Crunchy

Jessica says I'm crunchy.  I think it is sort of like granola?  I guess I am a little bit strange. 

I make laundry soap but that's because I do ever so much laundry and I was tired of spending so much money on detergent and I found a recipe for laundry soap that is easy to make and I like and so I just make it when I need it and it makes me happy to save money. 

I also do cloth diapering.  I've always wanted to but I just got the nerve up to do it for Dinah and I really only started to get good at it about 6 months ago when the planets aligned and I finally had enough cloth diapers (bought second hand because those suckers are expensive), I had the right laundry soap to wash them in (mean green soap from the Amazon), and I had the laundering method down (thanks to the wonderful internet). 

I had a baby at home.  On purpose.  That one probably seems like a big one but it sure made sense to me.  I've had 6 hospital births.  I didn't dislike them.  They all resulted in lovely babies that I got to bring home.  When we began to expect this newest little person I was already thinking that I would like to try a home birth and that made me nervous.  I've used the same OB for all of our babies and I love his guts and he is wonderful and he did an external version on my Buggy baby when she was breech and she turned and I got to avoid a c-section for which I will be ever grateful.  He is an excellent doctor.  I became a bit dissatisfied with the rigamarole at the office though... the staff that apparently didn't think he needed to be told that my water broke with Dinah, it was all a big surprise to him to find me in the hospital delivering a baby.  I should have been suspicious when they didn't take any of my info when I called to let them know.  Whatevs, or maybe it was the long waits and the feeling like I was just another of 100's of patients who may or may not be a druggie, or disease riddled person and I was probably lying about it if I said I wasn't.  I'm sure they've seen some harrowing stuff and it is all for the good of the babies to assume the worst, I guess, but maybe there was a different way. 

So when I asked a friend the name of her midwife and I called to make that first appointment, I felt like I was sneaking out on Dr C and boy was he going to be irritated with me if he ever found out!  I even turned off my tracking software on my phone that my sisters and mom have when I went to that first appointment so that they wouldn't get suspicious about what I was doing up at 3rd Street and Bethany Home?  I imagined they would be so curious about what was there that they would look up all the businesses there and figure out what I was up to!  Then maybe they would tattle tell on me.  I was also not telling anyone about the pregnancy yet even though I was about 12 weeks along.  So my veil of secrecy was very important to me. 

That first appointment was just a breath of fresh air.  I was a bit nervous and unsure what they would think of me.  I worried that they would think I was too old to be trying a home birth, or that it would be too expensive, or that they wouldn't believe I was pregnant (bahaha), or they wouldn't believe that I thought I could do a home birth.  Who knows?! I was worried about lots of things.  I went right in, there was no waiting whatsoever (I never waited for any of my appointments).  I met with two or three of the lovely midwives that first time, Mary, Jenny, and Amy mostly.  They answered all my questions and apparently I wasn't too old!  Who knew?  They were sweet and confident and kind and I was convinced that they were the girls for me. 

I called my Ryan on the way home and talked way too fast and tried hard to convince him that my crazy scheme was a good idea.  I was worried that he wouldn't love the idea or let me do it.  But he was sweet and let me ramble on and on and after he looked over all the literature they gave me and all the info he agreed that we could do it!  Hooray!

I learned that midwives are just more laid back than my experience with dr's offices had been.  We did all the same tests and ultrasounds and such that I did for all the other babies, it was just a more pleasant experience altogether than I had had with the other babies.  For example, the glucose test.  The dreaded but necessary glucose test.  Blech, how I hated that syrupy soda they made me drink on an empty stomach then sit around feeling nauseous for forever to see if my poor bod could handle all that sugar.  It is a test I dread with every pregnancy.  I've never had gestational diabetes, I was measuring big with this baby and not loving sugar at all and I was a bit suspicious that I may be borderline with her.  So I was looking forward to/dreading the test.  But when wonderful Mary told me that there was no glucola to drink and that all I had to do was eat a big breakfast of things I normally eat and stop eating at a certain time and get to the appt and they would do the blood draw and that was it!  Well, I was giddy.  I was actually looking forward to this test!  I love eating a big breakfast so I had lovely pancakes and eggs and I ate and ate and ate until 8am on the dot and off I waddled to my appointment.  I loved that they trusted me enough to believe that I could follow simple instructions and they were smart enough to know that testing my bod with things it normally encountered would be the best way to see how it responds (since I never drink sugary drinks anyways, I'm a water drinker thru and thru). 

When it came to be time to have the dear darling I once again became a little anxious.  I had gathered all the things Mary had said I would need for a home birth, everything on the list was checked off and I was having regular contractions!  I called Mary, just like she told me to, and let her know that I was probably in labor and stuff.  I was worried because, though I was having regular contractions, they weren't making me particularly sad, I could talk thru them, walk thru them, etc.  So I set out on a walk to hopefully move things along so that when Mary came I wouldn't be ashamed at having made no progress.  Jeffy accompanied me on a long walk in the neighborhood and he was a great walking buddy.  We had a good talk about having babies and him being a big brother and him being a great kid and all that mushy stuff.  He really is a great kid.  But eventually he got hungry so I returned him to the house and traded for Terry, my father in law.  He walked around the block with me and was fun to talk to, then we switched him for my Ryan who had finished feeding the flock of children and getting them settled.  It was lovely to get to walk with Ryan.  He always makes me feel better. 

We went home and read scriptures with the kids and got them put to bed.  Before they went we asked them if they wanted to be awoken when the baby got here.  Leah, Tessa, and Alana all wanted to be there when she was born.  The boys said they wanted to see her after she was born.  So we agreed to wake them up at the appropriate times.  The kids were off to bed, very excited about the prospect of getting a new sister soon and Ryan and I finished up a few preparations before Mary arrived at 8:30 to see how I was progressing.  Mother and Whitny were on their way out from Chandler, Amanda was on her way from her home in Taylor (three hours away).  And I was just hoping I had made enough progress to merit all the lovely visitors that were travelling so far to be here with me.

Mary arrived and I was glad that she found everything she needed here and I hadn't forgotten any of the preparations.  She checked me and, Hallelujah! I was dilated to a three.  That may not seem like much progress but for me and how I labor, it was fantastic.  I was relieved to be in real live labor and to know that the pregnancy chapter would soon be over and I would get to meet the little person.  Granted, there were a few hurdles to come, believe me, I have come to respect and stand in awe of labor.  It is truly an experience that defies description and amazes me every single time.  And boy does it hurt. 

Mother and Whitny arrived shortly and we all settled in my room to visit and wait.  Jessica, my lovely sister in law arrived, she is expecting a little boy, her second baby, and I was glad that she came over.  She is a fun girl.  Amanda arrived just after that and it was a party.  I sat and enjoyed talking to everyone and introducing them to Mary.  Mom and Mary found that they had a lot in common since Mom had been a labor and delivery nurse for ages and ages at John C Lincoln Hospital and she and Mary bemoaned the closing of the birthing center.  Whitny found out that Mary had trained the midwife who trained Whitny's midwife who had delivered Whitny's last two babies.  And I got to be pleased again with my choice to have a home birth and have Mary as my midwife.  She really is awesome.  She gave me great advice on how to labor and manage faster progress.  It was really a nice labor, I was able to smile and laugh and talk thru most of the contractions and there was a lot of laughing and talking with my sisters, Ryan, and Mom.

By around midnight things started to get more serious.  I wasn't smiling and laughing as much any more and I was pretty uncomfortable.  We got the girls up and they came and sat on the bed next to me, Tessa, Leah, then Alana at the end.  My water hadn't broken yet and Mary suggested that during the next contraction I push and that my water would break.  I thought that was kind of wacky, I'd never before broken my own water but sure enough, I tried a little push during the contraction and a huge wave of fluid gushed out.  It was rather exciting and the people in the front row got wet.  That was probably about 12:45 or so and I immediately began to despair and be kind of a baby about it.  I was pretty sure she wasn't going to come out and even though they told me I was doing really well and that she was for sure on her way.  I went a little crazy.  As I always do.  Fortunately it never takes me long to push the darlings out so I started pushing at 1:02 and she was born at 1:10am. 

 

My mom took a video and Tessa's face was priceless.  She looked a little sick and concerned and worried then all of a sudden she got a huge smile on her face and said, "Oh! A baby!" and there was our little girl. 

I pulled her up on my belly while Mary and Mom tried to make her cry but she wasn't having it.  She just wouldn't let out many good cries so they kept bothering her until she did a better job.  She still, even two weeks later hasn't cried very much.  She is a happy girl and we get along really well.  We right away noticed that she was born with a large mole just above her left eyebrow.  It was strange to get used to at first, in dim light it seemed like she had one eye open!  But it was always just her beauty spot.  The doctors have said that she will most likely have to have it removed for cosmetic reasons and because it is a risk for skin cancer.  She gets to see the plastic surgeon in a couple of weeks and we will see what they have to say about it.  Anyways, she weighed 7 lb 12 oz and was 20 inches long.  She and Peter are tied for my biggest babies which is why it took me 8 long minutes to squeeze her out! 

The poor sweet girl waited five days to get a name.  Ryan and I were just never together and awake enough to discuss it, but by Sunday morning we had settled on Gwendolyn Renee as her name.  We called the kids in before church and let them know.  They were glad she finally had a name and it was a big relief to Ryan and I as well.  It is hard to name a person.  She already has quite a few nicknames, which is how we roll around here and she is fitting in very nicely.  Dinah loves her fiercely which is why Gwen spends lots of time safely hovering out of reach in her bouncy chair where Di can't love her too much.  The big kids adore her and want to hold her always.  I'm pretty smitten myself, she really is darling.  Ryan loves her a lot too.  She is a sweet little lady and I am grateful she is safely here.  I'm especially grateful that we were able to do a home birth and that she was born to a relaxed, comfortable and happy atmosphere. 

 Note: Whitny took all the photos except this last one, I took that one.  Isn't she so cute?!

 

Are you ready for some football?

 

A clip of Jefferson at Football practice.  He is at the top middle of the screen in the maroon t-shirt.  The tree gets in the way at the worst time, but he does knock the ball out at the last second. 

Facebook makes my brain crazy

So I was just reading an article about homeschooling where the author got a letter from a person against it and the author was for it and they just went back and forth being mean to each other and belittling one another and it made me sad.  Why can't we just get along?  Why does one person have to be right and one person have to be wrong?  Why with the winners and losers all the time?  (can you tell that I'm not in any way competitively athletic?)  It's like if someone says, "I like the color green." there has to be a line of people out there with data and statistics saying that if you don't like red you like to torture puppies and feed your kids high fructose corn syrup for dinner. 

Why can't people just say they like sending their kids to a certain school without being judged and put down by everyone else?  I like sending my kids to the public school down the street.  It is not a perfect school but I feel like I wouldn't like it if it was a perfect school.  I want my kids to have a hard time sometimes, especially now when they are young and I am there to help them sort through it.  If they have a less than awesome teacher who consistently pronounces their name wrong and doesn't seem to recognize their awesomeness, that's okay because we can talk about it and see that sometimes that happens in life - not everyone is going to recognize your awesomeness all the time.  You will survive. 

People feel like they have all the answers and they comfort themselves with knowing that their way is the only and right way to go about things.  But there's lots of ways to do things.  I read a great article by a woman who tried for 10 years to have children and has finally accepted that having children is just not her path.  Through her long and harrowing experience with infertility she has learned a lot about herself and that this is her journey and hers alone and not to let other people get her down with their helpful advice and judgment.  I've got sort of the opposite problem with being uber-fertile, if anyone would call that a problem.  But any experience can be challenging, just as any experience can be a blessing when looked at the right way.  I feel like I can relate to this woman in that having many children is something of a challenge.  Not a super PC thing to say when it seems like half of the women I know struggle with infertility issues.  But it is true nonetheless.  I can get pregnant just about any time I want.  So where does one draw the line?  Should I be like my fourth great grandmother who had 16 children?  I'm sure she was happy and she loved her life but where would I stash all the little people?  She did it with a two room cabin lots of the time and I have a four bedroom house so what am I complaining about?  Plus sometimes my children don't appreciate me for the awesome mom I am.  They yell at me and roll their eyes and resist every helpful suggestion I give them.  When does that start getting fun?  I could go on and on about my challenges but I'll move on.

What the nice infertile lady and I have both decided is that we have to find our own happiness and fulfillment.  I have found it in my relationship with my Savior and in service to others.  I have found that when I am in the service of my fellow beings I am in service to my God.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ has helped me to turn my challenges into blessings, it occasionally takes a while for me to find just the right way of looking at things to see the blessing, but He always helps me turn it to the right angle and put it into the right light. 

And that's the key I'm trying to give my children so that they can do the same thing.  They have to bloom where they are planted, whether it is a rocky dry cliff side or a nice squishy meadow.  There's benefits and blessings to any situation and with the help of their Savior they can see them and let them lift them up instead of slam them down. 

So I'm going to try to be nice to people and assume the best about them.  I don't understand everyone's choices and I don't have to live them but I don't have to try to make them feel bad about what they've chosen. 

Staying at Home

I've been thinking a lot about this subject lately.  Then this morning as I was grinding wheat and making a quadruple batch of whole wheat banana waffles and listening to the Mormon Channel, they played chapter ten of Spencer W. Kimball's "Faith Precedes the Miracle".  That chapter was all about a woman's influence in the home and how essential it is for family life and society as a whole for a mother to be at home with her children.  The story I liked best was that he was in the home of a family where the husband was off at work and the wife was upstairs sewing and President Kimball was working at the dining room table (I think he was in town for a stake conference or something and staying at the stake president's house?  Don't get mad if I get it wrong, I was mostly listening, but also feeding Jujo and smiling at Dinah and watering trees occasionally, plus the waffles).  He said that a kid came home from school and searched the house for his Mom, he said, "Mother?" when he couldn't immediately find her.  She called down from upstairs that she was up sewing.  He said, "Okay" then went out to play.  This was repeated four more times as the other kids came home at various times during the day.  They came in the door and immediately looked for their Mom and when they heard her voice they were calmed, felt safe, and secure.  She didn't have to come to them or have a big long conversation with them, as long as they knew she was there they were happy.  She was available for them.

He was very straight forward and blunt about the subject and even though it is certainly very controversial and gets feathers ruffled in our current society and people can say, 'Yeah, well he wrote that 40 years ago and things are way different now.'  So what that he wrote it 40 years ago?  It was a touchy topic then and an even more touchy topic now but that doesn't mean it isn't important or true. 

About 10 years ago our family resources were even tighter than usual and I was stressed about how we would meet our obligations so I decided that I would go back to work.  I went to the owner of the company where I'd worked for about 4 years when we were first married.  It was a small company, owned by Mormons, really nice people.  Well, I kind of figured it would be easy to get a job there because the owner really liked me, when I left a couple of years previously I was essentially his assistant, besides my other duties I was doing the payroll and other kind of important stuff there.  So I was confident. 

Well, we talked in his office for a little while and he asked about our family and how we were doing.  I told him about our three kids and how cute they were and about Ryan's school and that kind of stuff.  Then he told me that he wasn't going to hire me back.  And he told me kind of bluntly that I needed to be at home with our children. 

I admit I was kind of hurt, I had thought he liked me and liked my work but he was just turning me down!  It hurt my pride and my self confidence took a bit of a blow.  It has been a long time since that happened but I have come to appreciate and admire him for being wise enough to deny me what I wanted.  We struggled and had some stressful times financially since then but I have been at home with our babies.  Ryan stepped up to the bat and has very manfully carved out a place for himself professionally and has provided for us.  We have always had enough and I am frankly shocked at how blessed we have been and what a good place we are now considering the economic climate and the fact that Ryan has always been the only one working.  I know we have been directly blessed not just financially, but in our marriage and in our fantastic kids. 

It may seem lame to some that I am so happy to be spending my days changing diapers, scrubbing, doing laundry, cooking, painting bedrooms (that's this weeks task and it is kicking my hiney), and being here when the kids get home from school.  I am here.  I am on call all the time.  I can run to the school and bring them what they forgot.  I can give service to people who need it.  I can occasionally make dinner for my family (you would think I could do that every day but dinner planning is my nemesis). 

I am grateful.  So very grateful for the many blessings I have received for doing what was and is the harder but better way. 

Also, I burnt the last waffle I made because I was writing this.  You're welcome.  It smells like burnt waffle in here now. 

What's the happs all up in here

 Leah had dental work and needed a Valium in order to open her mouth.  She was a happy little bug with the drugs though.

 Nunu got a pony.  Aren't they a cute couple?

 Jeffey took selfies.  He is getting too tall.

 Petey is enjoying Kindergarten.

 Pearly went and took pictures at her cousin's house.

 That morning I was like, "Oh, do I really want to drive all the way out there for Whitny to take pics of my princess?  It is so far and I have so many things to do..."

 Can you even believe I almost missed all this cuteness and cousinly and sisterly bonding time? 

 So silly.  But she is a darling little Dolly and I am grateful to have a talented sister willing to share and work so hard to provide proof of our sweet baby's adorableness.  She gets lots of kisses.

 We got a new bed.  I should rephrase that.  We got our *first* actual bed, we've been sleeping on just a frame these past 15 years.  Now we have a real live huge, heavy, impressive, super cool bed.  It's not all together in the pic but you get the idea.  It is heavenly.  I like it a lot.  Worth the wait.

 Dinah was still adorable.

 Nunu, Linz and I went to see Austenland and out for FroYo, yo.  It was so fun to have a night out with my sisters.  Where was Whitny?

 Oh yeah, she was up visiting our sister Kim in Washington.  She got to bring Daphne and have fun with Kim's family.  I'm really jealous because I haven't seen Kim in forever.  We will have to get up there somehow...

 We went on the ward campout which was up at LoMia and had a terrible turn out.  There were a total of 21 people there.

 We stayed in the Big Wig Wigwam up at Orchard Camp because we were the first ones to arrive so we called dibs on the best cabin with two full bathrooms.  That's right Jessica Joan Clerc.  Showers.  Right there in the cabin and there were minimal spiders.  I'm just sayin.

 Look how clean he is after a day of running wild in the wilderness ready to bed down for the night?!  This is not real camping but it was real fun and easy.

 It was fun and the kids ran around with the pack of kids that were there and they picked apples and ate them and ran around some more and played games and us adults visited with each other and enjoyed the not 100+ weather and the not sweaty-ness. 

 They stayed still for a picture, then ran off on the hunt.

 I canned chicken.  Or jarred chicken- how do I say that?  In any case, I have chicken in the pantry and ready to go and I'm excited about that.  What's for dinner you say?  I have no idea.

 I helped out at the school by making these folder books for the 6th graders.  Now all 60 of them have a place to put their history projects, color coded for their convenience with little pockets.  It was a bit of work but I can't even imagine how the dear teacher would have had time for all that.  I'm glad it is done and they turned out rather well.

That's enough for now.

Happy Days are here again!

 Yep, fancy chocolate cake.  I am not ashamed to admit that I bribed our children.  I told them that if they read a couple more books before school started they could go with us to the Compass Room downtown.  After 9pm the Compass Room has $5 desserts and it is super fancy.  So they read, some better than others, and we all managed to go.  Highlights of the trip were riding the glass elevator, being in a restaurant that spins 360 degrees (we stayed for about 180 of the degrees), eating yummy chocolate cake, and getting to stay up late.  Thanks to my Amanda sister some of our cousins from the east side came and were fancy with us.  I will pat myself on the back and say it was one of my better ideas.

 Here is a rare picture of Dinah being sad.  Most of the time she is a happy little angel bunny.  She was sad because Daddy was out of town.  He was gone this weekend picking up a car in New York.  But he is home safe after a long drive and we are all very grateful for that.

 The girls and I went school shopping on Saturday, thrift store shopping of course.  They got a bit waylaid in the shoe aisle so I told them to find the most ridiculous pair of heels they could find and I'd take a picture so we could move on to more sensible items.  Here is the result.  They have a fondness for high heels.

 Here's how Dinah looked for church yesterday.  She is adorable.

 And here is the day we have all been waiting for.  I have seriously been looking forward to this day for several years.  Seriously.  Peter has started kindergarten!!  All day kindergarten.  Oh bliss.  He is such a happy person about it, he has been chomping at the bit lately.

 He is sitting between two adorable little girls, I hope they prove to be a calming example to him today.  I know there are lots of moms out there who miss their kids when they go to school and they cry and stuff.  Although I cry about most things, I have yet to cry about sending a child to school.  I will say that I will probably miss him, I will miss all of them but I think school is really good for them and I am grateful to have a good school just down the road that the kids can attend.

 Our 8th grader.  His last year at this school!  You should have been there for the taking of this picture.  There was a bunch of 8th grade girls standing behind me giggling and commenting about how much these two look alike and how adorable they are.  Big trouble.  Also, we didn't dress these two like twins on purpose, it was just a happy coincidence.

 Pickles was eager to get to her classroom.  She is in the same classroom Leah was in last year and Jeff was there the year before.  Her teacher is different though, she is actually the same teacher Alana had last year.  She is a great teacher, I'm excited for Tess, she will have a fun year in 6th grade.

 Miss Brumm let Tessa choose where she wanted to sit and my brilliant daughter chose a seat right up front!  That's my girl!  She is such a sweet little lady.  I am glad she is one of my middles.

 Here is the tiny middle one.  She too had a choice about where she wanted to sit on this the first day of 4th grade...

 Front row!!  I love it.  Alana has a teacher we haven't had yet but I've seen her around a lot and she seems like a good one to me.  I'm sure she will have a great year, she is an excellent student.

 Leah got on campus and disappeared with her friends.  I got most of the other kids dropped off and stuck my head in her 7th grade class for a picture.  She is there way in the back.  I have a feeling she is planning to be a social butterfly this year...

 We got home from our walk to and from the school and baby girl decided she wanted to be adorable for a little while before her morning nap.

Like me, she is glad that everyone is learning and having fun at school. 

Nine Years Ago

Nine years ago this week I sent Ryan off for his first scout camp as a leader.  I got a lot of props for sending him with four smallies at home including a brand new baby Lana.  I expected him to come home and listen to my tales of woe and feel sad for how hard it was for me with all those littles all by myself.  Boy was I wrong!!  He arrived home and I took one look at my filthy exhausted husband and listened to his stories... Oh my.  He had it much worse than I did, hands down.  Yikes.  Scout camp.  I won't tell you the stories because some of you may be eating right now (I'm eating carmel corn), and I don't want to upset you.  Oh the nightmares you would have!

 Here are my nine years ago babies.  Aren't they so squishy and cute?  I just want to squeeze them and tickle them!  They are longer and pointier now.

Pete took Jeff's place in the photo.  Jeffy went to scout camp with Ryan.  They are having a great time.  They even got to bring Jeff's cousin, Oscar, along to camp so Jeff is pretty much in heaven.  He lives for scout camp.  Princess Dinah took Leah's spot for the photo this time.  My Leah Buggy went to girls camp!  She just got home this afternoon and had a perfectly lovely time.  I am so glad my sweet girl gets to go to camp where I went.  LoMia rocks.  It is unbelievable that she is 12 already, but I suppose that if the little tiny peanut from the top picture can grow into the adorable little flower shirted person in the bottom photo in a mere nine years, anything is possible.  Yes, Tessa looks exactly the same.