In the Thick of It

With the baptism of Maximus quickly approaching it has caused me to step back and look at the phase of life we are in right now.  I love in the movie Pursuit of Happiness and after listening to Chris Gardner who's life the movie is based on refer to times in his life as things like "Running";  that one certainly fits right now for us, but more I think just "In the Thick of It".  Juggling different huge things and praying for when to do what and how.  I am told it changes, but increases with time, so bring it on I guess.

I heard some counsel the other day I liked:
there is nothing the Lord will ask you to do that is too big, he will take your willingness and help you, no need to worry, and there is nothing so small you are asked to do that doesn't call for our best effort.  It has been a year of doing as Covey suggests, trying to identify the biggest rocks to put in first and hoping for the many pebbles, sand, and sometimes even water to fill in all around.  How blessed we are, these cute boys, my great man, and an opportunity to be refined by God.

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From the Mouth of Babes

Today at the store Maxx saw a girl in a wheelchair, he asked me, "why is she in there?"  I was so happy to be able to tell him that everyone's brains and bodies are different and a wheelchair can help someone get around if it is hard for them and the store is a very hard place to get around.  I was so impressed that a 7 year old  knew how to ask better than so many even adults who say, "what is wrong with them or do they have..." Very proud and hope I can help him keep it.  Golden Rule, check.

Easter

I have wondered for a while what it would be that would make me feel like posting again. I have a great life, but you know at some point it is just rubbing it in. :) I am always involved in decisions and things for our family, but have realized that life is so individualized that I hate to put ideas out there that may make someone feel that the way they know best to do things for their family is threatened by my passion for how I feel about ours.  Maybe in time I will find the right words that I can be confident it would only push others up.  Today I finally felt like typing.

I am often asked why I love living in Lake Point. There are many reasons, but in short it makes me the best version of myself. I love the space to hear myself think, but still be able to travel in to see family, and friends, and Costco. :) I love that we can have ambitious business goals balanced by gardening and quiet, and yes, even Llamas. The list is long. Tonight I was reminded of one, the sunset on the lake. It can be seen from my windows or my back yard, it is Lake Powell to me, a place that represents fun, but mostly family and friends.

Easter this year falls on the anniversary of my mother’s death. While the events of that day will never leave my mind, the hardest memory is knowing how devastated so many were to lose her. I live a charmed life in that I don’t feel like I have. She is in my head so often each day from the raising of my kids to figuring out how to improve my life or handle a situation. Yes, sometimes I still don’t listen and regret it every time. :) That’s just kids. I realized today as I saw that scene I love out of my window that it is not missing someone who hasn’t left to me that gets me; I miss my family, the Jackman 5. It seems the best times become perfect in retrospect and while life is great now, it is easy to long for them again. As I thought it through I decided I need to continue living now in such a way that I can miss this time in the future as well.

Overall the message that I knew could apply to all is that of sorrow and hope. I don’t really do kind sentiments and fluffy bunnies very well, but I do so heavily rely upon truth. The things in our life less tangible, but the most real. I asked my six year old today what we celebrate at Easter, he told me Easter eggs. I smiled at the time and assured myself I’m not a failure and he will get it, but later I grew excited for my kids to learn that there are things that bring joy so much better than anything the world can offer (and we all know candy-filled eggs are pretty exciting).

Every mistake I’ve made or sorrow I’ve felt, every cousin who has lost a baby.  Every person hurt by careless words, the pain of withheld blessings, everyone who thinks they are beyond help, or unloved, or useless. Every fear-filled diagnosis, every death, accident, close call, failure, regret. Any pain from poor choices or great times now longed for, all the could-have-beens… all our losses will be made up.

This Sunday when I wake up early to wrestle 3 boys into church clothes just to wrestle them through 3 hours of church, as I eat the ham cooked by the woman I’m grateful is so good to my dad and all of us, as I steal the candy my kids find in the eggs, and see some of the family I am glad I can still see and hopefully feel the rest. I am thankful that instead of a reminder of one of the hardest days of my life, it can be the celebration of the greatest day we all once shouted for joy over. Death is conquered, man is free, Christ has won the victory.

Captain America

Today is Aaron's birthday, I posted an old picture of him on Facebook and was going to call it good; then I got the news that he was ranked #1 on his testing for Captain.  Being his #1 promoter has historically been my mom's job, but since evidently he isn't done being amazing I will have to show him how proud we all are of him and thankful for his example by posting more pictures here.

Roofing the house at 7 years old.

Could you even imagine this post if I had access to all of his pictures.  Maybe I should start on the book... My Brother the Hero.  :)

Family Pictures Oct. 2012

Jackpot

I received a great inheritance from my mom starting with assumed goodness, which has been nice and challenges me to live up to it.  The silly plastic frog she had from her grandma that we like to hide to scare each other or in funny places.  There was a little pillow in her room that said, "the best things in life aren't things", those words changed me in the months and now years of seeing them; mostly because she lived them and it fueled much of what makes her great. The thing I have thought most on lately however is a little card I found in her closet long after it was cleaned out.  I can't help but feel like it was one of her notes left in our luggage or lunch for me to find later when I was on my own and needing it.  It is a tiny brown paper with a round mirror on it.  The words say something like "if you could catch a glimpse of the woman that God intends you to be, you would rise up and never be the same".   What a concept, what an inspiring vision to live with, to put our insecurities, frailties, pride, fear, laziness aside and see how both truly great and  needed we are.  It speaks to me of the worth of every soul, the challenge to get over ourselves so that we can help, and the comforting thought that He who knows we all have feet of clay and stumble also knows we can be formed into someone worth even His time.

Meat

My brother made a comment to me last year about not really knowing me as an adult. It's true, we know things like people's overall decisions, that they like to make cakes or run, but not often do we get what really makes someone tick, even our siblings. So here are a few random things very Claar.


I have no tattoo, no desire to be crazy, and no need to rage against some machine. The evidently inherited rebellious spirit in me is certainly there however and seems to grow. I despise being told what to do. I believe that pretty much sums it up. I am happy to follow God, I am willing to be lead by anyone I respect, I am even willing to obey the speed limit. It is life choices and all the little stuff they entail. I try to stay open to suggestions, but truly as far as unsolicited advice goes, you telling me will almost insure I will not do it. I think it is because while well-intended it is to me offensive in nature. That somehow the 10 minutes someone spent thinking of some aspect of my life could make them wiser at prescribing my best course of action as if I haven't thought, planned, studied, and prayed about it for years. I do put a lot of stock in experience, but we just so seldom have experience in someone else’s shoes. I have been guilty of this to others as well, it is always just so tempting to want to help... just an insight into me.

I love to learn. I love to find someone to follow in a certain area. I am very critical of what makes one an expert, it has mostly to do with their fruits.

I love to study and discuss the Gospel. Not debate, just learn stuff that really matters... meat indeed.

More kids?  Yep, probably, I almost laugh when people say, "but they are so hard!" Sometimes I want to say, "did you have kids because you thought it would be fun?" :) It is... The point is it took a power FAR greater than my own to convince me to be a mom, to allow us to have kids, and to sustain me daily with these crazy mini me's. I don't take the work of my life lightly, I am willing to invest fully into rising children who will serve God and lead the world.
You have to keep trying to get a girl... eeeh.... I know I will have a girl eventually, but I like having boys... we're good for now.

I think really when you get down to it we are all very similar, but sometimes the drama... or the understanding is in the details.

My current goals
We're raising kids who will lead the world.
We will save $10K in 2012
We make $10K+/mo
Each member of our family sets their goals and we hold each other accountable. (note, Mike is not thrilled he doesn't get stickers like the boys... I will have to fix that :) who knew?)
We believe the need is so staggering we are leading an army of people to help families get their financial house in order and win in business.
I am the best young women's teacher
I study the gospel everyday
I take great care of my visiting teaching ladies and others
I am a student of success in all areas of our life and constantly strive to improve.
I only consider the advice of someone I want to emulate in that area.
I seek out the best mentorship when I see something we need to improve.
I support and am best friends with Mike. I know he is a great leader.
I am patient and kind.

There you go, random and real. I say these goals aloud everyday so I refuse to include any of the changes we have made nutrition and fitness wise... I don't get enough ice cream as it is... I don't want to hear about it.