He gives us Trees!

I gave up the internet for November. I didn't really explain or tell too many people before, but that is the reason for my lack of posts lately. I had big plans for my time away from the world wide web and I'm still in the process of figuring out if those goals where fully met.

But before I do that, there's something I wrote that was just one of those neat moments I feel  God opened one of his windows to see him and when things like that happen, you gotta share it with others!

10/30
I completely feel like i've entered a new chapter of my life. Since being in Austin i've grown and learned things, but its almost as if i've been unwilling to turn the page, like the pages have been stuck together, but only because i've been holding them that way, unwilling to move forward. But i think i've finally turned the page, literally! I'm ready to move on and embrace new friends, new journeys and new experiences! But honestly,on a day like this, its hard not to look at whats ahead because its breathtaking. I love the fall so much!

I love how with some trees there's a progression of change; with the leaves slowly changing from green to yellow to orange to red (ok thats probably not the correct color order). It's a beautiful process. While other trees still just as magnificient are more dramatic and sudden in their winter change. Simply green to brown. What a neat correlation to life. Sometimes life has a way of beautifully changing, but its gradual so we don't always notice until new life begins to bud. But other times everything is thriving and alive and the next thing we know we're left bare and naked. But the wonder in both these instances is there is always newness on the horizon. No matter the change, there is always hope.

Another neat connection is the leaf scars left on the tree. When a tree looses its leaves for the winter, there is always a scar to mark where the leaf once lived, yet that particular leaf will no longer ever be apart of that tree (ok we could totally get into the cyle of trees and decoposing leaves that add to the nutrients of the trees and how the very leaves that fall one day do in fact go back into the tree, but I think thats a different matter entirely!) So with that being said, I think thats how change is in our lives. We can never truly go back to exact times in our lives or places, but no matter the change in us or our surroundings, the past always stays with us, is apart of us like a scar marking our journeys.

Hmm...I think this is why I love trees!! It is evident to me why God created trees (ok maybe thats a selfish thought). They give us food and life but God's beauty and life are ever present to me whenever I see a tree. I do, I LOVE trees!!

Lets sloow it down a bit...

So once again, not really good at actually finishing these things..this was started Tuesday :)

Ok avid readers (I think I may be up to 3 now!), I know I promised the next 12 things i've learned, but I think that might be rushing things. I'm going to simply touch on 13 and 14 in this post and see where it takes me.

So this morning I woke up needing a toothbrush pretty badly. I'de left mine at Katie's house and it was going on two days of not brushing...so I popped on over to CVS and decided to try something new and got an electric toothbrush! So....
13. I love electric toothbrushes. For those of you that know me, I'm a pretty simple girl. I don't need much. Well, I've just discovered, I need this toothbrush! I use to hate brushing my teeth. Oh my goodness, not anymore! its a treat indeed. My teeth feel so incredibly clean...i'm in awe!
   So to continue, on my drive back home down 12th street, I saw this really neatly painted fence. I recently bought a sweet camera from my little sister and haven't been able to try it out. My friend recently borrowed it for her trip to Europe and came back with beautiful pictures so I was super eager to try it out myself. Anyhoo, I made plans to come back to the fence and take pictures.
 
 Let me rewind just a bit (don't worry, this is all leading up to number 14). This morning at around 7:30, my Mom called me and wanted me to call one of her old students. Apparently, she had called my Mom this morning and was upset and needing to talk, so my Mom passed the torch to me. I was actually really excited about calling her and meeting up with her. We talked on the phone in the morning, but didn't end up seeing each other. Although I was slighty dissapointed, I was excited for the opportunity to pray for her. What a blessing it can be to get outside of ourselves and pray for others. I've done a really good job lately of feeling sorry for myself and playing the "me" card. It also reminded me of the numerous people I have in my life right now whom I love that I need to be more consistent with. People in my life who are struggling, or in new places, or my girls and all their situations. So that was my first neat moment of the day.
  
Now, back to the fence. So around noon I pulled into the area of 12th st where I saw the fence. Its located right before Chicon St. which is known for being pretty shady. I got out and started taking pictures with my camera. This old man came up to me and started talking to me about my camera and the fence. He then led me around the side and told me I should come in and look around. Looking at the situation now, that might not of been the wisest situation, but my gut was really pulling me forward giving me complete peace about the whole situation. I walked in this backyard where there were picnic tables everywhere and bible verses painted on the inside of the fence (the same fence that drew me there in the first place!) Turns out, the place I randomly stumbled upon is a woman's house who use to be homeless who know feeds the homeless out of her house and her own pocket as her calling; her ministry in life. I stayed for about an hour talking to the other woman inside Elle who is a serious soldier for the Lord and also use to be homeless. It was such an amazing and unexpected moment; it took my breath away!
  
I have been praying for a while about where I belong here in Austin and what i'm really called to. Last year I found myself praying for similar things and was drawn to a homeless shelter in Huntsville where I would hangout on Fridays. The Lord continues to put the homeless community on my heart and in my path (this is not a coincidence my friend) Anyhoo, I asked Elle if i could come back and hangout sometime and she said that would be really great. I'm really pumped to see where this new relationship goes....so

14. God can use things as insignicant as a fence to show his love, power and plan!

I felt truly blessed to witness his work in action and getting to play a small role in it. The rest of the day was spent enjoying his creation and hanging out with my favorite nephew dog Jack (Charlie's my favorite niece dog Jane).

Two things I learned and/or rediscovered in one day! I'd say thats pretty darn goood, don't ya think?

PS-reading back over this I realize the complete randomness of my thoughts, but I think thats a pretty good representation of me, so I think i'll leave it.

Good riddance 23!

Honestly, my mind is a mess right now. Its flooded with so many thoughts and lessons and experiences and feelings, i'm not quite sure what I am suppose to right about today, but I know that I am suppose to write...so here goes.

So yesterday I turned the big 24. Its weird. For some reason as a young kiddo, I never really thought i'd make it past 21. I didn't think I would die, I guess I just couldn't fathom being that "old". Now here I am at 24; I made it! I'm still alive.

So seeing as i'm in a new season, I thought i'd share some of the things i've been learning or relearning...24 things in fact, in honor of my 24 years of having breath.

1. I love hibiscus mint tea. I'de never had it before moving here. It is everywhere in Austin and super delicious as well as good for you!
2.I love cooking for people, especially my girls. I already new I loved to cook, I just think this love has grown even more.
3.I am a person driven by my emotions. I get so involved in relationships and situations...I carry people and their stories with me all the time! (yet again, something I knew, but it has definitely become more evident.)
4. I have learned how to do the "Halle Berry", "boodie-do", and "surf and swag" dances. It might be more accurate to say i've learned what these things are...As far as dancing, I still just do my Meg air push-up dance.
5. I kinda enjoy running...weird. Maybe its because I run around Town Lake and I really just love that.
6. Apparently according to my girls, I have huge ears, ugly shoes, man feet, and i'm plain. Some of those statements were news to me.
7. I love working with clay and making pottery! Its been such a great challenge for me lately. Its reminded me how much I love working with my hands.
8. I have learned that I love breakfast tacos...like a lot!
9. I am very small. That is a HUGE lesson I continue to learn through work and being here in Austin. I am small and insignificant really in the grand scheme of things
10. Follow up to that lesson, I can't do this life thing alone. I need Jesus pretty much all the time.Yet again, another lesson I seem to keep learning over and over again.
11. The presence of someone (like a person) or something (like a dog) can make a world of difference on lonely days. Nothing even needs to be said. Its just a comfort knowing someone's there.
12. I continue to learn how to deal with money and be smart with what I have...cause honey, it aint much!


Ok thats only half of what i've learned.... I wanna go ahead and post this, so I'll have to give the next 12 next time I write...It'll keep all 2 of my readers on their toes, wanting more!

Hug it out

Hugs. We all need them. Even those who say they don't need them, they do. So this is just a friendly reminder, hug people. Hug those who you love and know or be bold, hug a stranger! (ok maybe don't do that, but at least smile at them). Life can be hard and full of difficult things. Sometimes all we need is just a big strong hug. So get out there and hug for happiness and giggly times and hug for sad times and through tears. And i'm not talking about a "i'm in a hurry so all i can really do is lean into you right now" hug. Nope. Really put your whole self into it. Sometimes we have no idea whats going on inside someone. What they're restling with or the struggles they have...

A good hug can make all the difference

So get out there and squeeze someone!

Flowers and Figs

So afterwork on Saturday, I went to the grocery store and bought myself some flowers and figs. I needed them at that very moment. Well I didn't really know that I needed them until I saw them. The figs I had to get because they remind me of my year in the woods (I like the sound of that). In our community garden, we had a huge fig tree that I would go and pick figs and eat them as I strolled along. I never liked figs before last year, now I love them. They kind of represent all the things I loved about last year and the wonderful things I was able to learn about God's creation. The flowers were just a spontaneous buy right before I checked out. I was feeling emotionally drained and slightly down and the thought of having flowers sitting by my bed, instantly lifted my spirits..so I bought them. I love flowers. enough said.

I have an emotionally draining job. This is something i'm only beginning to truly understand. I leave work feeling raw in my emotions and completely exhausted. There is no seperating my work from who I am. Its completely intertwined, as I think it should be with what i'm doing. If I didn't leave work on Saturday evening after 80 hours of work feeling slighty heavy from it all, I think there would be something wrong with me. There is a lot of pain and sadness and rage and anger that pulses through my girls on a daily basis which in turn gets directed towards me. There's also the knowledge of knowing what these girls have gone through thus far, the things they've seen and had to experience that is completely heartbreaking. Its a lot to take in. But amongst all of that, there are so many wonderful moments of laughter and fun and love that I'm able to be apart of with my kiddos and I love that!

I know as I continue to learn more and develop in this position, i'll be able to be a little bit stronger in tough situations and leave work not only in body, but mind as well. Luckily, until I get there, I have flowers and figs.

Settling In

Eeek! I'm really bad at finishing these blogs, So here's just a short one I wrote the other day..we'll say this was written 2 weeks ago....(just a short update!)

I'm going on month number 5 here in Austin. I love it. I love Austin and the wonderful people i've met and great things i've been able to experience thus far. It makes me excited about my future here in Austin. Within the first month of moving here, I was offered a job at a Residential Treatment Center. I was so excited because I would have the opportunity to build relationships with girls and simply love on them. I knew it was going to be difficult and there would be challenges, but I really felt this is where God wanted me at the moment. I've learned so much thus far and am excited to see where this journey is going to take me.

The sweet smell of Nostalgia

So the weirdest thing happened about a week ago. I was at work attending an employee’s luncheon. The Settlement Home (where I work) is greatly supported by a network of older Austin ladies who help raise money for our kiddos and plan fun events as well. Well anyhoo, I was walking up to get some fajitas and this petite old lady walked by me. I caught a whiff of her perfume, and my eyes suddenly welled up with tears. I had to bite my lip so that a flood of tears did not come pouring out! This cute little lady looked very similar to my Memom (great-grandmother) and Aunt Ada (great-great aunt) had when they were alive. It was the smell though that suddenly brought me back to their kitchens with cookies and milk and their old purses and hats I played with as a child. I hadn't thought about them in so long and suddenly I found myself wanting to be back with them, wanting to be in their warm hugs.

Then again today a similar thing happened. I was at the hospital with one of my kiddos from work and we were playing with the therapy dogs. I saw this beautiful old golden retriever and asked its name. It was Mandy. Again, I had to hold back a flood. Growing up we had a golden retriever named Mandy. I'm all for remembering the good times, but this is getting ridiculous! My senses seem to be on overload.
In both of these moments, I apart of me wanted to return to those memories and simply be. As I was thinking about this, a new song I’ve been listening to lately popped in my head.

Painting Pictures of Egypt

Sara Groves

I don't want to leave here

I don't want to stay

It feels like pinching to me

Either way

And the places I long for the most

Are the places where I've been

They are calling out to me

Like a long lost friend

It's not about losing faith

It's not about trust

It's all about comfortable

When you move so much

And the place I was wasn't perfect

But I had found a way to live

And it wasn't milk or honey
But then neither is this

I've been painting pictures of Egypt,

I've been leaving out what it lacks

The future feels so hard,

And I wanna go back!

But the places that used to fit me,

Cannot hold the things I've learned

Those roads were closed off to me

While my back was turned!

The past is so tangible

I know it by heart

Familiar things are never easy

To discard

I was dying for some freedom

But now I hesitate to go

I am caught between the Promise

And the things I know

If it comes to quick

I may not appreciate it

Is that the reason behind all

this time and sand?

I look back on things quite often. The reasons why, the things I learned and sometimes the desire to return to past places. Although I feel more settled with each passing day here in Austin, I know there will still be moments of longing for "what once was" or at least the feelings associated with such events. But then I think how great it is to have such sweet moments in my life. Moments that were so tender and full of love. I'm happy that every now and then I can have those moments of remembrance, and intertwine my past and present journeys. Pretty cool.

 

The Beginning of Things...

So here I am writing my first post on my blog I meant to start a year ago, but I guess its better late than never. I meant this blog to be a place I could write all my random thoughts (hense the name pepperthecow. I shall explain that on a later date), but i'm now hoping this will take on something that has purpose and meaning to not only me, but to those who read it.

There are a million things I want to write about in this first post. I want to sum up my last year, what I did, what I learned. But I also want to explain my journey thus far in Austin and how thats shaped up, but more simply, I want to discuss the last couple of weeks in great detail...i'm overwhelmed. So many things are just flooding me at this moment. I remind myself that there is no schedule or deadline I have to follow. I can write what I want, when I want. So with that in mind, here goes....

I love working with my hands. There is something so simple and rewarding when we create and give purpose to our fingers! I think i've always been that way. From climbing trees to writing to using a hammer; it all makes me happy and feel accomplished! Since moving to Austin, I've been looking for places to which I can expand my interests and feel a sense of belonging. Well folks, I have certaintly found my place for the time being. I enrolled in a pottery class and had my first class last night. I'm pretty sure that I had a huge goofy grin on my face throughout the entire 3 hour class, even while we were cleaning up for the night. Not only did I get to work with my hands, I got so messy and had clay all over me; head to toe! uhh simply heavenly!! I'm so excited to see where this new hobby takes me and the things it will teach me. Molding and sculpting and forming the clay last night made me think of Isaiah 64:8

Yet, O Lord you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

That verse now just seems to come alive! (Ok I may be getting a bit ahead of myself. I know, only one class and suddenly i'm an expert) But sitting there at the wheel, I realized I had the ability to create something out of this lump of clay. With each gentle movement of my hand, it changed shapes, taking on different forms. I love imagining God with his millions of lumps of clay diligently working on creating masterpieces. I pray that as this new adventure of mine continues, that God continues to reveal himself to me in new and exciting ways and that I learn to let go and embrace my lumpiness (ok maybe thats funnier in my head). Till next time...