I had a moment this morning.  One of those moments where everything is just right and good, even though nothing extraordinary is happening.  Maddi was helping me make waffles and Graysen was happily smashing banana in his highchair, and all was quiet and content.

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if I had an important high-profile job, or got to travel with my husband to fancy places, or could go get a masters degree, or get involved full time in a cause like this.
 
But then I have these moments and I always decide, I like this better.  At least for now.

funny stuff, by maddi.

Madison: Mom, I have energies.
Me: Do you want to go play outside?
Madison: No. My energies make me tired and sneezy.
Me: Oh, you mean allergies.
Madison: Yup, ellergies.

Madison (in a panic): What's going on?!?! There's something all over my arm!!
Me: That's your arm hair, Maddi.

(when told she wasn't allowed to eat a donut in the car): But I want to hold it.  I need it. Because I love it.

(patting a canister of nesquik): This chocolate milk is bloo-tiful.

Me (cleaning up after dinner): Maddi, take care of your dishes, please.
Madison (cradling and shushing her plate): Aww, it's ok. I got you. Shhh.

Some vocabulary:
"freehead" (n)- area of the face between the eyebrows and hairline.
"barm" (n)- A large farm building used for storing grain, hay, or straw, or for housing livestock.
"funder" (n)- A loud rumbling or crashing noise heard after lightning
"glubs" (n)- A covering for the hand worn for protection against cold or dirt
"beltseat" (n)- safety restraint in a car, shopping cart, or airplane

twenty six.

I really really really really really love birthdays.  Thank you, dear family and friends, for making it such a happy day!

 (Birthday breakfast in bed. Micah even powdered-sugared the crepes to make them pretty. I was so proud!)

(birthday mail. I love mail almost as much as I love birthdays.) 

(birthday shoes.) 

(thanks for the necklace, mom!)

bedhead

 Sometimes the best part of waking up is these sweet hairdos.

on being a mom.

I took a bubble bath in the middle of the day today. With candles. Lucky me! And, I got lots of my favorite things.

My family really knows how to spoil me and make me feel like a princess on special days.  Micah fixed the meals, washed the dishes and changed the diapers, and I took a nap.  A nap!

At church today, Maddi got up with all the kids to sing to the mothers.  She stood in the very front and waved at me the whole time.  She's my favorite three year old in the world.

Maddi helped me make cookies and after dinner we took plates of them to some ladies from church to wish them a happy Mother's Day.  We rolled down all the car windows and Madison yelled out "Happy Mother's Day!" to anyone she could see on the street (dogs included).  I think we have a new tradition.

Besides being entirely spoiled all day long, what I loved about today was having some time to think about being a mom.  And feeling so lucky that my full-time job is puzzles and play-doh and dress-ups and grilled cheese sandwiches.  Yes, at times it's whining and tantrums and diapers and doctors appointments, but it's worth it. I'd take a whole lot worse than that to get the smiles and cuddles from Graysen and the "I love yous" from Maddi.  I can't imagine any other job making me as happy as this one.

   "One young mother wrote to me recently...'Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God’s work. I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him...' 
There is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, 

in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons."

-Jeffrey R. Holland

Easter

(The kiddos in their Sunday best.)

I made a conscious decision this year that I wanted Easter to be more about Jesus Christ and less about treats and baskets and bunnies.  That being said, we did do an egg hunt or two, and the kids got a small bucket of goodies each, but we tried not to make those things the focus.  

I loved watching Madison with her eggs. As soon as she found one, she'd pop it open, dump the candy in her basket and toss the egg away. If it's not chocolate, don't keep it!

Micah, who is the Choir Director at our church, led an arrangement of this beautiful song in our meetings today:

How grateful we are for our Savior Jesus Christ, and His divine sacrifice for us. 

Behold I have given unto you my gospel, and this is the gospel which I have given unto you—

that I came into the world to do the will of my Father, because my Father sent me.

 And my Father sent me that I might be lifted up upon the cross; and after that I had been lifted up upon the cross, 

that I might draw all men unto me, that as I have been lifted up by men even so should men be lifted up by the Father.

The Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 27:13-14

looks like I have some competition.

As we were getting ready for church this morning, Maddi watched Micah put on his tie and said this:

You're so handsome, Dad.  I like your hair. It's so-o cute.

Sorry kiddo. He's taken. But you can be his next best girl.

million dollar baby

Graysen is expensive.

He managed to burn through our entire insurance deductible and out-of-pocket maximum in his first three weeks of life (thank you, dear husband, for working at an insurance company where we get good benefits).

Since then:
28 doctor visits (Yes, I counted.  Nine in the month of January alone.)
Six different specialists.
Five prescription medications.
Four EKGs.
One chest x-ray.
One CT brain scan.
One Cranial remolding helmet.

Currently, he is seeing a cardiologist, a neurologist, a urologist, an ophthalmologist, an orthotist and a physical therapist (*I'm not including details here- for the sake of those who want to skip all the medical jargon and diagnoses and whatnot- but I've explained his conditions and progress at the end of the post if you'd like to know more).

It's not as bad as it sounds.  He is a healthy, happy baby. And for the most part, his issues are relatively minor.
He just has a lot of them.
Which makes for an awful lot of doctors' appointments.  And co-pays. And time and gas spent running to offices all over town.  And a mom who pretty much worries herself sick about him all the time.

Poor kid. He's been through a lot.  The incredible thing is, he is always happy. He is always, always smiling. And giggling. And flirting (he has the receptionists at more than one office wrapped around his little finger!).  He is full of so much JOY.  Despite all his little challenges.  Oh, we love him for it.  No matter how much he costs.

(playing under the chair. a favorite pastime.)

* THE DETAILS.

The Heart:
At five days old, Graysen was diagnosed with SVT (supraventricular tachycardia, or episodes of extremely rapid heartbeat).  After one frightening episode (defibrillation on a 4 lb baby! Yikes!), and several more a day for the next few days, the NICU doctors started him on first one, then another beta blocker (medication for slowing down the heart rate/decreasing blood pressure. Yes, I give my baby the same medicine your Grandpa takes).  Once his episodes seemed to be under control, we brought him home. (And bought a stethoscope.) Graysen's heart has no structural problems; the issue has to do with the heart's electrical circuit and a possible extra sinus node, or accessory pathway (in lay terms: a spot of heart tissue that conducts the electrical signal when it shouldn't). As far as I understand, the electrical impulse signalling his heart to pump gets "off track," and the circuit is completed much more quickly than normal, causing rapid beating.  The scariest thing about all this is that, even though an infant's heart can sustain rapid rates for some time, if an episode went on too long without us knowing, his heart could burn out. BASICALLY, it all means we watch him closely, visit the cardiologist regularly, and in a few years possibly try a minor corrective surgery.  So far, medication is doing the trick just fine.

The Neck:
Graysen has always favored turning his head to one side, and for his first several weeks often slept with his face turned all the way to the left.  Because of this, or possibly because of the way he was positioned in the uterus, he developed Torticollis. Fancy way of saying the muscles in his neck are tight and his head usually tips to one side. Left untreated, the tendons in the neck can shorten and limit the head's range of motion.  We've seen major improvement and much better head posture with physical therapy, but the muscle tension and head tilt have hindered his physical motor skill development (he still struggles to hold his head up straight for long periods of time, push up on his arms while on his tummy, and balance while sitting up, because his little head is always cocked to one side.).  The muscle tension can cause jaw problems and asymmetry in the face, so we are working really hard to correct it. However, we weren't able to make enough difference with repositioning and physical therapy (and the stubborn little guy would only turn his head one way while sleeping) before the external pressure on the left of his head caused positional plagiocephaly, or flattening of the skull on one side. On to the next...

The Head:
Because he was a preemie, Graysen's cranial plates were still very soft when he was born.  Add to that the torticollis (always turning to one side), plus the lethargy and low energy caused by his heart medication (not moving his head much at all), and the result is too much pressure on one area of the skull. And a big flat spot.  Luckily, babies heads grow so rapidly that it's usually possible to reshape the cranium without surgery. Enter the cranial remolding helmet! After a CT scan to make sure there was no pressure on his brain (results were normal, thank goodness!), Graysen's head was casted in plaster (saddest ordeal ever. I cried more than he did), then a foam and plastic helmet was made just for him.  Essentially, it restricts the growth in some areas, while voided space encourages growth in others.  He has been wearing it since the beginning of January, and his flat spot has filled in, his head has rounded out, and for the most part we're just down to the "fine tuning."  There is still some asymmetry from right to left, but the orthotic practitioner thinks it'll only take another month or two to correct. He wears it 23 hours a day (an hour off for a bath and to scrub out the helmet because it STINKS), unless I want to cuddle him, or unless we are at the park and I want him to be able to feel the wind in his hair. I mostly loathe the thing, but I'll be darned if he isn't just the cutest little helmet baby I ever saw.

The Eyes:
Plagiocephaly can sometimes lead to vision problems, if the plates of the skull are lopsided in such a way that the eyes are no longer in the same plane.  We're not positive this is the case with Graysen, but his pediatrician recently noticed his left eye wanders a bit and was concerned enough to refer us to an ophthalmologist.  We haven't had the exam yet, so we'll see how it goes and update then.

Phew. Thanks for hanging on to the end. If you made it through all that, you deserve another photo of this handsome little guy (sans helmet):

Napping.

Madison has decided she no longer needs to take naps.

I beg to differ.

a post! finally.

oh. hello blog.
it's been a while. we have a lot of catching up to do.
but let's be honest: what you all really want to see is these little kiddies.

I love them. and Texas bluebonnets. and 80-degree Marches.

(mom, he's touching me...) 

  (maddi's signature nose crinkle)

(best baby smile ever.)