Hope for the Hopeless

I've been thinking a lot about HOPE in the last few months.  I have definitely found myself in the need for more hope and in a place of hopelessness.  I typically see myself as an optimistic person who is able to look at life with a hopeful outlook but this has not been as easy as of late.

I have also noticed this hopelessness in some of my students and I am still trying to figure out how to help pull them out of it.  Many students come into my class in a state of hopelessness.  They have struggled in math already in their past and have stopped believing that it is even possible for them to understand or even do well.  I find that if I can make the math doable for them, small glimmers of hope start to push away their hopelessness until they find confidence in themselves and find themselves being successful.  It is a wonderful thing.  I have one student who I feared at the beginning of the year would be one I would constantly be encouraging and cheering on, but somewhere in our second unit something clicked for him and he is amazing!  He is always one of the first done with his homework and he even helps his classmates.

However, I have a few other students who are still in this state of hopelessness.  Somehow it is in their head that there is no way out.  They have ruined it for themselves to ever understand or feel successful at math.  As hard as I try to make the math doable for them, they won't even put in ANY effort.  'It's not worth it.  I will never get it.  I'm not as good as the other students.  I'm too stupid.'  I've heard it all.  These are the students I worry about.  It hurts me to watch them sit in class each day in this state of hopelessness feeling bad for themselves.

In October 1999 Conference Elder James E. Faust spoke on hope and made these great statements:

"Hope is the anchor of our souls. I know of no one who is not in need of hope—young or old, strong or weak, rich or poor. As the prophet Ether exhorted, 'Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.'

"Nephi admonished those of his day, 'Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men … , feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.' 

"Everybody in this life has their challenges and difficulties. That is part of our mortal test. The reason for some of these trials cannot be readily understood except on the basis of faith and hope because there is often a larger purpose which we do not always understand. Peace comes through hope."

I want so badly for every single one of my students to find that peace through hope.  I think Nephi expressed the secret.  We must PRESS FORWARD with a steadfastness in Christ.  We can't just sit there in class and expect our circumstances to change and all of a sudden everything will make sense.  We have to act.  I believe this action looks different for each individual for each circumstance.  But action is required.  

Another student comes to mind who does act.  She, for whatever reason, doesn't listen to me very well but after I am finished teaching will immediately go to her friends who understand and have them explain it all to her.  I have found that she is one of my students who assumes when she understands the first example that she is good to go and doesn't need to listen to the rest of the examples.  But then she makes many mistakes when the problems take twists and turns she wasn't expecting.  My heart broke for her this last week.  She even made the effort to come in before school to ask a few questions to make sure she was ready for our test that day.  She came in feeling confidant and hopeful.  But as I graded her test yesterday found that she ended up with a 50 something percent.  I hated entering that into her grade because I know she will check online and upon seeing her score she will be tempted to give up.

Unfortunately, I believe we have these same experiences in life.  We press forward with hope.  We act.  We try.  We put in more effort than we have before.  And yet we still fail.  How do we keep hope after that?  What I hope for my student is that she won't let this get her down.  I hope that she comes to me this week and says, 'I know I can do better.  Please let me retake that test and prove it.'  I will gladly let her do so.  And I will work with her in any way I can to get her grade where she would like it to be before the term ends on Friday.  What I hope my student doesn't do is give up.  Look at that failed test and decide it is not worth even trying anymore.  Then put in no more effort for the rest of the year.  There are still many lessons to learn in my class that she will miss out on.  Lessons that I know will help her at some point in her life (or at least I sure hope they do).  

My prayer is for those who are lost in a state of hopelessness.  Understand that is an acceptable and justifiable emotion.  You are not alone.  But PLEASE don't give up no matter how many times you have tried and failed.  There is still hope and there is still growth.  I know that we can have hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  I know that He, as our Savior, suffered for us so that He can enable us and purify us and make us whole.  I know that even though I don't understand, He knows more than I do and He knows me better than I do and He loves me more than anyone.  And I know that peace can be found through hope.  

Thank Goodness for Open Book Quizzes

A week and a half ago I finally gave my students a quiz that had been scheduled for days but we kept running out of time to take.  I don't think my students were disappointed.  I didn't make the quiz (all our teachers who teach the same subjects collaborate together to save time for everyone) so when I was making the key I realized that it was much harder than I wanted it to be.  I knew it would frustrate and discourage my students causing some to give up.  I DID NOT want that to happen because as a whole they were doing really well on this unit.  I have had more students turn in homework on time this year than ever before and I feel like a big part of it is because more of them feel like it is doable.

I thought through a lot of options with this quiz.  Do I just not give it?  But I had been warning my students about a quiz for days.  I had to keep my word.  Do I let them work together?  I could have but find it hard to control who is working with who and who is really doing all the work.  In the end I decided to let them use their notes.  I am pretty particular with note taking in my class.  I give them a notes packet for the entire unit and we fill them out together.  So as long as they are in class and paying attention, they have everything they would need to do well on the quiz.  Some example problems from the notes were very similar to quiz questions.  I figured this option would fulfill two purposes; stress the importance of note taking and give the students hope of passing.

When I announced that I was making it an open note quiz there was a group sigh of relief.  Then as I wandered around while they were taking their quiz I was absolutely loving how complete almost every students' notes were and how vigorously they were searching through them to find help and answers.  I could almost feel connections being made and understanding entering into their minds.  It was beautiful!!  (I am obviously meant to be a teacher.:)

As I graded the quizzes I was pleased to find that they actually did quite well even though I thought it was a harder quiz than it needed to be.  And when they took the test on that unit a couple days later they did very well.  All five of my classes on that subject had class averages of 85%-90%.  AWESOME!!!

It made me think about how grateful I am for open book quizzes in this test of life.  In fact, the Lord never gives a quiz or a test that isn't open book.  He has given us scriptures and words of living prophets that we can ALWAYS go to for help and answers.  We are told to "feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do" (2 Nephi 32:3).  How amazing is that promise!!  We have all the answers in front of us and available to us always.

The question is, how familiar are we with these notes?  As I wandered my classroom watching my students I found that those students who had obviously used their notes prior to the quiz (probably on their homework) were much more familiar with where to look for the answers they needed or examples to guide them.  Those who hadn't been using their notes and really hadn't looked at them since taking them in class had a harder time and even started to wonder if we learned some of the concepts on the quiz.  These same students also had a harder time understanding what their notes even meant.  They didn't make much sense even though everything on them was right.  Where do we fit on this spectrum?  Are we constantly using our scriptures in our daily lives so that when a "quiz" gets thrown at us, we know where to turn?  Are we so familiar with them that in the toughest of tests, we already know what the answers are?  Or are we only going to our scriptures in times we feel tested and find ourselves not knowing where to look or how to understand what is being said?

I can think of times (like my mission) when I felt I knew the scriptures very well.  Verses often came to mind without me even realizing.  I knew exactly where to look for answers and help.  Unfortunately I can't say I still feel that way.  I do my best to read my scriptures every day but I can't say I am really studying them.  This is an area where I know I can always improve.  I know that when I am truly feasting on the words of Christ I do approach my tests and challenges with more confidence.  I know that the words of Christ are found in the Book of Mormon and the Bible.  I also know the words of Christ are found in the words of our living apostles.  I have LOVED hearing their messages all this weekend at our semi-annual General Conference (you can find these amazing messages here).

After hearing so many reminders to search the scriptures I have set a goal for myself to do just that.  I encourage anyone who happens to read this blog to do the same.  I know that the Master Teacher, like myself, doesn't want to frustrate us or make us feel like we might as well give up.  He has given us "notes" to always refer to during every test.  I know the answers are found in His words.  I know there is power in His word.  I know that strength, blessing, and guidance will come as we more fully feast on the words of Christ.  So let's do it!! :)

Seeing The Bigger Picture

I actually had another thought for this week's post (it may end up my lesson for next week's posting) but after talking with my sweet cousin tonight, my thoughts have gone a different direction.  Something that is very near to my own heart is the concept of waiting on the Lord.  For some reason, patience is an important virtue that we all need to learn.  As is trust.

I find myself 33 years old and still waiting for that wonderful blessing of marriage and a family of my own.  I have desired since I was a little girl to enjoy this blessing.  I have watched my parents enjoy such happiness in their companionship and I hope to enjoy that same happiness.  Yet for some reason it just hasn't come my way.  I've spent many long hours wondering what I have done to not be given this blessing or what mistakes I have made that have taken me off the list of those who get to enjoy an eternal marriage.  I've wondered if I am just not marriage material or if there are lessons that I am not learning.  To be honest, I still don't know which, if any, of these it is.

One thing is for sure, I most definitely don't have the eternal perspective that the Lord has.  Like the Lord, I am constantly trying to convince my students the importance of learning hard lessons right now because it will help them be better prepared for things to come later because I have experienced things they have not and have a better view of the big picture.  Few days go by that I don't hear, 'When are we ever going to use this?'  In reality, I don't have an answer for my students.  Some of them will use math in their careers.  Others will not.  Some of them will go to college and need it to score well on the ACT or SAT.  Others will not.  But I tell them (because this I believe is true for every student) that learning math teaches us to think logically and learn how to problem solve.  We will all have problems throughout our life and if we know how to logically think through them we will be able to solve them more quickly...just like their problems on their homework.  The better we train our brain to think through problems, the easier it is to solve them.  Of course, they don't care to hear that because it doesn't affect them RIGHT NOW.  In a teenagers' mind if it doesn't matter RIGHT NOW, it doesn't matter.  Having a broader perspective on things is not easy to do.

But quite honestly, I can completely relate to that thinking.  I have no idea what the Lord has in store for me in the future in this life or in the eternities.  I don't know how or if these lessons that I am being taught will be useful in the some future time (some I know are taught over and over because I don't seem to learn them).  And right now, those lessons don't seem important...just hard!  So why do I have to learn them or experience this hard right now?  Haven't I endured it long enough?  Will it really make that big of a difference in the future or in the eternities?  Sometimes I don't even care, I just don't even want to try and if possible would really like to drop this class and take one that is much more enjoyable...like marriage and family.  :)

Reality is, I don't see the bigger picture.  Like my students I get stuck in the NOW mindset and I just want things to be easy now.  I don't want to have to struggle every day to understand what is going on.  I don't want to take the next test because I know I might fail.  I don't want to have to keep trying after I fail and learn the old material so I can be better prepared for the next test.  It's too hard and doesn't seem to have purpose RIGHT NOW.

This is where patience and trust come in.  My students most likely will not see the purpose of learning math while still in my class so I will never experience with them that moment when they can look back and see there was purpose to struggling through the hard.  Some may wish they would have tried harder.  Some may be grateful they did try hard.  I hope that when I am able to look back and see the purpose for this hard time that I will be grateful that I did try hard (which I hope still entails a few failing grades of bitterness, and negativity, and lack of faith, and doubt, and weakness because I have definitely already received some of those).  And I hope that right now I can put my trust in my Master Teacher knowing He sees the bigger picture and wants more than anything to prepare me for all that is to come and He also wants my success and happiness in all things.  I know that is what I want for my students and I know it is an even more perfect desire from Christ.  He is the Master Teacher.  He knows all things.  He sees all things.  All He asks is for us to trust Him in ALL things so He can direct our paths (see Proverbs 3:5-6).

God Knows Us and Sends Angels

This last week may have been one of the most exhausting weeks I have experienced in a good while.  Between helping a friend move out, parent teacher conferences, and trying to navigate the world on on-line dating I didn't get as much sleep as I need to be who I need to be.  Adding a blog post to that each night was just too much so after Wednesday I decided that I will do a weekly lesson instead of a daily one.  I hope that will suffice.  I feel my thoughts will be better thought trough that way anyway.

I've been thinking a lot this week about the angels that are put in our lives to help us through our struggles.  I feel I am very blessed with angels (both earthly ones and heavenly ones) and would not be able to navigate through my own struggles as well without them.

I also saw the same thing in my classroom.  After talking to all my parents at parent teacher conference I realized that those encounters are small miracles that help me better know my students so that I can help them reach their full potential.  As the Master Teacher, Christ knows all of His students perfectly and doesn't need that help.  Having learned more about my students I found the last few days of the week were more successful.  In my last post, I shared about a student who I have had a hard time getting across to.  After meeting with his parents I knew better where he was coming from and how I needed to give him more attention.  I made a point to pass by his desk more frequently and never just walked by.  I stopped each time to check how he was doing and walk through at least one problem with him.  I also made sure to validate the great work he was doing.  But also knowing that he didn't want to look like the stupid one that needed more help, I made a point to do the same with many other students as well.  I found that he was more willing to respond to me and by the end of the period even started asking me for help instead of me having to approach him first.  To me, it was a huge success.  I can't say that I feel he is ready for the test next week but at least we have made progress in our relationship.  This is crucial.

The Lord is constantly trying to build a relationship with us.  He wants us so badly to let Him in and let Him help us.  But he recognizes that He can't force Himself in.  To help, I feel that He uses angels to soften us.  In my case, I had parental support.  I know those parents went home and talked to my student giving him a bit more confidence and letting him know that I am there to help and that I care.  I know they helped him see that I am not out to make life miserable for him.  Sometimes I think we think the Lord is out to get us and make life miserable.  We find ourselves not receptive to His love and help because we don't really believe He wants to help.  Fortunately we have angels who teach us and remind us that the Lord is there to help, not to hurt.  When we start to actually believe those angels, we start to see the Lord's true intentions in our life and we become more open and receptive to His tender mercies.

I am sure grateful for the angels in my students' lives (parents and fellow classmates) who do their best to convince them that I want to help and that I care.  I am even more grateful for the angels in my life (my Bishop, my parents, my siblings, my friends, family on the other side of the veil) who remind me that the Lord is very much in my life and wants to help me not make life more miserable.  It is not the Lord who gives feelings of failure, doubt, discouragement, depression, and hopelessness.  Those are all emotions of the devil.  The Lord is the one giving me feelings of faith, hope, and love.  Those are the emotions that build me up and make me want to be better and do better and serve better.  Thank goodness the Lord knows me!  Thank goodness He sends me angels!  Thank goodness His plan is a plan of happiness!

Where is Your Confidence?

Tonight we had Parent Teacher Conference which means I was at the school for almost 14 hours and I'm exhausted.  So I really hope this is coherent.  Right at the very end of conferences when everyone is cleaning up, I had a set of parents needing to talk with me.  It was the best conference of the night.  Their student is a great guy who I have really struggled getting across to.  I know he is struggling with the math, yet whenever I try to help he waves me away claiming that he understands and is okay.  I asked mom and dad if they had any advice for me on how I could best help him.  I learned more about his past in math classes and how he has been shuffled around promising that this teacher or that teacher will get him up to speed.  Yet he has never been brought up to speed.  He has lost his confidence in any ability to do math.  He started out this year with some optimism and was actually doing pretty decent the first few weeks.  But then we took our first test and he received a 66%.  From that point, I and mom and dad have seen a drop in his effort and confidence.

This whole conversation had got me thinking about a lot of things.  How can I help this student find any bit of confidence?  How can I get across to him so that he will accept my help?  How can I do all this without embarrassing him and making him feel singled out in class?  These are my challenges.

So, how would my Savior, the Master Teacher, handle this situation?  I can definitely relate to this student spiritually speaking.  I have felt my confidence lacking and wondered if I could ever be up to speed again.  It's like I have gaps in my spiritual education that no one has been able to fill.  I show up to class.  I roll through the motions; say my prayers, read my scriptures, go to church, etc.  But wonder if I will ever be good enough, perfect enough, smart enough.  I don't want anyone to know I am not as perfect as their lives all appear to be so when asked if I need any help, I wave people off and say I am just fine.  Yet inside I feel worthless.

Reality is, I still haven't figured out how I can help my student.  Because when I am him in a spiritual sense, the Lord continues to be there ready to help BUT I have to make that choice.  I feel like He let's me struggle in order to increase my faith.  Yet I realize that in my struggle, He is right there whispering words of confidence in my ears, placing angels in my life who see me as someone more than I see me, blessing me with so many tender mercies that I WANT to have my confidence.  And as soon as I start to see that even though I received a 66% which in most senses is failing, I received a 66% which is 66% more than I knew before.  Then I begin my journey back to confidence in the Lord and confidence in myself.  That confidence helps me try a little harder and be a little better and hope to receive at least a 67% the next time.

So I guess my conclusion is that I need to somehow whisper that confidence in the ear of my student, try and connect him with others who will see more in him than he sees in himself (starting with myself), and share with him tender mercies in some way or another.  All in hope that he will choose to want confidence in his math abilities and begin to believe in himself.

One Ear In, One Ear Out

My thoughts today are focused on one particular student because I just don't know how to get across to him.  I could tell early on that he has already decided that he is not good at math and never will be good at math.  At first he would try to get away with copying off his neighbor when I would walk around to make sure everyone understood the day's lessons.  I called him out on his copying and then he stopped working all together.  Then not long after, came in after school (yes, he made an effort) to see what he could do to get his grade to passing.  He told me that he always has to keep it above passing for his parents.  We were able to get it to passing that day and he has actually stayed in the passing range since.  However, I feel I have lost him.  Today he came in...late...with his hoodie hood over his head and his headphones in.  I asked him to take out his headphones because he knows my class rules.  He did, but not long after they somehow ended up back in his ears.  This is not an uncommon experience.  I deal with it with many students.

I have many parallels with me as a student of Christ's in all this but will keep it on just one point for today.  Like this student I have many students who fully believe they can learn and do fine with one headphone in.  They claim they can still hear me so it's all good.  However, I find that is rarely the case.  They may stay focused on me for a minute or two but then a favorite song comes on and they start thinking about the words and experiencing other emotions/memories that music can do for us.  When they finally realize they have lost focus, they are lost to what I am currently explaining making it easier to slide back into the song playing in their other ear.

My parallel is this, I find that too often I think I can stay focused on the Savior and His amazing gospel by keeping one ear open to Him.  The other ear I keep open to the world and all the sounds that are constantly thrown at me.  Those worldly sounds bring on fun emotions and memories that distract me from my supposed focus and when I realize the distraction and try to focus back I feel behind and lost.  I see this as trying to keep one foot in the world and one foot in the gospel kind of a thing.  What is it that is in your one worldly ear?  What sounds are you letting influence and distract your thinking?  What will it take to pull that worldly headphone out so you can focus more strongly on the lessons being taught by the Lord?

I could go off on my own answers to these questions, but I will let you answer them for yourself.  I think it is a very personal thing anyway.  I can say, though, that those students who choose to focus with both ears (and eyes) do a much better job learning the lessons I teach.  I know the same is true with the Lord.  As soon as we choose to remove that worldly headphone from that one ear, we will hear things much more clearly.  The Lord will speak plainly.  Things will make much more sense.  And most importantly, we will feel at a greater level, His love.  That right there is worth everything!

Do We Know What We Are Actually Solving?

I start my class each day with 4 or 5 starter questions that review the material we learned the class before.  My students come in and sit down and should quietly pull out their own piece of paper to answer the questions and see if they truly learned what they needed to in the last class.  I give them about 10 minutes and then we go over the questions together.  This gives me somewhat of an idea of how well they learned the material from the last class so I know how much to review before we move on.

Today my students were really struggling with the starter questions even though last class they seemed to be doing really well with the lesson.  I was actually somewhat shocked  After finding they didn't have any questions from the homework, I had to ask how they got the homework so well and not the starter questions which are the exact same concept.  One class pointed out to me that the questions on the starter "looked different" than the ones on the homework so they didn't know what to do.  Reality is that the starter questions were actually easier than the homework.  So this got me thinking, how often do we get so hung up on processes and step by step directions that we don't even know what we are figuring out?

My students seem to be really good at plugging things into formulas.  If I show them the exact steps they need to take to get the right answer, they memorize the steps.  But when I ask them to analyze a problem that uses the exact same steps but looks different, they are completely lost.  Do we do the same to the Lord?  Do we get hung up on processes and steps and not truly pay attention to what we are working toward solving?  Do we have our daily routine of rolling to the floor to pray, jumping in the shower, pulling out the scriptures while eating breakfast, and leaving for the day; yet never stop to realize what those steps are actually leading us to or solving for us?  The steps, the process, the formula are all ways to get us the answer, but like my students I don't think we always realize the question?  What is the problem that is sitting in front of us?  What are the steps to get to the solution?  Are we following the right steps? And most importantly, HOW do those steps get us to the solution?  If we are just plugging in numbers day after day after day, we are not actually paying attention to what is being taught.  No wonder we find ourselves constantly posed with the same problem/trial/struggle.  We followed the steps to solve it but didn't even realize what we solved.  We got the right answer, everything worked out, and we moved on.  But when the problem is posed again in our life "in different words" we have no idea how to approach it.

We could save ourselves a lot of frustration and headache if we would just pay attention to the lesson being taught rather than memorizing steps and formulas.  I know because I am REALLY good at memorizing formulas.  But that means I am also really good at getting the same problem thrown at me over and over again.