Olivia's Two Years Old!

And just like that I blinked my eyes and she was TWO!!! 

Don't ask me how it happened, I can't figure it out.

No matter how it happened (probably all the feeding we do or something...) it's here, we're officially the parents of a toddler, not a baby. 😭 Every day she looks more and more to me like a big kid and It's so insane to me!

I thought I would have more time!

More than missing her being little though, parenting a toddler is a whole different ball game from parenting a baby and it's been such a learning curve for me. I'm still trying to figure it out! Basically every day I feel like I'm failing at something but looking back at her baby days I can see that I felt the exact same way and I ended up doing pretty alright there.

So here it is, Olivia's TWO YEAR OLD update. 

1) What is something that Mommy says to you? *in a low growls voice* I babaaaam  ("I'm batman 😂)

1) What is something that Daddy says to you? *in a low growls voice* I babaaaam  ("I'm batman 😂)

2) What makes you happy? Ee, Aye, Ee, Aye, Ee, Ayyyye (I don't even know...)

3. What makes you sad? *fake cry voice* I sad...

4. What makes you laugh? *cheesey smile and a fake laugh*

5. How old are you? TOOWAH! *holds up five fingers*

6. How old is Mommy? ...toowah?

7. How old is Daddy? Toowah, Daddy? TWO DADDY!

8. What is your favorite thing to do? Howeeeeen!

9. Who is your best friend? Penny... Gukee... Warney... Austey...

10. What are you really good at? Uh...daddy!

11. What did you do today? Howeeeeen!

12. What is your favorite food? Yih-yah eat??? (What do you like to eat?) Yih-yah applebee (apple sauce)

13. What is your favorite song? Iyah sing! Iss goood! Do do do do do do do

14. What is your favorite color? I want counoo! Uh...buh bus? (School bus, she later informed me that her favorite color is blue, but to be fair she thinks every color is blue)

15. What is your favorite animal? Aunt Ommy?

16. What did you dream about? GUKEE! (You dreamed about Decker?)  Yeah... He pinchoo...

17. What is your favorite toy? Uh, PIYAH?!? (Piano)

18: What is your favorite fruit? Uh fwoot? I eat it!!

19. What is your favorite book? Oh bup, oh bup, I weed it.

20. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Da syide!!

Lol, she's still a little small for this so here are some of MY answers/translations...

1) What is something that Mommy says to you? I don't know, I'm just grateful she didn't say something like "Mommy always says NO!" But I won't lie, I was hoping she'd say something sweet like "I love you"... 😉

1) What is something that Daddy says to you? This one probably isn't actually that far off!

2) What makes you happy? Olivia loves to "go"! She loves getting outside, or going for a drive, or even running errands, she just loves getting out of the house! Lots of times she'll find me and bring me my shoes to put on so we can go somewhere... 😆

3. What makes you sad? HA! She's two, what doesn't make her sad? Even things that make her happy can make her sad, it all just depends. But as a rule of thumb she can be pretty sensitive so we have to be careful not to raise our voice too stern with her when she's in trouble or it completely crushes her spirit!

4. What makes you laugh? She looooves being silly! Silly faces/voices, pretending to be asleep, tickling, funny dancing, running... You name it, it probably cracks her up. She definitely inherited her daddy's spot on sense of humor!

5. How old are you? Yeah, she knows she's two...the problem is now she thinks everyone else is also two!

6. How old is Mommy? Close, 22

7. How old is Daddy? Not quite... 25

8. What is your favorite thing to do? She loves anything that gets her out of the house or coloring. 

9. Who is your best friend? She adores all her little friends from nursery and always asks if she can play at their houses. She also asks all the time if she can look at pictures/watch videos of her cousin Warner and daily asks if she can visit her uncle Austin.

10. What are you really good at? Olivia is really good at figuring things out. She's always been able to problem solve really well and figure out how things work.

11. What did you do today? HA! Not much, she took a bath and did a lot of independent play while mommy tried to tackle the monster mess in our kitchen and get the laundry ready to be washed.

12. What is your favorite food? She's an awesome eater but recently she's been asking a lot for toast, donuts, cupcakes, and candy (thanks a lot Halloween!)...we usually settle for toast

13. What is your favorite song? Her latest thing is to sing the lyrics to every song to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" (or "ABCs"), but "Wheels on the Bus" always gets her moving! She also loves "Three Little Monkeys Swinging in the Tree", and "Speckled Frogs", but her number one favorite song is "Can't Stop The Feeling" by Justin Timberlake. She calls it "Daddy Song" (don't ask me why 😂) and asks for it on repeat all day everyday.

14. What is your favorite color? She seems to gravitate towards blues, pinks/reds, and yellows, but the one that she always gravitates toward is green. I'm pretty sure in a few months that'll be her answer.

15. What is your favorite animal? She loves cats and dogs! She also loves bunnies and mice and sheep (from her books) and always loves to point them out.

16. What did you dream about? She usually tells me that she either dreamed about one of her friends or Batman. My favorite was once when she told me that she dreamed that she was Supergirl and Austin was Batman!

17. What is your favorite toy? She loooves this little cat piano toy our friends Shelby and Kay gave her for her birthday! She also loves balls and stuffed animals, she's always hugging them and talking to them in a baby voice.

18: What is your favorite fruit? She's obsessed with strawberries, but she also loves dates! Really she eats pretty much any kind of fruit we give her.

19. What is your favorite book? She loves the Mouse and the Red Ripe Strawberry book, Corduroy, Pete the Cat's Train Ride, her Baby Owl book, her book of nursery rhymes, and any of her Halloween themed books. 

20. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Probably playing at the park, she loves swinging and going down slides!

Some other fun things about Olivia at two years old are...

•Her favorite song is "Can't Stop The Feeling" by Justin Timberlake... She calls it "Daddy Song" (don't ask me why 😂) and asks for it every day multiple times a day!

•Olivia loves to color and it's pretty evident if you look closely enough at our walls... 😅 She even gets upset if we are at a restaurant that the waitress is "coloring" our order and she doesn't get to! Her favorite thing is to have you trace her hand and feet. I was writing in my planner the other day and she saw me, ran over, and slapped her hand down in the middle of the page waiting to have her hand drawn, lol!

•Olivia loves nursery, and thank heavens for that!! For a while there she screamed so loud when we dropped her off that you could hear her down the hall! Now it's her favorite thing ever and she'll ask me multiple times a day when she gets to go back.

•Whenever I cook dinner (or any kind of food for that matter) she always has to be right there next to me helping. Sometimes it's cute and sometimes it complicated things just a bit. 😉

•Olivia is still an awesome eater! She eats basically whatever we eat and isn't bothered by spicy or minty tastes. She'll eat practically anything dipped in salsa, once she refused to eat her peanut butter sandwich unless I gave her some salsa with it... Yuck! 

•She is finally wearing 2T clothes, meaning she's officially outgrown her clothes being sized by "months" and it kind of really breaks my heart!

•I try not to put on too much TV for her, but Olivia's favorite shows still include The Very Hungry Caterpillar ("pillar") and has now expanded to The Magic School Bus ("buh-bus")... And I kind of love it! She also really likes watching a couple YouTube family vloggers ("kids" or "cute baby") every now and again.

•Olivia LOVES being outside!! Like, she could live outside if I let her! It kind of breaks my heart that we don't have a backyard for her to play in because I know that she would be in heaven if we did. Whenever we visit AZ all she wants to do at any of our families' houses is run straight for the backyard. I really love that she loves the outdoors and I hope she never loses it.

•Livee is obsessed with babies... Like, OBSESSED!!! She always points out babies when we're out and about, she's always mothering her little stuffed animals, and a couple of weeks back when one of the YouTubers had a baby she watched the birth video over and over and over again! It was adorable! She keeps telling us that Santa will bring her a baby for Christmas and I can only hope she means a doll... 😂

•Since she's been talking more, our family has a whole new set of "vocabulary"... It's hilarious how all of a sudden you can become so fluent in a whole new version of English when you have a toddler! Some of Olivia's words are...

* "Yih-Yah" - Olivia

* "War-Nee" - Warner

* "Bam-Ma" - Grandma

* "Wah-Wee" - Water

* "Dih-Bin" - Blanket

* "Uh-Oh" - Binkie 

* "Bun" - Any Hairstyle 

* "Cuh-Noo" - Color

* "Muhp" or "Mowp" - Milk

* "Dooce" - Juice

* "Fwoot" - Fruit

* "Applebee" - Apple

* "Nee-Nee" - Banana

* "Tih-Tin" - Chicken 

* "Tow-ss" - Toast

* "Hai-Wee" - Scary

* "Buh-Bus" - School Bus

* "No-Swee" - Nursery

* "Seen-Nen" - Singing

* "Bah-Bam" - Batman

* "Baw-f" - Bath

* "Pee-Yah" - Piano

* "Poo-Poo" or "Poopy" - any kind of dirty diaper, poopy or not

We love this tenacious, sensitive, funny, smart, crazy little girl! She's our little party crasher and honestly, two years in, I can say for certain that she's made the party ten times better! 

Happy birthday sweet girl!

Why I Cloth Diaper

This post would probably be more appropriately named "Why I Cloth Diaper-D" since we're still on our cloth sabatacle, but I still feel like a cloth mama at heart!

The time of my life between the ages of 14 and 16 were without a doubt the most successful years of my prestigious and wildly success babysitting career, which spanned from the time I was 11 until I got my first "real job" in college (and even then it was really just a few rungs up on the ladder from babysitting). During that time I really loved putting myself in a situation where I got to imagine how I would run my own home someday when I was a mom. I'd cook them dinner, make a treat, play with them, watch a movie, put them to bed, clean up the kitchen, and all before the parents got home. I had no doubt in my mind that I'd be the most rockstar perfect mom/homemaker on the freaking planet (but that's a post for another day 😅)! I would often, as I was observing and setting these expectations in my head, make little mental notes of things I wanted to do in my future family, and things I did not want to do. I would also make mental notes on the type of woman I wanted to be, and that brings us to the three families I really felt connected to the most. We'll call them families A, B, and C.

Family A just felt like the picture perfect family to me. Everything they were, I wanted to be just like. Their kids loved me, they always had healthy homemade breads, and produce from their garden, and the parents seemed to have the perfect high school sweetheart love story (which was my DREAM at the time)! Aside from all of that, I also felt particularly close with the mom, and whenever she'd drop me off or pick me up we seemed to always have the best conversations. I should mention that I was a particularly old soul and that making friends with the adult women from my church was not all that uncommon for me... 😉

Family B was very special to me because the mom of family B wasn't all THAT much older than me and really felt like a surrogate older sister. Her kids were adorable and I was there to see a couple of them be born (not actually at the birth, but you know what I mean... 😆)! She and her husband also had the perfect love story in my opinion, and I felt such a kinship with the whole family - husband, wife, kids. They felt like my family, and I would often confide in the mom of family B things I was feeling or struggling with and seek advice like you would from a sister. I really looked up to them and, like family A, I wanted to be just like them.

Now on to family C. Family C was a little bit different because they were so different from any other family I had watched. The way they ran their home was different than I was used to and, though now I'm very familiar with all of these things, they had so many seemingly foreign tools that they used in their parenting like essential oils, nutritional supplements, natural house/baby products (such as natural soaps and diaper rash alternatives like coconut oil), and, you guessed it... Cloth diapers! I so admired family C not just because I felt so similar to and admired the mom and loved their kids, but because I had never seen anything like them before! I so admired their natural approach to parenting and decided then and there that I wanted to be just like them (sensing a pattern here?)

Now that I'm actually a mom, I can see where interacting with these three amazing families (all people I still love and admire very much) has impacted me greatly in my own mothering. No, I am not - as I hoped I would be - the super fused best version of all the people I admired... But I can see very clearly where the choices I make daily were shaped by the examples I saw as a teen babysitter, and that is where my love and fascination with cloth diapers began.

Aside from being super cute, cloth diapers are super ambiguous, and I really didn't LEARN about them until I actually became pregnant with Olivia. I remember sitting down with Taylor wondering how I was going to convince him to get on board with this and to my amazement he was surprisingly down with the idea! But I realized just how little I knew about them when he asked for more details... 

How do they work?

How much do they cost?

Is there one type or are there many?

How do you clean them?

Where do you get them?

I was embarrassed that I knew so little and was shocked when I did my first Google search on the subject and was slapped in the face by the sheer amount of contradicting and overwhelming information there was out there! But I was pregnant, I didn't have much else to do, and so I dove in head first and for months just learned, and learned, and learned all there was to learn. The more I learned the more excited I got, and the more excited I got the more passionate I became about it! Why weren't more people doing this?!?

I quickly learned that it's not everybody's cup of tea and quit my preaching.

But I didn't quit on my own plan!

I bought my stash, set my plan, and after a few rough weeks of trial and error once she was actually here, I fell into a beautiful routine with cloth diapering.

So let's get to the statement at the beginning of the post...why did I use cloth diapers and why do they continue to mean a lot to me?

Well... One reason was that I'm a little lazy, and I also hate spending money, so anything that kept me from having to go to the store to buy more diapers every other week was something I could get excited about!

On that same vein, we were poor college students and though building my stash was an investment upfront, it saved us so much money in the long haul!

I also felt so much pride in feeling like I was doing something worthwhile. I felt like I was doing something good for the earth, I felt like I was doing something good for our budget, and I felt like I was doing something good for my baby. Overall I just felt a lot of pride whenever I'd do a load of diaper laundry, knowing that was $30 bucks I had just saved my family and Lord knows how many years in a landfill I wasn't contributing to!

Another reason I loved using cloth diapers was because they were different! I was always getting asked about them (and every now and again I still do) by other curious moms and I loved being able to show people that they had other options and that cloth wasn't really as scary as a lot of people thought. My cloth diapers were always a great conversation starter (here's a little confession, I'd always pack my cutest diapers for when we'd leave the house so that people could see how cute they were, lol) and they honestly became a part of my mom-ing identity!

And who could forget this one...they're just down right adorable! There was something just so fun about getting to pick which diaper I wanted to use next...the pink one, the chevron one, the one with owls, or the one with elephants? It was just such a fun reward at the end of a stinky diaper to get to pick the next cute one to use. 

Overall, cloth diapering is something I'm super passionate about and miss truly deeply in my soul. If you've ever been curious about them, ask me about it! I have sooo much seemingly useless knowledge from my months and months of research... 😂

Who knows...maybe I'll do a series on here!

Summer Lovin'... Honestly Was Kind of a Blur

So completely devastating funny story... I wrote this post back at the beginning of August and it was long and beautiful and from some blogger fluke was COMPLETELY ERASED! 😫 I cried bitter tears, shut the computer, and didn't sit down to write again until now... #FullCircle

It just didn't feel right to not write about our summer because it was so full and so busy, so even though the thought of having to rewrite makes me upsettingly anxious, I'm going to do it! For you. Well, really mostly for me, but also for you... 😘

So our summer vacation really didn't start for US until the end of July because of Taylor's class schedule... What was that? You want a detailed explanation of our school plan again? Well fine, since you asked for it... If you recall our original plan (like...pre-Livee original) we planned on just busting through all of our school and settling/having kids once Taylor was finished with his PhD. We were honestly on track to go through with that plan, even after having Olivia, until Taylor's second semester here at CGU (Spring 2016 for those of you doing the math). It became pretty clear that school was no joke, and that Taylor wasn't the only one making sacrifices to earn his degree (sacrifices we were happy to make, but still sacrifices nonetheless). He came up to me one night and told me he had been thinking and feeling impressed that maybe we should consider modifying the plan and then proposed something he'd been considering: getting an additional masters degree here at CGU and then putting PhD plans on hold until further down the line. At first I was hesitant, how much time would this add to our schooling, what would Taylor's new career path be, would he secretly be super bummed to not be getting his PhD when he wanted to? But the more we researched, the more we realized what an awesome plan this was! And more than that, we realized that there were certain things that were important to us that were worth compromising for...and thus the new plan was born! Instead of blowing straight through school at once, we'd stop at his graduate degree (for now) and add a second degree into the mix - instead of just Religious Studies, he'd also be getting a degree in Education with an emphasis in social studies and world languages. One thing that I was nervous about was how much time this would add to his schooling (and in turn, our debt!) but since the schools of education and fine arts were willing to cooperate, there were a good number of credits that transferred between the two degrees, cutting back a huge chunk of time, plus two of the semesters would be during the summer...so in the grand scheme of things only one semester would be added onto our total time here (unless we decided to stay for one more, but that's a whole other story)! Plus, not only would teaching give us opportunities for loan forgiveness plans, but it would also give Taylor a lot of different job opportunities besides just teaching at the university level...plus he loves working with teenagers, so it's a win win! 😉

So that brings us to May... Taylor's education classes started pretty quickly after his spring semester was over and the work load was intense. Nothing he couldn't handle, or that he hadn't experienced already in his past two semesters, but just so so BUSY. But that didn't stop us from having some fun because for Memorial Day weekend, Sydnee, Warner, AND Grant drove up to visit us and spend some time at the beach! It was so much fun to see them, and it was so much fun to show them around Claremont a little bit...it's nice when you've told people so much about where you're living and then finally getting to actually show it to them! We ate a lot of baked goods thanks to Grant, Taylor, and an ENORMOUS block of cream cheese, watched a lot of Glee, and had so much fun being beach bums (Warner was literally beside himself with how much he loved the beach, and he was COVERED in sand by the end of it 😂). The babies were so so good, considering they went the entire day without napping, and it was so much fun getting to see them finally starting to play together and be friends.

Another thing that happened in May was that I tried (emphasis on TRIED) to put together an awesome birthday celebration for Taylor's golden birthday (turning 25 on the 25th). I had the most incredible plan laid out... The whole theme was crossing items off of his bucket list, so first we would  drive out to the Great Park in Irvine to ride on the hot air balloon, then we would drive to a women in religious studies museum, followed by lunch and the beach. Then I'd surprise him with a whale watching tour, and on our way home we'd stop and ride a giant Ferris wheel at the fair. These are all things he's never done (except for the museum... I needed a free time filler and I knew he'd love it) that I knew he'd be on board for, and I even planned it all for the weekend before his birthday so he wouldn't suspect a thing! Turns out, keeping the whole thing a secret was the only thing I succeeded at for the whole day! 😅 I woke Taylor up, we got ready, our babysitter arrived, and off went went! We arrived at the address I had programmed into our GPS and showed up at the completely wrong place. The Yelp website had the wrong address! So I quickly re-looked it up and found the right address and sped down to where we needed to be...all with Taylor still guessing where it was we were even going. So we pulled up and it was such a magical moment where Taylor saw the balloon, gasped, and yelled "Are we going on a hot air balloon?!?" I was so excited to have pulled this off and that he was so happy about it but when we got up to the balloon there was an ominously scarce amount of people there... We walked up to pay for our ride and were informed that the balloon was grounded all day due to windy weather conditions... Nooooooo!!!! 😫
I was so disappointed but I wanted to make sure that Taylor still had a good time so we headed down to the museum... Which was also closed and turned out to not even be a museum at all, it was a weird religious venue that you could rent out to host religious events at! So here we were, both beginning activities completely fallen through, and I figure it's cool...more time for beach-ing right? But I quickly realize that the big lunch I had packed for us had gotten left at home! Argh!!! So we redirect and stop at an IHOP... 😅 Once at the beach, everything seemed like it was working out again. It was super chilly and windy, but the crowds weren't bad and we didn't have a baby to worry about...so we napped! 😆 Ha ha ha, if that's not the epitome of parent life I don't know what is! So after about an hour of the most relaxing nap of our lives we decided to take advantage of our kidlessness and swim in the ocean! Despite how cold the water was, it was actually a very enjoyable experience, we laugh about how wimpy we were with the coldness of the water, we'd jump into oncoming waves, and we'd quickly learn the most important lesson in beach going: never turn your back on the ocean... Because the moment we did, a huge wave came out of nowhere and caught us off guard, knocking both of us down into the water. I felt my sunglasses slip off my face but quickly grabbed them and stood back up to look for Taylor. I was laughing and could hear Taylor yelling "It knocked off my glasses!" Me, being an idiot, laughed and yelled "I know, it knocked mine off too!" gesturing to the sunglasses I had saved... But I quickly realized that this was a little more serious because my poor sweet husband (who is legally blind without his glasses) was standing there de-spectacled frantically searching the water for his glasses. My heart sunk... The rest of this day was going to be a complete bust if Taylor couldn't even see it! We got straight to work at a useless search for his glasses in the water, feeling the send with our feet, and searching the water with our hands... At one point I kneeled in the sand (once again with my back to the ocean) to pray for Taylor's glasses to just turn up when another big wave snuck up on me and knocked me face first into the sand... I kind of took that as God's way of saying "f*** off"... 😅
So here we were, faced with a choice. Taylor wanted to drive to the nearest Walmart and pay for a basic eye exam where he would be given a free box of contacts at the end...but what Taylor didn't know was that our whale watching tour left in an hour and the closest Walmart was 20 minutes away! I decided to ruin the surprise and tell him about the tour and we decided to take the chance and drive to Walmart. We packed up our things and started running to our car (which was parked on the other end of the ferry!) when I reached into my bag to put my wedding ring back on. I had taken it off and stuck it deep inside my bag which I then wadded into a tight ball to keep my ring safe, but as I was searching for it now it was completely gone! I stopped running to the car and started frantically searching through the entire bag, turning it inside out for good measure, and indeed...it was gone! 😫 Taylor noticed I had stopped running with him and came back to see what was the matter...and this, ladies and gentlemen, was the first time in the whole day that I had finally lost my cool. After an entire day of disappointment after disappointment, this was the last straw. Taylor asked what was the matter and I shakily told him I couldn't find my ring. He asked where I put it last and I couldn't take it anymore... I broke down and sobbed "Taylor, this is the one thing in the world I can't replace!" There is no physical possession I own that's more precious to me than my wedding ring, and beyond the sentimentality of it that could never be replaced, it was also a one of a kind design that I could never truly replicate. We both went back to the spot we had been at on the beach and started searching in the sand. I honestly thought we would never find it but sure enough, Taylor (the blind one! 😂) found it laying right there where our stuff had been! How it didn't get buried or stolen is beyond me but the moment that Taylor found that ring was the moment the ugly crying commenced... And it was at this point that we had another decision to make...still try to make it to Walmart or go on our whale watching trip blind. Taylor wanted to try and get some contacts so that's what we did. We drove to the nearest Walmart we could and ran into the store literally just as they were closing down their eye center. I was so done. Taylor spent the next little while explaining our situation and trying to convince them to let him just get something to help out but I just walked back to the car and cried. I was just so crushed at how the day had turned out! I had been planning this day for weeks and had worked so hard to put it all together and literally not one single thing had worked out (except finding my ring...but losing it in the first place was pretty traumatic in and of itself). I wanted to just call our babysitter and tell her we were coming home early but Taylor convinced me to just go back to the beach with him and watch the sunset. It was pretty tragic watching our tour boat pulling out of the harbor as we rode the ferry across, but in the end I'm glad we went back. It felt like we weren't admitting defeat by going back to the beach and ending our evening on a good note.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the biggest birthday fail in history!! 😅👏🏼  I'm lucky Taylor is such a good sport and had fun with me anyway... Gosh do I love that man!

With the month of June came my birthday, Taylor's student teaching, and lots of sad goodbyes with friends who had graduated and we're moving on. That's the saddest part of having school friends...every year there someone graduating and leaving you! 😭

But the upside is that with graduation comes new students and so there's also always new friends moving in too! We've been lucky enough that while we lost our dear dear friends Randy and Heidi, we have gained so many more amazing friends that honestly make being crazy busy with school bearable.

At the end of the month Olivia and I flew out to Arizona to meet up with my family who were all driving up to Blanding for Sydnee, Tony, and Warner's sealing! It was seriously so special, and so fun to take a road trip with my family. Taylor drove up a few days later and got there the night before the sealing and then drove right back home to California on the 4th of July after the parade (where we saw Randy and Heidi!!! Next year we need to coordinate better, we completely forgot that they also have family in Blanding, of all places!)... Also, remind me never to let him do that again. 😅 But anyway, I digress... Sydnee's sealing was so special and I felt so privileged to be there. There honestly wasn't a dry eye in the room! It was also nice of Sydnee to plan it up in Monticello so that nobody would have to suffer through the Arizona heat for pictures afterwards...because let's be real...ain't nobody got time for that!






We got to take some wonderful updated family pictures, and then it was nice that we were able to just stay up in Blanding for the 4th of July. We all drove back down to Arizona and then Travis flew back home to California with me and Olivia and spent the weekend with me and Taylor. It was so nice to be able to spend some one on one time with him before he left on his mission. He and Taylor got to do a session together in the Redlands temple, and then we all went to the beach.

SIDETRACK - I had one of the scariest mom moments of my life while we were at the beach...

Taylor and Travis were out swimming in the deeper water, my Olivia and I were wading in the shallows. The water was barely up to her knees. We were playing the "jump over the waves" game and splashing in the water when it got deeper after the waves passed when a big bunch of seaweed washed up next to us. I didn't want her to get tangled in it, trip, or worse get scared by it and not want to play in the water anymore (she had just warmed up to it) so I let go of her hand (mistake number 1), grabbed it, and turned to throw it behind me (mistake number 2). It was literally only two seconds that my eyes were off her! While I was turned a teeny wave came in (nothing that would even register in my own mind) and when I turned back she was gone! Luckily Taylor was just coming back in as it happened and as my panic started setting in he got my attention and pointed to a spot in the water. I saw her little body being pushed by the water and her poor little scared eyes as she was trying to get her bearings to stand up again. The tiny wave must have been strong enough to knock her off balance and make her fall into the water and once she was under she got pulled around by the current. I ran over, scooped her up, and ran back to the sand where I could assess her and thankfully she was alright. She must have instinctively held her breath because she wasn't coughing or sputtering, just taking deep breaths, shivering, and softly crying. We walked back to our spot on the beach so that I could change her out of her cold wet clothes and cry for a minute. I was so embarrassed and shaken up about the whole thing and in my mind I just kept thinking "What if I had lost her? What if she had hit her head? What if she had aspirated water? What if Taylor hadn't been there to help me find her? What if a shark had been in the shallows and snatched her?". It was honestly the scariest parenting moment for me thus far, but luckily after a few minutes she was 100% back to normal! This picture was taken probably 5 minutes after it happened, and as you can see she's pretty upset about it, lol. 

It just goes to show you that shit happens to ALL moms. Kids roll off the bed, they'll bonk their head as you walk through the door frame, you'll nick their finger as you clip their nails, and they'll get knocked down by waves at the beach... it doesn't make you any worse of a mom when things happen, it just makes you a regular mom like all the rest of us!
Phew, sorry about that, *steps off of soapbox*
Where were we...? Oh yeah! Travis spent a little time with us in California and then flew back to Arizona. After that we had a week to ourselves while Taylor finished up his classes and then we vacationed with the Kerbys (mwahahaha, you thought this was almost over didn't you? Believe me, it's only just begining), and at this point we finally began OUR summer vacation. No classes, no assignments, just good ol' fashioned vacation time. Taylor's family drove up to California (including Emily and Andrew who flew down from Idaho) and we all stayed in a beach house RIGHT ON THE BEACH at Dana Point. We debated whether or not we wanted to spring for the actual house on the beach or a hotel by the beach and we concluded that the house would be the most condusive to family time, whereas in a hotel we'd all have seperate rooms and most of our "down time" would be spent apart that way. And boy were we right! Not only was the house GORGEOUS and literally... right on the beach (even writing about it just now makes me "homesick" for it), but it was so incredible to feel like you were actually vacationing at home. When we had nothing to do, Olivia and Austin could go play on the balcony while Taylor and I napped in the patio chairs, or everyone could gather around the table and play a few (or maybe more than a few) rounds of Bananagrams and Exploding Kittens. It was just so cozy and amazing, and having the beach as your "backyard" meant that we got to have lots of little trips to the ocean instead of one big all day beach trip that left you hot and tired. I really can't praise this trip enough, it was incredible. We did a lot of fun things while we were there like Knottsberry farm and the Mormon Batallion Museum, but I think the activity that stole the show was going deep sea fishing! We were out on the ocean for about five hours and we probably caught about 40 fish (21 of which we got to keep)! Now, don't get too impressed with our fishing abilities, because we owed all of our success to the awesome crew who took us out. They knew exactly where to take us to catch the most fish and our deckhand even caught a good number for us (he let Austin reel them in every time he caught one on the line so that Austin would feel like he was catching some, it was actually very sweet). Some of us enjoyed it more than others though, and Olivia struggled a bit the entire trip... she was such a trooper!
We drove back to Arizona and spent the next week and a half-ish there so we could be there when Travis left on his mission (cue ALL the tears!) It was honestly amazing to be able to be home during that time, and it was also so much fun staying with Taylor's grandparents. I think it's just so important to be able to spend time with them, and not only that, but to make sure that Olivia can spend time with them, especially her Grandma Ruth whom she's named for. It was really sweet on the night that Travis was set apart, we all went to get his last "American meal" (Mugsy Dogs... oh my heck, I still have dreams about those hot dogs! Next time you're in Gilbert AZ man, do yourself a favor and grab a dog from Mugsy), and then spent the hours leading up to the stake presidency coming over packing up his suitcase just the two of us. We laughed and joked around, and then it hit us that we only had about five minutes left before he was set apart as a missionary and he had to pick out his "last song"... he chose "Scenes From an Italian Restaraunt" by Billy Joel... I have to say, he chose wisely. And I swear to you, as the last chords were fading out, the stake presidency knocked on the door and it was so effing perfect that we all had to just take a minute and bask in the moment! Travis' setting apart was understandably emotional, and I of course cried like a baby. It was nothing compared to the airport though. Sydnee, Mom, and I all bawled when we were hugging Travis goodbye but he honestly couldn't wipe his huge smile off of his face! I think that was a good sign. :) 



Mom and I spent the rest of the day just hanging out and trying to keep busy enough to not dwell on the fact that we missed Travis and were worried about him... you never really think about it but it's terrifying sending your missioanry off without being able to have them let you know they made it to their gate okay, or landed safely. Luckily Sydnee knew how to track his flight and sent us frequent updates. ;) The rest of our Arizona time was spent just catching up with friends and family and spending some un-rushed time back at home with the people we love. For instance, Grant and I had time to have an official "Bob Ross day" where we just sat and painted all day and watched Bob Ross... It was amazing! 


We also got some pretty amazing news right before we got there that Taylor's job offer at a local high school had officially gone through and he was officially a contracted high school teacher... which honestly just set an incredibly optomistic mood for the rest of our summer vacation! 
And that just about wraps it up for our summer... and as for now we are just enjoying beign back in a routine, the cooler weather, and eagerly anticipating the holidays. Taylor has an exciting conference this weekend in Kirtland (that I'm so jealous of, I wish I was goign with him!) that is going to be amazing, and he is absolutely loving teaching high school... I honestly think he's found his calling. I've never seen him so excited about going to work. Olivia is getting huge and her speech is completely exploding! I feel like every day she has new words that I never taught her.
Really at the end of the day, life has it's challenges that we are not immune to, and Lord knows our life is absolutely crazy right now, but it's honestly so good. I love my Taylor, I love my Olivia, and I love my life!

PHEW! Can you see why it was so devestating when all of this freaking content was erased??? If you made it this far, congratulations. You're a trooper, and I hope your stay was enjoyable. Remember to be nice to people and have a wonderful day/night/morning/afternoon/middle of the night feeding (I see all you moms scrolling through Facebook & blogs to stay awake during your 3 am feeding... I know that life)! Until next time, lovelies - which will hopefully be sooner than later, but no promises! ;t

Halfway to Two

It's Olivia's 18 month "birthday" today and I'm sitting here on our couch tonight in awe of the fact that we're just six months away from having a two year old... UGH why does it go by so slowly when your nipples are bruised and you're covered in poop and sour milk and alone because your husband has to work and school and "adult", but go by SO quickly when you're trying to sneak in extra kisses from a wiggly toddler who just wants to run and play and cause mischief...?

Oh the pains of motherhood... ;)

Liv had a meltdown this morning, which... I mean, isn't unusual seeing as she's a toddler. Meltdowns and tantrums are kind of a daily companion now. I don't remember what started it, I think it was me doing her hair, then it was dad brushing his teeth, then it was me holding her, then it was me not holding her...you know, the usual, ha ha. I tried to get an 18 month old snapshot for posterity but these were all I got...
I'm kind of in love with them. If you can count on anything from a toddler, it's their authenticity, ha ha!

At 18 months old Olivia is literally such a joy. She is so funny, so smart, and just so content and peaceful. I mean, obviously she has her moments - we all do! - but overall I am daily in awe at how I ever deserved to have such a daughter. She sleeps 12-15 hours at night, eats basically everything I give her, plays SO nicely with other kids, is friendly and happy around new people, and is learning more and more each day. She understands basically everything I say and can follow simple directions (most of which I didn't even teach her) like "throw this in the trash", or "put your toys away", or "come sit in my lap".
I'm telling you, I could have sworn when I was younger that the newborn stage would be my favorite once I started having kids. As a teenager I basically craved newborns. Their smell, their lamb-y little cries and snorts, and they're basically the only kind of baby that you can snuggle for HOURS on end while they just contentedly sleep on your chest. UGH! Even writing about it is making my ovaries drool... But even as I'm writing and drooling about this, I have to say, this may be my favorite stage so far. Maybe blame it on the PPD, but I was miserable during Livee's newborn stage, and I still have my own issues to work through even now, but I just find myself having so much fun being her mom right now! I can grab my baskets of laundry and detergent, open the door, and yell for her to come along and she just toddles right behind me happy to go on an adventure. I can egg her on and make her laugh, and I can say words and she'll try to imitate them (I SWEAR yesterday I got her to say "I love you", my mom is my witness!!!!). She did so well today during her first day of nursery. I mean, I knew she would, but like I said... I'm constantly blown away by how amazing she is. Taylor said that when he went to pick her up (I was in primary) she didn't even notice him for a few minutes because she was having too much fun chasing the bubbles with her little friends. ;) We are just so dang grateful for our little munchkin. I know it's cliché but I really can't imagine my life without her. I've become one of those weepy moms who gets emotional thinking about what I'm going to do when she becomes a teenager and resents me, or goes away to college...sometimes I disgust myself with how much love for this tiny little monster consumes me daily...
...but it does, oh it does.
Life right now is pretty crazy. Some days I feel like I'm literally sitting around twiddling my thumbs and others I feel like I'm flying around in a mad dash. Poor Taylor is working his tail off. Right now as I write this he is simultaneously writing two huge papers and preparing for two huge 4 hour tests that'll allow him to start taking his teaching courses... Oh! Did I mention that our plans have slightly changed course? Well they have!
For various reasons that will take too long to get into and aren't overly important anyway, Taylor started a little bit of self reflecting about what path would be the best one to take with our family. Our original plan was to finish our two years here at Claremont and then move one to another school somewhere (we already knew we'd be applying to Santa Barbara and Salt Lake) for another four to five years completing his doctorate. Now, I was still fully in support of this plan, but once you have kids your life gets more complicated... It's a good complicated, but there are still concessions that need to be made. After lots of talking, thinking, and inquiring, we lined everything up so that after two more years here in California (three years total, one more than our original plan) Taylor would not only have an MA in Religious Studies but an MA in Education as well, opening him up to multiple different teaching opportunities once we move back to the valley (which is what we decided was important to us for our family). We want Olivia to grow up near her cousins and grandparents, and frankly... we miss our friends. We'll know more at the end of the summer but if Taylor can get a teaching job for the next Fall/Spring semesters then we'll also be able to save up some money to maybe buy a house when we get back...?!? It's counting a lot of chickens before they hatch but I'm just very excited at what the future holds for us.
Life is about to get even crazier, but it's honestly so good.

Life As It Is Today, In This Moment

Recently my motherhood experience has been transforming.

I'm starting to feel as though I'm finally truly loving it.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I've loved my daughter since I felt her squirming inside me, but I didn't always love mothering or being a mother.

Gosh that feels strange admitting... but it's true.

When I got pregnant this dark cloud of anxiety and depression quickly became a constant companion, and with the birth of my sweet girl it slowly began to take over my life.

I remember one day in particular right after her first Christmas being especially dark. There was drama with my family, I felt overwhelmed, and it was the first real moment that I genuinely didn't like myself. I turned on the shower, climbed in, and almost immediately fell to the floor in tears.

I hated being me.

I hated my situation.

I hated having to grow up so fast and simultaneously watching all of my friends get to live their seemingly care free lives.

One friend serving a mission in Italy having the adventure of a life time, another friend in college seemingly going to Disneyland like... every other month, and another studying abroad in India... it didn't seem fair.

I was only 20 years old and here I was sitting in my shower, in my messy apartment, with engorged boobs, and still somehow bleeding from my vagina even though it had been eight weeks since I had given birth.

My birth was harder on me than I wanted it to be.

Motherhood was harder than I wanted it to be.

Life in general was harder than I wanted it to be.

I wanted to love adulthood, and marriage, and motherhood, but I just didn't and for that I hated myself.

It's taken time to come to terms with what I recognize now as my depression. 

It's taken more time to come to terms with what my life is now, and that the whole beautiful plan I had for myself will never be, it just can't anymore.

It's taken that time for me recognize that perhaps this new plan can be beautiful too if I let it.

And I really want to let it.

I'm starting to see through the fog little by little.

It's still there... but somehow the fight seems easier, and the load just a bit lighter.

It hasn't felt light in roughly two years.

Two. Long. Years.

I'm starting to burst with so much love for this little human I call mine that I can barely handle myself.

I can already tell I'm going to be one of those weepy moms...

My poor children.

I'm also starting to feel something I was convinced I'd never ever feel...

The itch for another baby.

When I held Olivia in that hospital room the night she was born I remember looking over to Taylor and telling him, "I am never doing this again".

And I meant it.

I remember when Olivia was about 6 months old getting together with some friends from high school whose babies were her age and listening to them talk about wanting more babies now that they have one and thinking, "Are you mad? You know exactly what all of this crap is like first hand now and you want to do it again???"

But recently my heart feels softer.

I'm less angry, less hopeless, less apathetic, and more and more I'll hear little thoughts in my head about the "next one"...

It's an exciting thing.

There's still time, but it's comforting to know that my heart hasn't stayed closed.

I'm glad it's opening again.

I've also started exercising again...

Dear heavens what a blessing that is!

I'm so immeasurably grateful for the influence in my life right now motivating me to be active (she knows who she is)!

I feel like I have the energy again to live life, and make my bed, and play with my daughter.

I'm finding joy again in tickles, and clean-up time, and reading that same story for the third time in a row.

Olivia is old enough to want to use utensils when eating, and pick out her own books for story time, and try to imitate words, and put away her toys before bed time. I'm in love with this beginning stage of toddlerhood. Despite the tantrums and the general frustrations of having a toddler, I love this new relationship I'm getting to build with her.

Really life is starting to have sunshine again, meaning again...

I was afraid the sunshine would never show its face again and yet here it is.

The war still isn't won, and there are days when the battle is tougher to fight.

I guess the difference now is that I no longer feel like I'm fighting blind folded and with a broken leg.

And I'm so excited to win this battle.

I'm so excited to discover the new me that is going to be born out of this new chapter of my life.

This chapter that I've been fighting against since the day I took that pregnancy test.

I've decided to let this chapter begin, thank the old chapter for being, and allowing this new me - this mom me - to have her time.

It's time to take some time to discover who this new person will be.

And that is an exciting proposition.

Apartment Tour : Olivia's Room

Hey everybody!!

Remember when Olivia was born and I promised that I'd do a nursery tour?

Remember how I totally never did that?

To be fair it wasn't all my fault... I never ACTUALLY finished her nursery enough to even do any kind of tour... until now... nearly a year and a half later...

...oops... ;)

But better late than never, right?

RIGHT!

It's still a little bit of a work in progress but everything that still needs to be done is purely cosmetic/decor stuff, and I'll point out where those places are (hopefully it doesn't take another year and half to get those done! ha ha ha!)

So without further ado, let's take a little tour of our humble little "not-quite-nursery-anymore"/toddler room for Olivia!

Here is a quick view of what the general layout looks like... as you can see, I had a lot of big pieces of furniture to fit into a not so big space.

As you walk in immediately to the right is her crib, and then going around is her dresser/changing table, rocker, and bookshelf/toy area. It was a little bit of a head scratcher for a while there but with the help of my mom (who has the BEST eye for these things) we finally found a sweet spot! Everything fit in nicely without blocking the closet or dresser drawers and still left plenty of room to walk and play in the middle.

Olivia's crib was a gift to us from a friend and I honestly love it! I originally wanted to paint it white but lost too much steam in the end of my pregnancy to ever get that project off the ground and I am SO glad I did. I honestly love the natural wood color now and it brings a little bit of life to all the white in the room (I kind of really love white...)

And speaking of white, I've had white sheets for Olivia's crib since the day she was born, and I never had any problems with it until these past few weeks that we have been trying disposables instead of cloth (it's a long story, yes I still adore and prefer cloth diapers, but hand washing just got to be too much and something had to give... at least for right now) and I swear she has had so many blow outs that they aren't even white anymore! YUCK! The other day while they were washing I took a quilt I made when I was a beehive and tucked it in as a sheet and every day it's growing on me more and more... I loved the clean crisp look of the white but the quilt just looks so girls and sweet that I think maybe I'll just keep it like this for now. ;)

Also, I'd like to point out that I had this crib all staged beautifully with Liv's blankie hanging off the side and her "puppy friend" sitting all happy inside but as you can see, she was having none of that! She was very upset and is trying to break puppy out of jail in this picture, ha ha ha!

Now let's address the elephant in the room.

That little number above the crib.

I swear it looked adorable like two days before I snapped this picture but in a fit of angry not wanting to nap toddler rage, Olivia ripped it off the wall and pulled out all of the fabric.

Just imagine a circle with thick white and grey stripes.

It's cute huh?

Now the original vision for this was from this Pinterest find and it never really played out. I never hung it up in our first apartment, and here I never got proactive about putting her name in it. Now that one of them is missing I'm just thinking about scrapping the whole project all together. The darling bumper that matched all of these patterns got ruined (which I'm still DEVASTATED by) so there's nothing they even coordinate with anymore... I don't have many ideas yet, but you can bet I'll find something sooner or later on Pinterest.

I'm thinking I'll probably just find two or three prints I really like, print them off big, and line them up over the crib... I guess we'll see. For now I don't have the energy to tackle it so it will stay like it is until I do. ;)

I didn't like the idea of pushing the crib all the way up against the wall and next to the dresser because, a.) I didn't want her climbing out and onto the dresser once she was big enough, and b.) the crib and whatever I decided to do above the crib wouldn't be centered on the wall and that would bug me just a little. So I decided to just plop a laundry basket there and it actually works quite functionally and is much less awkward looking than I was afraid it would be!

This is my favorite wall of the whole room! It's basically identical from what I had set up in our old apartment minus the cloth diapering accessories (wipes, water, and pail). I bought the dresser used from a ward member who was looking to sell it and I am seriously in love with it! It saw a little bit of abuse from our THREE moves since we got it but paint can always be touched up... I still love the heck out of it!

These "shelves" are actually upside down spice racks from Ikea! Can you believe that?!? I got the idea from Pinterest (of course) and I love it. I love displaying her little dresses and those newborn onesies were just too sweet to pack up... I love that I get to see them every day and remember just how tiny she used to be. Besides the plants (also from Ikea), all of the other decorations were gifts from friends. The gorgeous pressed flowers were given to me by my friend Camille from a trip to Europe she took while I was pregnant. The adorable little buggy was from my friend Rania, and the sweet monkey toy was from my friend Victoria. They all look perfect up there and I love having little pieces from people I love to look at.

Now that this space isn't taken up by cloth wipes I have a vision! I'm thinking about doing something like this since we are literally ALWAYS loosing her binkies! I think we ever only know where one of them is at a time, ha ha ha! Now I just have to keep my eyes open for a cheap jar/apothecary to put them in and this little ledge won't look so bare anymore. :)

When I was pregnant I was told so many times that I shouldn't waste my time setting up a changing station because I would never end up using it and would just change her on the floor or the couch or literally anywhere else anyway. Even still, every time I see one of those "List of Things You Don't Need For Your Newborn" or "Things I Regret Buying For My Newborn" lists, this is on it! But honestly...? 99.9% of Olivia's diapers are changed right here, I hardly EVER change her anywhere else! I love my changing station! Our place is so tiny that it doesn't seem like an inconvenience to walk into her room to change her, plus the top drawer of her dresser is where I keep all of her diapers so if I'm going to be going in there anyway it just makes sense to change her there. I made her little changing pad cover using this tutorial. Also! A little tip for all you mamas out there, cloth diapering or not... Lay a prefold down on the changing pad where your baby's but will lay, that way when any diapers get out of hand or your baby starts peeing during a diaper change it gets the prefold dirty and not your changing pad cover! It's so much easier to just toss a prefold into the dirty laundry than the entire cover.

One of the best pieces of advice my mom gave me before having Olivia was to go all out and invest in a cushy recliner for the nursery instead of just a little wooden rocker or glider. Oh my gosh was she right! We bought this one on Craigslist for about 80 bones and considering it was in practically brand new condition, I think it was a steal! This baby saved my life in those early days of multiple middle of the night feedings. It took me about a month or two to really get the hang of nursing and until then I had such a hard time nursing her in bed so I couldn't just have Taylor bring her in to me, I'd have to get up with her and go find somewhere to nurse. This recliner was SO comfy and supportive that I never felt nervous about leaning it back and closing my eyes until she was ready to switch sides, and honestly those 20 minutes of sleep made the difference between unbearable exhaustion, and just really really tired... I can handle really tired. :) Now it's just a fun cozy place to snuggle up and read, and I love it!

The space on these walls above the recliner is another place where I really want to do something, but I'm just not sure yet. I'd like to put together a shadow box of hospital things, and I'd also love to print out some pictures of Olivia with her Grandma Ruth (whom she is named after). I also have her birth stats artwork that I made a while back and still need to print... basically there's just a lot of ideas that I haven't taken the time to muddle through yet! The thing that's hanging on the wall is Olivia's flower crown from her Aunt Emily's wedding. I pressed it and Taylor framed it for me for Christmas. I absolutely love it, and I'd love one of the pictures hanging up there to be one from the wedding of her wearing it.

Oh this bookshelf. Where to begin...

Taylor's Grandpa Marvin was a very talented carpenter back in the day and made this gorgeous bookshelf/toy chest for Taylor when he was Olivia's age. I absolutely love it, and I LOVE that it belonged to Taylor! I'm a sucker for that kind of crap... remember that bassinet Olivia was rocked in? His Grandpa made that for baby Taylor as well... my heart!!!

I don't actually use the big drawer for toys, as of right now she only has just a few toys (I really try to be a minimalist, especially with her toys...she really doesn't need that many) and they all fit in the striped pink basket, so I just keep them there on that bottom shelf and store blankets in the bottom drawer. (also that top shelf is a mess... just look away, look away!) 

And yes, that is Olivia's old infant car seat. When she graduated from it to her convertible I never got a chance to put it away before it became a beloved toy...

...a VERY beloved toy! ;)

We keep Livee Lou's little library here and her favorite thing to do is come over and pick out books to read. She always takes her time brushing her fingers over each one until she decides which one she wants. I am so in love with how much of a book lover she is!

The step is also a pretty fun place to stand.

And I know what you're thinking here... how has she not toppled off that ledge?!?

The answer is she has.

In fact not two minutes after I snapped this picture she fell right off of it, ha ha!

Toddlers are tough.

(p.s. I think when I think back on Olivia's baby and toddlerhood, I will always remember her like this... just kind of a hot mess! ha ha!)

My sister made these beautiful little art pieces for my baby shower and I love the way they look over Liv's closet. They add the perfect touch of pink/girliness to the room, plus I love getting to read the sweet quotes she chose. She'll want me to make sure you know that she didn't mean to make the two pink ones different shades, but I think it looks beautiful as is. ;) It has sort of an "ombre" effect, lol


This poor wall is the only one that really looks like it's hurting a little...it's a good thing it's behind the door, ha ha! I also have big dreams for this space. I had a goal to get this project done by Christmas but it didn't work out... I have nearly all the materials, all I need is a little kick of motivation and maybe a buddy to do it with. ;) This is what I had in mind for it, with maybe a cute phrase over the top of it like "Loved Beyond Measure" or "Our Growing Family"... I just think it would be the sweetest thing to have, especially once we have more kids!


This is what we have there as of right now. I got Taylor this frame for Fathers' day and this picture is my absolute favorite of the two of them! It perfectly describes what it's like having a new baby in just one picture... everyone exhausted!! Ha ha ha, I just think it's the sweetest, and so for now it'll sit awkwardly on this wall until I build that cute measuring stick. :)

All in all, I love her room. I think that the one goal any mom should have in decorating their kid's nursery should be to make it a space that you love to be in (you are, after all, going to be spending a good deal of time in there, and not always doing the most enjoyable things). I feel like her room is feminine, simple, functional, and sweet, and the best part about it is her! ;)

Now when we have our next kid that'll be a whole different story and we'll have to be MUCH more creative with space, but we still have lots of time before that's an issue... I'm happy for now to enjoy it like it is. :)

So that's it folks! Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoyed this installment of our Apartment Tour! :D I'm hoping to cover the rest of the place once I get it all put together, I really am SO CLOSE!

Until then, lovelies!

xo