The Loving Kind

I have, by default, a strange kind of fondness with people born under the sign of Cancer. They are motherly, nurturing, and loving. But can also be overly sensitive, highly emotional and dramatic. But I know how to deal with that. In fact, I love that about them.

I grew up in a home where there were two of them, and everyday, I would find myself learning something new about their psyche. There was drama at any given time, and most of the time it drove me nuts.

Today, the three of us are living in different parts of the world (the fourth of us is in heaven), but that's not enough reason for their flare for drama to wane. It no longer drives me nuts. It makes me smile and say, "I wouldn't want it any other way." Funny as it may be, that is the kind of love that transcends time and miles and miles of distance and gives me comfort and joy at any given time I may want it, or need it.

And these two---

are love, personified.

Happy Birthday to the most beautiful Cancers on the face of the earth!

Be My Lady

In no particular order, here are the ladies that inspired me, moved me, and made me smile today, and made me realize that, no matter how certain I am that I will never, in this lifetime, fall in love with any of them, the world would just be a mess without women. This is my way of honoring them.

REMS
Rems is, literally and figuratively, a hard habit to break. She is my in-transit-to-work-on-the-phone companion. We spend about half an hour chatting, to an from work. not collectively. Half an hour to, and half an hour from. She sets the tone of my day and calms me after a long day. It is difficult to break away from her. She is my mother , I am stuck with her forever. And I have no qualms being stuck with her. I am grateful, in fact. There is no other woman I'd rather love for my entire time on earth.

NURSE ANN
Nurse Ann, my Smoking Cessation Counsellor, is to me what a kindergarten teacher is to her pupils. I have always held a tremendous amount of admiration for kindergarten teachers. They are noble matriarchs of great power and authority. How often do we hear a child say he eats veggies because his teacher told him vegges are good for him? A mother can force-feed veggies on her child. But all he needs is to be told by his teacher to eat them. I know for a fact that quitting smoking is one of the most intelligent, most reasonable, most beneficial decisions I have ever, ever made in my life. But to be told by her that I am doing good and that I am on the right track just validates that ten-folds. Her weekly calls have been nothing but delight.

THE GURLS
They are the ones who come to my classes regularly. They are the ones who can--- in terms of stamina, pick-up and strength--- out-dance the other girls who only come to my classes when there are no other instructors and they have no other choice. They can out-crunch them, out-stretch them, out-pas de bouree them. Best of all, they have an understanding of their own bodies. They know what works for them, and what doesn't. They know the importance of wam-up and stretching, and they know that water breaks are not fellowship or gossip hour. They probably don't know it, but they inspire me in so many ways. Every now and then, I still ask myself whether what I am doing now is what I really wanna do. Until now, I still don't know the answer. What I do know (and I know this because of them) is that, in the meantime, I am not wasting my time and energies doing what I'm doing. They are happy, they see results, they enjoy it. And that makes me happy.

ATE CORA
Ate Cora is an empowered woman. She defeated in two hours, the grease buildup in our kitchen that was three years in the making. And she did it with tremendous aplomb and out-of-the-box witty remarks.

My Mother Is A Faghag

an sms exchange

Yesterday, Mother's Day 09
few minutes after Mai's call from Dubai, about 2 hours after mine.

Remi: I was sad kanina, i thought you've forgotten me. Fone was busy with greetings from people who know me but no word from you. What a relief it was to hear from you both, one after the other. Love you!


Rye: The thing is, Rems... We don't need a day as superficial as this to celebrate your motherhood. We commemmorate that everyday. Everyday is Mother Remi's Day! Love you!


Remi: Hehehe! KSP lang talaga si maderhood! Afraid talaga ko na iwan nyo ko. Waaaah! Di ko carry! Kahit matanda na ko, wag nyo ko iiwan ha?

Today. A Smile.

Busy, was how I had foreseen today would be.

Grocery store errands for tonight (a couple of friends and T are coming for dinner, drinks and most likely, sleepover). Salvia and wildflower seedlings to plant. Glasses to wash (Dan had already washed the others last night). Kitchen rubbish to take out. Make-up shopping for tomorrow's show. Laundry. Kitchen tasks. The hunt f0r the best baguette in town. Phone calls to return. Emails to reply to.

The list could go on. And equipped with my multi-tasking skills, I was pretty sure I could accomplish all of them if I had enough determination.

I still do, but not for all those mundane tasks. I decided, after vacuuming our floor, that I would use that determination to sit still, and be guiltlessly idle. As Paulo Coelho puts it in his reflection, "How To Climb Mountains",

"You must, naturally, always keep in mind your objective-- reaching the top. However, as you climb, the view changes, and there is nothing wrong with stopping now and then to enjoy the vista. With each metre you climb, you can see a little further, so take time to discover things you haven't noticed before."

I decided that the enormous determination that I had today, I would use to do a very herculean task: to be still. I would pull over and watch the world go by. Observe life happen. For just a few hours today, I would stop chasing everything that everyone else is after and rest, so that whatever's there in the Universe that's been chasing me could catch up.

I fixed myself a pot of tea, picked a few wild flowers, sat like a fat, lazy hen on my white couch (the covers of which have just been washed, after eons!), take one last look at my computer, set the music on my iTunes and just be in the moment.

Just as my productively idle moment was ending, I got an sms from T saying:

"Just to remind you, I Aumulu!"

and then a chat window on my Facebook popped. And lo and behold! It was Rems! Yes, Rems on Facebook (using her good friend, Orlan's account). Our chat didn't last long though, because it was her time to meditate.

"Sometimes we encounter things in our path, but because our time has not yet come, they brush past, without touching us, even though they were close enough for us to see them." --Paulo Coelho, "Marked Out To Die"

I'm glad that I decided to do what I did. Otherwise, T's and Rems's messages would have been just one of those little pleasures that brushed past me. They wouldn't have touched me the way they did, like the chirping of the birds and the innocent laughter of the kids from outside my window; or the purple flowers that I picked from the street; or the crisp, chill air that rarely comes and happens only in that short period of transition from winter to spring; or the comforting flavor of my hot pot of Strawberry-Mango infusion; or Loyva's blog entry; or just the miracle of life, and the luxury of time.

A Rockstar Is Only As Good As His Last Party

I didn't forget. I didn't try to forget; nor did I try to make my friends forget.

It's just that, with all my social activities over the last 3 months, and with the job-shift that will happen on the same week as my birthday, I couldn't muster enough energy, interest and resources to come up with something for my 28^th birthday. And you know what they say, "A rockstar is only as good as his last party". If I can't top my weeklong 27^th birthday festivities, I'd rather not do anything this year.

However, there are still personal tasks that need to be done. These are traditions that I have grown accustomed with over the years, and none of my birthdays is ever complete without them. They are, in no particular order, the following:

• get hammered;
  
• get laid;
  
• be nice (at least once) to at least person I dislike;
  
• sms Rems, Mai and any of my exes;
  
• offer a minute of silence for Oca;
  
• meditate;
  
• reflect on where I was, where I am now and where I want & do not want to be;
  
• and accept gifts (my wishlist this year is composed of, but not limited to--- "Oprah Winfrey: The 20^th Anniversary DVD Collection"; books by David Sedaris; books by Haruki Murakami; orchestra seat tickets to October performances in HK of Nederlands Dans Theater l, Paul Taylor Dance Co., and Rodgers & Hammersteins' Cinderella starring Lea Salonga)
  

It normally takes me more than four days to accomplish all these. So if you're a friend or a drinking buddy who wants so badly to spend time with me on my birthday week and but can't because I need to complete my self-assigned birthday tasks, you can help speed up the process by sending a gift. That way, the last task on the list is finished quickly.

Moi as a debutante and a bartender
on Day 7 of my 27th birthday week.
Party at Volume, Music by DJ Stonedog, hair and make-up by Chris,
party coordination and documentation by Dan,
beauty courtesy of Rems & Oca