Without knowing the most deepest pain imaginable, you could not know the most deepest joy imaginable." What I'd give to be able to go back and see her little face, to touch those little hands and to kiss those cute cheeks. I wish I could go back into the memories of my mind and actually relive some of them. Today I've been missing Danielle more than usual, go figure. It's been 18 years ago today that we lost her. I try to stay positive because I know that Wellie wouldn't want me to be so sad. And most days I can deal with it. Somedays I don't even think about it. Oh what I'd give to have her put her arms around me and hug me or stand in front of the T.V blocking everyones view or give me her little look and say "I'll be back". Oh, why did this have to happen? I know the reason, but it doesn't relieve one ounce of the pain. I'm not angry at the Lord or even at our situation. I'm just sad. I'm trying to put on my best face and find joy in the journey. I know that this life is full of both joy and sorrow, and that if I could just see the big picture that this probably wouldn't be as bad as I think it is. That it's only but a second of time in the grand scheme of things. I know that the Lord would never give us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wonder if He has more faith in me than I have in myself. Tomorrow will be a better day. Today, I just miss her. I am not waiting for this storm to pass, I am just learning to dance in the rain."

I found this on a blog and I want to share it today:

"I would like you to meet my best friend. His name is Grief. We met each other unexpectedly and became friends instantly. He follows me wherever I go. When I go to sleep at night he tucks me in and whispers in my ear, "I'll see you in the morning." When I awake surely he has held true to his promise and greets me with a frown. He frowns because he is sad he had to meet me. He is the most loyal friend in the world. You can forget him for a while and not even think about him and he is willing to return at the drop of a dime. Grief is unselfish though. When other friends are around, he takes a back seat. He is quieted by the chattering of my other friends. It's nice to have a break from Him. Sometimes he's unrelenting and can be a drag. Other times I am greatful he's my friend because when he's around I know I haven't Forgotten. A while back he was my very best friend. Slowly other friends are taking his place and he doesn't visit as often. I have even made friends with Joy again. I thought I had lost her friendship forever. Joy is a good friend too. Hopefully one day I will be able to be as good friends with Joy as I was with Grief. Maybe one day we can all be friends and share the same heart. To live in the Joy of today, to remember the Grief of yesterday and to love all of my tomorrows. When all three of us can attain the same heart, I know our new best friend will be Peace." Like Christ said, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." I love you Wellie, and I miss you every day. Thank you so much for all that you taught us. We are forever in your dept.

Special Day

Today is December 13th. This year that is a really big day for us as a family. First and foremost it is my Grandpa Dans birthday. Oh how I loved this man. Not only was he the only papa joe I knew, he was my favorite. If you were with papa joe you were the only person in his whole world at the time. Plus he raised my dad, how much more perfect can he be. I love you Papa Joe, and I miss you everyday.(yes his name was Dan, but I always called him my papa joe, don't know why, just did)
Then it was our annual Shop with a Cop Breakfast. For about 5 years now our family has cooked breakfast for about 100 plus police officers and 100 plus kids. This is a program that our local officers in Utah county do with Kmart where kids who need help for christmas get paired with an officer and given a $100 gift card to Kmart. They go in the cop cars with lights and sirens on at 6:00 in the morning and go the the Festival of Lights at canyon view park. then they come the the Jr. High school and we feed them breakfast. They then head to Kmart with a christmas shopping list and do there shopping, with help from their officer. The helpers at Kmart then wrap the gifts and the kids are ready for christmas morning with gifts for their families and usually something special for themselves. For years my sisters and I have gotten our kids up and drove down town to watch the parade of cop cars with their lights and sirens on heading to Kmart. We have always talked about how we would love to be apart of this neat experience. But none of us wanted to become an officer and we were to old to join in with the kids, I quess a Kmart employee was always an option, but then Gatlin needed an eagle scout project. So this is how our story began. We have it down to a fine art know. We have lots and lots of help, We cook sausage and eggs and pancakes and this year we added hasbrowns. This was our biggest year we cooked for 148 officers and 148 kids. It is so much fun. We start at about 5 in the morning and we are done by 8. Everyone is so helpful and every year someone hears we are doing it and they come help. It is neat to watch our kids serve less fortunate kids. Thanks Mom and Dad for teaching us to care about others and to want to serve.

Happy 24th Birthday

Today is Danielles 24th Birthday. I can't believe it. She has been gone 18 years, but sometimes it seems like yesterday she was with us. I can still remember the day she was born and every minute of her life. Our family was changed forever on this day 24 years ago. She made us all better people. She taught us unconditional love, acceptance for those who are different, how to be strong in any situation, enjoy the little things (like egg cartons) because they become the big things. Danielle touched the lives of all who knew her. Danielle displayed amazing courage and had an enormous will to live life to the fullest. Danielle taught us what is truly important in life and to appreciate the little things. By example, she taught us about patience, endurance, faith and love. She taught us to smile when life is hard and to fight back even harder. She taught us to have hope, don't give up and to continue believing in miracles. We've learned the preciousness of every second we have with our children. Though we miss Danielle terribly, we will be forever grateful we had the chance to know and love her. Danielle changed our lives and will remain in out hearts forever. And She will be back. I am so greatful for eternal families and the fact that we will be together forever as a family.So today I thank my Heavenly Father and my earthly family for making her experience here on earth everything it could have been and then some. And thank you Wellie I wouldn't have missed this for the world. I Love You.

Photo Shoot

Here is the link to KelLees photo shoot. They are pretty amazing. Good Job KelLee. kelci

Bra-Less Weekend

Every November we have a girls weekend in Birdseye. In the dark ages when we all did "paper" scrap booking, that is what we would spend our weekend doing. But now that we have evolved and we all (well most of us but Teresa) blog and we don't get to excited over the paper stuff, we all spent this year sewing. We show up at moms armed with lots of projects. Every year everyone has lots to work on. Some get more done than others. But a great time is had by all. We get into our P.J's and we stay in them all weekend. Thus "bra-less" weekend. It is so much fun and every year our group gets bigger and bigger. This year there was Mom, Teresa, Abbie, Mandie, Kelci, Me, Vanessa, Suzee, Kristina, Lauri, Tiffany, Lindsey, Her friend from work (sorry I forgot her name).Thats a lot of female hormones in one house. Lauri and Tiff each made three quilt tops, Suzee was whipping out aprons, Kelci helped Grandma with her page for the Branch Scrapbook. Vanessa even made an apron, and I finished an apron and a baby blanket. Teresa made an apron, Lindsey made her mother in laws christmas gift. Abbie and Kris worked on hair bows for their girls. See we did get a lot done. I can't wait til next year. Thanks girls

Wrestling Season

It's that time of year again. Wrestling! I love it. Right now things are a little tense at our house because Traven is trying to make official weigh-ins. Not easy. He has to be at his wrestling weight AND be hydrated. Not Easy. But he can do it. HadLee has been practicing with the High School but is going to wrestle with the Jr. High. They had their first dual last Wednesday, HadLee did pretty good, he lost 2 to 1. HadLee has been lifting weights all summer at Buds Gym. I don't think he has realized yet how much stronger his arms are. I think after a few matches he is going to find out all his hard work this summer is paying off. So for the next few months we will eat, breath and sleep wrestling, hope to see ya on the mat.

KelLee and Kelci

Mckielle signed up for a makeup class with her school. It was a three day class where they learned many makeup techniques. She had a blast. She is really loving her classes but she especially loved this one. On the last day they got to do a photo shoot with a professional photographer. Kel took Jakes wife Kelci. I don't know who had more fun. Jake and I rode over and watched the photo shoot. It was awesome. Mckielle did an amazing job. I think she had found her hidden talent. Way to go KelLee, and thanks a bunch Kelci. P.S. Kelci said she has been watching Americas Next Model on T.V. to practice, can you tell? They were both naturals.