And then I realized, Duh! This craft we can date and send to Joshy's birthmom every year. We sent her a little picture Josh colored last month that had a tree and little fall leaves we glued onto it. She said she loved it so much that it made her cry! So I bought a little kit from Hobby Lobby with ceramic ornaments and paint. I was serious about letting Josh paint them however he wanted. I even took off his shirt and pants so he could get down and dirty. I think they turned out well, yeah? I'm sure b-mom will love them.
I'm not very good at keeping a journal. I've tried many times and have failed every time. Back in the summer of 2008 (whoa, was it really that long ago?) I made one of my many attempts at keeping a journal. I bought a little notebook and wrote about 15 entries before ending it. I placed it in my beside table drawer and there it sat until just a couple days ago. I needed a notebook to write something down in. I knew exactly what it was when I pulled it out, but I just told myself that I could rip those pages out and throw them away, due to the fact that it's silly to keep a journal with only 15 entries inside of it...
Nope. No, not silly at all. Instead of ripping the pages out, I started reading them. Wow, that was such a hard time in my life. At the time I was heavily involved in working with a fertility clinic that could not figure out what was wrong with me. I wrote about how it felt to have what the doctors called "unexplained infertility". I wrote about the idea of adopting a child. I wrote about being chosen to adopt a baby. And I wrote about the loads and loads of paperwork that I never thought we would get through before the baby was born. I wrote about finding out that this baby was a boy. I wrote about recieving his ultra-sound pictures in the mail. I wrote about the fears I had that the birthmom might change her mind and decide not to place him with us. I just wrote about so much in those measely 15 entries. So, I don't think I'll throw those pages away. I'm so glad that Josh will be able to read them when he's older. I hope he finds them comforting on the days when he feels sad about being adopted. This chunk especially, "What a wonderful surprise it will be when we're blessed with a child. I look forward to that day. And I know it will come. I don't mean to dwell even though it's usually on my mind. But I do want my future children to know how happy I am to finally have them in my life."
I love you Joshy!
