Rain-mazing! [by Jeff]

Today is our (14th!) anniversary. It's hard to believe. Time goes by so fast. One thing that hasn't changed is my love for Rainey. I don't normally like surprises (in fact I hate them) but she still has the ability to surprise me every day. Those little bursts of beauty, of kindness, of laughter, of joy, of...rain-mazing-ness, are the kind of surprises I can take.

When I try to really set my thoughts on how I feel about Rainey my chest swells and a lump forms in my throat... It's just too much. My life has been infinitely expanded by her presence. Paths that didn't exist or would have gone undisturbed have been opened. We just fit. Physically, mentally, emotionally, socially... ok maybe not so much socially but in the ways we aren't alike we compliment each other, making us stronger as a whole.

This year we started running together 3 or 4 times a week. I do it not so much for the exercise but for the time alone with Rainey, to talk and do something that makes her feel good. We've grown a lot closer as a result. I've learned a lot of things I didn't know before. It seems a miracle that she continued to date me as confused as she was by my actions at the time. I find myself looking forward to that time together and I've missed it since the snow has continued to keep us inside.

My goal, as it has been since the first year we were married is to spend as much time with her as I can. I don't know the secret to everyone's happiness but I do know that my happiness is, and always will be, with her.

He's kind of a big deal.

So, as you all know, Jeff is the daddy to all my babies.  Sometimes he wonders aloud at this, but then his kids will do something so undeniably, him, that there's no room for question or argument.   This year I didn't have the pressure of trying to compete with Jeff--I mean, after he does something nice for me on my blog, it's a bit intimidating to reciprocate.  My blog has been so postless lately that I got to take advantage.  So, SURPRISE, Jeff!!!  No card for you .  It's all going public. 

 I asked the kids if they'd like to give me some answers to questions about Jeff--just to see where they stand on the subject of their dad.  They had some opinions:  

   

h   "What do you think Dad is best at?"

Riley: "Art." "And, going through packages of caramel or peanut butter Dove’s chocolate."

Cole:  "Drawing and having fun with me."  "And being nice."

Syd:  "Yeah."  (singing),"The suuuuuuun." "One two and that." "Perfect!"  (oookay).

Me:  I would have to say that Jeff is best at being himself.  I've always really admired, and been frustrated by, his ability to be just fine with who he is, and see no need for change, unless it will be better for us, as his family.  He's really, really great at a lot of things.  Sometimes, disgustingly so.  But I really believe that the best thing about Jeff is that he understands who he is...and that's something about myself that I still find a struggle.  He's my rock in the places I need him most.  

2   "If Dad is having a bad day, how can you tell?"

Riley:  "He’s even quieter than usual." "Oh, and he takes naps early."  "That’s the solution to a bad day, you take naps."  (That's my girl).

Cole:  "True to the naps…actually, he talks quiet."
"I mean, quiet-er."

 

Syd:  "Dad’s saaad."  "No. Dad’s aaaaangry."  (giggling), "Dad’s angry." (Obviously, he's pretty intimidating).

Me:  The kids are right.  He actually gets more quiet than usual.  And the usual culprits are too much work, too many bills, and just plain old perfectionism.  He really takes his role as our breadwinner seriously.  Sometimes, too seriously.  But, we all know that we are the reason he works so hard. He's very selfless when it comes to having the means to everything we need.  Sometimes real life isn't as fun as it should be--but he makes it work for us.

3  "Who is Dad’s favorite?"

Riley:  "I don’t know. Squish?  Cause, usually the baby is everyone’s favorite."

Cole:  "I think Dad likes the entire family."

Syd:  "Rainey!" (This is while she is pulling my eyelids away from my eyes). 

Me:  I think we are truly the reason Jeff does everything he does.  And, it's a lot.  People in my neighborhood really believe that I am single or separated from my husband, because they never see him.  But I know that his work is always done and finished and perfected with us in mind.  The kids know that, too.

4  "How can you tell if Dad is having a good day?"

Riley:  He’s jumpier than usual."
Me: "Jumpier how?"
Riley:  "I don’t know….doing things he doesn’t normally do?  Like making smoothies. Being kind of silly.  And he makes a little bit more time for us."

Cole:  "He’s happy. And cheerful."
Me:  "Have you ever seen dad cheerful?"
Cole:  "Uhhh." (giggling), "Stop looking at me. Right now!"

Syd:  "Pecause.  Rainey’s going sad. And Sydney. And Riley Cole."  (Totally).

Me:  I know when Jeff is having a good day, because he will tell me something good that happened to him that day, like it juuuust came into his mind.  Like, "Oh, I was told that the editing that I did last weekend was phenomenal and that I saved the day and the company once again, like I always do". ;)  He's a bit more modest than that, but I can tell that it's pleased him that he's been recognized for the hard work he does.  And it makes him feel a little freer, a little more in control of his life.  And his reaction to feeling more in control?  Silly behavior and willingness to be light and fun.  He brings mischief to the kids and me...and it's times like that, that I realize he really ensures that we keep the fun around.    

5      
    "What is the weirdest thing that Dad does?"

Riley:  "Um…that list is kind of long."

Cole:  "I don’t think he does anything weird."
(Riley to Cole:  "Well, you’re a liar.")
Cole:  laughs maniacally.

Syd:  "I go swimming at Gramma’s house."  "The Dad."
Me:  "The dad?"
 Syd:  "Yeah."

Me:  There are a lot of things that are weird about Jeff.  Those that know him, know this to be true.  And honestly, I find myself trying to explain his "eccentricities"  a lot more often to people than I'd like.  But, he's also the best father my kids could ask for.  I've never seen a man more willing to let his kids be who they are, and encourage it, like Jeff does.  He's fearless.  That same aspect of him knowing who he is, and being fully okay with his weirdness has been the best thing for our babies.  They are nice and thoughtful.  And not quick to judge.  I love that so much about Jeff.  He instilled those values into Riley and Cole, and Syd.  And I don't know that I would have been brave enough to do it on my own.  He's a great example to all of us, and that's because he embraces who he is.

6   "How do you know that Dad loves you?"

Riley: "There are a lot of answers to that…so…I don’t know. I just get a feeling he does.  Like, he does a lot of things for us.  Like, he makes time for us, and plays with us."

Cole: "He does nice things for me."  (Getting emotional), "Umm…he always plays with me." (Shrugs, and looks at his hands).

Syd:  "Because he’s happy!"
Me:  "Do you make daddy happy?"
Syd: "YEAH! I am happy! You are happy! You are happy teef! Show me da happy teef!" (Apparently when I smile, I have the "happy teeth").

Me: There are a lot of things Jeff does to let me know he loves me.  They aren't the things I think of as typical, I guess, but I recognize them for what they are.  The fact that he looks to me to have the final say on life decisions is pretty big.  I know changing is hard for him.  Really hard.  But I also know that he listens when I feel like things need to change.  Maybe we go about it a little slower than I like sometimes, but he puts a lot of faith in me, and I appreciate that.  He gives me whatever I want.  In the end, it really does come down to that.  I know that sounds selfish and shallow, but I mean it in an honest way.  He knows that if I really want something, he tries to make it happen.  He does that for the kids, too...and I think that says a lot about his love for us.  Maybe we don't get every material thing we desire, but when it comes to us needing time, or attention, or things done, he'll make sure he carries through. He's also pretty romantic.  And pretty sexy.  And I could go on, but I'm thinking you get the idea.

7  "What are you most looking forward to doing with Dad this summer?"

Riley:  "Going to Las Vegas. Annnnnd, he has to take me to racquetball again."
Me:  "Does he know that?"
Riley:  "Not yet".

Cole:  "Playing with him and having fun with him.  Like, playing Skylanders, playing Legos... Playing games."

Syd:  "Because he go on Granpa's swimming.  It be so fun? YEAH IS FUN!!!" (I don't know if you're picking up on this or not, but she's really been on a swimming kick).

Me:  I'm looking forward to just having time to sit and watch shows with him.  To not have to rush through our day, worrying about obligations and schedules.  To be lazy.  You know how I am.  I know being relaxed and having an open schedule is a relief to Jeff--it gives him the feeling like he has leeway in his everyday life.  And I want that for him.  He really deserves to feel good about life, and in control.  Summers are really great for us, in that aspect.

8  "What is Dad’s favorite thing to eat?"

Riley: "sammiches. And, creamy chicken Alfredo."

Cole:  "I think he likes stuff from Bajio.  And also, sandwiches."

Syd:  "Um eggs?  And hot dogs! (Those are really her favorites, but she's pretty convinced that everyone loves whatever she does).

Me:  My cooking.  Juuuuuust kidding.  Cole was right, as far as Bajio goes.  I think he's officially gotten over the Bajio craving, but for a while the Mexican Pizza was a weekly staple.  He goes through cycles.  I'm not sure what his next infatuation will be, but he's branching out.  He's still all about chocolate....still needs to have treats.  I'm pretty sure that that will change when I stop liking Diet Mountain Dew.

9  "Who looks like Dad the most?"

Riley:  "Looks like him? Or reminds me of him?"
Me: "Both."
Riley: "Hmm… For some reason I keep wanting to say Zim." (From the cartoon, Invader Zim).  "I don’t know why.  I think Kory looks like Dad, too."

Cole: "I think Kory, too."

Syd: "SYDNEY!!!!! Yeah, I sooo pretty."  (So I'm thinking Jeff should feel pretty special).

Me:  I guess my question was really who in the family looks most like Jeff.  And my answer would be Cole.  Sydney has his eyes, and Riley is my personal mini-me...but Cole looks at me sometimes the way Jeff looks at me--like the world revolves around me.  And I love it.  Maybe it's the bond a mother has with her son, but I see Cole as a perfect boy.  I see him as kind, and funny, and honest when it counts--he tends to exaggerate quite a bit, and I know he comes by that naturally.  But he also listens when you need him to, is quick with a hug, loves this family so much, and is quick to forgive.  Now, my girls are beautiful and I love them, so.  But, when it comes to looking like Jeff, I really believe Cole will be a handsome reflection of his father. More so even, than he is now.   

1
"  "What is your most favorite thing about Dad?"

Riley:  "I don’t know…there’re a lot of options."
Me:  "Okay. Name a few."
Riley:  "K...he’s really nice, he um, like, he’s really really good at drawing, and he’s really smart.  And he’s helpful with my homework, too.  And he also made me love chocolate and peanut butter."

Cole:  "I don’t really have a favorite. I like a lot of things about dad."
Me:  "Is there anything particular?"
Cole:  "No not really.  I can’t …well, he’s really nice to the family, and fun, and funny, and other things.

Syd:  "He’s happy.  The mom, Dad! Pecause he’s happy! No more! No more Daddies."  (She was done talking about "Daddies").

Me:  My favorite thing about Jeff is that he's mine.  I have told him for a lot of years that I won't share him--with anyone.  Sometimes, it's even hard for me to share him with our kids.  Does that make me a bad mom?  Sometimes I wonder that.  But Jeff is honestly my life, and sometimes, I want him all to myself. He loves me.  He lets me know that in his own way, and I hope that in my bumbling attempts to let him know I love him, he picks up on it.  I hope he knows that when it comes to being the father of my children, there's no one else that could be better.  There's no one else that would love them the way they need to be loved, no one else that could understand them the way they need to be understood.  I'm grateful everyday for Jeff, even when we disagree or fight.  He's my best friend, and the one I'm excited to be with.  The one that I know was meant for me.

I'm hoping that this Father's Day, Jeff knows how important he is to our little family.  That without him, we'd fall apart.  So Jeff?  Just remember that.  Remember when you're feeling down, or maybe unappreciated, or maybe when I'm being terrible, (which really never happens, btw.), that you are loved.  And needed.  Forever and Always. 

summer...summer...summertime

What's up?  School's out.  So, it's a fantastic time at this Anderson household.  Well, for the most part.  We've enjoyed days of sleeping in, and watching movies, playing in the backyard, and just...laziness. Except for sometimes.  Except for when Sydney decides to snoop through Riley's room, finds a little plastic mechanical pencil lead case and tries to suction it onto her tongue.  And then accidentally inhales a sewing needle in the process, because she's found Riley's secret place for her sewing needles--secret because Riley didn't want her little sister to hurt herself.  
Except for times like that.  
Anyway, this last week hasn't had a lot of the laziness I so covet when I imagine the kids no longer having to wake early for school.   All because of Sydney.  That kid rocks our world every. Single. Day.
Riley rushed up and told us about Sydney's swallowing a needle.  Jeff and I were just getting ready to go to bed.  When your 3 year old enters screaming/crying/eyes popping out of her head...and you have no warning, or idea what to do?  Scary.  Like, calling the ambulance, scary.  
Our neighborhood is mostly old people.  So apparently when an ambulance pulls up to one of the homes on this street, everyone assumes something seriously grave has happened, and people wait on the corners to see who ends up wheeled out.  In this case, it was Syd.  A police officer kind of kept the looky-loos away.  By the time Syd and Jeff were in seated and strapped in, it seemed like the entire neighborhood was trying to see what was happening.  It was a subsequent whirlwind after I followed the ambulance that carried my baby to the Payson hospital.  After a lot of worrying, and x-rays, we all ended up at Primary Children's hospital in SLC. 

I know most of you have heard the entire story, as I kept posting details on Facebook throughout the ordeal.  When you have your phone, the waiting room, and a lot of unanswered questions, Facebook is a good way to stop tearing your hair out.  It's a bit sleazy, I'll be the first to admit that.  But sometimes just being able to tune out from the chaos helps, in its escapist way. 

Jeff spent the night with Syd in the hospital.  While we waited for the consensus on what the best way to remove the needle would be, she enjoyed a lot of Cartoon Network.  As did Riley and Cole.  Syd was amazingly stoic throughout the entire process.  Stoic, or excessively bratty, I'm not sure.  She didn't experience any pain or aversion to all the tests and x-rays and monitors. A really long story short, we felt the prayers, good vibes, warm thoughts, and the needle was found.  (Thank you, thank you, thanks to all--we were very overwhelmed with the offers of help, and gestures of love.  Also, thanks to Muff and Chris, for watching Riley and Cole that night).  We still complained about waiting around in the hospital, and the umpteenth time they had us lug her into the examination room for yet, another x-ray, (making 8 in all),...but I was humbled while there.  I think we all take our health for granted.  I know I do...I don't really think about it until I put my back out, or can't leave my house because it puts me too far away from the nearest toilet.  
But it isn't until our children, that we realize how blessed/lucky/etc. we are each and everyday they're up running around being loud and obnoxious.  And sassy, and happy. I saw some parents there that seemed to be regulars.  They'd greet the nurses, and walk right into a room, or they'd be standing outside the x-ray room and know the technicians by name.  Or they were holding the hands of their kids that were wheelchair bound.  And my heart broke.  It's not like I wasn't worried about Syd, because, she's my baby.  But, I knew we were going home, and she'd be okay.  Some parents there didn't have that luxury.  

And this was what caused all the drama.  It was actually stuck in her stomach, so it wasn't moving.  Which was good, and bad.  Good because it didn't move into her digestive tract.  But bad because it was stuck, and didn't move at all.  So no one knew what was happening.  Luckily, after a couple surgeons hashed it out, they went in and found it quickly--especially after telling us it would be nearly impossible. And then we got to go home.  And that was that.  
Now I'm hoping we get to continue the rest of summer in the laziness I so covet.  In a couple of weeks we'll all be in Las Vegas, living the good life.  And by that, I mean, laying around the pool, eating a lot of Krispy Kremes, and amusement parking it up.  Our own very white trash vacation...just our style.  :) 
I plan on enjoying our time together.  I plan on being grateful for my family's health, and our enjoyment of each other.  As sad as it is for me to admit, I know that it won't last forever...but I am adamant to appreciate it now.  I hope you all can do the same.  There's something very cathartic about just enjoying our lives.  Anyway, that's all I have to say for now.  You're welcome!

The second part of April--much less sucky (And a lot longer than the last post).

I've lost touch.  I don't know how this has happened, exactly, just that it has.  I'm finally getting over feeling crappy, and trying to get into some sort of balance of everyday life, again.  All  birthdays are over, and Easter is over, and I'm looking forward to ending this school year, and getting into summer.  As I said before, Jeff's birthday was a bust.  I was just starting to get sick, and the first part of the day I had to go watch Cole's animal report.  I would have had a video, but it was probably three seconds long.  By the time I had started to record, it was time to applaud.  Honestly, I'm not even sure I know anything more about crabs--the sea-life--than I already did.  (And the not sea-life?  Well, I don't know much about that, either.  But I felt like I had to differentiate).  Cole looked like he knew what he was talking about the two seconds that I watched him, so I guess we can count it as a win.  

Next, I had to drive over to Sydney's school for her Easter Egg hunt.  I honestly have to say that the kids in her class are pretty cute.  However, I found out that Sydney is somewhat of a bully to her classmates.  Taking things from others, and throwing a fit if she's expected to share.  The women that teach her class are all really quite patient and kind.  I wanted to drag her out of the classroom and beat her.  But they continued to be patient with her, and the other kids.  Impressive.  Fyi; she kicked butt at the hunt.  I guess being very forward (read: bratty), has its perks.
I went home alone, Syd lives for the bus ride each Friday to and from her class.  Even when I offered her more candy if she came home with me, she told me, "I gonna ride the bus".  That's dedication.  It kind of worries me that she only has two more days of school, left.  She loves it.  I'm not sure that her classmates love her, but she talks about Friday and going to school all week long.  She's going to miss it so much during the summer.  Her teacher told me something about the possibility of Syd having more days of class next year.  So, we'll have to see what happens. 


When Jeff got up for the day, Syd immediately wished him a happy birthday.  I was pretty surprised, because I had mentioned it to her before she rode the bus, so I thought she wasn't paying attention. She listens more than I assume, apparently.  Unless it's about picking up her toys.  I don't think she hears anything about that subject. 
Jeff and I went to the movie, 21 Jump Street.  There honestly wasn't anything else to go to, and it had gotten really good reviews.  Honestly, I wish I hadn't read said reviews. Because I expected it to be a lot funnier than it was.  But it was funny.  
And that was Jeff's birthday.  Sad, right?  He was a little down in the dumps, and I didn't blame him.  Aside from coughing through the entire movie, I wasn't feeling the full effects of being sick until the next day--Cole's birthday.  (His birthday was on the same date as Easter this year, so we celebrated a day early).  
He and I went to Red Lobster.  But first, we had to search four different stores, so he could spend his birthday money and allowance on the toys he'd been saving/wishing for.  Last year, he blew all his money on Pokemon cards, and this year it was similar.  Only, he bought Skylanders and a Ninjago Lego set.  You'd think that wasn't as exciting as it apparently was.  He told me like five times that he was having the best birthday, ever.  

These were the pictures he had to send to Jeff of his birthday haul.  I can honestly say that we were pretty lucky to get everything he wanted on that exact day as I'd been looking for all this stuff for two months, and no luck.  I was glad everything worked out for him. 
Then, finally, we could go eat. 

But it was kind of a bust. After ordering the meal that he'd been planning since February, he felt sick.  So he didn't even finish it. But it also may have been that I kept coughing during the meal, and was getting some dirty looks.  It was Red Lobster.  I mean, fancier than our usual fare, but really?  Excuuuuuuuuse Me.
Easter was unmemorable.  I'm thinking the kids got some candy, and I did as well, and maybe they ate something?  I don't know.  I was in a fevered haze that continued until Riley's birthday.  When I still felt crappy, but would have felt worse if I didn't do anything to make my daughter's 12th birthday different from any other day.  She wanted to go to Trafalga.  We bought those pass of all passes things, and so she wanted to go play mini golf.  Bowling last year, and mini golf this year.  She hates me.  But everyone else had fun playing, so I guess I took one for the team.  

(In all honesty, I had fun watching.  So there was that).

 The pictures are pretty crappy because it was so dark, but it was a good time.  (And that picture of Jeff and me?  He looks like he's barely tolerating my head on his shoulder, but he IS carrying my purse.  So, it's just a ruse.  Obviously).   Riley had a good birthday.  She's like me, in that she likes to collect things.  And her collection she's focused on now is Monster High dolls.  She got a buttload of them.  Not only with birthday money, but her Christmas money and allowance, this has been an ongoing endeavor. And, if we were to add up all the green to get to this collection of hers, it's a bit sickening.  But, it's hers, and she's still my little girl, and I don't want her to get to that point where she is too old for them. 

(Maybe she'll be like me and my Care Bears.  Right, Moriah?  You tried to save my maturity so many times, and I was a hopeless case).  But I hope it's like that.  And, if she does get too old for them, Syd has dibs.  She can't wait for Riley to go to school so she can sneak into Riley's LOCKED room, and take what she wants.  She's figured out how to unlock just about everything in our house.  Anyway, I know I've said that things are going too fast with Riley. Jeff told me yesterday that if she were to have a baby the same time I had her, it would be nine years from now.  That means, it could be that in 9 years, I find myself a grandmother.  I'm not ready for that.  At all.  
Tomorrow, May starts.  The last month of school.  Fingers crossed we make it.  For those of you that are dealing with school, fingers crossed that you make it.  Later Dudes!

The beginning of April. When things were good.

*This was partially typed BEFORE Easter, BEFORE I got sick.  But I thought I wanted to keep it on the record...so I posted.  Enjoy, or don't.  Whateves.*


I feel like I need to post...something today.  Why, I'm not too sure.  But my heart is full.  I got the kids to school, and dropped off some plastic Easter eggs, or actually, Easter "cupcakes", for Sydney's Preschool class this Friday.  (I noticed that they really don't sell the plain eggs that I remember from my childhood.  Which is okay, because the different patterned eggs and shapes for Easter baskets sold today are way cute.  I just get a little distressed when I have to purchase something for someone else.  Will they be alright with Easter cupcakes, instead?  Am I botching everything?  Will the activity be based on the traditional egg, rather than a new generation's cupcake?  Hmm...so much to consider).   Anyway, it seems like accomplishing two things involving me entering a school before 8:30 am, gives me a sense of completion.  You know, knocks a few things off of my "To Do, but-I-really-don't-freaking-want-to", list.  Honestly, I've kind of been dreading this week.  Riley has her maturation program on Thursday and I've got to drag Sydney along, so I know that's going to be embarrassing at some point in time, and then I need to be to both Cole and Sydney's classes on Friday at the same time, so I'm still trying to figure that one out...and then Jeff's birthday is on Friday, and we are celebrating Cole's birthday on Saturday, because Sunday is Easter, and birthdays have got to be a big deal at our house.  Even though they are all squished together, we each demand our own special day.  And that's how it goes.  Fitting it all in is the tricky part. (This is one of my coping mechanisms).

This is the other:

(Seriously.  Sometimes just putting my tennis shoes on will make me go work out, and things look differently--less intense--when you're sweaty and tired).  Anyway, all this stuff that needs to be done, got me thinking.  I'm grateful to not have to juggle this, and an actual job.  Because obviously I couldn't handle it.  (Two things before 8:30 am, remember)?    Also, Sydney is in a preschool class that she totally loves.  And despite the fact that someone told her, "Boogers are delicious", (forcing me to keep constant vigil that she won't test the theory, because I've caught her doing it), she's learned amazing things.  Her social abilities are beyond what I had hoped they'd become--she used to be that kid that really didn't care what was happening around her...a very "Jeff" characteristic.  

But now she's all about asking if I'm okay, or recognizing happiness and sadness, and being scared.  So many things we all take for granted--and yet they are such important parts of development. I often wonder if Sydney's case is exactly life Jeff, where she honestly KNOWS that something is happening, she just really doesn't want to put forth the effort in figuring it out. That the whole social part of any problem is just way more work than she's willing to take on.   Jeff will engage when I tell him I need his input, but as far everything else goes, he's just not comfortable with the issues of others.  I know that I won't hear any gossip from him, which is probably good for me, as I'm kind of a gossip conduit.  But you see?  It's something that I've always had a hard time understanding where Jeff is concerned, and then Sydney seems to be the same way.   Apparently, it's nature vs. nurture.  She's helped me realize that some things are beyond my control, when it comes to my kids. I mean, those mothers that you're judging because their kids are complete monsters, and she's not beating them into submission?  Well, I have a little more empathy.  Sometimes different kids just respond to different ways of...everything.  I thought that I had a handle on letting my kids be diverse, but this has been a really hard lesson.  One I needed. 
Anyway, my son will be 9 on Sunday.  We will be celebrating his birthday on Saturday, because having your special day on a holiday, is pretty sucky.  As I'm sure a lot of you know.  We are changing that.  

Watching the flowers grow

February is over!  So happy about this.  It means so many great things:  Closer to getting my iPhone 4s, Jeff and Riley and Cole's birthdays, Easter, (maybe not exactly in that order)...but all good things.  I'm expecting some rain, possible snow, and various degrees of visible sun in the upcoming future.  And you know, that's exciting for me.  Because February is over.  

I'm ready for summer.  I'm embarrassed to say this, really.  I hate the heat.  And I don't enjoy yard work.  But I do love having the kids home.  And not having schedules.  I'm wanting a little more freedom, I guess.  Riley will be in middle school way too soon.  And I'm kind of stressing about how to be that mom that deals with/understands what it's like to be an adolescent; with dances, and boys and mean girls, and all that stuff.  I wish it were too soon to be worrying about it all, but she's experiencing some of it, already.  And I'm kind of heartbroken.  It's too much, sometimes.  Not just for me, obviously, but for her. She's already having to sign up for classes, and decide what she's going to specialize in.  It's all starting:  Spanish? Honors classes?  I want this upcoming summer to last forever.  And I'm not overly excited for my first baby to grow up and be a teenager.  And I'm so not ready for her to have all the teen problems that will break her heart, and most certainly mine.  Ugh.  Anyway, I think this is why I'm really focusing on my iPhone--avoidance.  I was trying to get a bit of cleaning done the other day, and came across all these picture discs that I'd forgotten all about.  It made me a little nostalgic.

Do you see this?  Where did that time go?  It seemed like Riley would just be my little sweet girl forever.  And it hasn't happened that way.  She's not a baby anymore.  She's still sweet, but not a baby.  And I think it's making me really face my mortality.  
This used to be me and my mom:

My Aunt Sharon took that photo when i was two-ish.  (I put the print through a filter, the original is much cleaner, but I kinda liked it grungy). I don't remember that time.  At all.  And it's disturbing to me, because this is what's in store for Riley--coming full circle to see the picture of her and me and thinking, "That was SOOOO long ago".  

 And then just look at my Bubbers.   I miss that little guy.  He was so snuggly, and heavy, and slobbery...it kind of makes my arms ache just looking at him.  Both in good and bad ways.  78% of his entire weight was in his head.  And I loved how cartoonish he constantly looked.  Now he's a big kid.  He's still sweet, and I love him so, but it's not acceptable to squeeze him like I used to.  And that hurts my heart a bit. 

Still super handsome, but not a baby, anymore. And his body caught up to his head. So I guess things for him are going well, and that's what's most important.  But you know me--I have to complain about everything. 
Sydney cracks me up all day everyday. This is my favorite age, where she says things that are completely classic and smart and hilarious.  And I was really worried that we were going to pass through this stage.  I'm so glad I get to be with her during the day. 
 I'm astounded by how sassy she's become.  I'll get upset with her, and yell, "Put. It. Down!" (for example) And then she'll reply with, "okay, okay....JEEEZ!" It cracks me up every time.  The other day I found her asleep in my bed.  That's a huge no-no.  Not because she can't snooze in my bed, but because I know that if she takes even the slightest nap, she'll NEVER go to sleep that night.  (Btw, she didn't drop until 2 am the next morning).  Anyway, upon trying to wake her up, I told her that if she didn't get up right then I'd push her out of my bed.  She grunted and tried to get deeper into my blankets.  I pulled them off and told her that she had to get up, NOW.  She turned to me, and said, "I can't.  I too snuggly, Mom".  

If only.  If only she and Riley and Cole were to stay that stage where they were constantly "too snuggly".  Because I truly love it, and it makes me feel validated.  I know I do important things as a mother.  But when the option of just sitting with your little ones and snuggling isn't really an option anymore?  Kind of a kick to the gut.  
Anyway, that's my life as of now.  Trying to get my kids to slow down.   Despite being a lazy person, it seems like I've got a crapload to do, and it makes me tired just thinking about it. So I have no idea what really busy people do.  (I'd ask Jeff, but then he'd spend forever explaining, and I just don't have that kind of time).  
So enjoy yourselves.  Love your babies.  If you don't have babies, love what makes you happy, and enjoy it.  Because things, the best things, are gone WAY too quickly.  
Peace out.    

February

Today is Valentine's Day.  Not really a big deal at our house.  But I got some seriously excellent presents...and it made my day.  So thanks, My Love.  You. Are. The. Best. 

 Anyway, Jeff has a new phone.  The iPhone 4s.  Apparently, even though our contracts were purchased at the exact same time, he gets a new upgrade THREE months earlier than I do.  Is that fair?  No.  No it's not.  And sometimes I am just so jealous I can't stand it.  On the other hand, I love, love, LOVE my iPhone.  I would hate for anything to happen to it.  But having a new and improved one is even better...so I anxiously await my upgrade.  And I'll get it in April when everyone in our family is getting a year older and getting tons of presents...so I guess I won't feel too left out.  Anyway, that's just what I've been coveting, lately. 

 I kind of like it here.  This month has been nutty weather-wise.  One day it's almost 70 degrees, and the next, it's snowing.  

 Pretty sad that it's been an entire month, and that's all I can come up with, right?
In all honesty, I'm ecstatic.  I'm thrilled that's all I have to occupy my small mind.  It seems like this last year I've had this weight on my chest.  This really depressing weight that had stuff to do with Sydney's development, personal changes, family issues...things that I really couldn't talk about, and things that were not helping my fight against personal mental insanity.  But things have taken a turn for the better.  And then better again.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that life stays at this place for a while.  In no way do I want to jinx it, but I feel like I need to acknowledge the way things have gotten continually better, in all areas.  So  there it is.  Syd continues to surprise me everyday.  Stuff I just assume is too difficult for her, she gets immediately.  And she and I have actual conversations.  It's kind of surreal.  Especially when I think of last year at this time.  How I just prayed she'd be able to say more than 50 words.

  Jeff and I have been dating again.  It's fantastic.  We have a daughter old enough to babysit for her allowance, and extra expenses she might have here and there.  And I know that she knows her way around, and I can trust her, and the kids feel comfortable with her.  Also, if we are out longer than we thought, she's easily bribed with more money.  Should she really have a problem with something, I know she'll tell me...but she's pretty flexible.  I'd kind of forgotten what it was like.  We went from last year having a total of FOUR dates, and this year we've already been on three.  Believe me, it's a whole new world. 

The kids are doing well.  Riley is enjoying her friends and being a preteen.  She's emotional, and it's weird to take it seriously, sometimes. But I remember what it was like to feel that way, so I try to be patient, and give the proper sympathy or advice.  She's as always, my Riley.  I trust her completely to do the right thing.  And I know that's a lot of pressure on an 11 year old, but there it is.  She's fantastic.  And at the age where she's changing so quickly...losing her girlhood.  And in a way, it makes me sad, but happy for her. 

Cole is having a harder time.  He has this hair that I love.  And he likes it.  He doesn't want to cut it.  And certain classmates, and his teacher, and your basic old farts that don't realize it's a different time and generation, and why do they give a crap...think they need to voice their opinions--about his hair being too long.  Seriously.  These people think that he should be used to the comments, or realize that that's their right, because if he's going to have that hair, he needs to accept criticism.  It makes me angry.  Because it seems like they should have something in their lives better  to worry/comment on.  Anyway, I have decided to just start putting people in their place.  You heard it here, first, folks.  Nothing breaks my heart more than seeing my kiddos sad.  So I've decided I'm just going to be that ball-busting mom that will take no crap from anyone.  And that thought makes me happier.  I want my boy to know he's wonderful.  And what he decides about his hair, is his choice.   I needed to vent about the hair thing, because lately I've just had enough of Cole questioning what he thinks he likes, but others think he shouldn't like.  That's crap.  And I'm tired of it.  Other than that, he's liking school, he's still sensitive, but he's kind.  And let me tell you: I think he's overly handsome. Soon the girls will be noticing him.  And then he'll have a whole new set of problems. 

See?  A hunk.  Anyway, it's time for bed.  I need to get up early, do the morning carpool and then go to the gym.  Which I know is another one of the reasons life has been so good--having a gym membership.  I'm getting less and less timid about figuring out the weight machines.  And I even completely fell over an elliptical trainer and got three gigantic bruises on my leg, and still felt like I needed to work my abs, (or lack thereof), instead of slinking out to my car, and home.  For me?  That's pretty big.  Good big.  Hope this week is great for all of you.  Lates.