Light, even in the darkest places

You may or may not know our story about Infertility. You may or may not know that I am pregnant now our 3rd child, a baby boy due in June. You may or may not know the amount of money that we have spent trying to be parents and build our family. You probably have no idea how much faith, hope, disappointment, and tears came with this process. And unless you have experienced it yourself, you have no idea how horrible it is to get a ride that you can't just get off when the going gets tough. The only way I know to describe it is getting on the World's largest roller coaster. It has really fun parts (highs) and really low scary parts. It's hard to help people who have never been on the ride understand what it feels like. I can just say, it's tough. By far the toughest experience we have ever been through. So those of you that haven't had to experience it, be thankful.
The title of the blog is Light, even in the darkest places. It's hard to keep the faith and understand God's plan while watching the dark clouds move in. And they ALWAYS do in this process. It's hard to walk down a dark path when you can't see the light or the end in site. It's hard not to know what comes next and when to "give up" and try something different. It's one of the things that you think about when you go to sleep and it's the first thing that comes to mind when you wake up. It consumes you - it's going from smiling to crying in a matter of minutes. But, with all this there is FAITH. Even if it's a tiny little smidgen of faith, it keeps you hanging on. God doesn't put us on this path to hurt us. We have to dig deep and remember that no matter what, the plan is set.
I have a close friend that got bad news after an IVF frozen cycle this weekend. I know exactly how she feels. I know the lowest low, like slamming your face into the concrete sidewalk feels like. Oh and add in the fact that you see tears in your husbands eyes. Cause even if he can't feel the physical hormones that come with the negative results, husbands can feel the disappointment and fear of the unknown just the same. The questions that run through our heads are all the same, is this my fault?, what if I did this different?, when is it time to give up? Bottom line is, there is no explanation other than it wasn't the right time. That is the biggest hardest pill to swallow in this process. So if you are reading this, take a moment to say a prayer and send some good vibes to my friend.  We need an army of prayers to get her(them) through this.

I have 100% faith, even in the darkness that this is possible. I am living proof.

Dream Big

Through this journey with Advocare, we have learned so much about dreaming again. We have learned that we have to believe we can do anything, as long as we set our mind to it. We have learned that you have to write down the things you want, and don't want for that matter, in order to keep them top of mind and keep yourself reaching for them. We have learned that its OK to have big dreams for our family and its perfect to let our kids dream big too. As kids, we all dream big, but for some reason as we get older, we lose site of those dreams. I guess its the reality of getting a job and house and kids  side track our minds from the possibility. And honestly, all those things mentioned above cost money, and dreams do too. So you chose the house and kids over your dreams. I don't want to have to chose anymore. So, we as a family went through the exercise back in October 2015 of creating ours. You will see all kinds of things here, we didn't put any limitations on the kids or ourselves at all. Just tell me what you want, where you want to go etc. So we did. Some of these are things we can do in a year, and others will take much longer, and that's ok. I tired to call out who's dream each of these pics represent, if you wanna know more, let me know and I will tell you. The ones I find the most fun are the kids. Alicyn really wants to be a vlogger and Jaxon wants to go to Japan of all places. We have this posted in various places around the house so we never lose track of the things we want. We will be checking these off and refreshing this often!

Dream Big - and don't let anyone tell you you can't!

Ah Ha Moment - my why

This is probably the hardest blog I have ever written. So just know that when you read it, this is way outside of my comfort zone but change is not always comfortable. I've made excuses for the last 20 years. So, here we go. 

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Ever heard a comment that cut you to the bone. The one that knocked the wind right out of you? That comment that made you swear that you WOULD take action and change something? Well, I have. Here is it is in writing on my blog for the world to see (if I actually give the world the link that is :)). I am committed to make big changes in my health. I have been overweight has long as I can remember. Some years more than others of course, but now more than ever. As I write this I am thinking back to 1993, Micah Montgomery's high school graduation in Kerrville TX as the one time I can remember EVER wearing a size small. I can no longer tolerate this feeling of frustration and embarrassment about my weight. Yes, I have a lot to lose, but that doesn't make the need any less. I made the decision to do something about it and no longer just tolerate it on May 13,2014. It was the Monday after Mother's day and a date I hope I never forget. I started the 24 day challenge from advocare and committed to getting healthy. And I should say that luckily, I am generally healthy but being as overweight as I am qualifies me as unhealthy all by itself. You might be thinking, yeah sure or that you have heard this before and that's OK, cause you probably have. But this time is different. Very different. My weight started affecting my children and that is where I draw the line. They deserve to be able to go to school and be proud of me as their parent, not be hearing from others about how fat their mom is. I became intolerant the day she said "I love you how you are mom, I don't care what the kids say". I was shocked, I was angry and I was sad that MY choices were affecting her. At 10 years old this is happening. I expected that my kids would deal with bullies and the mean girls at some point, but I never imagined that I would be the reason. From that day forward, I made the commitment. It happened to line up with Rich's goals to get involved with advocare and start a business. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so I think the stars aligned for both of us and advocare for a reason. We both ordered the 24 day challenge and started the next week (5/13). This is not about making money for me (it is for him cause he is sick and tired of being sick and tired) its about my kids being able to be normal 5 & 10 year olds and not have to ever be put in a situation that makes them feel they need to defend me or my weight. I own this body, I have a choice and I am more committed than ever to make changes.  It won't be easy, in fact it will be hard but IT IS WORTH IT. My kids are worth it.

The results so far are remarkable. Its the first time in a long long time that I am proud of myself. Its been exactly 2 months since we started this journey and I am happy to report that I am down 24 pounds and 12 inches! I know that its just the beginning, I know I have a long road ahead but I will not tolerate my old self a minute longer. Rich is down 20 pounds and 7 inches and is beginning to see his top 2 abs that have been hidden for years too. No more soda, sweet tea, coffee for either of us. That is a feat all in itself.

Advocare products have absolutely aided me in this journey, I am a firm believer that they work and are worth every single penny they cost. I have so much more energy and just feel better. I don't really know how else to describe it. And yes, I (we really) am still on product and will continue because I just feel better. If you haven't heard of advocare and want to learn more call me. This is not about selling anything, I am posting this cause its about accountability for me.

I am sure at some point someone will ask "why advocare?".....this is my why.

Laura

coolest cat in town

Today is the the 50th day of school so the kinder classes are dressing like the 1950's. Jaxon wanted to dress just like Brady from Teen Beach Movie so we went out last night and grabbed the essentials. I think he reall is the coolest cat is town.

Let's Go Ride a Bike

This boy is rocking and rolling! Like Rich said in his FB post, this kid amazes us with his determination. If he sets his mind to it, HE DOES IT! And on the first try. Couldn't got to Kindergarten with training wheels...




 No more training wheels!

lion king - teenage simba

Alicyn went to musical theater camp this summer and was picked to be the teenage simba in the lion king production they put on. She learned all her lines and really got into the part. They filmed a portion each day of the week. Check her out. Rawr!

happy 4th

Ring Bearer - Randy & Jordan's Wedding

Jaxon was asked to be part of Randy and Jordan's wedding. When Randy called me and asked, we both laughed wondering what a spectacle Jaxon would make of his wedding and even wondered if he would walk down the aisle. We talked to Jaxon about this VERY IMPORTANT job he was being asked to do and he was super excited. Randy is a great cousin and always takes time to talk and play with the younger cousins, so I knew as soon as I said it was for Randy that Jaxon would be "all in". We have been talking it up and practicing holding a pillow level, walking slowly, smiling etc for several months. The time came for the wedding this weekend. Jaxon got all spiffy with his dress pants, shoes, pink shirt, suspenders and tie. This boy likes to dress up, especially if there is a belt and tie involved. I don't know what it is about the belt especially but he is a belt lover. Ambree was in the wedding too, she and another little boy carried a sign that said Here Comes the Bride. Ambree and Jaxon all dressed up looked pretty much like little bride and groom themselves. And I am pretty sure, Ambree would marry him if that was allowed....at least for now. It will be so funny to think back at this day years from now and remember Ambree and Jaxon dancing together and planning the names of their kids. LOL. The wedding was beautiful, even though I still can't believe that RANDY is married. We are so happy to have Jordan join the Robinson clan. Jaxon completed the task of ring bearer without any issues at all. I am way proud of him.

 Here is a goofy non smile but his hands in his pocket just melt my heart. This boy....

Alicyn wanted Rich to take a few pictures of her, so they headed off into the country side :). No good ones of her looking but I like this one. Man, she is growing up fast

Randy and his 2 ring bearers. So stinkin cute!

Look at these 2, cousins, only 4 months apart and great friends. And if you ask them, they are getting married someday.

Aww.

Going somewhere but hand in hand as usual. Sweetness.

Goodbye Virginia Dr. - Hello Forest Hill Cv.

I know I know, you don't need to remind me how delinquent I am. I've been busy. Sheesh.

Here's the cliff notes version (which I prefer anyway)

Our house listed on Feb 8th at 4pm in the afternoon. We had 3 offers by Sunday night. I was shocked and excited and scared all at the same time. I was also relieved since we were already under contract on the new house (we will get to that in a minute). All of the offers were good, 1st was the worst, 2nd was better and 3rd was way cool cause it was cash. After talking to our realtor (who did an amazing job for us, let me know if you need someone), we decided to go with the cash offer since there was lots less red tape in the process. I was a little concerned that they would spend all their money before we closed so we asked to have the closing moved up from March 16 to Feb 22nd. So from the time we had an agreed upon contract, we had literally 10 days before closing. We leased back our house until we closed on the new one March 8. Everything was fine until we drove away for the last time on Thursday night after handing them the keys, I cried all the way to the new house. I have so many fond memories of Virginia Dr. Both of our kids were brought there from the hospital when they were born. We formed lifelong friendships with our neighbors there. We loved that street and it was so bittersweet driving away. We will be back to visit but its just not the same as when you live there. No more kids running across the yard in either direction (well until Sam and Nancy left) to be greeted by loving "grandparents". Not by blood of course but just as well could have been. No more big pecan trees and swings and tree house. No more waving mailman. Anyway, enough of that. We will miss Virginia Dr. without a doubt. But on to bigger things. And I mean much bigger. We are getting settled in the new house. Its freaking huge. We didn't intentionally find a house that was over 4200 sq feet but when we walked into this one we knew it was the one. We don't have furniture to fill it, so as one of our old neighbors said "that just means there is more room for dancing". We are still unpacking boxes, many of which have stuff we never should have moved but in the mix of packing you get to the point where you just don't care what you shove in the box. We have a garage full of stuff and a big riding lawn mower that we really don't need but will keep just because. The kids love that they have an upstairs and in bigger news Jaxon is sleeping in his room. Rich is there with him until he falls asleep (cause I am not good enough for Jaxon :))). Izzy and Nutmeg have adjusted well, and the best thing of all for them is that they are both scared to go upstairs. That means no hair on the carpeted area of the house which is way cool if you ask me. We won't be having a house warming party but Rich says we will be cooking for friends sometime soon. I am excited to have you all see it. So there you have it. We moved.

Our Balerina

Alicyn is growing so much in her dance, and this year was able to do a solo! Together we decided that ballet was the best bet for her since it is the core to all dance and would help her get better in all forms of dance. I was really nervous at first since I can't imagine doing a solo myself but she has done really well. She beams on stage. You can see it in her eyes and smile that she truly loves it so so much. Her solo song is Apologize but she used an acoustic version sung by Boyce Avenue. Miss Hayley has been a wonderful teacher through this whole learning process for both of us. Several of the dance folks have noticed how the solo has helped Alicyn improve her overall dances. We could not be more proud of her.

Here are some pictures of the first time she COMPETED HER SOLO this year. She is beautiful through and through. My baby girl is growing up. Wow!