Hindi!!!

Hindi means "turkey" in Turkish...

The bus to the grocery store left without me the other day, so I had to walk 40 minutes to the supermarket. When I got there I was all pumped up from the walk and in a bad mood. I walked over to the poultry section and tried to look for turkey (the meat). I noticed a worker, so I decided to try out my Turkish. He was bent down, so I leaned over in his ear and screamed "Nerede hindi?" (Where is the Turkey) I am not sure why I thought I had to scream for him to understand me, like I said, my brain was not functioning properly because of the adrenaline. He then looks at me and in English says, "Yes, some time we have turkey." Because he did not show me where it was I assumed he didn't know what I was saying, so I say even louder and very slowly "Turkey, I need turkey," and then I said, "TUR-KEY" and pointed to my shopping list with the word "hinidi" on it. He then says "Yes, hindi means turkey in Turkish."

I then realize what I am doing, move away and speak in a normal voice and ask him to show me where the turkey is. He then points right in front of my face, at the turkey. I thank him and walk away. After a few steps, I was confronted with a staggering and horrible realization...I am one of those people.

Satis-Smack-tion

I had two heaping bowls of Honey Smacks this morning or the Turkish equivalent anyway.

Two hours later I was going to the bathroom (Number 1-I know 2 is usually the hot issue here) and while I was standing at the urinal throwing water from my body I noticed a delicious sweet familiar scent. After a few seconds I realized it was me or my pee.

I had a lot of different smelling pee, but never pee that was Satis-Smack-tion.

No Thank You!!!

I was doing a workshop at school on blogs and I started the session talking about my family. I had a picture of my family on a power point and and then used them as an example for my main point.

The real story happened before the meeting. A few women, including my teaching partner, were looking at the picture and making comments. I had them play the "who is the oldest in the family" game. They guessed Tom, Me, Mike, and then I told them it was Chris.

But the best part was when my partner turns to me and asks if any of the brothers are not married and I reply "Yes." She then points to one and says, "Is he married?" and I tell her he is.

Then I point to a different brother and say, "But he is not,"and she responds with: "No thank you."

Sorry Bro.

Frisked

I think Calvin has the potential of being a cop or criminal. He has come to the realization that more often than not I have treats in my pockets. Sometimes he suspects a treat by hearing plastic crinkle in my pocket, but he will routinely search me whether he has probable cause or not.

He will walk up to me and dip his hand in my pocket searching for gum, candy, or some other treat. He will systematically check all of my pockets, even my shirt pocket. If he finds something, he will say thanks and proceed to eat it, and if he finds nothing or just an empty wrapper he will grill me to make sure I am not holding out on him.

EB Police

My wife is the Eye Booger (EB) police. Whenever I have an EB she will target and attack it within seconds disregarding any protests I put up for her to stop. She also doesn't care if eyelashes or skin are extracted along with the "EB."

The bigger problem here is that she does it to Calvin and he sees her do it to me, so now he thinks he is a Jr. EB Detective, so whenever he is close to me and sees an EB he starts to claw at my eyes.

HF

Check out this link! It is the best thing EW has ever done.

http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20201712,00.html

Hello Bobby

As Calvin grows older and more sophisticated, I come up with more sophisticated ways to entertain myself while trying to also entertain him.

Today, I was in an elevator with Calvin that had a mirror on one side. While we were looking in the mirror at our reflections, I decided to help Calvin's imagination by introducing him to his mirror, alter ego "Bobby." For the rest of the day, every time we saw our reflections, I would say, "There's Bobby again, say hi." He would then respond with, "No that's me." After a while he decided to play along and entertain his old man. He now has a good relationship with "Bobby" and sometimes even asks to say hi to him. By the way, my mirror alter ego's name is Joe.

He didn't want anymore pictures taken of Bobby.

I'm The Super Hero

I have a co-worker who I share a classroom and create lesson plans with, because we teach the same grade and subject. She is a petite woman my age. The other day we were organizing our room. We were putting boxes on top of a cabinet in the classroom, and she had to stand on her tip toes to reach. Then, she was moving small book shelves and had to lean into it and push with all her might to move it. Then it needed to be moved across the room, so I picked it up and carried it across the room which caused her to gasp and laugh and then called me Hercules, but I told her I preferred He-Man. Then on the way back to class I helped a student carry something heavy up the stairs, and then I said well I guess I am more like Superman.

Whenever I am in situations where I have incredible strength compared to the person I am next to, which has happened maybe 3 times in my life, I am reminded of a stand-up comic bit where he said he liked going to his grandma's house and picking up objects just to hear her scream and gasp that he shouldn't pick up such heavy objects, but the heavy object would be a chair or garbage can. I guess after going to the gym to make myself feel better, I should go to an old folk's home and strut my stuff.

Inspector Gadget

I was involved in a very deep thought the other day that brought up an interesting question that I could not resovle, so I decided to bring this issue to all of you. Let me outline my issue and then you can vote on the side bar.

Here is the issue: Is Inspector Gadget a super hero? I think there are two things that will make you say he is not. One, he has no super powers and two, he does not have the same super hero bravado, but instead is a goofy fool. Here are my responses. Batman doesn't have super powers, but ,most people would say he is a super hero. I don't think someone's personality makes them a super hero or disqualifies them. Look at Robin, Wolverine, and the Human Torch as exmaples.

Here are my arguments why he should be a super hero: He performs extraordinary feats using his brains and ability alhtough they usually go awry. He has an evil villian (Dr. Claw) he is contending against. He also has a side kick Penny and her dog brain. Although I suppose Penny could be considered the real super hero and Brain as the side kick.

So, what makes a super hero a super hero and is Inspector Gadget one?

Talkie Talkie, No More Talkie!

My sister has been staying with us and it has been going well, however, she talks a lot. As most of you know I don't talk that much, so when Celine and I were here last year she would come home from work and talk about her day for an hour non-stop, and I would lazily listen to her.

Now that my sister is here, Celine comes home and talks to me for an hour, and after realizing I am non-responsive she turns to my sister. Then, they talk for the rest of the night.

I have someone from the female persuasion talking my ear off everywhere I turn. Even if they are not talking directly to me, they talk to each other and that is just as bad. There is one good thing that comes from this: Celine gets her talkie fix from my sister, and I don't have to put up with her bad mood when I don't feel like listening.