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Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Family and Relationships...that is what matters!
For the past 3 months, I have had the blessing and priviledge of living with my daughter and my 4 beautiful grandkids. I have to admit, there have been some diffiucult days, not just me, but I am sure for them as well. But all in all, it has been an experience I shall always treasure in my heart. It is during this time that I have really been able to bond with these kids and learn who they are.
I have for the first time in so many years, had all my children with me under one roof...and this has been an answer to my prayers. I have my ups and downs, the hard times and the good times, and no matter what, my family is always there for me, unconditionally.
Life is wonderful; I have a job that allows me to stay at home with my family and be able to pick up and leave whenever I want. I have my children all close to me, and they are all happy and healthy. Amy and Jaron are moving to Williard this weekend and I am moving into some nice apts. Even though we will be going our separate ways, there is no way this bond will ever be broken.
I have decided to get back into niche site building and get my writing going again. I am enjoying working with Dave at AtTask and want to continue that as well, but I also want to get my writing business with JENSENWRITING.COM stepped up a bit.
I have for the first time in so many years, had all my children with me under one roof...and this has been an answer to my prayers. I have my ups and downs, the hard times and the good times, and no matter what, my family is always there for me, unconditionally.
Life is wonderful; I have a job that allows me to stay at home with my family and be able to pick up and leave whenever I want. I have my children all close to me, and they are all happy and healthy. Amy and Jaron are moving to Williard this weekend and I am moving into some nice apts. Even though we will be going our separate ways, there is no way this bond will ever be broken.
I have decided to get back into niche site building and get my writing going again. I am enjoying working with Dave at AtTask and want to continue that as well, but I also want to get my writing business with JENSENWRITING.COM stepped up a bit.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Attracting My Perfect Life
I have been doing my daily affirmations through a fantastic method called Circle Writing. Today, I am writing an affirmation to attract the perfect job. I have been surviving so far by writing for clients here on the Internet, but I have not had enough work to keep me busy, and only bringing in enough money to get by. I am now attracting the perfect job, at the perfect place NOW.
I am really excited to be in this time of my life, I am seeing so many shifts taking place, miracles happening, and each day becoming brighter and warmer. What a wonderful time to be alive! I am making new friends here on this site as well as my daily life. I have a new opportunity each day to share my light, to touch the life of someone who deserves some love in their life.Today, I get to buy a dozen flowers and give one to someone I don't know. I get to spread some sunshine and joy to someone by a very simple act of kindness. Last week, I put together a basket of a few items, flowers, a vase, little jewelry box, all in a nice basket....I took this basket and presented it to a very shocked woman, my children's step mom. I chose to share this basket with her because I wanted to be the first to start the healing, to begin building the bridge between the two of us. It is so difficult for my children knowing that their step mom will not have anything to do with me.I presented this basket of my appreciation and love and told her that I truly did love her, hoped that one day we would be able to have a relationship, and this gift was from my heart to hers. My ex has not mentioned it whatsoever, but that is ok...I know I made an impact on her life as well as mine. It felt GREAT to give to someone that I would normally not give to. I have let go of my anger, my resentment, my negative thoughts and feelings toward her and my ex. I know I can't change who they are , but I can change who I am.I get to make a difference in the lives of those around me, I get to be a positive influence, I choose to be happy and spread joy to all those around me....I choose to be in "cause" rather than "effect". I get to decide how my day goes, I am no longer a victim of others, but in charge of my life.I know that my actions, my thoughts, my feelings create energy around me, and determine the energy that I get back....I put out positive energy, I will get back that same positive energy plus more. I love life and look forward to each new moment....as stated in the movie "Peaceful Warrior", there is Never Nothing Going On. I am becoming more and more aware of what is going on all around me....cherishing each and every moment.
This morning I was very tired, I went outside, stood in the sun, closed my eyes and soaked in the beautiful light and warmth, alllowing the energy of the sun to flow through my body...it was amazing the difference it made.This Universe is ready to give us Light, Abundance, Joy and so much more...we get to open ourselves up to receiving it.
I am really excited to be in this time of my life, I am seeing so many shifts taking place, miracles happening, and each day becoming brighter and warmer. What a wonderful time to be alive! I am making new friends here on this site as well as my daily life. I have a new opportunity each day to share my light, to touch the life of someone who deserves some love in their life.Today, I get to buy a dozen flowers and give one to someone I don't know. I get to spread some sunshine and joy to someone by a very simple act of kindness. Last week, I put together a basket of a few items, flowers, a vase, little jewelry box, all in a nice basket....I took this basket and presented it to a very shocked woman, my children's step mom. I chose to share this basket with her because I wanted to be the first to start the healing, to begin building the bridge between the two of us. It is so difficult for my children knowing that their step mom will not have anything to do with me.I presented this basket of my appreciation and love and told her that I truly did love her, hoped that one day we would be able to have a relationship, and this gift was from my heart to hers. My ex has not mentioned it whatsoever, but that is ok...I know I made an impact on her life as well as mine. It felt GREAT to give to someone that I would normally not give to. I have let go of my anger, my resentment, my negative thoughts and feelings toward her and my ex. I know I can't change who they are , but I can change who I am.I get to make a difference in the lives of those around me, I get to be a positive influence, I choose to be happy and spread joy to all those around me....I choose to be in "cause" rather than "effect". I get to decide how my day goes, I am no longer a victim of others, but in charge of my life.I know that my actions, my thoughts, my feelings create energy around me, and determine the energy that I get back....I put out positive energy, I will get back that same positive energy plus more. I love life and look forward to each new moment....as stated in the movie "Peaceful Warrior", there is Never Nothing Going On. I am becoming more and more aware of what is going on all around me....cherishing each and every moment.
This morning I was very tired, I went outside, stood in the sun, closed my eyes and soaked in the beautiful light and warmth, alllowing the energy of the sun to flow through my body...it was amazing the difference it made.This Universe is ready to give us Light, Abundance, Joy and so much more...we get to open ourselves up to receiving it.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Amy Shared This With Me
My these words came to me inspired and I wrote them down and am sending them to you --------
I wanted to express how my nannie helped shape me into the wonderful person I am today. Looking back, she was a major influence in my life.
First of all, my nannie lived with us. Growing up, she read me more books and stories than I can count. She taught me about history, science and math, but most importantly she taught me about who I was.
My nannie was special to me. She never yelled and she never judged. She loved me unconditionally. I remember going to her during my teenage years when I was getting into trouble. I knew it would be safe to talk to her about it because she wouldn't yell at me like I knew my parents would. She would always listen to me and she always seemed to understand where I was coming from.
My nannie was a lot of fun. She would always make me laugh when I was sad. She also took me on special dates where I was able to bond and talk with her one-on-one throughout my life.
My nannie taught me so much about myself, the world and my Savior. She taught me compassion and forgiveness. She is someone who touched my life in more ways than I can count. I couldn't imagine my life without her.
I love her so much and pray that she will always be there for me, even throughout my adult years.
Her Grandchild
I wanted to express how my nannie helped shape me into the wonderful person I am today. Looking back, she was a major influence in my life.
First of all, my nannie lived with us. Growing up, she read me more books and stories than I can count. She taught me about history, science and math, but most importantly she taught me about who I was.
My nannie was special to me. She never yelled and she never judged. She loved me unconditionally. I remember going to her during my teenage years when I was getting into trouble. I knew it would be safe to talk to her about it because she wouldn't yell at me like I knew my parents would. She would always listen to me and she always seemed to understand where I was coming from.
My nannie was a lot of fun. She would always make me laugh when I was sad. She also took me on special dates where I was able to bond and talk with her one-on-one throughout my life.
My nannie taught me so much about myself, the world and my Savior. She taught me compassion and forgiveness. She is someone who touched my life in more ways than I can count. I couldn't imagine my life without her.
I love her so much and pray that she will always be there for me, even throughout my adult years.
Her Grandchild
My Day At Ropes
I am now in Lift Off which so far is incredible. Friday was our first day, meeting with all my family members, total of 56 for our Lift Off training. Lorna and Gary are on a cruise, so they will be going through Summit when they come back then on to their lift off together.
Ropes was a eye opening experience for me. I learned that I still have a lot of fears and let my head control my actions to such a degree that it affects me physically. I had a lot of back pain on Saturday, and it didn't occur to me until late that night as I spoke with my angel Linda Urza, that I allowed that pain to come, preventing me from taking on things that I was afraid to take on. I can see how this happens in my daily life, how my physical ailments keep me from taking a risk.
I also learned that by calling on the assistance of my angels, that I can do anything, and the pain actually disappears as I am doing it. My heart is in control, not my body, and it is time to get that clear.
My buddy Teresa Scheidler had given me so lovingly, a pair of diamond earrings. I chose to wear them up to the ropes course as they are a reminder to me of who I am, who she believes me to be, a beautiful diamond. When I returned back to the Impact center, I realized that I had lost one of the earrings while on the course. I was truly upset, but not devastated. Beckie assisted me looking through my clothes, but the earring was not to be found.
As I spoke with Bridget, my Lift Off coach, this morning, she said that I have now left part of me there on that sacred ground, that I am now one with the course. I have left a treasure and given it to the beautiful earth and It will come back to me a hundred fold. For some odd reason, that brought me so much peace, knowing that it is there, safe on that sacred ground, for all to feel as they go there and learn and grow as I have.
I was able to do things on that course that I would have never thought possible. I truly felt my mother and my sister Jennifer there with me, and there were even times that I felt Alan and Nannie there with me as well.
I learned to trust, not only others around me, but myself. I am learning to trust my heart, my spirit, and that it is so much stronger than my physical body. In my group was Sean, Ryan, Aaron, Leslie, Staci, Jackie, Stefanie, Mark, Emily and me. We watched each other go the distance, was there to support one another, to assist in each others growth.
The end, the wall, was an incredible and amazing experience, one that I shall never forget. I now know that I can break through or climb over any walls that I have created, I am never to be a victim of life again.
I am calling forth power and abundance in my life. I choose to spend the amount of money necessary to take care of my needs, and I choose to have an abundance in my life, so that I m ay be in a position to assist others, to create a nice home for my family.
I choose to be happy, to live a rich life, filled with joy and love. I am a diamond, I am beautiful, and I have left a part of myself on that Ropes course to forever bless those who step foot there, they will feel my love and heart and my strength there. My purpose is to inspire, and my diamond was meant to be there to inspire others to move forward and take on their life as I did that day. As I keep this other earring with me, I will always be one with that sacred ground.
Ropes was a eye opening experience for me. I learned that I still have a lot of fears and let my head control my actions to such a degree that it affects me physically. I had a lot of back pain on Saturday, and it didn't occur to me until late that night as I spoke with my angel Linda Urza, that I allowed that pain to come, preventing me from taking on things that I was afraid to take on. I can see how this happens in my daily life, how my physical ailments keep me from taking a risk.
I also learned that by calling on the assistance of my angels, that I can do anything, and the pain actually disappears as I am doing it. My heart is in control, not my body, and it is time to get that clear.
My buddy Teresa Scheidler had given me so lovingly, a pair of diamond earrings. I chose to wear them up to the ropes course as they are a reminder to me of who I am, who she believes me to be, a beautiful diamond. When I returned back to the Impact center, I realized that I had lost one of the earrings while on the course. I was truly upset, but not devastated. Beckie assisted me looking through my clothes, but the earring was not to be found.
As I spoke with Bridget, my Lift Off coach, this morning, she said that I have now left part of me there on that sacred ground, that I am now one with the course. I have left a treasure and given it to the beautiful earth and It will come back to me a hundred fold. For some odd reason, that brought me so much peace, knowing that it is there, safe on that sacred ground, for all to feel as they go there and learn and grow as I have.
I was able to do things on that course that I would have never thought possible. I truly felt my mother and my sister Jennifer there with me, and there were even times that I felt Alan and Nannie there with me as well.
I learned to trust, not only others around me, but myself. I am learning to trust my heart, my spirit, and that it is so much stronger than my physical body. In my group was Sean, Ryan, Aaron, Leslie, Staci, Jackie, Stefanie, Mark, Emily and me. We watched each other go the distance, was there to support one another, to assist in each others growth.
The end, the wall, was an incredible and amazing experience, one that I shall never forget. I now know that I can break through or climb over any walls that I have created, I am never to be a victim of life again.
I am calling forth power and abundance in my life. I choose to spend the amount of money necessary to take care of my needs, and I choose to have an abundance in my life, so that I m ay be in a position to assist others, to create a nice home for my family.
I choose to be happy, to live a rich life, filled with joy and love. I am a diamond, I am beautiful, and I have left a part of myself on that Ropes course to forever bless those who step foot there, they will feel my love and heart and my strength there. My purpose is to inspire, and my diamond was meant to be there to inspire others to move forward and take on their life as I did that day. As I keep this other earring with me, I will always be one with that sacred ground.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
First Day of Impact Training
Today was my first day of Impact Training, it was a very difficult day in many ways but also a huge blessing in my life. I was the first one to engage, and I had no idea what was to transpire. The instructor asked me questions about myself that I found very difficult to answer. I was finally exposing my fears, and my admission of my cowardice and fears. I spoke of not being able to protect my children from their dad.
Because I was a coward, and not able to do what I knew to be right, my children had to suffer. That was very difficult to see. I also realized that I am so gullible and fall at the feet of the first man that actually shows me any attention. I wanted to believe that Craig, the guy I met yesterday, was a good and decent guy. He was in the class with us and I learned that he drinks coffee, smokes, and is a controlling person who is not happy with himself.
I learned that he has many of the issues that I have dealt with all my life. My question to myself is why do I keep being drawn to controlling men? I learned also that I trust more than I don't trust. I learned that there is no Trying in life...we either do or we don't do. Also, something is either working for us, or it is not working. If something is not working, why do we continue to do it hoping for a different result?
We chose a buddy for the rest of the training and I chose a young 21 year old girl named Emily. She had admitted earlier in our small group that she told her family that she was gay. She seemed like a very lost soul and for some reason I was drawn to her. They told us that the buddy we chose was not a coincidence, but meant to be. I know that to be true. I think it so interestng that her name is Emily.
I am nervous yet excited for tomorrow. I have learned so much about myself today, and I am anxious to break through my walls that I have built up around my heart. I want to be able to love myself again and really give the love to my kids that they are so deserving of. I love my children so much that my heart literally aches for them.
I am going to get through this, it may be hard, but I will not give up, I am willing to pay the price.
Because I was a coward, and not able to do what I knew to be right, my children had to suffer. That was very difficult to see. I also realized that I am so gullible and fall at the feet of the first man that actually shows me any attention. I wanted to believe that Craig, the guy I met yesterday, was a good and decent guy. He was in the class with us and I learned that he drinks coffee, smokes, and is a controlling person who is not happy with himself.
I learned that he has many of the issues that I have dealt with all my life. My question to myself is why do I keep being drawn to controlling men? I learned also that I trust more than I don't trust. I learned that there is no Trying in life...we either do or we don't do. Also, something is either working for us, or it is not working. If something is not working, why do we continue to do it hoping for a different result?
We chose a buddy for the rest of the training and I chose a young 21 year old girl named Emily. She had admitted earlier in our small group that she told her family that she was gay. She seemed like a very lost soul and for some reason I was drawn to her. They told us that the buddy we chose was not a coincidence, but meant to be. I know that to be true. I think it so interestng that her name is Emily.
I am nervous yet excited for tomorrow. I have learned so much about myself today, and I am anxious to break through my walls that I have built up around my heart. I want to be able to love myself again and really give the love to my kids that they are so deserving of. I love my children so much that my heart literally aches for them.
I am going to get through this, it may be hard, but I will not give up, I am willing to pay the price.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Day Before Impact
March 2008
I have been keeping my journal in a small notebook, but I have the feeling that during the next few days that my hand is not going to be able to handle all the handwriting needed. Today I met Craig Davies in person, very fun guy, nice looking, but it never fails, I tend to fall quickly then I become scared. Do I want to be loved so much that I am willing to jump into anything? I miss being held, being noticed, feeling wanted, all of these things are void in my life. But I know that I am not ready, nor is he. Tonight Lorna, Justin and I went to the Impact meeting with David and Kellie Mease. They are incredible people who have introduced us to this Impact training. Tomorrow, Lorna, Gary, his son Russ, and I are going to be starting a new journey in our lives. I am going to be opening myself up to a new world, a world of hurt, a world of pain, and a world without it. I will first face my fears, my walls, the games I play, then learn how to change these things and break down the walls around my heart. I am going to learn how to love myself therefore, be able to love others with an even greater love.
I was so grateful to have Justin there with me tonight to share this....he is such a gift to me in my life. I am a bit nervous, scared of what I am going to see in myself, and scared to see what my actual potential is. I am afraid of feeling the fears and pain of the past, I don't want to relive those days I spent in the hospital. But the great thing is that I won't be alone, I will have my incredible and loving sister Lorna with me. I am so grateful that she is going through this process with me. I love her so much and she has been such an inspiration and support for me. She has always been there for me unconditionally and loved me.
I am so blessed to have such an incredible family. Tonight I visualized all my children surrounding me, all laughing, happy, being together. I pictured us all around the dinner table, all my family with me. I imagined Jared and Scotty living with me, all of us together. I miss my children so much that my heart aches for them. I feel I am missing so much of their childhood, and I feel like I am being robbed and it hurts me so.
I know everything that I have been going through in my life is for my own good and it is all a learning experience. I also know that none of this is in vain, and that one day, I will know my purpose, and be able to use this knowledge and experience to help and teach others. I will write again tomorrow night after I get home....no matter how tired I am...as I want to keep a journal of this sacred experience which will be a pivotal point in my life.
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I have been keeping my journal in a small notebook, but I have the feeling that during the next few days that my hand is not going to be able to handle all the handwriting needed. Today I met Craig Davies in person, very fun guy, nice looking, but it never fails, I tend to fall quickly then I become scared. Do I want to be loved so much that I am willing to jump into anything? I miss being held, being noticed, feeling wanted, all of these things are void in my life. But I know that I am not ready, nor is he. Tonight Lorna, Justin and I went to the Impact meeting with David and Kellie Mease. They are incredible people who have introduced us to this Impact training. Tomorrow, Lorna, Gary, his son Russ, and I are going to be starting a new journey in our lives. I am going to be opening myself up to a new world, a world of hurt, a world of pain, and a world without it. I will first face my fears, my walls, the games I play, then learn how to change these things and break down the walls around my heart. I am going to learn how to love myself therefore, be able to love others with an even greater love.
I was so grateful to have Justin there with me tonight to share this....he is such a gift to me in my life. I am a bit nervous, scared of what I am going to see in myself, and scared to see what my actual potential is. I am afraid of feeling the fears and pain of the past, I don't want to relive those days I spent in the hospital. But the great thing is that I won't be alone, I will have my incredible and loving sister Lorna with me. I am so grateful that she is going through this process with me. I love her so much and she has been such an inspiration and support for me. She has always been there for me unconditionally and loved me.
I am so blessed to have such an incredible family. Tonight I visualized all my children surrounding me, all laughing, happy, being together. I pictured us all around the dinner table, all my family with me. I imagined Jared and Scotty living with me, all of us together. I miss my children so much that my heart aches for them. I feel I am missing so much of their childhood, and I feel like I am being robbed and it hurts me so.
I know everything that I have been going through in my life is for my own good and it is all a learning experience. I also know that none of this is in vain, and that one day, I will know my purpose, and be able to use this knowledge and experience to help and teach others. I will write again tomorrow night after I get home....no matter how tired I am...as I want to keep a journal of this sacred experience which will be a pivotal point in my life.
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