the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

love the lyrics. (:

guarded

call me skeptical, but when people ask how I'm doing, I can't help but wonder if they really care or if they're more interested in judging me.

what a world.

(d/m)isplaced

I miss London ): It's lonely being here.

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am, do I fit in?
Make-believing is hard alone
Out here, on my own

work in progress

It is both amazing and unbelievable how time flies. A year ago I wouldn't have dreamt of finding myself where I am today. I wouldn't have imagined an overseas education, a scholarship, a newfound passion for clinical science, a new life in London. I was totally clueless what lay in store - no clue of IB results, unsure of what course I wanted to pursue, and having no opinion about whether to study overseas or not. It simply amazes how far these 365 days have taken me since then. And it scares me to think where the next 365 days will take me. What kind of person will I be? What would I have encountered? Who would I have met? But if there's one thing that this year has taught me, it's that God is completely in control of my life. Every minute detail to people, place, and timing. It's all so perfect, in retrospect; His hand in everything that has happened to me is unmistakable. And knowing that the year ahead will once again be planned out by him, is so comforting and encouraging. (:

2010 has been a year of life-changing moments and eye-opening experiences. Got my IB results, applied to universities, flew up to London for interviews, applied to scholarships, interned in hospitals, didn't get the scholarship I wanted, interned in A*STAR, decided what I wanted to pursue, got accepted to NUS med, appealed and got the scholarship I wanted, taught in ac, flew to London and survived a term of med sch, camped at the airport, flew back. So many decisions made, challenges faced, lessons learnt. So many times of being forced out of my emotional, mental, and physical comfort zone. It hasn't been an easy year, but I'm grateful for all that has happened to mould me into the person I am today; the person I'm entering 2011 as.

At the dinner table yesterday, my dad commented that I'm probably the person with the longest list of things to thank God for. Which is why attempting to talk about every single thing would be too intense. So I'll just talk about just one.

As cheesy as it sounds, I'm thankful for good friends, and my parents. I'm thankful for the friends that have lasted, the friends who have kept in contact and bothered to find out how I'm doing, the new friends I've made, the friends I've come close to losing. Going overseas and finding myself in a place where no one knows who I am and not everyone cares to find out, and having come back now in search of people who've missed me has led me to realise how hard it is to come by friends who actually stick by you - albeit time, distance, and events. So to the friends who have, thank you. I'm incredibly blessed to have you. (:

Coming back home has also made me realise how much my parents have missed me. Especially my mom - she's just so happy to have me in the house, I'm being showered with so much love here. And it breaks my heart to know that I don't always return that love.

So that brings me to my resolutions for the new year - to be a better friend (i.e. to stay in contact more, not dao emails and msges, be proactive in catching up w people and showing care, show appreciation more, pray for my friends, be more loving in word and deed, and not take their love for granted), and a better daughter (i.e. no more sian faces over skype, no more impatience, more thoughtfulness towards their concerns, no more shouting, more praying for them, and taking care of myself so they won't worry unnecessarily). Being the practical person that studying overseas has turned me into, I figured trying to keep to these 2 might be hard enough so there's no point making a whole long list of resolutions. Heh.

So bring it, 2011, with all your challenges and experiences in store for me. I'm ready for you. (:

these roads are lonely roads

I often pride myself on choosing to go down the roads less taken, but the inescapable reality of my choices is that I walk alone.

I miss you guys already ):

but this isn't a dream

Somehow the days over here seem to pass by very fast. It feels a little like I'm just floating along with no real purpose. Or at best, tiny goals for each day - buy groceries for dinner, do the laundry, reply people on fb, finish my noticeboard, exercise, meet up with a group of friends at least once. I guess it's a huge change from life back in Sg, having to juggle so many responsibilities all of a sudden is tough and I wonder how I'm gonna be able to slot mugging back into my schedule along with all these other things. And I wonder if I'm ever gonna be able to go back to maintaining that same level of discipline with my work once school starts. It's a struggle too, having to keep up a social life, making decisions on which activities to go for, figuring out who are the people i can be honest with, and having to bother about what people think of me. Starting over just isn't easy.

I'm really blessed with some great new friends though, who watch out for me and are really awesome to hang out with. And slowly but surely I'm getting the hang of cooking and washing and all that (: Now I just need to master the art of doing all that quicklyy so I have time to study :/ Heh. So mmm. Lots to be thankful for actually (:

post-dated (part 1)

It's been 2 days since we landed, but everything's still so surreal - I still feel as though I'm on holiday even though I've spent the past two days unpacking, buying household goods, shopping for groceries, and walking 40 min to town and back because transport is so expensive ): I guess I haven't really gotten used to the thought that this room, this kitchen, this student house - this is my new home. Perhaps having my mom around is contributing to this whole holiday feel. Hopefully I don't die from shock when she leaves :/ I'm quite excited to find out who my neighbours are though! I hope they're nice. It's quite lonely being the only person in the flat...thank goodness for my mom, if not the silence would be unbearable.

Though my back's aching from carrying all those groceries around in my backpack, and my legs are sore and my feet keep cramping, I'm really happy and satisfied for all we've accomplished in these 2 days. And thankful too! God has been really good to me. For one, I was really touched by the people who came to see me off. It meant a lot to me to be able to see them one last time before I left, to know that no matter what happens over here in London, no matter how lonely or marginalised or stressed out I might feel, I'd always have these people supporting me. Reading the cards and gifts made me realise how blessed I am to have all these amazing, thoughtful, loving people as friends. So to those of you reading this now, THANK YOU (: I LOVE YOU TO BITS AND I'M GONNA MISS YOU LOADS. Sorry for stealing your mugging/sleeping/slacking time and thank you for coming alllll the way down to send me off!!! And for all the thoughtfulness and effort that went into each gift, thank you again !!! I promise to pay you back with Percy Pigs. Heh (:

The flight was really good too, I managed to sleep and still had time for Chloe, The Joneses and Sex and the City 2. Food and drinks were quite sucky though haha. Customs was a breeze didn't have to open up my luggage (carried my stupid A3 X-Ray for nothing though -.-), no luggage lost, found the taxi man, and arrived at James Lighthill just in time for checking in. && because I took a night flight, I arrived in London in the morning so my sleep cycle didn't get screwed up! :D Plus because I'm moving in early, I got allocated the first room in my flat, which is the corner room. Which means it's super duper big in comparison to the other rooms (: Praise the Lord right!!!! (((: Hee. The rest of the day was really frustrating though - my mom and I are terrible with directions so we kept getting lost and having to walk all over the place, and it didn't help that we were carrying loads of household things and that my mom was having gastric pains and that she decided to leave me to navigate/ask random people for help/make all the decisions to prove that I could be independent. Pfft. But at least after all that walking I'm a bit more familiar with my extremely ulu area.

Today was much better, cos we only got lost once (which found us in Oxford Street, so not too bad a detour :P) and we managed to get a wholeee lot of useful stuff from Argos and Tesco Metro (which was a godsend, thank goodness I spotted it cos apparently it's the best Tesco in town and has everything!). And snacks from M&S. Hehe. (: So in just two days, my mom and I managed to get a shoe rack (self-assembled so proud of myself!!), desk light, water filter, hand-held vacuum, iron + mini ironing board, pillows and a duvet, laundry hamper, andd a lot of random stuff like over the door hooks and toilet paper (which are SUPER OVERPRICED BTW) (: && I collected a whole bunch of cooking stuff from my sis's friend which really saved us a lot of $$. Stuff in London is really freaking ex ): Like, 10 plastic hangers for S$11!?!!! I didn't buy those btw - kinda figured I could live with folded clothes. Cooked my first home-cooked dinner too! Lee Kum Kee oyster sauce and sesame oil and dried garlic can do wonders to your vegetables man. The Chinese way of cooking is really the best (:

So here I am at my laptop after two long, exhausting, but incredibly satisfying days. Things are going well, the weather here is great, and now I'm just looking forward to meeting my neighbours and enrolling and getting used to being a student again and INTERNET. Yay (: