standing out

i go through random periods where i spend a lot of time looking at artsy, pretty things online. most of the time, it's fashion related. im not sure what drives it. i reckon there are quite a few factors. one of them that i'd like to point out now is the want to look good. sometimes it even crosses over to the want to look better than others. all this happens in the subconscious of course. i dont think i knowingly do a lot of that.

there's this other side of me that detests the way i spend so much time looking through pictures that feed such a superficial appetite. some argue that there's a lot more to fashion than just the way something looks. but to many, myself included, it's just.. the way something looks. it almost creates this other platform for competition (for girls especially) besides academia. hmm.. yeah, it sounds like an ugly world out there. hahahaha.


anyway.

today while surfing, i came across this page, and it served as a good reminder of the many things to be thankful for.

and all this fashion/looks/pretty/artsy stuff... well, it's only as good as the depth behind it. at the end of the day, that becomes a personal thing because each individual will attach different meanings and motives to the things they wear, or create, or draw..

alright! time to throw on t-shirt and jeans and head to the library!

the journey or the destination?

i know that this physiotherpay engagement for me has been one that i truly believe in, and it's been such a blessing from the start though i only got offered a place in the business consulting team effectively after the first day.

as i was running from the library to get the CDs submitted this afternoon, i struggled with what i would be most thankful for by the end of july..

the team cohesiveness?
the learning experience?
the friendships?



the score?



see, i struggle with the question of whether or not i'll still be happy if i score poorly for all the hard work, late nights and 4am twich.me sessions the team's put in. was all that really just simply for the score?

then im reminded of the good will be coming out of this project, for our clients and other stakeholders. and i remember the good relationships formed over roughing it out together, the jokes, the debate, the frustration, the food, the fun, the encouragement and the peseverance. and hey, i know society calls me to get an H1 and tells me that anything near H3 is rubbish and not worth mentioning, but yknow what, i have thoroughly enjoyed bringing all this together.

I thank God for giving me this opportunity. I thank Him for teaching me patience, showing me his own selflessness and forgivness as he lay down his rights on the cross. so many times in the past few days i've failed to show grace, and im determined to wrestle with what showing grace looks like in my life. I suppose it's grace shown to me that i have team mates who show this grace on my behalf. haha.

Well, so for the journey that i've been on, i give thanks.

stoked!

during the vocal class at neighbourhood night yesterday, Kerri was teaching us how to breathe and she got all of us to feel our own ribs.

kerri: can you all feel your ribs?

me: joey can't

joseph cheok: *evil eye. i hate you. (as everyone else laughs.)

20 with a mini epiphany

so.. i was feeling rather forgotten during the time leading up to my birthday.. and even at midnight. that got me thinking about birthdays and the whole shebang (and how i'd like my kids to view birthdays heh heh).

the day turned out to be great actually. the lovely people from my Business consulting group surprised me at lot6 during our 9am meeting. chris had apparently gotten in to lot6 pretty early and saw these girls hurrying in and trying to plot with the cafe staff to hide the cake and he wondered if they happened to be my BC team mates. haha not a bad guess at all.

Beryl said it quite rightly, that we have grown so much closer than when we first met. lol i should tell her what i thought of her when we first met. xD

Mummy looked at the pics we took at Lot6 on facebook and called me later that night. first thing she said was "why's your forehead so high??" can't remember what i said, but then she goes on to ask "why do you have so many pimples!!"

HAHAHA mum=best.

chris and yuli willis' daughters are friends with me now. i hope we have many more baby conversations. Zoe said happy birthday to me yesterday! HAHA. zoe-grace is 3 and zara is 2. and they've got really cool parents. i should get a picture.

Heaven and Earth

Chris has been reading The Orthodox Heretic by Peter Rollins. Here's one of the stories he thought up.



Just as it was written by those prophets of old, the last days of the Earth overflowed with suffering and pain. In those dark days a huge pale horse rode through the Earth with Death upon its back and Hell in its wake. During this great tribulation the Earth was scorched with the fires of war, rivers ran red with blood, the soil withheld its fruit and disease descended like a mist. One by one all the nations of the Earth were brought to their knees.

Far from all the suffering, high up in the heavenly realm, God watched the events unfold with a heavy heart. An ominous silence had descended upon heaven as the angels witnessed the Earth being plunged into darkness and despair. But this could only continue for so long for, at the designated time, God stood upright, breathed deeply and addressed the angels,
“The time has now come for me to separate the sheep from the goats, the healthy wheat from the inedible chaff”
Having spoken these words God slowly turned to face the world and called forth to the church with a booming voice,
“Rise up and ascend to heaven all of you who have who have sought to escape the horrors of this world by sheltering beneath my wing. Come to me all who have turned from this suffering world by calling out ‘Lord, Lord’”.

In an instant millions where caught up in the clouds and ascended into the heavenly realm. Leaving the suffering world behind them.

Once this great rapture had taken place God paused for a moment and then addressed the angels, saying,
“It is done, I have separated the people born of my spirit from those who have turned from me. It is time now for us leave this place and take up residence in the Earth, for it is there that we shall find our people. The ones who would forsake heaven in order to embrace the earth. The few who would turn away from eternity itself to serve at the feet of a fragile, broken life that passes from existence in but an instant.”

And so it was that God and the heavenly host left that place to dwell among those who had rooted themselves upon the earth. Quietly supporting the ones who had forsaken God for the world and thus who bore the mark God. The few who had discovered heaven in the very act of forsaking it.

bye bye.. for real?

so apparently the world was supposed to end today. what's gonna happen to all the people who really believed it?

if i live like im gonna die tmr, what would i be doing?

moods

"There are certain things in life that we need not pray about— moods, for instance. We will never get rid of moodiness by praying, but we will by kicking it out of our lives. Moods nearly always are rooted in some physical circumstance, not in our true inner self. It is a continual struggle not to listen to the moods which arise as a result of our physical condition, but we must never submit to them for a second. We have to pick ourselves up by the back of the neck and shake ourselves; then we will find that we can do what we believed we were unable to do. The problem that most of us are cursed with is simply that we won’t. The Christian life is one of spiritual courage and determination lived out in our flesh."
-utmost for his highest

o level type days

oops. a little bit too much caffeine in my coffee(s) tonight. gonna plough through the whole report before tmr's meeting *fingerscrossed.

there are very few people whose places i can rock up to and feel like im not imposing on them with my being there. it gets really hard when i have days where i feel the need to be around someone but not say anything to him or her, but just to be in the same place doing our own separate thing.

c's been most hospitable in making sure i've got space to work and food (and coffee from the coffee machine) to keep me going.



but most of all, i think i feel really blessed from the support and understanding (and smiles) d's been giving me these past few (crappy) days. :))))))

burst of colour

once in awhile i want a holiday really badly. the past couple of days have been such days. not that i'm tired, but more because i just wanna stop, be inspired, and create.

and because i still have so much work to do i can't bring myself to take a good break, take time off and go out to appreciate all the colour that's around. i just end up surfing the net, clicking away clickingclickclickclickclickscroll.

i hope i do well. *fingers crossed.

places you can take me to

im not sure if this is a good thing but the FOODIE in me has emerged again and alison's got this list of places to check out.

1) luxbite
2) I REALLY WANNA GO TO CUMULUS INC!
3) tropicana
4) Journal Canteen
5) Naked for Satan
6) 3 bags full
7) St ali
8) Self preservation

how now brown cow. i'm running out of time and money. cook more.

that's elisa xu

ching: Why dyou have so many unglam photos at your friends bday?
me:You dunno meh. that's what i specialize in

holding hope

"... but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." - Romans 5:3-5

what is worth hoping for? and what is then worth suffering for?




i have certain career goals, but if you ask me what i really want, i refer back to something really simple, and i realise in my own secret place that the simplest things can be the hardest to have.

The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic - Joseph stalin

some celebrate the death of osama, others wonder what the death of that leader meant, still others wondered about the atrocity of approving and celebrating the death of a person - saint or terrorist.

i remember again the man who's brother-in-law lost his life in a car-jack. all because someone wanted some cash and a phone and decided the best way to get it was by taking someone else's life as well. saw the tears of rage in *'s eyes after he got the news over the phone.

and with regard to the Downtown East stabbings in Singapore last year, how is it that a life can be regarded so lowly that taking it has no meaning to a person other than "more time behind bars"?

i say all this as though im not guilty of disregarding someone's life. yet i think with all my selfish wants and insecurities, it can be such a challenge to remember that people are not there just to help me achieve my ambitions or trigger the release of happy hormones. they were also fearfully and wonderfully made.

famous

you wont remember me until im famous. and even then, you will remember what made me famous and not remember me at all.

yeah maybe i'm just a little bit crazy - i'd like to think that.

ching: Why dyou have so many unglam photos at your friends bday?
me:You dunno meh. that's what i specialize in

"seriously you're super weird. wonder how i became bestfriends w you. Not normal. Haha like there's a loose screw in your head"

hehe.

wtfoihvaerubna;on

pioahsdvaief ngpherhgpRGH let me quote from White Chicks - "I am so frickin pissed."
thank you.

shirking

if i were more patient with people who shirk in group assignments, i would not be so frustrated right now.
so frickin sleepy from staying up to edit other people's work.
to what extent will i die to my own rights? why should i take on so much responsibility? then again, perhaps this is something i ought to be thankful for, that i even have the mental capacity to edit reports. alright now, stop whining and be grateful.

the problem with self-attribution

end of the busiest week in my uni life thus far, and i'm happy to say that amidst all the work that's required so much effort and time, i have had solid conversations, good indulgent times at borders, lotsa fun, reflection and the conquering of challenges.

So many things to thank God for.

on that note, someone mentioned that sin was being ungrateful. sin's more than just that, but i think that's still a very profound point, especially coming from a non-christian (at least i dont think the person's a christian). When you're ungrateful, you fail to recognise God's goodness, you may feel like you're not getting the best, or you might feel deprived of a certain right, and you dont trust the purposes of this Creator who loves you deeply.

self-attribution. hmm. adam blamed eve. eve blamed the serpent. and till today, some of us get so caught up with the serpent, when the fact is, adam and eve were the ones who were so clearly told not to eat the fruit. adam was there when eve was tempted yet he still blamed eve. i think this is pretty reflective of our human nature. it's not just a truth that appears in the bible, nowadays people call it attribution theory.