something to think about

The other day I got this email and it really made me think about how sometimes we can touch people's lives without knowing it. I know that in my life, there are times that people who I come in contact with have really changed my life for the better, and they might not even realize it.

It also made me realize how I should always be happy to just be me. Everyone is worth something to someone, and it's a good thing that everyone is different, or we would all get really bored with each other.

I think that this is really someone to think about. There really are people who care about us more than we might know.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

what is home?

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what home is. As I look at where my life is now, where I have been, and where I hope to be going in the next few years, I’ve come to the realization that I won’t be spending much more time at “home.” From here on out, I will probably only be known as a visitor in my own house in Chicago.

So what does that mean for me now? Is Provo my home? That little third floor apartment? In all honestly, I think I have to admit that it has been for almost a year now, and I've grown to love it.

Every day for the past 10 months, I have come home to that little third floor apartment, with its off-white walls, brown stained carpets, and ugly blue furniture. I’ve come home to an oven that doesn’t really work, a stove that always smells like something is on fire (maybe it’s because of the fire we had a while ago), a fridge that I think used to be white at one point, toilets that don’t really flush, a swamp cooler that makes everything damp and sticky, a vacuum that just pushes all the dirt into little balls instead of actually sucking it up, and sinks that don’t produce any cold water.

But at the same time, I’ve come home to friends and roommates who stop whatever they’re doing to listen to a recap of my stressful day, the smell of home-cooked food on the stove or in the oven, pictures of Jesus Christ and my friends around the living room, and “The Dreamer” in the corner. I’ve come home to laughter, happiness, joy, jokes, and sometimes even tears. In the course of the past 10 months, I’ve come home to 10 different roommates, girls whose lives have crossed with mine for as little as 2 months or for as long as 9, until we all go our separate ways again. These girls have started to become my family, a little piece of home away from home.

Someone once told me that to them, home means that they can lie on the bathroom floor and not feel completely disgusting. If that is the case for everyone, I can’t imagine anything besides my house in Chicago ever feeling like home. No matter how long I scrub those floors, I will never feel comfortable enough to place any part of my body anywhere near our tub and toilet besides my feet.

In addition to “home is where the heart is,” I’ve also heard that “home is where you’re stuff is.” Both, I think, are equally true.

In all my short years of existence, I’d like to think that maybe I’ve learned a thing or two. But in the past little bit, I’ve come to learn that home is where ever and whatever you want it to be.

To me, home is where you walk through the door and are immediately surrounded by people you love and who love you. Home is where you leave a better person than when you came. In return, home is where you try to leave people in better shape than how you found them. Home is where you leave a little bit of your heart when you go. Home is where you can make mistakes and then learn from them. Home is where you can always find reasons to be happy. Home is where you find a little piece of yourself and add it to the puzzle. Home is where you create yourself into who you want to be.

As I look at my life, I realize that I have and have had so many wonderful homes. I will always consider Dallas, Philadelphia, and Chicago to hold a little piece of home. I’ve found a home in the hearts of those people that I met in Africa. I’ve even made a home here in Provo.

And as life continues, I’m excited to see where I will discover or create future homes.

lukogan

I am in love.

And I have offically found the man I'm going to marry. Actually, it's two men, but I'm planning on marrying them both. My roommate and I just finished the last episode of the last season of Gilmore Girls and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm very sad it's over. I could spend time with Luke and Logan forever.

Luke and Logan are the most perfect people on this planet. And if I ever found anyone like them, I wouldn't hesitate when he pulled out the ring and tried to stick it on my finger.

In all actuality though, I know that no one is perfect and I'm not saying these guys are actually perfect. All I'm saying is the combination of these two makes for a very successful heart-throb.

done done done!

358 days ago, I signed up to take Calculus online. . . biggest mistake of my life.

As of 1:00 this afternoon, I AM DONE!!

I think I might have failed the final, but at least I can say that I did it.

This book will never haunt me again:

freedom!!

i love keith

It all started with Becca.

And a surprise birthday party.

I was helping a friend's parents plan a surprise party for their daughter and I was in the process of inviting our mutual friends. I was trying to get in touch with my friend Becca, but had two numbers in my phone. One was under the name "Becca" and one under "Becca Spear." Thinking I had pretty good odds at guessing which number was really hers, I took my chances.

It started off as nothing more than a casual, "hey, are you going to be able to make it to the party tomorrow?"

the response: whos dis?

Almost certain that I couldn't have made a mistake, I innocently asked, "Isn't this Becca?"

the answer: No

With that, I left it alone, thinking it was just a friendly accident. I deleted the number as a way to protect myself from any future phone mishaps, never thinking that I would hear from this person ever again. Minutes later, I had a new text.

It was a message from the wonderful stranger formerly known as Becca. The message was simple: "this is Keith."

Attached was this lovely picture:


My first thought? "Gosh I wish I wasn't in class right now, because I really want to laugh."

And my second thought? I couldn't help but wonder if this was just some practical joke. I thought for sure that this phone belonged to someone just hoping for a good laugh, sending prank texts to anyone whose number they didn't recognize.

Not wanting to get in over my head, or make a complete fool of myself, I ignored the texts, hoping the prankster would let me live a few moments longer without adding to the overwhelming amounts of awkward moments that define my life.

My wish was not granted.

He continued: How old r u?

I continued to ignore the texts, silently masking a laugh every time.

Another text: I'm 11.

And with that, I couldn't help myself. I responded. "Sorry buddy but I think I'm a little too old for you."

His reply: I aint askin u out.

Thanks goodness, I thought! I didn't respond, and as the day continued, I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I willingly retold the story over and over to anyone who would listen, sure that I had heard from Keith for the last time. A few hours later, after I had long forgotten about my dear, soul-mate, Keith, he sent me another text:

The threat: anwser me!! (spelled just like that, by the way).

As I looked back on that experience for the rest of the day, I couldn't help but think that Heavenly Father really does look out for us. How does Keith prove that God loves me, you ask? Well, Keith came to me at the perfect time: Things weren't really working out for me and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get through the day. I knew that what I was going through was all part of the plan, and I knew these experiences were only going to make me stronger, continue molding me into the girl that Heavenly Father needed me to be. I put all my trust in God but things were still hard. I couldn't find very many reasons to smile. Then, all because of Becca and a birthday party, I couldn't stop laughing for days - literally. Heavenly Father was kind and loving enough to send me Keith that day. And that's just one of the many reasons why I know God loves me.

Thank you, Keith.

my top 22

I got the chance to go home for Memorial Day weekend and it was wonderful!! I absolutely love being home. There's just something about going back home that no words can explain. As a tribute to my most perfect home, I made a list of my favorite things. It's my top 22 things (in no particular order) that I love about being home. And I couldn't narrow it down to anything less than 22. Haha.

Home is where:

1- everything feels the same even if you haven’t been there in a while
2- chocolate cake shakes and chopped salads are a weekly (if not daily) ritual
3- eating is considered a social gathering, not something you do to survive
4- N.E.R.T.Z. is a must
5- your one-eyed dog still runs to see you whenever she hears the door open
6- swimming in the moldy lake isn't something you think about - you.just.do.it
7- the mating frogs come out every night
8- you roast marshmallows in the backyard
9- your mom knows (and makes) your favorite foods
10- it takes only a 50 minute train ride to get to the CITY
11- a day at Independence Grove and a night at Lake Michigan beach is the perfect combination
12- your bed still feels like your bed
13- you b-r-e-a-k even at the horse races
14- you catch up with friends you haven’t seen in months and it only feels like it’s been a few days
15- playing with wiki sticks at Grand Lux makes you feel like a kid
16- both kids lose their license only hours before their plane leaves
17- you drink hot chocolate on memorial day
18- there's always enough toilet paper
19- the piano keys still feel good under your fingers
20- you come home to family
21- the cookie jar is ALWAYS full
22- you’re LOVED no matter what

remembering a year ago

I got home from Zambia a year ago yesterday. I went with a group called Mothers without Borders.(http://www.motherswithoutborders.org/)
It's been on my mind a lot lately: the people I met, the kids I helped, the experiences I had, and all the sorrow and the happiness that I witnessed. For the past few weeks, I've been re-reading the journal that I took with me. Each day, I've been reading what I wrote a year ago that day, helping me to remember the feelings I had and the things I went through.

The two and a half weeks that I spent in Africa were the best days that I've ever spent anywhere with anyone. My world changed when I stepped off that plane in Lusaka. My eyes and heart were opened to a whole new world around me. The people that I met will probably never know how much they truly changed me. Here are just a few pictures and videos that continue to touch my heart and bring back beautiful memories:

Carol:
My hero and one of the most amazing people I've ever met. She has every reason to be bitter and hate life, but there she smiles, close to death, day after day.



Reading with Tabu



I never found out the names of these kids, but they hold a special place in my heart

Baby Moureen:
From Julius Village. Earlier this year, for one of my classes, I wrote a story about my experience with her.

Moureen peed on me later that day. Haha.

playing with chickens!

Dani and Chiloba:
Some of the best friends I've made. Chiloba is serving a mission now in Congo. He's AMAZING!

Leaving our mark on the doors of the warehouse that we helped build.





One day we were there, the kids at the orphanage put on a show for us. They sang the primary song, Love is Spoken Here. If you're familiar with the song, listen to what happens at about 1 minute when they try to combine the verses. Haha.

The kids from the CRC (orphanage) singing Mwamba mwamba, a traditional African song.