This is my Silas! This was the start of school this year. He DID NOT want to go. These were his back to school pictures that I was not allowed to share in August. He could not even muster up the fake courage to smile. There were tears in his eyes and he was pitching a big old baby fit on the inside.
A lot of this school year was hard. Silas managed to find some serious fears and anxieties. On some days function was a struggle. He could not sleep, he could not go in his room alone, he was afraid of his teachers, and even his love for baseball was taken over by irrational fears.
We prayed this boy up, talked to a doctor, tried some of my “snake oils”, posted verses and claimed verses all around him, sang worship songs that claimed that “every fear has to leave at the sound of his name”, and on one Sunday a few weeks back (when our pastor was preaching on fear) prayed through tears that Silas would find some way to overcome.
It was a slow process all throughout this school year that we watched him come out of his shell. It was so hard in the beginning that I had to go in and conference with his teachers. I had to listen through tears as they told me that I had to accept that he was going to be an average student, and THAT is okay.
Silas IS just an average student and sometimes that is hard for all of us overachieving parents to accept. BUT, as a just average student, he still made all A’s and B’s. He increased his reading level and found a (tiny) love for reading. He learned to stand up for himself and hold his own. He told 4th graders to stop using foul language because it bothered him. He put up with a kid smacking him in the arm ALL THE TIME on purpose, spitting in his seat on the bus, pushing him around, and the normal “bully” kid stuff. He asked me not to step in, and one day when he had enough in the past few weeks, he popped him in the chest one good time. Silas told me (several days after the fact) “he has not bothered me since” (Now I don’t condone this at all, and I told him that… but inside I was PROUD that my shy, sensitive Silas has decided it’s time to take control).
In baseball, he has done a 180 degree turn. In the fall season and the start of spring, he was so scared he would not stand in the box. This is so not good for a competitive travel squad. One day, he looked at me and said… “I’m not scared anymore”. I thought it was just words from him to muster up the courage to do better, but then I watched him. HE IS NOT SCARED ANYMORE. He looks like a different kid. He is confident, happy, and just wants to hit and field the ball. It makes Coach Dad so happy that “he’s back”.
So, no, I did not get to post Silas on Facebook with a big fat school award this week. But his award is the biggest of all.
He found his way. He found his smile. He found his happy.
( I would post an after picture, but I did not see him all day. I let him skip the last 1/2 day to be with one of his best buddies. He went straight from there to baseball, and then to bed.)
***Edited to add... I did not give his teachers enough credit here. They supported him, pushed him when he needed to be pushed and walked through this with him (without even fully knowing). I could not have asked for a better pairing for him. It was not about the fact that he did not win an award. I just wanted to share (for him in the future) what all he did battle this year. And for others to see, because I believe NO ONE should walk through something like this alone.
