Where to begin? Jack is almost a week old, which is CRAZY to me. A week ago from today the chaos started. I was 37 weeks and 3 days. I went to the Dr that Tuesday and they said i was not making much change, which made us all laugh, because now that this baby could come, he was content to stay in there as long as he could. So they told me they would see me next week, have a NST like usual and see what happens. I went on my way, wondering if i was ever going to have this baby.. Wednesday Jared and i got the last little things ready for Jack and we both thought hopefully next week would be the week.
Thursday the 5th, i had a follow up appointment with the cardiologist. I have to meet with one while i am pregnant due to a heart condition i am born with. My heart had began to beat pretty fast but it had most of the pregnancy. However, when i was at the cardiologist my HR was in the 135-140 while sitting in the chair. That is a quite higher than usual. The cardiologist was not a fan of how fast my heart was and after some tests and evaluation he decided the best thing for me was an early induction. The medication they can give to slow the HR crosses the placenta so if i got this medication, jack would get it also and we did not want to put him in danger. The cardiologist sent an email to my OB (i guess this is how they communicate outside of the hospital), he told me i needed to follow up with my OB and to take a letter he had for me to my OB. I did not think i would have been induced that day, but the Cardiologist said he wanted me to talk to my OB before my next appointment on Tuesday with them. So i got in my car and headed over to my OB office (which is right down the street from the cardiologist).. I talked with the nurse taking walk ins, she got one of the Drs in the office. He came and talked to me, listened to my racing heart, talked to my cardiologist, checked me to see if i had any changes (which of course i did not) and told me he would be right back.. 5 minutes later he came back in the room and told me labor and delivery had a cardiac room ready for me and i was to go over to be induced as soon as i could. I was in shock. Jared was home sick, so i called him and told him to jump in the shower and to start getting ready. I called my parents in St George and told them to head on up. We were all in a little shock to say the least. The OB did tell me it was going to be a slow induction, i would be on heart monitors the whole time, i was to get an epidural early, and probably not be allowed to push ( recommendations from the cardiologist). I just said Uh huh, ok, and said i would head over to the hospital. it was all so surreal at this point. I figured i would go to the cardiologist and all would be fine, i would go a week over my due date and be induced and that was that.
Once Jared and i got to the hospital around 2 PM, I met with one of the OB's from the Dr's office (there are like 10 of them) and he gave me the game plan. Told me they hoped i would have the baby by the following night. They started the Cervadil to ripen the cervix. Jared and i just hung out, feeling over whelmed and not sure what to do. I sent Jared to go run some errands, i took a nap, and we just waited. My parents got there around 8 that night. My dad took Jared to dinner and so my mom and i hung out in the room, talking and laughing and being just what i needed. Around 3 AM i was to the point where they could start the pitocin. This is the point they said i needed to have the epidural if i had not yet. So the CRNA was called and the epidural was started. I was so nervous, but i knew i was in good hands as i recognized the CRNA as i have seen him at work before. So the epidural was started, now remember i was on a heart monitor being montiored by the ICU, i had the stork bytes on, and an IV going, along with the Pitocin being started. I was connected to all sorts of monitors. Well after the epidural was started, my heart rate was going up. I felt my heart racing, and all i could think about were the complications i remebered from nursing school. I started getting really light headed and sick. My blood pressure was going in the toilet and my HR was trying to compensate by going to the 150-160's and higher.. After a nice 2L bolus of Iv fluids, and some adjustments on the epidural i started coming down on the HR and going up on the BP. the nurse was in my room for a couple hours trying to keep me in balance. i got really sleepy after all this happened and i do not remember much, but i know it was scary for me and my mom and Jared. I am so glad i had such a great nurse who took care of me. After shift change the following morning i got a nurse who i knew from previous visits to L&D and was so glad she would be with me for the Day. She was AMAZING!! they had to stop the pitocin because Jack did not like it and his HR would drop with the contractions. So it was stopped and started again on the lowest dose. We played the game of turning up the pitocin slowly, watching Jacks HR, watching my HR (which stayed in the 90's till i moved and then would go to 120-130), and trying to get me to dilate and efface more. We played this game till 5PM. Now we wanted to deliver before 6 that night. The dr that was on was AMAZING as well. He is the king of using forceps and since i was not going to be able to push or only to push a little, forceps were a must that needed to be used. We prayed and hoped that i could deliver before this Dr left off of his shift. it was a day of emotions, i was happy, sad, scared, tired, and so much more. I had amazing family there with me. The blessing i got from my husband and dad brought me a lot of comfort for my 28 hour labor. The epidural was great, i could not feel much but i could still move my legs, i never felt like dead weight. that was a blessing all in itself. So at 5 PM the nurse said i was diated to a 10 and 100% effaced.. She went to get the Dr, he came in and said i was going to have to push a little because of where my baby was sitting, we needed him a little more out front.. so after some pushing, my mom telling me to ignore the monitors, and such Jack was born at 1708 or 508 PM. He was not breathing and took a lot of stimulation to get moving some air. So the NICU team was called and i held him after they got him breathing for just a minute and he went to the NICU. Hardest moment in my life. Jared went with Jack and sent updates. I was able to get up right away and start on some pain medicine. After about a half hour i went to the NICU to see my baby. He was on CPAP to help him breath, and then all sorts of monitors. The Dr in the NICU said he was not sure if he was going to admit him or just watch him as a transitional baby. The nurse jack had was so great and explained everything to me. They did an xray, showed he needed a medication called surfactant which would help his lungs. to give this meant they needed to put a breathing tube down his airway, put the medication in and then pull it out. I knew right away this is NOT something i could watch. So jared and i went to our room on Mom and baby. I cried the whole way down to our room. I knew there was a risk he would go to the NICU, but i figured since he got the steroid shots for his lungs, he would be ok. It was needless to say, a hard night. Our parents were able to see Jack, but besides us, there was no one allowed into the NICU. They treated Jack with help with his breathing.. Jared and my dad were able to give Jack a blessing which brought a lot of comfort to us. I went back up to the NICU around 10 that night. The nurse had me do skin to skin with Jack. It was hard with all the monitors, but we did it. During the skin to skin, jack was able to come down on his need for help with the CPAP and his respiration's were much more steady. The nurse told me she was going to try a room air sat on him after we left. I was hoping all would go well, but was told not to get my hopes up because they were still leaning towards admitting him (when we first came on the floor). I went back to the room with Jared (who had still not yet held our baby) and tried to get some sleep. Around 1 AM i called the NICU to see how he was doing and to my surprise the nurse told me he was in the well baby nursery and was getting ready to come see me! i was beyond relieved. I went to the nursery and just sat and looked at my baby free from the tubes and monitors. Finally he was mine and all was going to be ok. We stayed at the hospital till Sunday and then came home. To say the least it was a crazy 5 days of our lives, but we would not trade it for anything in the world!!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
update for baby jack
so let's see where to start.. Since i updated last, i have had ups and downs (but does that really surprise you?) I met with my fav NP at the Dr office. She was great, let me vent my concerns and answered my questions. She checked me at my appointment, and yes i am 75-80% effaced, however no dilation.. That appointment was at 30 weeks i believe. So after two consecutive checks i will finally agree that i am effaced. Now, i know there are a lot of women who are effaced and never dilate.. That is great!! However with all the other complications i have had they want to keep a close eye on me, which i am fine with.. I can't fight medicine, and i trust my Dr's.. So i was go in once a week for a NST, non stress test.. i went and things were great!! then I went the following week and the baby was non reactive, he had some decels so they wanted me watched closer and i was sent to L&D.. After being monitored there for 3 more hours, he was still just to comfortable and chill for the Dr to send me home. so a nurse came and did i biophysical profile. This is where they look at 3 different things and decided if i can go home, the baby needs to be taken now, or if i just need to be monitored. They look at movement, he passed that with flying colors.. they then look at how much amniotic fluid i have, which was great as well.. then they look to make sure the baby is practicing his breathing, this was new to me since i had no idea he did that just yet.. Luckily, he did just fine there.. So i was sent home but told i need to follow up for 2 NST's a week. So now i have this routine of going to the Dr on Tuesday and Friday. It is really not so horrible. I sit in a very comfy chair and listen to my baby's heart and such. The nurse is amazing and one of my favorites there. I still get to work as long as i dont have consistent contractions. I did experience some Braxton Hicks and those were fun, ok not really... but they stopped... so as long as there is no bleeding, no consistent contractions i can work. It is not bad really, i do ok when i am up and going most of the time!! just the aches and pains of the last weeks of pregnancy... So is this good news or bad news? I will leave that up to you. I am happy, Jack is happy and that is what matters most right?
My joke is that after going through all of this i will be induced a week after my due date.. Would that be ironic or what? :)
My joke is that after going through all of this i will be induced a week after my due date.. Would that be ironic or what? :)
Monday, November 14, 2011
Blessings and Trials
*Disclaimer-this is a long post and a long story, and may mention words like placenta and cervix a couple of times!*
Where to start.. I have not posted anything on here for the fact that putting it down in words seems to make things so much more real.
Lets start with the Good News, I am 30 weeks!! Every ultrasound shows our Lil Mr looking healthy and growing. He is funny, and hates ultrasounds. He is head down and will hide his face in my hip so we cant see his face at times, or he will kick and push away the Ultrasound probe, i love the personality that he shows already. I am amazed how much i love this little guy, i would give anything to keep him safe and healthy. Most people when they see me are surprised i am as far along as i am. I do not mind though, i move pretty great still and if he is growing right, then i will enjoy being smaller. I was born with a heart problem so i had to have his heart checked out. We went to the Riverton Hospital Primary Childrens Wing and had a fetal Echo of his heart. He stayed in great position for the tech to do the test for a bout 20 min. Then he was done and was turning every direction i guess he was not supposed to go. The tech was really frustrated, which made me laugh (she was not too nice). I just enjoyed the hour long test where i got to see him, and after the Dr gave us the news that everything looks GREAT and his heart appears to be normal. Which means i can deliver here at the hospital close to my house and not clear at the U of U hosp.
Ok so i will not call this bad news, lets just say it is a lot more of a trial than i think i can take some days. Baby looks great and that is what i hold onto. I have been blessed that i will give birth to a healthy baby boy and that is one is a constant reminder in my heart. So, at 24 weeks i started to have some bleeding, now i have had some my whole pregnancy off and on. But on this night i had a not so great feeling about all of this and one i think i have learned as a nurse, EMT and such is to listen to your body. So i called my Dr, he sent me into labor and delivery. They checked me and said i was effaced 80-90%. After a NST i did not show any contractions just some cramping. So the Dr sent me home on strict bed rest till i could follow up with Perinatology on Monday morning, (this all happened late saturday night) so on Monday morning i met with a great dr. She was very blunt and open with everything. She told me she was going to do a test that would tell us if i was going to have this baby in the next 14 days or not. She also wanted to check me and see what she felt i was. Well she did the test first and had it ready to go to lab, she told me if it was positive i was not going home, i was going to L&D to be monitored and i would get the steroid shots for our baby to help with his lungs. Needless to say, Jared and i were nervous. So the Dr checked me after the test and to her amazement i was not effaced at all, I was told my cervix was nice and thick. We were so excited, she decided to not send the test in she new it would not be positive. I was ok with this!! She did notice that my placenta was extremely close to my cervix so they were going to watch that close as it may have been the reason for bleeding. So we were sent home to follow up the next week and then again in 3 weeks. I do not know why i was effaced for one nurse and not for the Dr. i just took it as a great blessing. I went back to work soon after and at 29 weeks i followed up with perinatology again. They said my cervix looked great via ultrasound, and my placenta had moved up away from my cervix, and i was ok to go. I had passed my glucose tolerance test and things were looking good!! I was feeling good!! I have been cleared by my cardiologist that i should not have issues with my heart for this delivery as long as i have an epidural ( that was already a plan so i was not worried), things were looking up!!
Saturday night i was at work and started having some pains in my abd, i figured it was braxton hicks or maybe the baby decided to turn. I was so busy at work i did not think anything of it.. I had not had any bleeding since i was 24 weeks so i was a little surprised when i started spotting that night. I went on with my shift and tried to sit when i could and to take it easy, it was a busy night so that really did not happen as much as i liked. At about 430 that morning i was walking down the hall when i knew something was not right. The bleeding had increased and i was getting nervous. So i paged the on call Dr and took a break. Well after 2 pages and hearing nothing at 530, i did not know what to do. So i called over to labor and delivery and talked to their charge nurse (perks of working in the hospital).. She said i could probably give report since my shift was over in 15 min but to then come over and they will see if they can find my Dr.. So at about 615 or so i checked in to L&D after working a 12.5 hour shift. I was exhausted and tired of complications. Now, i had felt the baby move all night and i have a very strong feeling he was ok, so i was ok finishing my shift.. In L&D they told me my Dr had called and felt so bad he missed my pages (luckily he is so nice i know it cant be easy at 430 in the AM and i was in good hands). He said to have me monitored and he would be in. In the mean time i was to get the first steroid shot for Jacks lungs, in case he decided to come early. So i got the first shot at 730 (umm that HURT!! it was like syrup, but i was tough and did not cry or kick my nurse :)... I was then told to try and get some sleep till the Dr got there.. I was so tired i did not mind that order. Jared was there with me and had his phone to entertain him while i slept and listened to our lil Mr on the monitors, and yes he hates those to, he kicks more on them than any other time (where does he get this attitude? haha, i know its me)... The Dr came in and the bleeding had subsided to scant, barely anything so i felt dumb, but they assured me i did the right thing. The dr then looked at the ultrasound report from the previous Monday and said the placenta looked good so we have no idea why i keep bleeding. He then said he wanted to check me.. To my surprise he said i am 70% effaced.. I was a little taken back. One minute i am effaced and then i am not and now i am again? I am confused and wondering what is going on. So after this he is very glad i got the steroid shots. I was sent home (no contractions showing on the monitor, but to come back if they start).. I had to go in this morning to get the second and final steroid shot (which i almost cried, they are intense, but i held back my tears).. Now i am home taking it easy till another appointment tomorrow with the Dr. They are going to do that test i mentioned that test for a protein that will tell if delivery is coming soon (i.e next 14 days) if it is negative and i am not spotting anymore than i get to back to work with a close eye on me. If not then i guess we will hit that road when it gets here..
I know Heavenly Father has his reasons for our Trials.. I am worn, emotionally.. I do not know what i would do without the Lord, my amazing Jared and my family. The people i work with have also been amazing and so supportive. As for answers i really dont have any except that Baby Jack, looks healthy and content right now. I love feeling him move, feeling when he gets the hiccups..He is adorable, i cant wait to hold him in my arms,however i am ok waiting at least 6 more weeks for that chance... I know there have been many praying for us and we can feel the love from everyone... As for now i just sit and wait and hope GOOD NEWS is to come, but i can say this.. I am grateful for this journey, it is not going as planned, but the opportunity i have had to be here and the promise of becoming a mom out ways all the trials we have had placed in our way.."Come what may and love it"... i am sure trying!!
Where to start.. I have not posted anything on here for the fact that putting it down in words seems to make things so much more real.
Lets start with the Good News, I am 30 weeks!! Every ultrasound shows our Lil Mr looking healthy and growing. He is funny, and hates ultrasounds. He is head down and will hide his face in my hip so we cant see his face at times, or he will kick and push away the Ultrasound probe, i love the personality that he shows already. I am amazed how much i love this little guy, i would give anything to keep him safe and healthy. Most people when they see me are surprised i am as far along as i am. I do not mind though, i move pretty great still and if he is growing right, then i will enjoy being smaller. I was born with a heart problem so i had to have his heart checked out. We went to the Riverton Hospital Primary Childrens Wing and had a fetal Echo of his heart. He stayed in great position for the tech to do the test for a bout 20 min. Then he was done and was turning every direction i guess he was not supposed to go. The tech was really frustrated, which made me laugh (she was not too nice). I just enjoyed the hour long test where i got to see him, and after the Dr gave us the news that everything looks GREAT and his heart appears to be normal. Which means i can deliver here at the hospital close to my house and not clear at the U of U hosp.
Ok so i will not call this bad news, lets just say it is a lot more of a trial than i think i can take some days. Baby looks great and that is what i hold onto. I have been blessed that i will give birth to a healthy baby boy and that is one is a constant reminder in my heart. So, at 24 weeks i started to have some bleeding, now i have had some my whole pregnancy off and on. But on this night i had a not so great feeling about all of this and one i think i have learned as a nurse, EMT and such is to listen to your body. So i called my Dr, he sent me into labor and delivery. They checked me and said i was effaced 80-90%. After a NST i did not show any contractions just some cramping. So the Dr sent me home on strict bed rest till i could follow up with Perinatology on Monday morning, (this all happened late saturday night) so on Monday morning i met with a great dr. She was very blunt and open with everything. She told me she was going to do a test that would tell us if i was going to have this baby in the next 14 days or not. She also wanted to check me and see what she felt i was. Well she did the test first and had it ready to go to lab, she told me if it was positive i was not going home, i was going to L&D to be monitored and i would get the steroid shots for our baby to help with his lungs. Needless to say, Jared and i were nervous. So the Dr checked me after the test and to her amazement i was not effaced at all, I was told my cervix was nice and thick. We were so excited, she decided to not send the test in she new it would not be positive. I was ok with this!! She did notice that my placenta was extremely close to my cervix so they were going to watch that close as it may have been the reason for bleeding. So we were sent home to follow up the next week and then again in 3 weeks. I do not know why i was effaced for one nurse and not for the Dr. i just took it as a great blessing. I went back to work soon after and at 29 weeks i followed up with perinatology again. They said my cervix looked great via ultrasound, and my placenta had moved up away from my cervix, and i was ok to go. I had passed my glucose tolerance test and things were looking good!! I was feeling good!! I have been cleared by my cardiologist that i should not have issues with my heart for this delivery as long as i have an epidural ( that was already a plan so i was not worried), things were looking up!!
Saturday night i was at work and started having some pains in my abd, i figured it was braxton hicks or maybe the baby decided to turn. I was so busy at work i did not think anything of it.. I had not had any bleeding since i was 24 weeks so i was a little surprised when i started spotting that night. I went on with my shift and tried to sit when i could and to take it easy, it was a busy night so that really did not happen as much as i liked. At about 430 that morning i was walking down the hall when i knew something was not right. The bleeding had increased and i was getting nervous. So i paged the on call Dr and took a break. Well after 2 pages and hearing nothing at 530, i did not know what to do. So i called over to labor and delivery and talked to their charge nurse (perks of working in the hospital).. She said i could probably give report since my shift was over in 15 min but to then come over and they will see if they can find my Dr.. So at about 615 or so i checked in to L&D after working a 12.5 hour shift. I was exhausted and tired of complications. Now, i had felt the baby move all night and i have a very strong feeling he was ok, so i was ok finishing my shift.. In L&D they told me my Dr had called and felt so bad he missed my pages (luckily he is so nice i know it cant be easy at 430 in the AM and i was in good hands). He said to have me monitored and he would be in. In the mean time i was to get the first steroid shot for Jacks lungs, in case he decided to come early. So i got the first shot at 730 (umm that HURT!! it was like syrup, but i was tough and did not cry or kick my nurse :)... I was then told to try and get some sleep till the Dr got there.. I was so tired i did not mind that order. Jared was there with me and had his phone to entertain him while i slept and listened to our lil Mr on the monitors, and yes he hates those to, he kicks more on them than any other time (where does he get this attitude? haha, i know its me)... The Dr came in and the bleeding had subsided to scant, barely anything so i felt dumb, but they assured me i did the right thing. The dr then looked at the ultrasound report from the previous Monday and said the placenta looked good so we have no idea why i keep bleeding. He then said he wanted to check me.. To my surprise he said i am 70% effaced.. I was a little taken back. One minute i am effaced and then i am not and now i am again? I am confused and wondering what is going on. So after this he is very glad i got the steroid shots. I was sent home (no contractions showing on the monitor, but to come back if they start).. I had to go in this morning to get the second and final steroid shot (which i almost cried, they are intense, but i held back my tears).. Now i am home taking it easy till another appointment tomorrow with the Dr. They are going to do that test i mentioned that test for a protein that will tell if delivery is coming soon (i.e next 14 days) if it is negative and i am not spotting anymore than i get to back to work with a close eye on me. If not then i guess we will hit that road when it gets here..
I know Heavenly Father has his reasons for our Trials.. I am worn, emotionally.. I do not know what i would do without the Lord, my amazing Jared and my family. The people i work with have also been amazing and so supportive. As for answers i really dont have any except that Baby Jack, looks healthy and content right now. I love feeling him move, feeling when he gets the hiccups..He is adorable, i cant wait to hold him in my arms,however i am ok waiting at least 6 more weeks for that chance... I know there have been many praying for us and we can feel the love from everyone... As for now i just sit and wait and hope GOOD NEWS is to come, but i can say this.. I am grateful for this journey, it is not going as planned, but the opportunity i have had to be here and the promise of becoming a mom out ways all the trials we have had placed in our way.."Come what may and love it"... i am sure trying!!
Friday, September 9, 2011
Answered Prayers
As many of you already know, we are expecting a baby boy in January 2012. I know our battle with infertility was not long compared to many, however, in this time i have gained so much respect for women who go through this trial. I am grateful for modern medicine that helped us to get to this point in life.
As with all blessings there are some trials along the way. I did miscarry last year and so finding out i was pregnant again was exciting and horrifying all in the same breath. I did not want to go through the pain of losing another baby. I had some rough spots early on with this pregnancy and was placed on bed rest for 3 weeks, when i was 9 weeks along. I did not tell anyone i was expecting as i did not want to explain things if something tragic did happen. I know there have been a lot of prayers on our behalf, trust me i have felt them. This little guy is a result of much fasting and prayer and i am so grateful for every kick and poke he feels to offer me. To say we are excited is an understatement. I do not think there are words to describe how we feel about our little boy.
people have been telling me to update our blog with the big news, but a part of me is scared, paranoid and not ready to tell the world.. This world is scary, and i hope i can keep this little guy safe from some of the harshness that is out there.. I also have this fear of telling everyone and then having tragedy strike.. Am i crazy for thinking so? probably, but i am pregnant so i get the right to act a little crazy!!
I would post a belly pic, but that means i would need to have a picture taken and well i don't think that is going to happen anytime soon, lol... and have i mentioned, january needs to hurry up and get HERE!!!
Friday, June 3, 2011
2 years to Eternity
I know i am totally late on this post... Needless to say life has been a little crazy.. However, on May 23rd Jared and I celebrated our two year anniversary.. It was the perfect weekend.. Dinner at The Roof is our tradition and we LOVE it!!! The food is amazing and the view of the temple is to die for.. We then went to the Draper temple and did sealings in the room we were sealed in.. Can i tell you that this is my favorite part of our anniversary? The room seems much smaller than i remember, but i know we fit 93 people in there that amazing day.. To think of all our friends and family surrounding us as we were kneeling at the altar is a memory i hold dear to my heart..
These last two years have been so much fun. Jared is the light of my life and i am so grateful for all he does for me.. I can honestly say i married my best friend.. I love you Jared and look for to the rest of eternity with you!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mommy
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
What if.....
April 13, 2011... I thought this day was going to be epic.. Jared would be a dad and i would be a mom.. Well the day has come and almost gone. I cant help but wonder what this day would be like if the miscarriage never happened.. Am i torturing myself to think this way? Many would probably say yes.. But in my opinion i needed to feel sad and need to mourn over a loss.. Yes, this was our due date.. We thought our lives would be changing and we would be going on with a new portion of our lives.. However when i woke up this morning i knew it was not so.. I have left and got out of the house, but the whole world seems to be "blah" today.. The sun felt far away, the laughter of people around from others was a little too happy for me today.
I know there are others out there who have been trying to have kids much longer than us. I am often told "you guys have not been trying that long, i know so and so who have been trying for ____ years.. Yes, its true it has not been as long as others.. BUT it still hurts.. Don't get me wrong i am so happy when i hear other people are pregnant.. I would not want anyone to go through infertility issues.. I am told i need to be patient and i am really trying.. But today is a day i can't help wonder what it would be like...
I know there are others out there who have been trying to have kids much longer than us. I am often told "you guys have not been trying that long, i know so and so who have been trying for ____ years.. Yes, its true it has not been as long as others.. BUT it still hurts.. Don't get me wrong i am so happy when i hear other people are pregnant.. I would not want anyone to go through infertility issues.. I am told i need to be patient and i am really trying.. But today is a day i can't help wonder what it would be like...
Till the Lord decides it is our time, i will try to keep my faith up... Remember we have been promised this blessing we desire..
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