And They're Off!

Nothing marks the passage of time for a mother more than the beginning of a school year. Back when I sent Eli to school I cried because I couldn't believe my baby was going to kindergarten. Today I dropped my youngest off at 5th grade and was teary eyed because I know how quickly the time passes and before I blink these kids of mine will be all grown up. 

The past few days have been dedicated to getting ready for the new school year. We shopped for clothes, lunch food, and supplies, had a special family dinner where we introduced our family theme for the school year and then Jason gave the kids back to school father's blessings. We slowed down and spent time with just our family before the craziness began. 

This year we have a 12th grader, 9th grader, 7th grader, 6th grader and 5th grader. One thing we will always remember about this years first day of school is that it was rainy and cold. That is a first for us. I don't ever remember a first day that wasn't beautiful. It was perfect weather for all the new back to school outfits. Here's all our traditional back to school photos. 

Let's start with Jonah. This year he is a senior. We are going to savor every minute we have left with this amazing kid. Seriously I don't know if I could ask for a better peacemaker in our home. He is hardworking, helpful and kind to his siblings. He is a good friend and so fun to be around. We are already mourning him leaving home. 

Next is Emma, starting 9th grade. She is going to love high school. She is so excited to get involved and work hard. She has a great group of friends that she spent all summer with working together on their summer homework. I wish I were half as organized as she is. She's a great student and friend too. 

Next up is Anna with another big transition year to 7th grade. This should be a big adventure as she learns how to navigate a bigger school, seperate classes and the homework that goes with them. She is so excited for the adventure and I love that we live so close

To the middle school. 

Next up is Lily starting 6th grade. She is going to rock it. She is so independent and hardworking. She was up and dressed before anyone this morning, assembling her orange chicken in a bento box and frying up her own potstickers to take to school. 

Jack brings up the rear as a 5th grader this year. He had major anxiety for the first day of school, but it melted away when he got to his classroom and so many kids were excited to see him. He has the best teacher ever. She was Eli's teacher when we adopted Jack and so she's known him his whole life. This is going to be a big year for both jack and I. It's going to require lots of effort on my part to keep Jack going but we're going to suck it up and do it. Jack has taught me more than all my kids combined. The things I've learned from him can't be taught in any classroom. 

We love every minute of our summer. We play hard and rest a lot. I believe it is important for my kids to have a break from the pressures of the school year. But when that first day of school hits I am ready for more structure. It's time to get organized and pay attention to everything I ignored while we were soaking up the summer sunshine. 

Luckily it's been a fast year

I can't believe that a year ago today Eli was entering the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Ut and embarked on a two year adventure in the Korea Daejeon mission. The time has flown by for us at home, mostly because we know Eli is having such a great experience. That's not to say it's been easy. This is a challenging mission. The language is hard and the teaching is hard but he keeps embracing the challenging parts and we get to see him grow.

We raise our kids preparing them to serve missions because we believe the message we share can bless the lives of people all over the world. But as the time approaches and reality sets in we realize two years is a long time and sacrifices must be made. But one year into this mission the time seems like such a drop in the bucket of a lifetime. Eli is having experiences that can't be replicated in any other way. He is learning what it means to serve others and to live his life with Christ at the center. Everything he learns from his mission will be the foundation of how he lives the rest of his life. 

After Eli left our family decided to call ourselves on a mission and find ways to share the happiness that the gospel of Jesus Christ brings into our lives.  Since I was teaching seminary I decided the best way to share the gospel was to do it through my students. At the beginning of the year I had one of my students bringing a friend who was interested in our faith. We invited them to meet with the missionaries (Sisters Pereleman and Lybbert) in our home once a week. The interest faded and they moved on but in the meantime we had another of my students bringing some of his friends. It was so awesome to have the missionaries in our home once a week because of the spirit they brought. Some of our sweetest experiences of the past year have been with the missionaries in our home. We got to meet some amazing kids who we never would have met any other way and hopefully they felt the spirit too. We also got to meet the best sister missionaries ever who  have become a part of our family. 

A year ago I never could have anticipated the blessings that would come into our lives from having a missionary in the field and working with our local missionaries. Like any good sacrifice the returns are better than anything I could imagine. 

Answered Prayers

Last night Jack came to us close to tears. He had lost his wallet. It was his special duct tape wallet, the one he made himself. He was beside himself with frustration. We looked everywhere. I had just cleaned the house and hadn't seen it anywhere so we were all a little worried. The wallet held his life savings. He's been working his tail off doing odd jobs earning $1 at a time and it's added up to a nice chunk of change. We finally talked him into going to bed and trying again in the morning. This morning he woke up in a bad mood, still thinking about the wallet. I suggested to him that we pray to find the wallet, something I have a lot of experience in. His mood was getting in the way of having a humble heart so he wanted me to say the prayer. As I knelt with him I was filled with faith that we would find the wallet. Right after we prayed I left to pick up Anna from her piano lesson. I left a very frustrated boy. He was near the breaking point when I got home and it was time to get on the bus. While he put on his shoes and grabbed his backpack I kept searching. I thought to look under the couch cushions and when I picked up one of the throw pillows on the couch there was the wallet. Jack's look of joy on his face was priceless. We said a quick prayer of thanks and sent him out the door to catch the bus just in time.

It was a lesson learned for Jack and a good reminder for me that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers even for something as insignificant as a missing wallet. Small detail in the scheme of things but a huge deal to Jack.

Friends for Life

Throughout my life I have been blessed with great friends. This has been a tremendous blessing in my life as I have often felt they are real life angels--people who help me when I need it and always leave me feeling loved and blessed. Two of my closest friends are Betsy and Kelly. We have been through it all together with more sure to come. How often I have thanked my Heavenly Father for sending these women into my life. Our friendship is drama free and full of love and charity. This friendship serves as a model for how I want to feel about everyone that crosses my path.

One of the hardest things we've been through is the death of James, Betsy's husband. James died on October 8, 2012 and a part of each of us died on that day. We have laughed, cried, fasted and prayed with James. There was no one like him. He was unique in every way and we loved him and miss him every day. The day he died Kelly and I immediately jumped in the car and drove to be by Betsy's side. We would do anything for each other. Betsy thinks she is always the recipient of kindness but I would argue that Betsy has figuratively jumped in the car and come to our sides on many occasions, although in not so dramatic a fashion. This weekend Kelly and I jumped in the car again, this time with 3 of my kids and 3 of hers and once again went to be by Betsy's side. 

James was a collector of all things--each of them reflecting his personality. As a result it is a difficult process to sort through his things--each represents a memory for Betsy that must be relived and processed. He was also a prolific writer and kept copies of important emails and other documents, all of which must be read and then dealt with. This has been a lengthy and ongoing process. Betsy put out a call for help and Kelly and I responded. We had hoped we could clean out his closet and organize his belongings. We never dreamed we would get the closet clean and the garage cleaned out too. 

We arrived on Friday night about 10:00 pm and went to work on the closet. We worked for 2 hours and fell into bed exhausted. As soon as we woke up on Saturday we were back at it. We started with a prayer and I truly felt like we were guided to go through James' belongings. We worked at record speed and Betsy was decisive and thoughtful. by 10:30 Saturday night we were making our final trip to the DI truck. We had carefully put away and preserved the things that were most important to James and to Betsy. What an amazing legacy James left. I learned so much through this process, especially the importance of putting things in writing. The most tender things we found were things James had written and two letters that Tony had written James that James had saved. 

But more than anything I felt profound gratitude--so thankful for the people that are in my life that inspire and strengthen me. Our three families have had some profound and amazing experiences together but this weekend will top the list.  

An Adoption Journey

Last week I looked at the date and realized May 9, 2014 officially marked the 10 year anniversary of the day we adopted Lily. I can't believe how fast a decade can fly by!

Lily was born December 28, 2002. I want to write a bit about what was happening then in our lives that I feel was preparation for us to be open to adoption. In 2002 we were a happy little family of 6. Anna had been born on March 27, 2002 completing our family with two boys and two girls. We thought life was perfect. My pregnancy with Anna had been a routine but somewhat difficult pregnancy for me. I struggled with heartburn, varicose veins and she was breech. I had had two easy pregnancies and deliveries with Eli and Jonah but Emma was a breech baby. We tried to turn her but with no success and she was born via C-section on March 11, 2000. This was jarring for me after having two normal, easy deliveries and recoveries. I loved giving birth to the boys and Emma's birth was different because of the c-section, not as relaxing and euphoric and I didn't like being drugged so heavily after. When I found out Anna was breach I was devastated because I desperately wanted to have a normal delivery again. I decided to go to a chiropractor and see if their manipulations would work. I prayed frequently that she would be born vaginally without complications and every time I prayed I knew in my heart that would not be the case but I did everything in my power to make it happen. The manipulations from the chiropractor worked and she was head down as we headed toward our delivery date. My doctor was going to be out of town for my due date which I believe was April 2 or somewhere close. Since I would be doing a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesaerian) I wanted to make sure that Dr. Maughan would be the one to deliver her and the only way to guarantee that would be to schedule an induction.

On the morning of March 27, 2002 we entered the doors of Deaconess hospital ready to deliver. As an interesting side note, when we walked in the hospital we were greeted by Tony and Kelly Lundberg whose daughter Eliza had been born the day before, also delivered by Dr. Maughan. It was so fun to see them.

We got all settled and ready to be induced. I thought it would progress quickly. But by 6 pm that evening we had no progression. Anna was posterier in the birth canal which was too risky to try for a VBAC so Dr. Maughan decided we would do the C-section. I was so disappointed. I was exhausted by that point and only had a spinal block but they wanted to get her out of there so into the operating room we went. The C-Section went fine but right after surgery my spinal block began to wear off. I truly thought it I closed my eyes I would die. I was in so much pain. I had spent a few days the last part of my pregnancy in Utah with my grandparents scanning pictures into my laptop so I would have a record of my family history. I had read a lot about the lives of my grandmothers who came before me and I was wheeled down the hall I could feel them surrounding me and I believe that they helped Anna make a safe entrance into her mortal life. I truly believe that those who have come before us surround us and watch over and protect us and help guide us through this life. The veil was very thin in that moment and in moments of despair since then I have often reflected on that moment and know that I am not alone in this journey. This painting by one of my favorite artists Brian Kershisnik depicts how I feel about the experience. This painting now hangs above my bed.

The day I left the hospital I stood at the hospital doors waiting for Jason to bring the car from the parking lot to drive us home. As I stood there, carseat in hand, I had a thought come to my mind that I would never do this again. It had been too scary, too exhausting, as joyous as it had been I knew I would never birth another baby.