Authority to Act

Hyrum got to celebrate a milestone birthday this year. Turning 12 is a big deal for a Mormon boy. Once a boy turns 12 if he lives worthily and desires to accept it, he can agree to receive the Aaronic priesthood and be ordained as a deacon. This gives him lots of responsibilities in helping to minister to the members of the Church. The biggest thing that boys notice is that they can now pass the Sacrament to members of the congregation every Sunday. They also get to leave primary, which is a BIG deal since I think every young girl and boy is ready to leave the younger group by the time they turn 11. 

This was Hyrum's big year as he turned 12 on Friday, and he was perfectly prepared for this milestone. Hyrum is such a good, good boy. He is super interested in making good choices and keeping the commandments. He is aware of the needs of others and sometimes needs to be prompted to do things that make him happy since he is often spending so much time just allowing others to do the things they want to do. I have always felt like Hyrum is such a pure soul. He's not perfect, but he seems so gentle compared to the rest of the world. I have worried a bit that the world would take him, chew him up, and spit him out. That would be very upsetting to me. But it seems like Hyrum is holding his own. He continues to be strong in the face of things that might push him to be otherwise. His biggest problems seem to stem from his frustration with those who don't follow the rules. It can be hard for him, but he is learning good ways to handle it all so that he doesn't get too crazy being around the rest of the world.

Well, today in church Hyrum got to participate in his very last primary program. This is a yearly event where the children between the ages of 3 and 11 get to share messages and sing songs to the congregation in Sacrament meeting. Hyrum might have gotten out of it if he'd thrown a fit since he turned 12 on Friday, but he decided to put in his time and perform once last time. He looked so grown up on the stand. He even got the chance to sing a featured song with a few other kids. Hyrum is actually developing a pretty good singing voice. That makes me super happy. He likes to sing, but he used to overthink it a lot. Instead of just singing from the heart he would try to sound like he thought a singer would sound, and it always sounded terribly stiff. Sometime in the last few years he has learned to relax and trust his own voice, and I think that he sounds beautiful. 

Hyrum was able to have the priesthood conferred upon him during priesthood classes today. Herman was able to be in our ward and confer the priesthood on him. A neat thing about this was that Spencer was able to stand in the circle because he is a priest. I loved seeing him act in this capacity. It just hit home how quickly he is growing up. Soon he'll be receiving the Melchizedek priesthood and having the opportunity to perform more actions like this. So neat to see. I loved hearing Herman bless Hyrum in the prayer. He promised him that he would be able to see the power in the priesthood as he performed his duties. I was able to feel the importance of the responsibilities that Hyrum would be taking on. It's interesting, but since we have been studying the Old Testament this year, and especially since we have been studying Exodus and Leviticus recently, I have really come to feel and understand the importance of the role of the priesthood in helping all of us come unto Christ. They are able to stand in the place of the Savior and perform essential ordinances that help us on our path back to our Father in Heaven. Deacons, in particular, have an important role as they help us to receive the Sacrament each week and by doing this help us to remember the covenants we have made with our Heavenly Father. It is a super important priesthood duty, and I know that Hyrum is prepared to take this on. He will take his duties seriously. I can't wait to see him pass the sacrament next week.

I can't imagine what I've done to have such good kids. It is such a blessing to have Hyrum in our family. He is a good boy. He is a strong boy. He is kind. He is compassionate. He is giving. And he is growing up sooooo fast. It is exciting to think about all the adventures he'll be experiencing in the coming years of his life. Hopefully his new priesthood responsibilities will give him further strength to become all that he is meant to be. Love him!!

On his way to becoming a new deacon!!

A Good Dog

Max in better days.

Max was a good dog. He wasn't flashy. He wasn't terribly talented. He could be a bit of a grump when it came to getting groomed ... okay, a lot of a grump. The only time he ever bared his teeth was if you dared to brush anywhere near his back side. He never was one to get overly excited to see any of us. I'm pretty sure that he would have just sighed heavily and turned his head away if there was ever an intruder who entered our house, but I always felt safer when he was near me any time Herman had to be out of town. He was fairly ordinary when it comes to household pets. But Max was a good dog.

We've had Max forever. Most of our kids don't know of a world where Max did not exist. We had a dog when we were newly married ... Bonsai. We weren't ready to have a dog. We shouldn't have had a dog when we were apartment dwellers, so after a year we gave Bonsai to a good family who lived out in the country and could give Bonsai a happier life. That was a gut wrenching decision for us, and it hurt me a lot to have to do that. We adored her. We didn't want to get another dog until we were in a better and more permanent place so that we could provide all that a dog would require to be happy. We were finally in that place when we moved to Waynesville and bought a house after Herman graduated from college. We knew we were ready to get a dog, so we headed down to the Springfield Humane Society to see if there was a dog there who would fit with our family.

And we met Max.

Laney and Savannah playing with Max in the outdoor area
of the humane society. They were all sooooo little!

It was so long ago, I can hardly remember why we chose Max. But he fit. He was calm enough to handle a bunch of enthusiastic children but brave enough to be a fierce guard dog if we ever needed one. Max entered a family of five (Spencer was just a baby), and he left us as a family of nine. He's seen a lot of change in the sixteen years he was part of our dynamic family.

Max was a fierce defender of our property here on the edge of civilization. There was a time not so long ago when the neighborhood opossums thought that they could get away with wandering our property at night. But soon Max became a legend among the local 'possum society. Max was a master 'possum catcher. For almost a week we would wake up and find that he had left a dead opossum at our back door. It was disgusting. But Max was happy to have served us. And we haven't seen another opossum in years. I am sure that there is a giant skull and cross bones planted right over our property on all the local opossum maps.

My favorite Max memory involves more of his great hunting skills ... and more tragedy for local livestock. We had decided that we were going to raise chickens one day. I think one of our renters had abandoned a group of chickens at our house once they vacated it, so we thought it would be a great idea to try our hand at chickenry (I know that isn't a word, but I don't know what works best in this case). Well, we read up on how to raise chickens, and one of the websites talked about how AMAZING it is to have dogs around the chickens. The site explained that dogs would simply sniff the chickens, determine that they were benign, and then leave them alone. As a bonus the dogs would work to keep predators out of the chicken area. Sweet! So we got our chickens situated in their own little area of our backyard, and once they were happily pecking away at the vermin in the ground we released Max into their presence so that he could make best friends with them. We opened the back door, let Max out, and then headed inside to relax and enjoy our new status as gentleman ranchers. After a few minutes I headed to my bedroom window to see how much fun Max and the chickens were having together. I looked outside to see Max looking up at me with a great big doggie smile on his face, and surrounding his face was a giant patch of chicken feathers. Oh no! Max was so, so proud of himself for keeping us safe from the dangerous chickens. Our poor chickens never had a chance. Needless to say, our attempt at chicken farming was short lived.

Max has been pretty active for an old dog. The vet always talked about how great it was that he could walk up and down stairs so easily for a dog his age. Until the past week he has been navigating our stairs with ease. But this past year has been a struggle for him. He was virtually deaf and couldn't really move very quickly. He spent most of his days sleeping and didn't find much joy in anything. He had lost control of his bowels, so he really couldn't stay inside the house for any length of time, so we did the best we could to make things comfortable outside. I knew that he wasn't going to make it through our winter here, and I knew that at some point we were going to have to make some tough decisions. Weirdly, we've never had to make end of life decisions for our pets before. We have had two cats in our marriage, and both of them met tragic ends. This is the first time we had a pet reach old age. I didn't really know what to do. I tried to look up advise online, and let me tell you, there are some angry pet advocates on the internet. I read angry rant after angry rant before deciding that these articles were not going to help me figure this out. A few weeks ago our neighbor came by to say that she thought that Max was stuck under our deck stairs. He liked to burrow under there, but now his hips were not working well enough to get him out of there. I told her that I knew that we were going to have to put him down soon, but I just didn't know when the right time was. She assured me that when the time came I would know.

Well, that time came last week. Max was burrowed outside next to our fence one day. That wasn't unusual. It was one of his favorite places to lay down in our back yard. But on that day it was raining pretty heavily, and I thought it was weird that Max wasn't trying to move at all to get out of the rain. Max has never really minded getting wet, but this was really unusual. I knew something was wrong. I ran outside to see if I could help him, and I found that his back legs weren't really working at all. I was able to get him standing, but he was struggling to move forward. With a little bit of work I was able to get him into a sheltered spot where he could be comfortable, but that was it. I knew that it was time to end his suffering and help him get to a better place. But how to do that? I had no idea. 

We took Brownie to the vet last month, and I talked to our vet about Max and how to do end of life stuff. I got the feeling from her that she would be making me feel terribly guilty about our decision. Maybe that isn't the case, but it was my big concern. I looked up local veterinarians, and one particular one got great reviews for the most part. The negative reviews were all from people who were angry because they wanted him to do expensive procedures on their animals, but he told them that it would be more humane to put the animal down rather than subject them to these procedures that would only make the end of their lives more difficult. That's the guy I wanted. I called last Friday and was a mess as I talked with the receptionist. I told her that I didn't know what to do. She was very nice and patient, and she told me that it seemed like the right decision to bring Max in and have them help him go to sleep painlessly. Unfortunately there were no openings until this afternoon. Oh no! We were going to have to wait all weekend. 

Most of the weekend was okay, but the last two days were awful. Max was in so much pain. He was pretty patient and slept through most of it, but when he was awake he would whine and whimper. It was so hard to hear him and not be able to help. I cursed myself for not calling a month ago and taking care of him when he was in better shape. I hated that I let things get so bad that his last few days had to be so miserable. Ugh! 

This morning I woke up at 4:30 to get ready for seminary. I could hear Max whimpering, and it broke my heart. I planned on coming home, getting the kids off to school, and then spending some good quality time with Max before taking him to his vet appointment at noon. Unfortunately/fortunately Max had other plans. Right as I was getting ready to head out to spend time with Max, Herman came in to tell me that Max had died this morning. I immediately burst into tears ... those ugly sobbing tears. I was so upset that he was alone when he died. I wanted to be there. I wanted to help him feel a little better. I wanted to do something. But Max was dead. The fortunate part was that he was finally out of pain. His misery of the last few weeks was over. But, oh man!, I was surprised how much of a mess I was as I grieved. 

Spencer and Katie were super troopers for us as they volunteered to dig a grave for him. Digging a grave in our area is no joke. There are more rocks than dirt in most places, and digging any depth requires a pick ax. But they are strong, and before long we had a good spot set aside for Max. Burying him was pretty difficult. I hate to think of him in the cold ground. But he's in a good spot where we can visit easily every day if we choose. It's so weird to think of him being buried and gone. He has been around for almost all of our years here in Waynesville. He has been everywhere. JoJo was probably most upset by the news that Max had died after he left for school since he has spent the most time playing with him and taking care of him at the end. He made Max a nice little grave site sign that told the time of death. JoJo was sure that it happened right as he got on the bus this morning, so he listed 7:25 as the time of death. Making this sign helped JoJo to feel a bit better as he remembered our good dog.

Everything feels a bit more empty around here tonight. Brownie doesn't quite know what to do. She's been digging holes like crazy all day, one of her go to activities when she is feeling stressed. Losing a pet is hard. I had forgotten how hard it can be since it has been so long since we have had to lose any of our pets. I wish it didn't have to be so hard. But I guess that's the price you pay when you fall in love with a pet. It's a price I'm willing to pay for the chance I had to be with Max for all these years. I'm glad he's in a better place. I'm glad he's no longer in pain. He was ordinary, but he was practically perfect. He was a good dog.

Puppy Max in 1999 guarding Spencer's baby swing. 

A Halloween Miracle

I'm a huge fan of Halloween ... as an observer. I love the things that go with a good Halloween holiday ... carving pumpkins, trick or treating, hot chocolate, hay rides, fun decorations ... stuff like that. I love to see the fun things that everyone does for this holiday. More than any other holiday, I feel like Halloween just brings out the creativity in everyone. It's fun.

To watch.

Unfortunately, as a Halloween participant I am a big, fat failure. Every year around July I have grand plans about how THIS YEAR will be the year that my family is ready for Halloween. We'll have matching costumes that I've constructed from scratch.

...like this family.

Or maybe I won't be so bold to plan something for the whole family. We don't have to all match. Maybe instead I'll just plan on making a super cute costume for each of the kids.

...like this.

...or this. Adorable!

It doesn't have to be something super intricate or expensive. I just want for it to be cute or clever or memorable. Something. Those are my July plans.

But every single year without fail the day arrives for the annual church trunk or treat activity (the first lead up to Halloween that requires a costume), and I have done nothing at all. A typical lead in to the trunk or treat is a day full of frantic scrambling to come up with something, anything, for the kids to wear. I can't begin to describe how much this stresses me out. A few years ago I wrote a blog post about how that day had fallen apart for me. You can check it out HERE. Most days aren't quite as bad as that one, but the stress level is comparable at least. 

There was a time ... a short time in my life ... when I was reasonably good at coming up with sweet Halloween costumes. Okay, it was actually only one year. It was for Laney's first Halloween. I was staying home with her, and she was my only child, so I had tons of time on my hands ... at least tons of time compared to now. I was a new mom and super ambitious with grand plans to make every single holiday absolutely perfect for my children. I spent a few weeks putting together this costume:

I wish I could say that Laney loved this cute costume, but obviously...
it wasn't her favorite. 

The legs were too long and the torso was too short, but I thought Laney was ADORABLE in it. But it turns out that that was it when it came to any Halloween magic coming out of my hands for my children. My creativity and foresight were shot, and every Blau child from that day forward was going to have to make do with something cobbed together at the last minute. 

Some moms out there ... it seems like most moms out there ... are amazingly creative and can grab a ball of yarn and some construction paper and make these amazing costumes in very little time at all. I am not one of those moms. Herman is always so laid back about the whole thing. He loves to go and grab all the discount costume supplies right after Halloween, so we have this huge bucket of miscellaneous odds and ends that can be used for costume. Herman always encourages me to just grab the trunk along with maybe a roll of duct tape and go about creating a costume masterpiece, but it is a little hard for me to look at all of them and come up with fun ideas that the kids will love. Luckily, I don't think that any of my kids are that worried about having amazing costumes, so that is a tender mercy in my life. They never complain about having to wear a Stitch costume ten years after the movie was released and at least five years after anyone even knows who the characters are any more or being a fairy princess for the fourth year in a row. 

Life gets a little easier when the kids are old enough to plan their own costumes. They have the vision to make it exactly what they want it to be, and they aren't super particular about it being perfect. This year Spencer has been binge watching Bob Ross painting shows. Who'd have guessed that Spencer would develop a passion for painting? Unbelievable. He was able to throw together a costume in about 15 minutes. The only snag in his plan was that Walmart only carried dark black fro wigs. If we'd thought a little ahead of time I'm sure we could have found the right color on amazon. Oh well. The costume still worked.

Dallin as a Seahawks fan,
Nathan as a hot dog,
Spencer as Bob Ross,
and Peter as Mr. Rogers.

Katie had a bit more extravagant plans for her costume. She has lately fallen in love with Audrey Hepburn movies. She decided that she wanted to dress up like Audrey Hepburn. There are so many great choices she could have made since so many Audrey Hepburn characters have such memorable costumes. Katie decided to go with Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's. There was no way that we had any of the great costumes from that movie lying around the house, so Katie was going to have to order them. Luckily, there is actually a Holly Golightly costume floating around the internet, and Katie was able to get it relatively cheaply. She used her own money to purchase exactly what she wanted, and it turned out really nice. She spent half the week doing and redoing her hair until she could get it to look exactly like Audrey Hepburn's. I thought that she looked gorgeous.

Too bad no one knew who she was.

Minsy was my easy child to get in costume. Just like last year, she wanted to be a princess. We must have a thousand princess costumes in our trunk, and since Minsy hardly grows at all, we could be using those forever. Easy peasy. 

I don't know how I got through the night
without a good picture of Minsy, but
here is a very fuzzy picture of her
in her princess outfit.

Things got a bit crazy this year with Hyrum and JoJo. They always seem to get the short end of the stick when it comes to costumes. They never really get to be what they want. We always have just thrown something together. Hyrum is so sweet. In response to my apologies for making him wear such lame costumes he always gives me a big hug and says, "That's okay, Mom. I really, really love this costume." Except Hyrum has this special look he gets on his face when he is really disappointed but is trying super hard to be loving and supportive. I know that look, and it makes me a bit sad to see it on his face. This year I wanted to do better for JoJo and him.

... so why couldn't they decide to be a pirate or a baseball player, or a zombie? Something simple and easy. No. It turns out that Hyrum wanted to go as Link. My first thought when he said this was, "Hooray!" All I would need was a white t-shirt and a handful of hair grease. Perfect. Easy. ... Wrong. Turns out I wasn't thinking of the right Link. I was thinking of this guy:

But Hyrum was thinking of this guy:

I guess this Link is all the rage with the pre-teen set. He's from Legend of Zelda. A little more complicated than the Link from Hairspray. JoJo wanted to be Dark Link:

Basically the same guy, only all in black with creepy red eyes.

Since I waited until the day of the trunk or treat to get these costumes together I was going to have to make something myself. I couldn't just grab the amazon costume and have it shipped. What was I going to do? No problem. While I was standing in the craft/fabric section there at Walmart I just grabbed my phone and googled "easy diy Link costume." Surely there was some super talented parent out there who had thrown one of these together at the last minute. I would just use their experience to lessen my stress.

The first article that came up was from Pinterest. This parent had created a lovely costume for their much loved child, explaining that it was a piece of cake to create it. Perfect. And then I pulled up the instructions. According to this parent it took "no time at all," only six full weekends of intricate woodwork and sewing projects and then a few hours to assemble the thing. Really? "No time at all??????" Kudos to them for thinking six full weekends was no time at all in their schedule, but I actually have other things to do in my life. Obviously, that wasn't going to work. I looked and looked for suggestions, but it seems as if the Legend of Zelda costume crowd take their Link costume responsibilities very seriously. It has to be accurate or you might as well just call your costume Legolas. Curses to you, Pinterest!

I was on my own. I was alone in Walmart at 10 am, and I had to find some way to create a magical Link and Dark Link costume in around four hours. Adding to the time constraints was the very real fact that I am not creative at all, at least when it comes to costumes. This was going to be a disaster. But I pushed forward. Hyrum, once again, was super sweet. He kept telling me not to worry. He only needed a bunch of aluminum foil and some green paint, and he would make it work. He is such a good boy to me. There was no way that we could use foil and paint and make it look like Link, but extra points to him for being willing to give it a try.

I ended up grabbing some over-sized t-shirts from the men's section. With some creative cutting I could make them into tunics, and with a little more creativity and basic sewing I could make some sort of elfish looking hat. Adding some belts and play swords and shields we had at home, we could make something that somewhat resembled these two characters. Maybe. Hopefully.

I had to come home and de-stress for a little while before jumping into costume construction. Even shopping at Walmart for costume components is enough to put me over the edge, sadly. But after a good half hour of relaxation I was ready to roll. ... and it was super easy. It didn't end up being the type of authentic that would please die-hard Link fans, I'm sure. But it turned out okay. Hyrum and JoJo were thrilled, and ultimately that was the most important thing. I thought they at least looked like we'd spent more than ten minutes throwing something together.

What do you think?

The funny thing is that when I sent Laney a picture of them, she sent a text back saying, "Actual costumes??" It's a Halloween miracle.

I can't guarantee that this will happen again. I am sure that next year we will be scrambling to assemble something. I'm sure that Minsy will be a princess ... again. But it'll be okay. I'm super grateful that I have kids who are patient with me and don't have huge expectations when it comes to Halloween. It always ends up being a fun season for all of us.  I just need to relax about it, I'm sure. Next year maybe I'll put Herman in charge of the costumes. If so, you can expect a matching family of zombies or witches or something that will utilize all that great costume stuff he's collected over the years. Maybe then I can move my stress to a different area and figure out how to actually decorate our van nicely for the trunk or treat.

Katie handing out goodies at the
trunk or treat.

... and getting help from the Sta Puft
Marshmallow Man

Rise and Shout, My Cougar is Out

One of the terrible things that happened after I took this extended break from blogging was that I missed the opportunity to blog about my feelings as Savannah finished her final year of high school, received her mission call, and headed off to BYU for college. She deserves a lot better from me, and because time has muted my feelings about all of these momentous occasions I am afraid that I won't be able to record exactly how I felt as I watched Savannah make her way into her future. 

But I'll do my best.

I'll just take a little time and work my way backwards through the year. For today ... Savannah is in college.

Savannah has always been a super smart cookie. There was never any question that she would be headed to college someday, but it hasn't always been clear. We never have really pushed our kids to go any particular place to college. After all, we did just fine at Missouri State and Drury University. Laney always knew that she wanted to go to BYU. The only question for her was whether she would choose Provo or Idaho. Savannah wasn't always super set on BYU. She really didn't seem to be set on anything. But at some point in the last year or so she decided that BYU Provo was the place for her. 

With her above 4.0 GPA and a 35(!) on the ACT there was never any question about whether she would get into the highly competitive university. The only question was how much it was going to cost her. After pretty much putting all of her nuts in one basket and only applying to BYU it was going to be super sad if she didn't get a full ride scholarship since there are a million other colleges who would have easily given her a full ride with her scores and accomplishments. The average test scores for BYU applicants is super high, though, so there was a ton of competition for those scholarships. Nothing was guaranteed. Unfortunately she was going to have to wait until April to know how it turned out. 

It was almost the last day before scholarships were announced, and Herman got an email from the BYU scholarship committee saying that Savannah was a finalist for the Thomas S. Monson Scholarship. Hooray! If she received that it would cover all her tuition plus half for four years of schooling. That would be wonderful. They only choose 25 girls and 25 boys from each entering class. Even if she didn't end up receiving that scholarship she would be receiving the full ride scholarship, so suddenly paying for college was going to be taken care of.  The next day we found out ... Savannah is a 2015 Thomas S. Monson scholar!!!!! Hooray! We are super proud of her for all that she has done to be worthy of that award. 

Now that she was accepted and received her scholarship all that was left was to leave us ... the hardest part.

Savannah is so laid back about life. It seems like Laney took forever getting herself prepared to leave for college, but up to the final weekend before she left it seems as if life was going on for Savannah as it always had. The good thing about that is that I wasn't a basket case thinking about Savannah leaving me. The bad thing was that my emotions just snuck right up on me.

BYU-Provo started a few weeks before BYU-Idaho did, but Laney decided to just come out and hang out with Savannah in Utah while waiting for her apartment to open up. They both loaded up in Herman's Explorer and got ready to leave on Monday morning, August 24th. As they were loading up the truck and preparing to leave I found myself strangely passive about the whole thing. I felt nothing really deeply. I wasn't in tears. I wasn't full of anxiety. I was just going through the motions, helping them in any way that I could. As I sat there examining my emotions I was worried that I wasn't more emotional about it. I thought that maybe I was just an old pro at this having kids leave home thing. Maybe I spent all my anxiety when Laney left two years ago, and now my body just knew what to expect and wasn't having to freak out about it. Maybe I was so used to having a child gone after Laney was gone for 18 months in Chile that I just knew what to expect and used my emotions to just get the things done that needed to get done. Maybe. But I didn't think so. The tears were going to come ... sometime. And, boy howdy!, when they came I knew it was going to be a gully washer. It was not going to be pretty. I don't cry easily. I do cry. I'm not a robot. But it takes a lot to get my tears rolling, and when they do come they just won't quit. The only question for me was when it was when the flood gates were going to open.

It turns out that it wasn't going to take all that long.

The bags were packed. They were ready to go. They were standing there outside our door. (Peter, Paul, and Mary reference ... get it?) Anyway ... right before they left Herman asked Savannah to play one last song for us on the piano. She obliged. And I lost it. Utterly and completely lost it. Savannah playing the piano has been such a part of my life. She always woke up before us. Always. And every morning ... every single morning ... I would hear her in the living room practicing her piano. Even now, months later, I can hear those songs in my head. How to Train Your Dragon, the theme from Up, Scott Joplin ragtime songs, any number of classical songs ... all of them still ring through my head as I think about her playing. 

This isn't the song she played, and it isn't even a great example of some of the wonderful songs she played on the piano, but it is the best one I had available, and I do love this song. It is always a pleasure to see Laney and Savannah creating music together. :)

As I sat there and listened to her play (of course she had to choose one of her most melancholy tunes to play!) I just couldn't imagine life without her playing the piano in our home. I couldn't imagine life without her right there. Savannah is so incredibly witty. Our home was full of laughter because of her comments about everything. The girl can quote movies and television shows and obscure books like no one else. No one. How would our home feel without her here every day? I just couldn't imagine it. Even now, two months later after experiencing life without Savannah always at home I still get a bit teary eyed. At that moment as she played I became a blubbering mess. Herman became a blubbering mess. Savannah became a blubbering mess. It wasn't pretty ... but it was poignant. That is love ... caring for someone so much that it hurts to let them go.

But let her go I must.

Savannah can't stay with me forever. She is gifted and talented and wonderful, and the world needs her. She needs the world. She had to leave, and Herman pointed out that the blessing is that the tears we shed at that moment weren't because she was making a horrible choice as she left. They were because she was making a wonderful choice. We have joy in our family, and we want for them to fly off into the future and spread that joy to others. How could I keep that from the world? I couldn't.

Last photo before they left me. You can hardly tell that I was a blubbering
mess, but if you look closely Savannah and I both have the puffy
face down pat. 

So now Savannah is away at BYU Provo in the shadows of the mountains there. I am so happy for all the experiences she is having. She made some super fun class selections for her freshman year ... history of film and television, French and Italian cinema, physics of sound ... stuff like that. She will only be there for a semester until she heads off to her mission in January ... more on that later (like I say, playing catch up blogging here). Thank goodness for the modern conveniences of cell phones and video chatting and quick plane rides. She's not far away, and she is always, always in our hearts. 

meanwhile, back in the real world ...

It's been awhile ... a long while since I've blogged. And that's sort of crazy considering what a year packed with amazing events I've just gone through. Savannah's graduation, Laney's return from her mission to Chile, both of them leaving for college, Spencer and Katie choosing to homeschool part of the year, Minsy's first year of kindergarten, Hyrum's choice to play the trumpet, any number of funny JoJo stories ... lots has happened. Herman has been begging me constantly to get back in the saddle and write again, but for whatever reason I just haven't been feeling the writing inspiration. Unfortunately, when you don't work your writing muscles they get a bit stale, and any time I thought about writing something I just couldn't imagine that it would turn out worthy to be read. But something happened today that seems as good a story as any to blog about, so here goes ...

This year in seminary we are studying the Old Testament, and this week we are finishing up Genesis. Today we studied about Jacob giving his final priesthood blessings to his children, and we talked about how sometimes the plans we have for our lives are not always the same as what God may have in store for us. I had everyone write down their goals for what they wanted to do in their futures, and as I was preparing I remembered that I wrote down my future goals when I was graduating from high school. After scrounging through my high school/college memory box I found this gem that I wrote in my sociology class during the final month before I graduated in 1990:

Long story short ... I was a bit pretentious at 18. :)

I realize that this might be a bit hard to read, so I'll give you the transcript:

In twenty-five years I expect to be teaching in Europe somewhere. I will live simply and will be environmentally aware, and I will have changed my lifestyle -- no matter how much it will inconvenience me. I also expect to be actively participating in the fight against political oppression all over the world.

In twenty-five years I will have accomplished the goals of reading "Les Miserables" in the original French, traveling over Europe on a bicycle, and meeting my French and Swedish penpals.

I want to have a small family by then -- no more than two kids. I'm not really interested in having a lot of friends, but I would like to be active in the community.

Crack. Me. Up. That is the funniest thing to read ever. Needless to say, my life has not quite followed this path.

It just so happens that right now, 2015, is exactly 25 years after I wrote these goals for myself. How'd I do?

• Teaching in Europe somewhere.  Teaching, yes. In Europe, no.
• Living simply. Depends on who you ask. According to what I meant when I wrote this, no.
• Changed my lifestyle. That's a definite yes, but I would have never guessed that I would have changed by joining The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints one year later.
• Actively fighting against political oppression. Bless my heart. I was such an idealist back then.
• Read "Les Miserables" in the original French. In the original French, no. But I did read the 1200 page novel in English for the honors thesis I wrote in college (my absolute favorite college accomplishment). 300 pages of awesome story with 900 pages of Victor Hugo blathering on about things that don't really have much to do with the main story. Still, I survived the drudgery ... barely.
• Bicycling all over Europe. Sadly, no. As much as I loved biking when I was younger, now it gives me anxiety just thinking about riding into traffic here around town. Europe would send me into apoplexy, I'm sure.
• Meeting my French and Swedish penpals. Did I even have French and Swedish penpals? They must have been super awesome to make it into my 25 year life plan.
• A small family with no more than two kids. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahha.
• Active in the community. In some ways, yes. In other ways, not enough.

So .... I didn't exactly turn out how I pictured I would have turned out all those years ago. But my life has turned out sooooo much better than I could have ever imagined for myself. No regrets. I'm so glad that there have been angels placed throughout my life to help guide me to be where I need to be when I need to be there so that I can be on a path that is just right for me and for my family. In 1990 I still had absolutely no idea who I really was and what I really wanted to do with myself. Years of experience has helped me to see that I'm not really bent in the direction I was facing back then. I'm exactly where I need to be.

(I'm still feeling a bit rusty with the writing, but I'm back in the ring, and it'll improve, I'm sure).

Time Out for ... Me

I had a much needed weekend to re-calibrate this week. I needed it. I don't want to bog the blog down with the reasons why. I just want to share the happy events that touched me. This weekend Katie and I headed on a road trip with Herman's sister, Laurenda, and my niece, Abigail, to Indianapolis to go to Time Out for Women and Time Out for Girls. I have been to TOFW lots of times, but this is the first time that we brought the girls to a Time Out for Girls. It was such a good experience for Katie and Abigail, and as much as I needed the events of this weekend, I think Katie needed them equally if not more.

Time Out for Women is totally a money maker for Deseret Book. I have no illusions that it is anything different. They make a gazillion dollars on these events between the admission fees and the amount of merchandise they peddle during the event. But I'm okay with that because in return I always feel uplifted and moved to better my life and be strengthened to push past the ickiness of the world. For those who do not know, it is a convention where LDS music artists and motivational/inspirational speakers come together and present to about 2000 women about topics that will uplift and inspire us. It is not a church service. It is more casual and laid back, but there are still so many wonderful opportunities to learn and be uplifted. Time Out for Girls is specifically catered to young women between the ages of 12 and 18. They see the same speakers as the adult women, but the messages are more geared to them.

I don't have lots of words to describe my experience here. I'll save those for my personal journal. But I'll just use a few pictures to share a little of the fun of this weekend. Here you go:

Katie and Abigail. Not just cousins ... also best friends. Love that!

Katie with one of the speakers, Meg Johnson. Meg was paralyzed after a
terrible fall off a mountain cliff, and has an inspirational story of
overcoming trials in our life. And she's so perky. Super, duper cute!

Meg with Abigail. This was on Friday night. Meg hadn't spoken yet, so no one
knew who she was. But Katie and Abigail had studied their program of
presenters and knew who she was, so they walked right up to her and asked
for a picture.

Mr. Popular, John Bytheway. He always has a mega line to meet him after
he speaks, but he always does an amazing job of taking time to talk
to everyone and make them feel important.

The musical group for us on Friday night was Hudson Lights. They were okay,
but not phenomenal. It was cute, though, on Friday after the event was over
almost everyone had left, but when we turned the corner we saw these
guys standing near the registration table. Katie and Abigail (or one of them)
said, "It's them!" We stopped for a picture. But the very best thing that happened ...
Katie's birthday was on Saturday. After the morning break I stopped by the info
desk and told them that they needed to say Happy Birthday to her. The lady
at the desk said she would take care of things, and Boy! did she. The
Hudson Lights guys called Katie to the stage, recognized her, and then
they sang Happy Birthday in four part harmony in front of 400 other
girls and Elaine Dalton, who would be speaking next. Super, super cool!
Katie was a bit freaked out by the exposure, but I think she'll remember that
experience for a long time!

It was a great weekend to spend time with my sweet Katie!

Laurenda and Abigail. Aren't they beautiful!

Katie had some life changing inspiration this weekend.

I loved spending time with Laurenda! She doesn't mind all my
neuroses .. too much. :)

This may have been my favorite speaker of the weekend ... Hank Smith.
His talk about finding happiness and joy no matter the circumstances
was just what I needed. This picture was actually taken on Friday night.
It was funny because he had not spoken yet, so no one really knew who he
was. No one was talking to him at all, so he would go behind the group
of people taking pictures with John Bytheway and photobomb their
pictures. It was like he was just saying, "Love me. Please?"

I love this picture!

Abigail and Katie with John Bytheway. When he mentioned that he
was fifty this weekend it completely freaked me out and was another
reminder of my own mortality and age. I always think of him as 29, for
some reason. I always think of myself as about that age too. It turns out
that  I'm losing my spring chicken-ness. 

Elaine Dalton was the former general president of the Young Women
organization. She is a wonderful speaker, and she has a gift for helping
young women remember who they are and encouraging them to reach
for their divine potential. This is Katie and Abigail waiting their turn
to say hello and get a picture with her. I wish I could inspire youth like she
does. I kept having this picture of myself as a youth leader, standing at the
front of the battle and encouraging the troops to follow me into battle, only
to turn around and see no one behind me. Ah well! It is a weakness
that I can work to overcome ... someday.

Now I'll take a moment to share some pictures Katie took of her fun time at TOFG. Enjoy!

Katie's program with lots of notes of inspiration.

Katie took A LOT of selfies. A lot. I put a few of the cute ones on here.

Callee Reed sang to us on Saturday and the girls on Friday. She was
super talented. Unfortunately half the songs she sang were not
available on the one album she has.

These are the cute bags the girls got. They are actually the bags the
adults got for the 2014 tour, but no problem ... Katie and Abigail just
purchased this year's bags so that they have variety.

And here begins the parade of selfies from these two cuties ....

Abigail with Laurel C. Christensen.

Katie with Laurel. I loved her message.Who knows what an ebenezer is?
I do now. Such a great story.

Abigail with Elaine Dalton.

Katie with Sister Dalton.

It was a great weekend ... a long weekend with our seven hour drive there and another seven hour drive back the next day. But it was just what I needed ... an uplifting time out.