pengajaran pertama

aku selamat melahirkan anak. anak lelaki. permata sulongku. seperti tak disangka aku sudah bergelar ibu. tanggungjawab yg amat berat itu pasti. aku siap sedia untuk pikul tanggungjawab ini. aku ambil tiga bulan cuti tanpa gaji. hanya untuk membesarkan anakku.

ariq muhammad anak yg baik. ketika baru lahir dan di hari pantang dia jarang menangis. hanya bila dibabap baru keluar suara kejantanannye. ariq suka tidur. dan kerana itu aku lalai. tidak tahu bahawa ariq perlu dikejutkan untuk minum susu. aku ingat dia masih kenyang. dan kerana ketidaktahuan aku itu pertama kali ariq dimasukkan ke hospital kerana demam kuning.

bacaan yg sangat tinggi. dia sepatutnya tidak perlu melalui keadaan itu. salah aku. salah kerana tidak mengejutkan dia. setiap dua jam dia perlu disusukan. dan bayi kuning memang suka tidur. nah salah aku lagi.

di hospital tah berapa banyak kali darah ariq diambil dan diuji. dan aku hanya mampu menitiskan air mata. bergelen2. pantang pon dah tak kesah.sampaikan mak bidan cakap aku hampir bentan.

maafkan mummy.

tanda2 jaundice:
suka tidur, bila menangis keluarkan suara yg sangat nyaring, kuning start dr badan ke kepala , kencing berwarna kuning, mata putih juga berwarna kuning

apa perlu dibuat:
kerapkan penyusuan, klo kasi 2oz susu setiap 2jam kene kejut utk minum susu, bawak ke klinik untuk pengesahan, kalau perlu admit sila ke hospital, jgn jemur bawah matahari pagi or beri minum susu kambing, ibu jangan makan jamu ataupun mknan yg memanaskan badan.

aku harap aku tidak lalai lagi.

motherhood

I have so much to write in case I forgot. the things that happened during my motherhood period. I love my baby. but looks like love is not enough when I need to do and provide so many other things just to raise him well. im not complaining...in fact I thank Allah for giving me this opportunity. However things happened for a reason and I kept blaming myself. he felt down was my fault .he felt sick and hospitalized was my other fault. its hard when I kept blaming myself. I should be a protective mom... dear boy, im so sorry... I should have done better...

only god knows the best

im supposed to wait. for the sign. sign. pain.
but again... from the scan my AFI was high. which at the end of this precious moment it should be 10+ and not more than 15 or 18? nevertheless mine was 22 and didnt have the signal of reduction. yes. my amniotic fluid was a lot, which means if I wait any more longer than my edd,the baby will be a fat one that might cannot pass through the birth canal and push me for operation? or he will be having diabetes.  which im not happy about it.

"so which date do you want? you want to do it now?"

I can choose the date? wow that was a good one. you should tell me earlier doc if not I would have this last year. kidding.

"will it be any risk? is it going to harm further?"

"I would advise you to go with your edd. lets get you hospitalized 10pm this sunday".

my sister used to tell me gynea wont come on weekend. they would possibly arrange the best to have delivery on working days. yeah finally I knew this is leading to that.

"okay if you said so doc".

10pm sunday I was admitted.  3 attempts to have the drip on my left hand  and end up with bruises. inexperienced nurse I would say. I was given time to rest.

4am monday I was given medicine for me to clear my stomach. yeah. its like tsunami immediately where I couldn't hold any more longer.

6am the vaginal medicine.I was being induced since the 2cm contraction didnt improve at all for 4 days. unlucky me I felt the pain immediately. I was a strong woman against epidural at one point..but oh man..I changed my mind and cried for one.

8+ am thank you doc for the flood. she pooped my balloon. oh its hot down there. I kept saying " syg panas panas" and "doc I need epiduralllllll". ok im not that dramatic I hope so.

10+ am a male malay doctor came.
now im already in the labor room.he was ready to give me the happiness. I was pretty sure it was kind of electric shock at the back. suddenly I felt numb. I dont feel the pain at all.

so I chatted. eat. sleep.comfortably. can you imagine that? im having a baby making a hole down there to get out and see the world, but im acting like nothings happen. that is really a happiness.

once I heard a lady crying out loud when she was doing the pushing thinggy. the midwife told me its not the right thing to do.haha. so I have my husband, my mom,my father, my mil stayed beside me my during the labor. it was a bliss.

when it was 2pm the contraction improved faster. from 2cm to 5cm to 8cm and suddenly the midwife said it was about time. she reduced the epidural dose so I had the urge to push immediately.  ok now im feeling the contraction.  and so ready to push. I told nurse nora I had to get this one done now but the baby head was still far and high. little bit waiting game. and try an error. we did the pushing exercise.  yes. only now I learnt. and practice.  funny. I never knew I couldnt have that pushing expression on the face. and i should give out the energy to the baby. complicated enough. so they said treat it the same when you are in the toilet doing u hum. u hum.
o mm okay. so I  tried.

pretty much easy steps. but still I took longer to learn. LOL. anyway im pushing and resting and pushing for 40mins when finally he came. yes He. 21 jan 2013, 456pm. he didnt cry but after some spanks he cried big time. yup. thats my baby. alhamdulillah.

ariq muhammad. 3.57kg. my precious first.

soon after that I had another drama during the sewing time. LOL. write it in next one.

overdue

im aware of the very long due of new posts.
lots of thing that I wish to write.
1.my pregnancy and labor experience
2.my motherhood journey *still new to this*
3.my precious first

so. mm okay. will find time to accomplish all this.LOL.