I have described that sometimes we literally feel like we are in a protective bubble as everything crashes and crumbles around us.  But physically, we needed a change of pace.  This was it.

I ordered onion rings three times in one week.  I feel simultaneously gluttonous and glorious.  We found a little cafe that was perfect to walk to and from.  Don't get me started on their food . . . Chris and I have never been so satisfied throwing down our hard-earned money for a meal.  The kitchen was perfect for the times when we couldn't eat out another bite (trust me, eating out got old).  Pictures of our view won't even do adequate justice.  It was even more majestic in person.  Hallie loved the pool and told me eighteen times "This is great!" when she swam in her yellow-tutu swimsuit.  The shopping was exquisite.  We were close to an outlet mall with high-quality stores, I tell you.  Except for one night, Claire slept like a champion.  Even though I spent significant time on the phone with hospital updates and on the floor with tears, all the in between time was peaceful and downright fun.

Just like all the other help we have been blessed with, this vacation home was yet another tender mercy to buoy us up. 

 

 

 

Visting Dad

Because of several dear friends, who stopped everything they were doing to help me, Claire and I were able to fly last-minute to California to spend time with my Dad and family last week.  My sweet husband stayed home with Hallie, while I carted Claire.  It was difficult to leave one child and husband behind, but those two are best friends and didn't skip a beat without me.  And it was worth it for it was the perfect time to be there.  I felt so blessed to be present for my mom, brothers, and grandma.  And although it was humbling and sometimes harrowing, it was one of the greatest blessings of my life to hold my father's hand and stare at him while he slept after surgery.  I had some intensely spiritual experiences in those hours with him in the hospital.  Because of loyal friends who watched Hallie in Colorado and Claire in California, I have moments I will cherish for the rest of my life.

One of the most important lessons I have re-learned recently is that family is indeed everything.  And that good friends truly are family.  Both my parents and myself have life-long friends as well as newer friends that have sacrificed their time, offered heartfelt prayers, and sent sweet messages to help us.  I am so thankful for the family I was raised in and for the friends I've met along the way.  And I can't begin to state what it means to be a Skaggs.  In addition to incredible parents and grandparents, I have aunts, uncles, and cousins who make life as sweet as it is.

I was nervous about seeing my dad for the first time since he was sick.  I had last seen him when he visited my home in February.  But he didn't even start showing symptoms until the end of March.  The first thing I said to Dad was "Oh, you don't look nearly as bad as I thought you would."  What I really meant to say was "You look totally handsome and I am so relieved I recognize my dad."

Dad  . . .even handsome in a hospital gown.

Movies about my dad

For Dad's birthday back in 2004, Chris and I made personal video messages for him. I think they are a great explanation of my dad for those who don't know him, as well as a great reflection of the man he is for those that know him well.

Do enjoy if you feel so inclined . . .

By the way, I have no idea why I made my voice so high and nasally in my recording. Maybe I thought I sounded cool. Six years later and it doesn't sound cool-- at all.

Maybe it's just 'cuz I'm a mom, but . . .

I think my kids are so funny.

Tonight Grandma Judy treated us to dinner at a restaurant. Towards the end of the meal, Hallie told us "I just want to go home and be sleepy and go to bed." Poor thing. When did she go from resisting sleep to begging for it? Also at the restaurant tonight, I was feeding Claire potato soup and asked if she liked it. She responded by yelling "Yaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!" as loud as she possibly could. Everyone turned to look. One final note about the restaurant . . . Claire could not get enough of an infant girl. Without prompting, she saw her and said "Baby!" Then she let us know every time the parents got up with the baby. "Baby! Baby!" I just love when babies notice other babies.

Update on my father

Dear Family and Friends,

I have been mum about my dad's battle with cancer.  It has all happened so quickly and my mom and dad have fought so fiercely.  I just wanted to preserve my dad's privacy during his trial.  With recent developments, I want to share the following letter that my Uncle Rich wonderfully composed.  The following are his words . . .

Jim and Marlaine have consulted with the team of doctors and have explored all options available to best treat this very aggressive form of cancer. It has been determined that there are no viable options left to treat Jim and he will go on hospice care when he returns to his home later this week. Currently Jim is on a medication that will hopefully minimize the fluid build up so they can remove the tube from his stomach and nose and send him home. They hope to be home this weekend.


Jim and Marlaine have prayed for confirmation of their decision in conjunction with capable medical advice. They have demonstrated tremendous faith in the Lord and have always prayed for his plan to be made known to them. They feel good about their decision and trust in the Lord with all their heart.

Mark, Jim’s oldest son is with him now. Jim’s time here on earth is short and Jim wants to spend time with his children, grandchildren, mother, brothers and sister. The family has requested that if you feel inclined to write a note or send a card to Jim, now would be the appropriate time. In a few days, they will provide additional information for those of you who would like to visit with him. Please be sensitive to Jim and his family. Jim and Marlaine are so grateful for the thoughts, expressions of love and acts of kindness that have been administered to their family. Words cannot express their heartfelt appreciation for all of you.

I am so grateful for the knowledge that families are forever and there is a purpose to life and that God loves all his children. The following are a few scriptures that bring me peace.

“And again, blessed are all they that mourn, for they shall be comforted”

“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”

“The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord”

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life”

We love Jim and pray that he might be comfortable during his remaining days and that the Lord will bless him and his family.

Clairey Baby (June 2010)

Claire is changing so much these days.  Even in the last week, her development is astonishing.  Here are some of our favorite things:

She is talking more everyday.  Last night, Chris got up with her when she was crying in the night.  I didn't even know Chris had slipped away (he wanted to let me sleep-- how sweet).  In the stillness that is 1 a.m. a little voice broke through the stretches of darkness yelling "Milllllll!!!!"  Chris had poured her a bottle of milk and she was more than eager to devour it.

Claire loves to be on the go.  She always has.  Before she started talking, she would start flapping her arms when we gathered things to leave the house.  If I ever was holding her when I went into the garage, she would start crying if I came back in without buckling her into her car seat and driving away.  Now, she just tells us what is on her mind.  She'll just look at us, smile, and say "Bye! Bye!" in a sweet (but very direct) voice.

Claire tells us "fooooo" (food) if she is hungry.  Or signs "more" and says "mo-mo-mo" with a staccato tempo.  In addition to "mill" (milk) she tells us "ba-ba" for bottle.  With every bottle, she takes a few drags and then passes it over to whoever is holding her and smacks her lips several times as if to say "Would you like some too?"

She says "yay" and she is starting to say "no" when she is whining.  She also says "bi-per" when we change her diaper and points to every light fixture to say "lie" (light).

If we say "one . . . two . . ." Claire will finish with an animated "Thhh-eeee!"

Our baby loves babies (in the form of stuffed toys).  When she sees one she squeals "baby! baby!" and then hugs it to her face with all her strength. 

Claire is getting great with communicating.  Even though her vocabulary is still limited she understands quite a lot.  That makes it easier to communicate by asking her questions.  "Are you hungry?" yields a nervous and excited laugh from Claire that tells us to get that baby food pronto.  If her answer is no she'll just shake her head or wipe her face and ears to show her disapproval.  This is also her sign that she is ready for nap time-- rubbed eyes, ears, and nose are the symbol that Clairey needs a baby, a blanket, and a crib.

Up to this point in her life she has been a supreme "Mommy's girl."  There is no place she rather be than on my hip or in my lap.  Now that Daddy is off of school and home for summer, she is relishing daddy love.  She loves to lay down with Daddy and lets him hold her sideways.  She even rests her head on his shoulder.  She never does either for me.

Our snuggle baby is active, active, active these days.  Instead of her usual sitting and observing, she is taking off.  She can do a traditional crawl but sticks with the army crawl (more out of habit, I'm guessing).  She isn't pulling up to standing yet, but is always pulling up to her knees and pulling books off shelves and toys off tables.  Our electrical outlets are protected but we need to do some child-proofing to cabinets pretty soon. 

Claire's attitude is a reflection her new found physical freedom.  She is vivacious and impatient.  She is sweet and a little spicy too.  If she is unhappy, she'll quickly let us know with shrieks of disapproval.  But she is so round and cute and never complains about the shower of kisses her three family members squish on her cheeks several times daily.

This morning our family of four was snuggling together and playing.  Hallie was tickling me and I told her I was all done.  Hallie continued to squirm and I looked over to find Claire stealthily tickling her sister with her chubby little hands.  Funny baby.

That's our Claire in a few paragraphs.  We really can't capture her in words though.  You've got to see this cuteness to totally believe it.