My Glove has a hole!

Last night we were driving home from a Christmas party at Jesse's Aunts house when Ruby said from the back seat that her glove had a hole in it. We asked her how it got a hole and she told us her tummy said to eat it?!? Then she said, "LOOK at the hole mom". Sure enough there was a tiny hole in her glove. I told her not to eat it because it would make her sick, but she informed me that her tummy requested it and still wants more. I told her to tell her glove no or it would be put in time out. Which she happily replied, "Yeah, put it in time-out!" Silly Ruby!

its about time....

Well the title of this post has more than one story behind it. First, I have finished school.........YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! I can't even tell you how excited I am. I feel like I have been reborn...Life Begins Again!!(from a movie) I have all of these plans of what I will do to fill in the time I used to study, do homework, write papers, etc, etc, etc. I am going to catch up on what new TV series, read a lot of books (that I want to), laundry, dishes, organize my house, cook, etc....the list goes on and on. I know doing laundry and dishes, and organizing, and cooking may not sound fun to some but I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to do them. I want to get my life in order. During school everything else was pushed to the back to make time to study or squeeze in a little time with Jesse and Ruby. I am also going to work on my blog. Over the weekend I was inspired to do my blog for my kids when they grow up. I want them to have something to look back on and remember with pictures and thoughts on important milestones and just day to day life. So here it goes.

My second thought was while cooking dinner tonight ruby said something that I thought was funny and so to begin documenting day to day life and ruby-isms! Today's ruby-ism was while I was making dinner. This is how the conversation played out:

Ruby: "what's that smell?"
Me: "dinner"
Ruby: "no, its smells"
Me: "I know, its dinner"
Ruby: "its smells like dog food"
Me: "what?? it smells yummy. its just chicken"
Ruby: "well it smells like Maddox's dog food"

Maddox is Jesse's mom and dad's dog. I was going to post pictures but the ones I wanted to post I cant access. Anyhow this is today's story!!

A big THANK YOU!

I don't even know where to start. I can't even express how thankful I am to all my family and friends who helped out during this difficult time. Your out pouring of love and prayers is just astounding to me that even now I can't hold back the tears. All of your love and support has made my recovery so much easier.

I keep thinking about what I should take away from this experience. I have been reminded of the amazing amount of love and people that surround my life on a daily basis. I could not ask for a better family and group of friends. Because of all of you my journey through life is all the more enjoyable and easier to get through hard times. It has taught me patience................Well at least got me on the track to learning patience. I will be the first to admit that I am not a very patient person. Once I decide I want something I think I need it that second. After I decided I wanted another beautiful, funny, and full of energy child like Ruby, I thought it would be so easy. I thought why wouldn't it be easy. That in itself has taught me respect for people who have to go through adoption to achieve a family they desire so badly. I know that this is in Heavenly Father's Plan. He knows their are children out there who need families that will love them as if they were their own. I have always had the thought of adoption in the back of my mind, and even though I can't afford that either, I know I just need to have faith and know there is a plan for me. It might take awhile to reveal what that plan is but I am at peace knowing that I have a wonderful family to spend my time with until then.

Again, thank you to all of you whether it was a phone call, visit, dinner, flowers, or watching Roo Bug or many offers of help, I honestly can't say thanks enough! I am overwhelmed with emotion.

Love you all!!!

The bike ride of your life.......

I was blog hopping and I can't even remember where or whose blog I find this on but I feel I must have been directed there for a reason. I stumbled upon a story by Tim Hansel that I immediately loved. Here is the story:

The Road of Life"

“At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited Heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president.

But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal.

I don’t know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since. When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable….It was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, “Pedal!”

I worried and was anxious and asked, “Where are you taking me?” He laughed and didn’t answer, and I started to learn to trust.

I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I’d say, “I’m scared,” He’d lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey, my Lord’s and mine.

And we were off again. He said, “Give the gifts away; they’re extra baggage, too much weight.” So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He’d wreck it; but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I’m beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And when I’m sure I just can’t do any more, He just smiles and says, “Pedal.”


I loved this because I started to think about the things you should wear while riding a bike and I thought that these represent things in our lives as well. A helmet in my bike excursion would be prayer. A way to protect my heart when I am not sure why some things happen. This gives me a way to ask for comfort and understanding as to why we get hurt or experience pain, sadness, and losing people we love. My bike gloves would be a way to help me hold on tighter to faith and knowing that I will find joy in many things. I'm thinking about the joy of a child, and the joy in motherhood. Today is my little girls birthday and I feel sad today thinking of the other birthdays I can't celebrate with the babies I have lost. I am trying to stay on my bike. I am trying to stay on knowing there is a huge cliff ahead and behind me, because I know that heavenly father has already helped me over many. There are cliffs that are bigger then some and steep mountains ahead, but I just need to "pedal" and I know I will make it. Some days I get tired of pedaling and need to find energy to keep going. My energy is found in my family, friends, and faith. And I hope I can still be loved with some of my odd behavior I tend to have with dealing with my lose on my bad days.

I really wanted to post some pictures but Jesse has them on his account and I don't know where they are. Even with four and a half years of school I don't know everything about a computer. Anyway that is all my ramblings for now.

BIG Em!

The first day of school in sixth grade is one I won't forget. I was nervous like most kids are on the first day of school. Worried you won't be able to find your class and be on time, hoping you can open your new locker with a new combination in less than five minutes so you can grab your books and be to your next class (on time!). My first class of sixth grade I was seated next to a girl named Tiffannie. Right away I new we would be friends. She had the coolest trapper keeper with the New Kids on the Block across the front, and the coolest color of red hair I had ever seen. The first week of school I was riding the bus home with her to hang out at her house. Her family was awesome. Her parents were so easy to talk to. Right away her dad gave me a nickname that has stuck with me since that first day of sixth grade: BIG Em. He would always play games with us in the backyard, take us to movies, and when one of my friends was old enough to drive he let us borrow his truck so we could go be teenagers and hang out at the mall. That is what we did back then.
He always believed in our ability to do well in school and to be all around good kids. He was always encouraging whatever dream we had for the future. He even let me work one summer with him, Tiffannie and her brother. We did rock mason. I know me doing rock mason. We helped with some HUGE houses in Park City. One of the Jazz players drove by in a sweet car, but I don't know who he was. It was just pointed out to me as he drove past. It was my first celebrity sighting. I remember hauling a wheelbarrow full of mud/cement to put around the rocks when my friends dad pointed out some roofers who were trying to get me and my friends attention at which I was completely clueless and lost control and dumped gallons of mud/cement all over. I was so scared her dad would get mad but as I looked up he was laughing and walking over to help pick the wheel barrow up. He always had a sense of humor, and an easy going attitude. I'm so sad that this will be his last week with us. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor about two years ago, and is only expected to live through the weekend. I'm so sad. Tiff's family was a second family to me for years. I know he will be in a better place, be his old self again, and surrounded and welcomed by family. I'll miss you Nathan Goodrich!

Good News!!

Just a little update. Jesse found a job!!!! I have been waiting for this for a long time. He is working for a company called Spiricon. What they do I'm not sure but I do know they supply a pay check. I will have to ask Jesse to tell me what they do. Something with computers?? Ruby is going back to Little Red Siren's daycare and is very excited. She still remembers all the kids and Vardee. Ruby has been sick of staying in the house but will miss Jesse and all the crazy games they would play. Anyway just wanted to write about it to make it feel real that we are progressing forward. Yea!!

Some pics of Ruby

My sister 'n law is an amazing photographer and took some pictures of ruby at my mom's house. She is growing too fast. Of course Ruby will hold still, and pose for Dezi but not myself or the many ladies at JC Penny. Lately see gives us thumbs up for everything. It is really cute. Well here is a little start of something I hope to make a regular thing. You know posting more than once a year. Another note is that I am Ruby's sunbeam teacher. Scary I know, but surprisingly she does pretty good. Even though when all the parents drop off their kids it is usually Ruby who is crying.....for her dad. I know I keep telling her she is lucky to have her mom there because all the other kids are asking for their mom, but not my child. I am the favorite at night and when I get home from work so I do have my moments which I love. I guess I should stop writing and study for my Human Physiology test I have this week that will probably be wasted with studying but I will give it a try. Anyway if anyone out there still checks our blog here is something new. Finally!!!

First Post!

Here is our wonderful blog. Please give me time to make it look interesting to read and look at. But I know that Jenny will be proud of me for doing this much. The address to our blog is still under construction it was the only one that would work. I did try other things but this was the only one that would pass to the next step in the creation of the blog. Anyhow, I will be working on it as much as possible. I'm already addicted to this thing!!