It's already the 2nd week of September and I have no idea what I'm doing.
Sigh.
Everything is changing quicker than the Melbourne weather and I'm unsure how I'm dealing/facing it. There are 3 main things in my life that I need to deal with right now - Graduation, Migration and Job Hunting. All 3 are progressing slowly and I can feel the pressure building and I don't like it very much.
It has been difficult in the job hunting world. Every person I've spoken to unabashedly pointed out that they aren't seeing patients as they used to and appointment books have been left empty. Such news just depress you even further. There's not much to look forward to after graduation, is there?
Sometimes the thought of heading home doesn't seem like a bad idea anymore.
I miss my boyfriend, family and friends. I miss the food, the people and the familiarity.
Standing at the cross road now, just as I had 5 years ago when I took a leap of faith and took up the scholarship, what should I do?
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Friday, December 3, 2010
note to self.
do not expect anything, because it's not gonna happen.
you'll just crash and burn.
again.
you'll just crash and burn.
again.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
love?
apparently it is the season of breaking up recently amongst my circle of primary mates. (yes i still keep in touch with them :) ) it's very intriguing that how all of us lead different lives and we all have our own little pieces of dramas. and although we haven't seen each other for nearly half a year since we last gathered, words of comfort are appreciated so so much when we exchange our woes and experiences, speaking of the past, present and future.
my best friend during our primary years had an extremely bad break up with her boyfriend. they had been going out for 2 years and the break up came as a shock to her. she had always known that he was one with a weird character and also mysteriously temperamental. his reason for breaking up was that he came across a quote, written between the lines of, "what is love? when it can barely last forever" or something seemingly meaningful, but in reality, it's just a bunch of crap. that was it. that WAS the best he can come up with and he left her torn apart, trying to pick up the pieces, all by herself.
"i'm so lost. i don't know what i'm doing everyday. i couldn't focus when i'm working. i can't eat nor sleep properly without nightmares interjecting into my mind. i'm literally a walking corpse and am nothing but a human shell", she said.
to which i tried to give my advice, but apart from saying, "time heals everything," and "he doesn't deserve you anyway that selfish bastard", i couldn't suggest anything else. i realised that i actually couldn't relate to her regarding the break up. i'm very fortunate that in my past relationships, i've been treated extremely well and to be crude, it was pretty evident that my ex(es) loved me, more than i did to them.i was the one who was always irrational and temperamental. for her, she was the one falling head over heels for him and that when he left in a sudden, she couldn't forgive him, moreover herself because she felt that she violated the "the guy must love me more than i do to him in a relationship" rule.
she felt stupid, extremely furious with him and herself, broken and lost. karma was what she thought when he left because she remembered that she didn't treat her past bfs well at all. they were the ones who heeded to all her needs and dayummm she was even more irrational than i was. heh.
and then she got me thinking.
well, what happens if i was her? would that ever happen to me?
:(
honestly, i hope not. (who does anyway!!?) then i thought to myself. if i try to hold back in falling for someone and hoping that he loves me more than i do to him, maybe i wouldn't hurt myself that much, even if it didn't work out. i was initially introuduced to the "rule" by my mum and it is repeatedly reinforced by my girlfriends. all of whom suffered from break ups, good or bad ones.
but seriously, who the fuck invented this outrageous "rule"?!?! think about it, if i hold back my feelings and he thinks that i don't love him enough and likewise held back his, then there is NO meaning to the whole relationship. because we ARE living in denial and selfishness to try to protect ourselves from being hurt by others and therefore, never truly loved each other.
horrible as it sounds, i do admit that i am slightly influenced by it. because i'm a girl and love being pampered :) but that doesn't mean i hold back when it comes to falling in love. i'd like to think that i'm an emotionally attached person and still, unabashedly loves to fantasize the perfect everything when it comes to a relationship. yeaappp that's me, forever the dreamer.
to me, i've learnt that being in a relationship is more of falling deeply in love with each other and having that overwhelming chemistry, then start learning about your partner's habits, character and thoughts, getting to understand him better and then, realising that you are actually falling deeper in love with him when you actually thought it was rendered impossible that it could happen, because you're already so so so into him before.
love is, a strange strange thing.
anyway, back to the story. all of us tried our best to talk to her and try to understand what she's going through. cracking jokes, gossiping about others and generally tried to tear her away from the pain that was piercing her. and the last piece of thought i gave was, "everything happens for a reason", lame i know. yeah Chris's favourite quote. but i thought it was apt at that particular moment when everyone ran out of things to say. to which she nodded and agreed that it is something positive that she could start off with. :) finally someone actually believed that nonsensical quote :p
at the end of the night, when i started writing up this post, (i wrote it last night but didn't manage to finish it) i received a text from my best friend. it was a mass text to everyone who were there. she thanked us for listening and that it felt heart warming that after all these years, we are still there for her and she appreciated it very, very much.
:)
and this is why friendships are precious to me. those who matter anyway :)
my best friend during our primary years had an extremely bad break up with her boyfriend. they had been going out for 2 years and the break up came as a shock to her. she had always known that he was one with a weird character and also mysteriously temperamental. his reason for breaking up was that he came across a quote, written between the lines of, "what is love? when it can barely last forever" or something seemingly meaningful, but in reality, it's just a bunch of crap. that was it. that WAS the best he can come up with and he left her torn apart, trying to pick up the pieces, all by herself.
"i'm so lost. i don't know what i'm doing everyday. i couldn't focus when i'm working. i can't eat nor sleep properly without nightmares interjecting into my mind. i'm literally a walking corpse and am nothing but a human shell", she said.
to which i tried to give my advice, but apart from saying, "time heals everything," and "he doesn't deserve you anyway that selfish bastard", i couldn't suggest anything else. i realised that i actually couldn't relate to her regarding the break up. i'm very fortunate that in my past relationships, i've been treated extremely well and to be crude, it was pretty evident that my ex(es) loved me, more than i did to them.i was the one who was always irrational and temperamental. for her, she was the one falling head over heels for him and that when he left in a sudden, she couldn't forgive him, moreover herself because she felt that she violated the "the guy must love me more than i do to him in a relationship" rule.
she felt stupid, extremely furious with him and herself, broken and lost. karma was what she thought when he left because she remembered that she didn't treat her past bfs well at all. they were the ones who heeded to all her needs and dayummm she was even more irrational than i was. heh.
and then she got me thinking.
well, what happens if i was her? would that ever happen to me?
:(
honestly, i hope not. (who does anyway!!?) then i thought to myself. if i try to hold back in falling for someone and hoping that he loves me more than i do to him, maybe i wouldn't hurt myself that much, even if it didn't work out. i was initially introuduced to the "rule" by my mum and it is repeatedly reinforced by my girlfriends. all of whom suffered from break ups, good or bad ones.
but seriously, who the fuck invented this outrageous "rule"?!?! think about it, if i hold back my feelings and he thinks that i don't love him enough and likewise held back his, then there is NO meaning to the whole relationship. because we ARE living in denial and selfishness to try to protect ourselves from being hurt by others and therefore, never truly loved each other.
horrible as it sounds, i do admit that i am slightly influenced by it. because i'm a girl and love being pampered :) but that doesn't mean i hold back when it comes to falling in love. i'd like to think that i'm an emotionally attached person and still, unabashedly loves to fantasize the perfect everything when it comes to a relationship. yeaappp that's me, forever the dreamer.
to me, i've learnt that being in a relationship is more of falling deeply in love with each other and having that overwhelming chemistry, then start learning about your partner's habits, character and thoughts, getting to understand him better and then, realising that you are actually falling deeper in love with him when you actually thought it was rendered impossible that it could happen, because you're already so so so into him before.
love is, a strange strange thing.
anyway, back to the story. all of us tried our best to talk to her and try to understand what she's going through. cracking jokes, gossiping about others and generally tried to tear her away from the pain that was piercing her. and the last piece of thought i gave was, "everything happens for a reason", lame i know. yeah Chris's favourite quote. but i thought it was apt at that particular moment when everyone ran out of things to say. to which she nodded and agreed that it is something positive that she could start off with. :) finally someone actually believed that nonsensical quote :p
at the end of the night, when i started writing up this post, (i wrote it last night but didn't manage to finish it) i received a text from my best friend. it was a mass text to everyone who were there. she thanked us for listening and that it felt heart warming that after all these years, we are still there for her and she appreciated it very, very much.
:)
and this is why friendships are precious to me. those who matter anyway :)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
birch red.
*photo credits*
i was browsing through lookbook.nu and was fascinated with the fashion photos.
how i wish i could pull off some of the looks in there :(
anyway, i was looking for a new hair color and i think a red shade would be a good change :))
yay or nay?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
how to save a life.
when the world is coming down on you, and everything seem to fall apart,
fret not. i'll be there :)
just like how all of you were there for me when i needed your advice, opinions and most importantly to lend me a ear :)
your friendship and patience are deeply appreciated and cherished.
you know who you are :) the ones whom are always subjected to my complaints and rants. lol.
something that i've realised recently- i should learn to let go, and stop allowing the disturbing thoughts flood through my head. although some may think i'm dramatizing this, but i know i'm not. i may be a drama queen at times *shifty eyes* but this is not the case.
it just shows how much i care but i'm just surprised to know that i am a nobody to you.
i hope that you guys had a better day than i did :)
fret not. i'll be there :)
just like how all of you were there for me when i needed your advice, opinions and most importantly to lend me a ear :)
your friendship and patience are deeply appreciated and cherished.
you know who you are :) the ones whom are always subjected to my complaints and rants. lol.
something that i've realised recently- i should learn to let go, and stop allowing the disturbing thoughts flood through my head. although some may think i'm dramatizing this, but i know i'm not. i may be a drama queen at times *shifty eyes* but this is not the case.
it just shows how much i care but i'm just surprised to know that i am a nobody to you.
i'm going to take a leap
*photo credits to torny at deviantart :)*
i hope that you guys had a better day than i did :)
Thursday, May 6, 2010
turn around, bright eyes.
I'm currently really hooked to Glee :))) it's such a good series as you can sing a long with the cast with familiar songs :) but somehow the recent episodes are a bit .... meh. The Madonna episode was awesome though! I've always been a fan of hers (influenced by my cousin, whom might be the biggest Madge fan ever. Imagine posters of her stuck on his wall and he's a freaking 30 year old :p) This week's Glee episode was alright, till the climax at the end :D total eclipse of the heart is an absolute love <3 and may I say Puck is such a hot badass? :)
I've seemed to be pretty easily annoyed lately. Lol. Personally, I find it really irritating that some ppl always nod/ agree to statements being made by others but they actually don't know what we were talking about? It's like they just enjoy the thought of being included in the conversation =/ It's okay if it's not frequent, but please don't do it on purpose every.single.time. It just makes you look.... sad.
Also, certain ppl should hide their absolute insanity. It's not very pleasant to hear other friends talking about them but really, the stories I hear; and they are at least 80% true, no matter how crazily exaggerated they might be, never failed to make me go O.O O.O wtffffff (!!!!) Stalking is definitely not cool. Heh.
Today was pretty exhausting since lectures ran from 9am-3pm and I had PBL (problem based learning) from 3pm-5pm :((( Life of a dent student = no life. sigh. Pretty glad that we were with Group 7 cuz we can pretty much go along well with each other :)) and THANK GOD Dr. Stacey wasn't our tutor :D She was supposed to be taking care of our group but the swapped it with Helen in the end :) sucks to be the group who's next to ours!!! lol.
AND I'm officially tutoring! :D if there're any students who are joining the tuition centre that is. lol. but whatever :) I don't mind taking it slow for now :) I really need some moolah for splurging on Asos 2 days ago T________________T
but it was free shipping!!!! *indignant*
time to hit the books for a bit :)
Ta!
I've seemed to be pretty easily annoyed lately. Lol. Personally, I find it really irritating that some ppl always nod/ agree to statements being made by others but they actually don't know what we were talking about? It's like they just enjoy the thought of being included in the conversation =/ It's okay if it's not frequent, but please don't do it on purpose every.single.time. It just makes you look.... sad.
Also, certain ppl should hide their absolute insanity. It's not very pleasant to hear other friends talking about them but really, the stories I hear; and they are at least 80% true, no matter how crazily exaggerated they might be, never failed to make me go O.O O.O wtffffff (!!!!) Stalking is definitely not cool. Heh.
Today was pretty exhausting since lectures ran from 9am-3pm and I had PBL (problem based learning) from 3pm-5pm :((( Life of a dent student = no life. sigh. Pretty glad that we were with Group 7 cuz we can pretty much go along well with each other :)) and THANK GOD Dr. Stacey wasn't our tutor :D She was supposed to be taking care of our group but the swapped it with Helen in the end :) sucks to be the group who's next to ours!!! lol.
AND I'm officially tutoring! :D if there're any students who are joining the tuition centre that is. lol. but whatever :) I don't mind taking it slow for now :) I really need some moolah for splurging on Asos 2 days ago T________________T
but it was free shipping!!!! *indignant*
time to hit the books for a bit :)
Ta!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Tis' Strange That.
How some "friends" manipulate your friendship and only bother to contact you when they need help or a favor from you.
How impossible it is to have true friends around you and I'm proud to say I am blessed with a few :))
How fucking heavy Lindhe is -__________- I swear it weighs AT LEAST 5kgs D: D: D:
How hols are passing so fast that the days are turning into a blur.
How friendships can be rekindled so easily if we actually do bother trying and it feels soooooooo good when they do.
How some people actually prefer to be left behind.
I need some ABCs :( They don't serve it in Malaysia :(
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