No, Really, It Happened

See this bear? This bear was a thief. Kathryn and her special friend were up in the mountains for her birthday. Out of the corner of her eye she saw what she thought was a dog. It was a bear. She and Luke decided to back away and in the process left everything (food, jackets, backpack and purse) on the picnic table. The bear got to it all: her phone, her camera, her Social Security card,  her license and her lip gloss.

So, if you see this bear driving a fancy sports car and talking on a cell phone, report it, please. He is an identity thief.

**OK, this isn't the actual bear. She told us of the incident and we had to recreate it, because that it what my family does. 

The Expert

Me: Babies don't move a lot when they are newborns.
Jeff: Yeah, they are like this: (he wouldn't let me film him) *wiggles arms and kicks legs and grunts*
Me: Wow
Jeff: How do I know so much?!! I mean, you have been around babies so much more than me, but I seem to know a lot!

She Saved His Life

I admit, this picture doesn't make sense. Especially if you haven't read my sister's blog post about saving my dads life. So, I suggest you read this first and then come back and enjoy the picture.

Seriously

Friend: Have you ever guzzled a bottle of water and then felt bloated.
Me: Yes, but right now I have perma-bloat.
Friend: Ooh, what's that?
Me: Um...I am permanently bloated.
Friend: Oh, I thought it was some kind of pill you could take.

EEEEK!

And did you notice my fruit ticker is under 200 days?! 

It Finally Happened

I was outed on Facebook.

It happened so fast I couldn't stop it, so I just let it happen. I sat back and laughed. Some people are angry with me for not telling them first, some people are pretending to be angry with me. The women who are pretending  have had children and know how crazy life can get, or just love me no matter what. They have to razz me, because that is what my good friends do. The ones who are really angry with me have no right, in my humble opinion. You found out, didn't you? If I had it my way, you wouldn't have found out until Lil Rooster was speaking in full sentences. So, you can thank the squealer for opening her big mouth and making a smart aleck comment on my status update. Speaking of the squealer, I love her for making a boring, bland Monday so much more entertaining.

I Wheeze When I Laugh

Ok, this commercial cracks us up! I look at this little boy and all I can think about is little Jeffy. Just watch him!

Primary

Yesterday's lesson was on the Widow's Mite. Jeff was trying to teach the kids about tithing and giving back to God what is God's.

Jeff: (holding 10 quarters) If I gave you these quarters, Savannah, could you give me one back?
Savannah: Yeah, quarters don't buy anything.

***
Jeff: When we pay our tithing, we are promised blessings by God.
Grayson: I know how you can get blessings Brother Smith.
Jeff: How?
Grayson: Give me those quarters.

***
Jeff: In the parable of the Widow's Mite, the rich people threw in money to the treasury. The widow threw in two mites.
Colin: How much is a mite?
Me: Probably like a penny. It wasn't a lot at all.
Savannah: She threw in two pennies?
Jeff: She threw in all that she had. Jesus said that she gave more than the rich people, because it was all that she had. So, let's say Colin has $100 and...
Colin- You always make me the rich person! I want to be the poor person!

I Need To Stop

I need to stop reading the emails Betty Crocker sends me. I always tell her, "Betty, I need to watch my food intake right now." But she doesn't care- she doesn't listen. Just yesterday she sent me this:

Thanks a lot, Betty. I thought we were friends.

I haven't seen oranges this big since the Winter of '92.

Do You Really Want To Know?

OK...here's the dealio:

Yes, we're pregnant.

Some questions I have been asked:

How do you feel? Are we talking physically or emotionally? I guess I will answer both.

Physically- I feel great. I have had very little nausea. I know I am among the fortunate. Most women I tell hate my guts. Hey, don't hate me- my body and the little embryo get along just fine. I can't help it if this body loves being pregnant. I do get tired VERY easily, and that hasn't been fun.

Emotionally- I have had a few breakdowns. Our lives are about to change forever. I have wanted this for so long and it doesn't feel quite real. I saw the little dude/dudette (Jeff hates that I call the bean that!) going crazy at my first ultrasound and everyone said that would be the moment it felt real. You know what? It still didn't. I stand in front of the mirror jiggling my muffin top and think, somewhere under all that flesh is a little person. 1/2 me, 1/2 Jeff. Can I do it? Will I scar this child for life? Is there really such thing as payback for being a hellish child?

How did you find out? 


I don't want to go into the whole charting your temps and counting your Luteal phase thing. If you want all those details, um, you can email me and I may or may not answer you. Anyway, I didn't think I was pregnant. I didn't feel it. I was so sure that my lovely monthly friend was on her way. My charting told a slightly different story. I would stare at it and wonder why I felt out. The day I was supposed to start, my temps were still really high (again- I won't explain the details here). Jeff made me pee in a cup. I know, fun, right? You get up close and personal with your body waste after trying for a while. I had a stockpile of cheap tests I bought off the internet for like .10/ a piece. We dipped one of those things in the cup and nothing happened. Well, I also had some very expensive tests in the drawer. We decided to try one of those. It was instantaneous. I think our first reaction was to just stare at each other.

What did Jeff say?


"I knew it! You just had to have faith, Babe." and "Please let there be only one."

When is your due date?


My due date is January 12, 2012.

Do you have any names picked out?


There are a few going back and forth between us. We like family names and traditional names.

We don't want to name our children Will, Michael W., Joseph, Hyrum, Emma....

I hope you feel satisfied with these "details."

It Must Be Haunted

So, here's the deal. We think our ceiling fan is possessed.

A few weeks ago, we were drifting off to sleep and the fan was on. I was cold, as I am a lot these days. Jeff turned off the fan. I got up at 2:30 am for a bathroom break, and came back to bed and fell right asleep. At about 4 am, Jeff woke up and asked if I turned the fan back on. I hadn't. I told him maybe he hadn't really turned it off.

Fast forward to last night. Again, we were getting ready for bed and this time Jeff was cold. So, he turned off the fan. When I got up for my bathroom break, he woke up. He asked me if I had turned on the fan. I hadn't. He turned it off again. A couple of hours later, he nudged me again and asked if I had turned the fan on. Again, I hadn't. So, he turned it off again.

Today we are conducting a Ghost Hunter type experiment. Jeff turned off the fan this morning and turned off the switch to said fan. I am supposed to check our room when I get home and see if the fan is on.

I am slightly creeped out...and a little intrigued.

Grrr

I love pizza
I love steak

Lil Rooster is not a fan of either at the moment.

Overheard

Mother: Put these in your cart.

Little Girl (around 6): CAESAR SALAD!!!! Oh, Mom!! That's my favorite! Is it for my birthday? My birthday is in two days! I LOVE CAESAR SALAD!!! It must be for my birthday, because you know I love it!

That Was Some Reaction!

Me: See this M&M? That is the size of my baby right now.
Lauryn (6): You got your baby today?!!
Brenan (3): M M! (Picks it up and eats it)

***
(Texting)
Devin (12): So....can I ask you a personal question?
Me: Sure.
Devin: What are you going to name your baby, anyway?
Me: I don't even know what I am having, yet.
Devin: You need to come up with 5 boy names and 5 girl names and when you find out the boy or girl concept you can decide.
Devin: That's what my mom did I am guessing.

***
Me: You are going to be an aunt again.
Jessica:Who? You?
Me: Yes me. I wouldn't be calling you on Dad's phone to tell you Matt and Heather were having a baby.

***
Me: I needed to talk you you guys about that test I was supposed to have done.
Matt & Heather: Ok...
Me: Well, it looks like I don't need it.
(Blank stares)
Me: I'm pregnant.
Heather: Whoo hoo! That is awesome! Oh, that is so great! (looks over at mom who is just smiling) You already know? I was wondering why I was the only excited one!

***
Heather: Don't you have to tell my family something?
Trevor: Is she pregnant?
Me: Yes.
Samantha: Seriously?!!

***
Pedro-nephew (12): So what do you want?
Me: An Alien
Pedro: Oh, so a boy then?

***
Me: So, I'm pregnant.
Boss: When is your due date?
Me: You don't want to know.
Boss: April 15th?
Me: January 12th.
Boss: (looking at calendar) Ok, that's a Thursday, you can have the baby, take a four day weekend and be back on Monday.
Me: Yeah, because babies usually come right on their due date...

Jeff delivers medical equipment. Our main form of communication during the day is text.

Jeff: Indian Springs Circle.
Me: Indians have springs?
Jeff: Yes
Me: Who knew?
Jeff: The Indians

Is It So?

Could it be?

Yep- there's a baby in my belly.

I wanted to keep this little secret just a tad longer, but random extended family members are finding out and blabbing it all over the place. I wanted you to find out from me, not some random comment on some social network site.

Summer

So, I went to Relief Society. My friend, Naomi dared me to drink the chocolate. I did. She got chocolate on her white capris. She said she was going to save it for her midnight snack.

I was talking to another friend and she asked me what I was doing for the summer. Work, I answered. I need to do something fun. There has to be more to summer than just weather change.

As I was leaving to go home, she ran up to me and said, "You ARE going to have an awesome summer." I hope she's right.

I need ideas! How can I liven up my summer?

OK, Thanks

Yesterday in Primary, a list was passed around. I admit, I usually see the list to sign up for this or that, and pass it on. The list yesterday was for the Relief Society Chocolate Night. I was definitely planning on going. I mean, there is going to be chocolate. I think there is going to be a little something about Visiting Teaching, too,  but the chocolate caught my attention.
As the list was passed to our row, Savannah and Julia grabbed it. I glanced at it, but wasn't too sure what it was at first. Then, they told me they signed me up to bring pretzels.

***
In an email to my neighbor this morning:

Me: Are you going to Relief Society on Wednesday? It the Chocolate night (and VT conference)
Neighbor: It's in my planner, but I'm not 100% sure yet. Are you?
Me: Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's chocolate. The girls in my Primary class signed me up to take Pretzels. (I wish I taught kids that couldn't read or write)
Neighbor: I know - the chocolate is definitely the tempting factor...
Me: A chocolate fountain and things to dip that I don't have to set up. I might be there. Just pull up a chair to the fountain and sit there all night.
Neighbor: With my mouth under one of the chocolate streams. Kind of like an I.V.


I think this means we are going. 

Is it bad?

I think I am addicted. 

How Come You Didn't Get Any?

We teach the 9 year olds in Primary (Sunday School). They are so much fun, and sometimes, I forget how young 9 is.

We were sitting in singing time and I was sitting next to Savannah.

Savannah: Do you have any kids?

Me: Nope. No kids, yet.

Savannah: How come you didn't get any?

Me: We just haven't had them, yet.

Savannah: How old are you?

Me: 35

Savannah: Oh! Good, you still have time. 40 is when it is too weird to have kids.

Me: Oh yeah?

Savannah: My mom is 40 and it would be so weird for her to have a baby right now.

Me: I bet it would be weird for you.

Savannah: But, if she did have a baby, it would have to be a girl. I need a sister. But, knowing my mom she would have another boy.

Me: Well, that's a chance you have to take.

Savannah: But....my parents could adopt and get me a sister. But, then I would have to share a room and I don't want that. So, never mind.

When I'm Feeling Blue,

all I have to do, is take a look at you.

Oh, yeah, my new smartphone even knows how to make me laugh.

Electronics, right?

The 2nd Anniversary is Electronics, right? Ok, Ok, so it's cotton, but whatever. We fly in the face of tradition in our house.

This year for the blessed two year mark, I got an iPhone. I am finally with the in crowd. Apparently all my phones before this were stupid phones. Or, less-than-smart phones. This phone is crazy! I love it. I installed Words With Friends. Wanna play?

What did Jeff get? Um...he got a blood pressure monitor. Doctor's orders.

FINALLY

I was chatting with a friend yesterday and I mentioned how I don't even know how to fold a fitted sheet. She said she knew. And she sent me this link. Thanks Meg!





I'll let you know how it goes.