Moving

I did it.

I moved.

It's not much now but I hope to make it something special.

Something wonderful to mark the next chapter in my life.

For now, the Vegas-themed chapter of my life is closed. I may still live in the City of Sin, but my blog doesn't.

Come see my new digs, leave a comment, say hello, love it, hate it, whatever. It's for me most of all.

I will be changing things around, making myself comfortable, setting up shop, so bear with me. And yes, all my links to my friends and blogs I read will be added.

I am excited to see how I can make this new place my own.

This blog here will not be deleted but I will no longer be posting. I have backed it all up and will treasure it as the place where everything began. All the friendships I made and the moments I shared.

But now it is time for something new.

And that is something I am looking forward to.

The Last Post...Sort Of

I haven't posted here in forever.

A lot has been going on. Life is so crazy right now. I barely have time to breathe let alone blog.

Plus, this blog has gotten tired and old.

So I'm hanging it up.

But not in the way you all might think.

I am tired of being associated with Vegas. Yes it is where I live but I think that connection has lost its luster for me.

So Life, VEGAS! Style will be no more.

However, I am going to start a brand new blog. Just haven't figured out exactly when or what I want it to be.

But I will continue blogging...just not as Vegas Princess.

Stay tuned for the new and improved me!

In the meantime, adios Vegas-themed things.

Hello new beginning.

I'm Here!

Just wanted to let everyone know I am here, we are fine and are currently trying to figure out where everything will reside in our new house.

Things have been stressful and everything has taken longer than anticipated. Our house still hasn't sold, there is new work drama, I had a set-back with my knee and physical therapy and life could be better. But we are pressing on.

I hope to have the time to update soon but for now all my spare time is being spent figuring out how to make things work in the new house. I will keep visiting everyone else's blog when I can though to keep up-to-date.

Overloaded

I haven't felt much like blogging lately.

It's not that I don't have material. I have an over-abundance of material. In fact, the other day I was listing in my head all the things that have happened in the past five months and was a bit taken aback at not only the length of that list but at how life-changing everything on that list is.

Since the middle of November we have dealt with:
~Me falling down the stairs and hitting my head and screwing up my back. Set me out of work for a week.
~My father-in-law getting sick enough to keep us away for Thanksgiving, leaving me to bake and cook my way through my first meal ever for Charming and my brother.
~Receiving the scariest phone call ever on November 27th and rushing to take my father-in-law to the hospital after he suffered a stroke.
~Four days in the hospital watching my father-in-law deteriorate more and more.
~Being the one holding his hand when he coded on December 1st, seeing him look right at me before the machines went crazy and standing in the hall as the hospital staff worked on him in vain.
~Seeing my husband's face when he realized his dad had passed and hearing my mother-in-law's wail when they told her she needed to tell them to stop trying to revive him. (This still keeps me up some nights)
~Going through the motions of preparations and arrangements, which included me having to identify my father-in-law's body.
~The service to say goodbye to the patriarch of my husband's family.
~Moving in with my mother-in-law to help her adjust to this new life without her husband.
~I get a speeding ticket the day before we move into my mother-in-law's house, two days before Christmas. My first in over ten years.
~Dealing with that first holiday without Charming's Dad.
~Putting our house up for short sale, getting a buyer in three days but having the bank drag their feet on approving the sale for five months (and counting)
~Dealing with the cats' not adjusting to their new home too well by cleaning up puke every morning.
~A huge revealing argument that turned the tables on our living situation, eventually, for the better but was hell to go through at the time.
~Both of our work changing dramatically, and not for the better. Plus Charming's income continues to drop.
~Our mortgage goes up on a house we can't afford, aren't even living in and are trying to sell.
~I manage to shred my meniscus and need surgery to fix it. Then six weeks of therapy to get my strength and mobility back. And it's not even guaranteed I won't need more surgery.
~Meanwhile, we pack up our entire house and prepare to move into a rental we found nearby my mother-in-law's.
~I freak because the rental house seems different when we see it again, not like it was in my head, and I worry none of our stuff is going to fit. Of course this is after we put down the non-refundable deposit and have the keys in hand, so we are stuck.
~We finally hear from the bank about our short sale. They approved it, the PMI company denied it. Apparently we shouldn't have stayed current on our mortgage. And we didn't show enough hardship. Nasty letter, Charming's declining pay stubs and a copy of my FIL's death certificate sent to stupid mortgage insurance.
~Charming's schedule changes, he is working all different shifts and different days off, thus ensuring his inability to NOT work the World Series Of Poker which he managed to get a slot in this year.
~We have no one to help us move because we can't afford to take days off on the weekend when everyone else is available to help.
~We have to wait to move until we see if Charming gets called for jury duty.
~My dear friends' son dies in the most shocking and unexpected manner, rocking our world to its core. I feel helpless and unable to help them, which is what I want to do most.
~I am unable to go to the services because my work is being a jerk and "I took all that time off when I hurt myself twice and when your father-in-law died." I'm sorry to inconvenience you.
~With everything going on, all the stress and pain and sorrow, we have been unable to conceive. Not surprisingly my body is completely inhospitable right now. Not to mention my face is breaking out like I'm 15 again and the pills I'm on to help that is not conducive to baby-making.

I may have forgotten some things but those are the highlights.

No wonder I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I have thought about blogging. Thought about it a lot actually. Wondered if getting everything out on here would help me deal. But when I go to do it I have no desire to rehash it all. And I don't think I am the only one. I have seen a steady decline in blog posts by several of my friends. Maybe we have all hit a patch where writing isn't our top priority. I know I have too much to do, too much to worry about that this blog is the last thing I consider. But I know I'll be back. Just not right now. Right now I have too many life-changing things still going on. Between PT, work, packing, moving and getting settled in our new place, I can't see me having much extra time for anything other than sleeping. And with all the emotional stress I am dealing with I don't get much of that either. I don't even watch TV anymore. I have a back-up of shows so bad my Tivo is on a revolt.

I hope you all understand my need for a hiatus for awhile. I need some time to regroup. Reassess and get centered again. All that written above? It's an awful lot for one person to handle in just five months. I thank God every day I have Charming by my side to help me through. We have learned that leaning on each other is a necessary and wonderful thing. I think we have helped each other immensely. And as my hubby says, if we can get through this we can get through anything.

I am holding him to that.

A Tribute To CJ Twomey

CJ,

I have been thinking about this post since Sunday when it was suggested all of us bloggers who know your mom, and eventually you through her posts on her blog should dedicate a post to you today. I immediately agreed to participate because I have come to adore you and your family over the past few years of reading about your exploits, successes and incredible achievements displayed for all the world to enjoy on the Wonderful World of Wieners. Commenting on the blog led to emailing with your mom, which led to long phone calls and eventually constant texting and Facebooking between the two of us. I even got to meet your mother, father and brother last August, a definite highlight of my year. Within three seconds I knew I had met people I would be friends with for life. Your family are the types of people you feel like you have known forever and I would do anything for them. They are and will be lifelong friends of ours.

But with all this thinking I still couldn't come up with anything to say. Because this is so hard to wrap my brain around. I don't want to admit that you are gone. I don't want to acknowledge the gut-wrenching pain my dear friends are going through with your passing. I don't want to accept that you will no longer be around for your mom to write silly posts about or for her to take pictures of where you refuse to smile like a normal person. I don't want to know I will never get to meet you in person and give you that huge hug I've been saving for you, my adoptive little brother.

After only a month reading your mom's blog I was sending you care packages while you were going through training. How your mom talked about you, on the blog and during our personal conversations, made me feel like I knew you too. You became special to me and I followed your journey through life avidly. I was so proud to "know" someone who was dedicated to our country, who was an incredible role model and just an all around great guy. When I finally got on Facebook I remember messaging you and explaining who I was, that I had sent you packages and notes and had cheered you on from Vegas. You wrote back immediately and thanked me so sweetly for thinking of you. And so our online friendship began. While you and I never met in person we did talk frequently on Facebook and had some marathon online chats that helped pass the time while I was unwinding after work at 2AM and you were wrapping up your overnight shifts at 5 AM. You were always so open and willing to talk about most anything, giving me insight to who you really were as a person. And that person was amazing. We discussed dreams we had and fears we held close. You told me about feelings of failure you had at times, worries of not living up to your potential in life. I told you about my own short-comings and doubts about where I was going in life. We had many light and funny moments too, talking about past relationships and silly things we had done when we were both young and crazy (Well, when I was young and crazy since you were still young and sometimes crazy.) You became like a brother to me and we even talked about how me treating you like a son was weird since I was "only 11 and a half years older than me so you can't be like a mom to me because that's just weird. If you were thirteen years older, then maybe you could be more like a parent. You're too young and too cool so you have to be sister-like." That whole statement made me love you even more.

Last Tuesday night I was online really late, unable to sleep like usual. I popped on Facebook to see what was going on and there you were. But I didn't click over and say hi. For some reason I didn't want to bug you since I knew you had a million things to do and the last thing you needed was me distracting you. Now I wonder if life would have worked out differently if I had just called you up in the chat box and asked how you were doing. This is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life, if I could have said something, anything, to make the later events never happen. CJ, did you see me there too? Did you want to click over and talk and couldn't? Did you want to ask for help and didn't know how? I am so sorry that I failed you in that moment. I want to turn back and fix this. I want to make everything better. I want to take away the pain that has been left behind. I want to do something, anything to make this not be reality and it shatters my heart to know that maybe I could have.

As I look ahead I realize how difficult life is going to be from now on. Your family is broken. It's going to be our job to help them find a way to put the pieces back together in a way that is less painful. Because the pain will never go away, not completely. But we can help make is a bit easier to bear by being the best friends we can be. By listening and crying and holding hands and remembering your warm spirit and beautiful light and how your smile could put an entire room of people into your hand. CJ, you are going to have to help too. Watch over your mom and dad and Connor, your grandparents and Danielle. Check in with your friends and let them know you are keeping an eye out for them. Help us be strong through this time because we are going to need your guidance when we feel like nothing will ever be right again. Be our shining guardian angel, like you were in life. Love us because we are certainly loving you so much.

To my personal hero, the young man who makes me want a few kids just like you, I will miss you more than I can say.

Love,
VP :)

If you have not already done so, please click on this link and read the beautiful tribute to CJ on Hallie's blog, written by her two wonderful friends Dayna and Kimmy.

If You Do Nothing Else Today...

Please, please, please visit my friend Hallie's blog and read the beautiful tribute to her beloved son CJ. Hallie, her husband John and their son Connor need all the love and support they can get in this very difficult time. It would mean so much to me, and I know it would to Hallie as well, if you could leave her a comment on the post about her son. Even if you do not know her well or at all. Life is so precious, as this terrible tragedy has demonstrated, so please take a moment to reach out and help someone in need. Thank you.

C.J., You Will Be Forever Missed...

I am still numb, in shock that this is all too real. I have these moments right as I wake up when I think it was all a nightmare and life is good again. And then the hurt comes slamming back into me and I can't stop crying. I can only imagine how unbearable this is for Hallie and her family. This is an unimaginable tragedy, one a family may never fully recover from. But they will find a way to carry on, with all of us to help them along. I hurt so badly for my dear friend and feel helpless. I just want to DO something, so this post, as well as my messages to her and phone calls are my attempts to help.

I will be unable to attend the services for CJ. This is perhaps the most crushing blow. I so desperately wanted to be there for Hallie, John and Connor. I even found affordable tickets with the perfect times to get there on Friday and leave Sunday afternoon. But I am not allowed the time off of work. Which makes me so angry, but I am trying to understand. It's Sweeps so no one is allowed time off and since CJ was not an immediate family member they are not obligated to give me bereavement. I guess I was just hoping they would make an exception. So I will be there in spirit and send my love and prayers along for me. I know there will be so many people there to support Hallie and show their love for CJ. It is sure to be an overwhelming experience.

I will try to post soon. There is so much going on that I need to discuss. But please forgive me if I simply do not have it in me right now.

When The World Stopped

Yesterday, around 6:30 PM, the world as I know it, stopped.

One phone call, a few words, and everything I knew to be true shattered.

Amazing how quickly life can change, how everything can suddenly be different. How the world can stop.

My beloved friend Hallie's beautiful son CJ is gone. The circumstances too heartbreaking to share in a public venue.

I am numb. I am disbelieving. I am helpless.

I want to be with my friend so badly I hurt.

I want to take on her unimaginable pain as my own.

I want to make this nightmare go away.

But I woke up this morning, and this skewed life was still reality.

I do not have the words, the ability to know how to deal with this.

I have begun to pray again. Praying to make sense of this loss. Praying to find the strength to help my friend through this. Praying to try and find a way to live with the pain. Please pray with me for this family trying to deal with such a tragedy. Of attempting to live a life without their precious son and brother. Pray for CJ and that he becomes the brightest star and most glorious guardian angel to us all. But especially so he can now watch over his loved ones and be with them always.