I own a car.
I could never say that until yesterday. I'll say it again, just cause I can. I own a car. All by myself.
Granted it's not quite as fun as Lianne's Lexus or Aubrey's Mazda 6, but hey.
It runs and it's mine.
This is not a picture of my car. My car is sitting in front of my house and I would take a picture of it, but it's dark outside. This looks just like my car. Same strange, purple-y color and everything. But my car doesn't have a big blue sign that says 1997 on it.
My bank now owns my soul, but only for a year. Maybe less than a year if I can pay it off quicker.
This whole car owning/buying business is stressful stuff. Maybe not to anyone else but it has been for me. Loans and titles and bill of sales and registrations...
I think ownership should be determined by who has the key. If someone hands over the key, it's yours. Period. End of transaction.

So, I had a really awesome weekend. Overall I'm feeling good. Peaceful is probably a good way to put it. That doesn't happen often for me. I feel as if I've shed another layer from my "onion of issues." That's always a good thing.
Aside from the fact that my voice is totally gone (I couln't speak at ALL), everything is good today. I had to miss work yesterday due to my vocal infirmities, but I made it alright today. I'm struggling to keep from squeaking on the radio and people have been making fun of me all day. I had some guy from an alarm company tell me that it should clear up in about 10 days. I was a little perplexed, but I appreciated his concern.
I took 9 hours of work off this weekend, but I still feel like I've been slaving away for days and days. I'm really glad to have some days off. I need to catch up on my sleep, my Flickr project, and my sanity.
I have Rascal Flatts to look forward to on Friday though. That should keep me going.

Reframe.
This is going to be my goal for the month. I realize that there's a more than likely chance that what I'm intending is not achievable in just a month, but I've got to start somewhere. I can at least say this: I'm going to work hard on it this month.
I want to start from scratch. Reframe my whole way of thinking; my whole way of living. I no longer will settle for a negative. antagonistic, pessimistic, depressed, hopeless life
I want to replace bad thoughts with good thoughts.
I want to replace bad memories with good memories.
I want to replace bad days with good days.
This will take some work for me, but I believe in myself. I'm expecting a miracle and I will get it.

Instant Karma- 8,879 ways to give yourself and others good fortune right now.
Sounds good to me.
Here's a shout out to Courtney and Bert for hooking me up with such a cool wedding shower door prize.
So here's some good fortune for right now.

*On a gloomy day, put sunny yellow napkins on the table
*Believe that the best is yet to be
*Put something extra in someone's piggy bank
*Surrender/Trust
*If you wish to secure peace for yourself, start by championing it for others
*Do not take life's experiences too seriously
*Enter a contest-you may win!
*Make creativity a way of life
*Try not to do everything at once
*Get new underwear and socks on a regular basis
*Support your alma mater
*Stop holding your breath and begin breathing from your diaphragm
*Experience the fact that you are alive, a presence in the here and now
*Give someone a back rub
*Only love dispels hate
*Take the focus off yourself
*Life is positive; only your thinking is negative
*Put yourself in someone else's shoes
*Do not expect praise or reward
*Make two casseroles and bring one to a friend
*Work to music
*Improve your posture
*Fill out the "How was your service?" card
*Refuse to tell a lie, even a small one
*When you get home, kick off your shoes
*Smile at the person in the car next to you
*When you accept yourself just as you are, then you can change
*Get someone a welcome back present
*Use sunscreen
*Believe inner peace is possible

Here's just a few of my 8,879 bits of wisdom.
Ask me for more and I'll hook you up.

I had a really good weekend. I got to spend time with some of my most favorite people in the world. I also made a huge breakthrough for myself, which was quite an experience.
Friday was the start of my next Alchemist class. For those who are unaware of what this is, it's a leadership course I started taking last January. I graduated from my class last weekend and now I'm staffing the next one. It's been an awesome experience for me and I'm so excited to continue the journey.
This first weekend was quite different from my own class. I'm really excited about this new group and I know it's going to be quite a different adventure. It was fun and silly and intense and emotional and hard and honest. I discovered some things about myself and did some things I thought I'd never do.
I've felt my life shift as a result of the things I've learned, the people I've met, and the experiences I've had. I'm so grateful to everyone from my Alchemist family. Thank you for helping me to change my life for the better. I love you all!

A couple months ago I was in a curious mood and started reading up on chakras. Whilst doing so I stumbled upon this little quiz.
Upon reading my results, I was able to find out what they meant.
My first thought was, "Yup. Sounds like me."
The word chaos came to mind.
All but one of my chakras was supposedly over or under-active and all of the descriptions sounded like they were written after an extensive study had been conducted on my life.
The test seemed surprisingly accurate.
Time went on as it inevitably does and I didn't give much more thought to my disfunctioning chakras.
I completely forgot about the test until I stumbled upon it today and decided to try it again just for kicks.
I was quite surprised when I got my results.
My chakras are apparently much happier than they were the last time we met. According to Eclectic Energies.com, I am much more balanced than I used to be. I know have, count em, THREE balanced chakras.
(and there was much rejoicing....yay)
What that means, I have no idea.
Have I achieved inner peace and perfect harmony with the universe??
Not hardly.
But it does feel nice to know that at least I'm heading in the right direction.

ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY! I'M SO ANGRY!!
Ok, I'm not really that angry anymore, but I was. It was amazing how quickly I became consumed by the rage inside of me. I wasn't feeling at all upset ten seconds before I started screaming. But then it hit me and I couldn't scream loud enough. Suddenly it was like a poison that would kill me if I didn't get it out.
Pounding on the floor was great.
Shrieking in Wyatt's face was great.
The howling and yelling and crying was great.
But boy, am I paying the price now. I woke up on Sunday morning and could hardly move. It seemed every muscle in my body had frozen up. I have sore muscles that I didn't even know existed. My hand and feet muscles hurt. My throat muscles hurt. I just hurt all over.
I felt different than everyone else during this process. I was noticing that most everyone else had one or more persons they were angry at. Someone else to scream at. Someone who needed to be punished for the pain they had caused that person.
I was sitting there beforehand trying to figure out who it was I needed to scream at. It wasn't immediately evident who that person was.
It wasn't until Lynell pointed it out that it finally clicked. That person was me.

Let me just start by saying thanks to everyone for another great Alchemist weekend!! I learned some great stuff, got triggered like no kidding, and after last night will never look at Jan and Lil the same ever again. (Rock on skinny dippers!!)
But seriously, that whole princess thing hit me hard and got me to thinking. I do not want to claim the fact that I run that energy, which is kind of sad. But its those darn princess grungies that I don't want to admit are mine! Yet there is no denying that I am one, so I might as well admit it and get it over with. So I'm gonna say it loud and proud. I AM A PRINCESS!!
(I'll deal with those grungy issues later...)

So now that I'm starting to sit down and actually share my thoughts here, I'm realizing how much I have to say. I don't know how to sort it all out. I feel like if I allowed it, everything would just spill out and this post would take 2 hours to read. There are so many things going on that I feel like I need to talk about. Family, job, boys, friends, etc.
I don't even know where to start. It's starting to feel overwhelming a little. I really have some issues I need to get off my chest, but I want to do it the right way for me. Most of these things have long stories and explanations
I guess I'll just have to take it one thing at a time and slowly chip away at my huge pile of stuff. So forgive me if I talk about things no one cares about. This is just my own form of personal therapy.

Here Goes!!

K everyone, this is the official start of my blog. Drumroll please..........Ta Da!!!!
I've never really understood why people were into the whole blogging thing before, but I think I finally get it. This will be a great way for me to share some of my thoughts, blow off some steam, and most importantly, have something to do when I'm bored at work. Haha.
Anyways, I noticed that some of my Alchemist family has their own blogs and I've decided I want to join in on the fun. I hate to be left out! So everyone, feel free to post your comments, questions, concerns, whatever. I'd love to hear from you.
I've always gone through phases where I get way into my journaling. It's a good release for me. I get in frenzys where I can't write fast enough to get all the thoughts out of my head. But those journals were always secret. Thoughts that no one was ever allowed to see. Secrets and shames. But today, I'm changing all that. No more hiding. From now one, I'm an open book.
So, here we go.
K everyone, I'm so excited for Alchemists tomorrow!!! Can't wait to see you all.
Namaste