Reflections

What a spiritually filled week it has been for me, and a busy one as well. I would like to share the things that have crossed my path and made me think this week.

The first thought began with last Sunday, but it still has me thinking .... I went Visiting Teaching, and the lesson was on "The Light, Life, and Hope of Jesus Christ" Hannah talked about the light and life, and I talked about the hope, and tried tying it in with the season. When first thinking about it, nothing was coming, but once I got there, I don't know the words just flowed, and I believe them, I felt like I was speaking by the power of the Holy Ghost, and it impacted me, probably more than it did my girl, but it was good. The lesson talked about the three things we hope for: the Atonement of Christ, the Resurrection, and the hope of eternal life. I was then drawn to Moroni 7:41 which talks about those three hopes, but then kept reading Moroni 7: 41-48 and realized how we have those three hopes, how we know of them, and what we do because of that hope which is why it is important to remember especially throughout this season. Those verses talk about faith, charity, the pure love of Christ, and meaningful prayers. More than before I realized how those four things are apart of obtaining, sustaining, and the result of hope. And how we need all of those things in our lives to make the Christmas season as it was intended.

Well, next my Home Teachers came over, and we talked about administering angels, from Elder Holland's talk, "The Ministry of Angels." They challenged Katie and me (I love that every time they come over they offer a challenge to us that they check up on, to help move us along spiritually, anyways) to think about how to, and to look for opportunities where we can be angels in the hands of Christ, that we may do good. They too brought us to Moroni 7, and in going back and reviewing this chapter in relation to angels and how to recognize them I am drawn to a few poignant scriptures: Moroni 7:29-31, "Neither have angels ceased to minister unto the children of men...... and the office of their ministry is to call men unto repentance and to fulfill and to do the work of .... the Father, .... that they may bear testimony of Him." Well, I guess I would like to bear testimony that I know that angels work in my life, both those that are seen and unseen. They are the comforter when I feel down and alone, they are my family members: my mother, my brother, my sister who offer words of comfort, they are individuals around me that influence me to be better and stronger in the face of adversity, many examples of which come to mind. So, this week I am trying to think how I can be an angel to someone else, to be in-tune enough with the Spirit to know what it is that I can do to answer someone else's prayers.

Next thought came from today, and there are two of them that I would like to share. The first is from church and the idea of SHEPHERDS, and the second is from my reading of the Book of Mormon (yes, I am going to finish reading it again by the end of the year). Steve Shaha talked in church and asked the question "why shepherds?" Why did the angel appear to shepherds, why not to carpenters, or to fishermen, or to any number of types of people, why to shepherds? It isn't like we really know, but it was certainly interesting to think about. Perhaps it was because Christ himself was to be a shepherd, that those shepherds were also born in a stable and rested in a manger, that they could relate to this circumstance. Perhaps that is why Mary "pondered in her heart" after the shepherds came and talked to her (Luke 2:19). Steve mentioned all this, and it really got me thinking, he then went on to talk about how the sheep of shepherds know their master because he loves them and cares so much for them. The rest of the meeting for me, Sunday school, and Relief Society all focused on being a part of the flock, on knowing my Shepard, and it was beautiful. Which is why I guess I wanted to mention it.
The last thing was in 3 Nephi 13:33 and 34 I've read it before and found comfort from it, but reading it today, it really stood out to me, and I would like to leave you with that: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness..... and take .... no thought for the morrow." As we find hope through the atonement, recognize the tender mercies extended to us through angels the Lord puts on our path, and come to know our Shepard, the Lord will watch out for us and we will have no need to worry about the things of the future. May we come to recognize His hand and gain a greater knowledge of Him this season, Merry Christmas.

Saying Goodbye

Hannah and Katie....
what great faces.

Jess, Emily and Hannah

Tiana, Katie, and Alex..... CHRISTMAS....
they have been SUCH great roommates, I seriously have lucked out!

Emily, Kayla, Jess, Katie, Amie

Alex and Tianna.....
aren't my roommates cute!

Kayla, Emily, Katie, and Amie.....
I love my roommates

Brian and Celene.....
two of the nicest people I know

Mena and Hannah......
I love this picture, it makes me smile

Andrew

Melissa and Jen.....
at Jess's party

Tag you're it!

So Jess and Katie might kill me for putting this up, but hey, it is the rules of the game, right?!?!
This is from the first day of school this year, it was a Tuesday, and we were all headed off at the same time, we (I) made someone stop to take a picture for us, hahaha .... I love these girls SO much.

So, I put this picture up because I had been "tagged" by my sister, the rule of the game is to post the 4th picture from your 4th file in your pictures folder, good luck! ..... I tag: Kalisha, Hilarie and Cecily (by the way girl, I need your blog address, thanks)

Season's Festivities

do I know you?

It is interesting to think what defines if you know a person. On one level, I have said, yeah, I know that kid, because I have seen them in the Bensen many a times, it feels like I know them because of that. Where, in reality I don't know the person's name or what they do, or anything about them at all. I've also found myself saying I know some people in my ward, because I have played soccer with them, and know about their life, who they like, and what their major is, I know a little bit about their family, and their future plans. Yes, I would say that I know that person, but I don't think that I know what their fears are, nor do I think that I know anything about their childhood, or many of the trials in their life, do I really know them? What about someone that I've lived with for a year, could I say that I know them? For my roommates I would say yes to that question, but in all reality, I don't know if I really know them, for example, I lived with Kayla for a year, and I am learning SO much about her through her blog, I look forward to reading her writings, and learning more about her, I don't know if I really knew her just because we lived together. But is it just learning about people that defines if you know them?

Well, this whole thought process came after reading Tiffany's blog and thinking about if I really know her. I don't even know if I have spent 12 hours with her, maybe, and I wouldn't say that we are necessarily close, but I enjoy reading her blog as often as she updates it. I enjoy hearing about her view of life, and her optimism, and how the gospel is just a part of her. I enjoy hearing about her teaching experiences, and her single life, her adventures, and her friends from far away and how she stays close to them. It helps me to gain a better perspective on life. Do I know her? Well, not really, but I feel like I do because of her blog. I feel a connection to her, despite that I really don't have one.

So, I guess that gets me thinking.... do I know the people that read my blog? Do they feel closer to me because of it? Does anyone even care about what I have to say? Most of the time I think that no one should, my life and thoughts really aren't that interesting, but then I think about Kayla, and Tiffany, and how much I enjoy reading about their life even though I am not really a factor in their lives. So, to all of my readers, do I know you?

SCIENCE

A few thoughts on the changing world of science.
I currently am in a lab, a physical chemistry lab in which most of our 'data' comes from computational means. We manipulate and analyze the data, look at the area under the curve and the slope of the line and find physical parameters to describe what is going on in the system. It doesn't sound like it should be too hard, but I am certainly struggling. I came home today after working for four hours on a lab that I am only a little further to understanding, and thus a little-bit a lot discouraged, but knowing that I need to get done SO much over the break that I have to just keep working. And therefore I decided to leave that homework for a time and move onto my reading for my Exploration of Teaching Science class..... a much more enjoyable experience. Yet, I was not able to leave the lab behind really at all, and the two thoughts together were the inspiration for this blog.
Let me go back to my thoughts as I was walking home from school today...... I came home thinking: how in the world can I expect to be a science teacher when I can't do science myself. I am NOT a scientist and I cannot do this, this is hard, and I don't see the point in it. I am so inadequately prepared to be a scientist, there is no way that I can teach the RISING generation, they are going to be heads and heels past me. I can't do the science, I don't understand, I am not dumb, and this isn't THAT hard, what is this?!?! Thus I was trying to get rid of my negative thoughts and went to reading for Exp of Sci. Teaching, figured that would be a self-esteem booster.
Yet, ironically, the reading was on changing world and how as science teachers we have to face this. It talked about "the standard laboratory experiments that students encounter - rolling balls down inclined planes, for example - help them understand the relatively simple world of Galileo, [while] they won't get students very far in the brave new world of computational science." OHH, the IRONY. That is exactly what I was/am struggling with. In my class, it is the computational analysis that is killing me.... "the simple predict-observe-confirm scenario..... isn't going to help us much in the global warming debate" or any other real world issue that we deal with. When I teach the reality is that the "simple yes or no answers to scientific questions are going to be harder to come by in the future than they were in the past." And as a scientist, it is becoming more and more important that you are able to do computational science to explain the complexities of the world. Here is one example, “Since the 1980s, [the] ability to find numerical solutions to complex equations has revolutionized many fields of science. In the 1970s [Trefil] got involved in the field called fluid mechanics, the branch of physics that deals with problems like the flow of liquids or gases. At the time, the frontier of computation with the computers [they] had was the calculation of the flow of air over a thick airplane wing moving near the speed of sound. In those days, new airplane designs had to be tested by putting models into massive-and expensive- wind tunnels. By the end of the 1980s, computers had improved to the point where an entire airplane could be designed by using the kind of numerical techniques outlined above (in the book, WHY SCIENCE? that I am quoting here). The stresses and strains on every part of the plane in any kind of situation could be worked out, and this told the engineers how much strength was needed in each part of the structure. The Boeing 777 was the first commercial aircraft designed completely by computer. In the design of this aircraft, all plans were stored in computers, and many were tested by having engineers, and even airline customers, take virtual walk-throughs of the plane before any pieces of metal were ordered or cut."
This leaves you thinking that everything CAN be solved by computational means, but to do so, you still have to think of all of the complexities involved to solve the systems. There are MANY things that affect a given parameter. In Physical Chemistry we pretend to press the pause button and calculate the total wavefunction of a molecule by taking the nuclear portion of the wavefunction and multiplying it by the electronic portion of the wavefunction and multiplying it by the vibrational portion of the wavefunction and multiplying it by the rotational portion of the wavefunction and multiplying it by the translational portion of the wavefunction and multiplying it by the gravitational portion of the wavefunction and multiplying it by the ….. well, you get the point….. But now you have to take your finger off the pause button and let the molecule start to move, as they continuously are, and the wavefunction just calculated will have changed due to the movement. ALL OF THE WAVEFUNCTIONS HAVE CHANGED. “To deal with this, we have to hit pause again, recalculate the forces, find the new [wavefunctions], and let things go forward again. By stepping forward this way alternating pause and go, we can, in fact predict the future [parameters] of every object in the system.” Therefore it is easy to see that there are a LOT of factors just to get the wavefunction (which is an important thing to determine, for me at least, because the wavefunction contains all information according to the postulates of quantum mechanics). There are parameters that are solvable despite all of the complexities that go into it, it just takes a long time to solve and involved a lot of calculation, which is why a computer is such a necessary part of science these days. Now don’t start thinking that this is just physical chemistry that has to deal with these issues, my reading brought up paleontology, biology and mapping the human genome, mechanics which was already mentioned, and meteorology. Yet, I know that my father’s research as a chemical engineer is similar in that they model pool fires, and also that my brother’s research in modeling how quickly reactants are mixed and how that plays a role in driving a reaction involve intense computational analysis.
Yet, because of the complexities involved in calculations, sometimes it feels like you input the information and out of the black box (yes my computer is black) comes the answer, as scientists, and as a society that relies on these predictions we have to ask how much we really trust the results of a given model. Because of this scientists have to deal with “the problem of validation of the model,” which can be difficult. Validation can come either by observing in the real world the behavior described by a given system on the computer, by changing the parameters (the inputs) and seeing how it changes the final result and analyzing to see if it is reasonable. But even then it could be a fluke of a fluke that you got the right answer, is it ALWAYS going to give the right answer, is it just a one-time thing? Are all of the given things that could change the outcome factored in, in any given simulation? Well, we have to realize that no, there is no possible way that everything that could ever affect the system is taken into account, therefore we then have to decide what error there is associated to it, and make a judgment call as to how closely it describes the world that we live in.
WHAT a tall order to be putting on a scientist, it is daunting, to ask them to understand and then to verify all of that, I’m beginning to understand. I have only been asked to find a few parameters that don’t even deal with the perturbations of a real system, just while the pause button is pressed, and have had difficulty in it. I guess I’m just afraid that well, I am afraid of a few things: that it is scaring me away from science, and yet I love understanding and science so much that I still want to be a science teacher, but I feel even less qualified for the job than I felt before I read the chapter, and yet, I know that I can be a teacher, but then how is it that I am ever going to teach my students that they can do it, despite its difficulty, and what about teaching those students who don’t even care to ever be scientists, because you know that I will be teaching plenty of those. In my Exploration to Teaching Physical Science class we have been talking extensively about creating a body that is “scientifically literate” (one of average citizens that can deal with every day scientific issues) and how do I do that now that these issues have been brought up?!? Trefil (the author) addresses how he thinks this is best addressed, but I do not know if this is enough, maybe it is that I am just insecure in my own abilities, but I would not say that I am scientifically illiterate, and I am feeling overwhelmed by this. Trefil suggests that it is important as a teacher to make sure individuals, citizens, students, know what questions should be asked in a given situation, and that they should “know enough about the methods of science to understand that even though science may not be able to produce certain answers to important question right now, it nonetheless can provide guidance for decision making and eventually produce a picture with much less uncertainty.” And I guess I believe it, but oh man, I am so scared to be involved in this world of scientists.
Over the summer, my while at my brother’s dissertation, there was a long discussion about how we can’t put scientists up on a pedestal, but that anyone can be a scientist because it is just a way of observing and thinking about the observation. At the time I believed it but I guess I just fear that it is more than that. And that maybe not everyone can, internally I still believe that, but I have deeper doubts now. I don’t even know if I can do it. And despite the changing world of science, I hope that we continue to produce great scientists, and I hope to be an inspiration to some of them. Oh, wish me luck.

Be of good cheer - Mosiah 24:13-15

So, events of the week..... what a week, it has been interesting. But the most important first, JESSICA GOT HER MISSION CALL. She is going to Tampa Bay, Florida, Speaking Spanish, leaving on February 11th. It is SO soon, and is only a week after her birthday, when she COULD have left. What a blessing. I am thinking that for me this is the most emotional call that has been extended besides the one received on Feb 14th of 2007. But, I am so excited for her, and so nervous for her, and so scared for her, and so proud of her, and I know that she is going to do a great job, and that it is going to make her SO much better at being a Mom and Wife, and yet, I am going to miss her so much, and it really makes me wonder about my own life. See, well, I could have my mission call that means, and I could be going off somewhere, and I'm pretty sure that I'm not supposed to right now. But it makes me wonder what it is that I am doing for the Lord. How am I sacrificing to help further His work? Why not me? They are strange emotions going through me right now, that is all..... because, I'm not planning on a mission in my life, instead I have planned that I am going to go Spring/Summer term, that next year I will be doing an internship or student teaching, and that then I will get a real job with health insurance and all..... I'm planning on buying a car in the next little bit, and working for three years and to then reevaluate my life, and decide if I am going to go back and get my masters or if I would continue working, or if I will have a family and children at that point..... I have no idea, maybe even at that point I will decide to go on a mission.... I don't know. I was so ready for the mission idea earlier and then it left me..... to me that was like D&C 9:9...... "a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong." But, the fact still remains, Jess is going on a mission, WOW.

Less important things from the week include the Utes beating BYU at the rivalry game, and me trying to make it through the semester without failing (a C or lower would be failing in my mind) my PChem Lab class. I also went with Jess on Friday to Park City to go to the outlet stores and to buy cute clothes to make her feel better about life, that was fun, and to Vocal Point (BYU's accapella group - they were good, and I enjoyed the concert). It was an interesting week. Lots of thoughts and emotions, and trying to comfort and help Jess, and I felt useless at times, but then I also felt like I was needed.

O.k, onto better things to talk about, spiritual thoughts of the week.
Mosiah 24:13-15. (my synopsis of it) Be of good comfort, for the Lord will ease your burdens that ye may stand as a witness for Him from hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that He loves us and visits His people when they need Him. Be of good comfort because as He eases our burdens we are strengthened and can submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
This next scripture is not as AWW inspiring, but I really like it: Mosiah 29:43. And what I like about this is that it is what I strive for so that one day this can be said about me and my family. (again, my synopsis) They did walk in the ways of the Lord, and did keep his commandments, and did judge righteous judgements, and there was always peace around them. AHHH, I hope my home to be like that.
I really liked reading these scriptures this week.

That's it.

This is What Life is About.....

...... good smells, and good tastes, and doing good things for other people, and enjoying the company that you have, and being pleased with your work, and recognizing the hand of God in all of it.









Thanks Melissa for giving me a GREAT perspective by your quiet example.

Growing Up is Hard to Do

So, it is nice to know that I am not the only one who feels like growing up is hard, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to help them and me out of it. This week I spent more than an hour discussing with certain people how hard it is to make adult decisions, and how it leaves us confused, and wondering if we are doing the right thing.
It reminds me SO much of the song by Ben Folds Still Fighting It. I think that became the song for hard things about growing up at Mason's farewell, all of us were there, and nothing was quite the same as it used to be, and yet it was. We were all playing and singing along with the music, and when this song came on all of us sang our hearts out, understanding each other's pain. Robbie and I exchanged glances, and understood, and sang harder and with more heart than before. Even though "everybody knows it hurts to grow up, and everybody does"....and...."we're still fighting it." Maybe that is the problem, we shouldn't be fighting it, but go with it and realize that it is good, and that the Lord wants us to progress and to grow. This doesn't mean that we can't look back and learn from the past and enjoy those times, but to look to live in the present and find joy in it as well.
So, this is my shout out to my friends who are growing up, "good morning sun," I know you are ready for this, and that you have the strength to overcome the obstacles in front of you. Enjoy the time the Lord has given you. He trusts you.

Finding Motivation

I think in those moments when you are the busiest you get the most done, there aren't enough hours in a day and yet, you are very productive and can handle doing it.... but when you have a few minutes of spare time that is when it seems like you don't have enough time to get done enough things. I don't know which situation I am in right now. I could easily be wasting more time now than I have in a long time, it could be that I am really busy and am not getting done everything that I need to, or maybe that I am "burned out" as in the words of my brother Sean. Maybe I am lacking in motivation, but I am not doing as well now as I was earlier..... I need to keep up my motivation, and see the purpose in the classes that I am in..... I really do enjoy them and know that I am learning a ton of things that are useful and interesting. I cannot let my Heavenly Father down, and need to do the best that I can at all times and in all things.

Halloween Madness:

Mena was SO nice to do my make-up for me.
Katie and I looking absolutely awesome together.

Which Way is Right?!?!

So, I have been seriously thinking, where is up? where is straight? how do I know where I am? how do I know where I am going? And it is no wonder when there are so many possibilities, and when you see signs such as the one above....... Which one is right?!

Home Sweet Home

So, I just wanted to point out the fact that my room normally looks like this (minus the flowers) but I love my cute quilt, and my "e," and the pictures and quotes I have on my wall, I love the ribbons, and the pictures, and the new blinds and light, and I love that it is usually clean, looking like this.... yes I know that my desk is not as clean as it could be, but for the most part, I do pretty well, and I love it. Doesn't it look so inviting :) and while looking at my room, you should notice the popsicle cabin on my shelf, proof that even life's happenings occur. Mostly, I think that I love that I feel safe here, it has taken awhile for me to feel comfortable anywhere but my home, and those places I knew growing up. But I do, I feel safe here, I know that I can feel the spirit here, and that I can be productive, and that it is fun here too. I love kneeling on the floor and having apartment prayer, I love sitting at my desk and catching up with the lives of those I love as I read their blogs. It has become my home sweet home.

the story

For all of you who might ask and don't want to be out of line, and want to feel like they are a part of the happenings of my life, here is the story of the week:

Last Tuesday I was asked to go to Homecoming with Dan, it sounded like it was going to be perfect, and I was SO excited for it, the opportunity to go and get all dressed up and look pretty again. Yes, I was looking forward to it. Later that night I went to the testing center on a stomach full of vending machine pizza....microwaved......it was nasty. And that night got really sick, threw-up and ended sleeping through all of Wednesday. Thursday my Mom put my hair in curlers, and I was all set for Friday's dance. On my way home from American Fork High School I picked up a boutonniere, and went to class. Came home, got all cute, and ready, and Dan came and picked me up. He looked sharp, and I was thinking we looked like a good match. Then over to his place and we had baked potatoes, stake and salad with John and Brittany, played a game or two of UNO, and then off to the dance. On the drive John was being our juke box and singing Disney songs before being quieted by Dan wanting to contribute more to the conversation than silence. But we talked about string theory, and you know, everyone was able to contribute so much more to that. As we got to the dance Dan tensed up, and I sensed that he felt awkward, so much so, that he couldn't see past the walls he placed around himself. I figured it was his first dance and he was just nervous, but that I could show him that it could be fun, and that we could have fun together, so made an effort to make it better for the whole group. I asked him to dance with me on the slow dance, and he was still just uncomfortable. He brought up how he was too old for dances, and that he didn't fit into this crowd, how I would have so much more fun if I was there with someone else, and a number of other things. I tried comforting him, but to no avail. We then went and took pictures, and then were about to start to dance again and he REALLY tensed up. I pulled him aside and asked what the problem was. Got the same answer and felt like he didn't want to be there at all, even if it was with me, and that I looked pretty, and was trying to make it better for him, it didn't matter, I was frustrated that he would ask me to go do something with him that he didn't want to be at, and that non the less, HE had asked me to go and do with him. Oh well, maybe it was just on off night.

Saturday we did homework, and were very productive, at least I was proud of all that I got done. It was fun to enjoy each other's company and to laugh, and talk about the night before just briefly, but to understand where we each were coming from.

With church from one to four and then dinner after that, and reading scriptures, etc. Sunday is not quite the same as when you have 9 o'clock church. Anyways, I was reading the Ensign, and with my roommates, and doing calling stuff, talking to family etc and only was able to talk to Dan online, because I didn't want to go over to his place, I was already in my pajamas, and he didn't offer to come over here, but that was fine, I get to see him often enough that one evening wasn't that big of a deal. We talked about what we learned in church, and were talking about our relationship a little bit, and I asked him if he wanted to bring up the concerns that he had on Friday again, and if he wanted to talk through them because it seemed like he was still a little bothered by them, and I wanted to know what it was that I could do differently. I don't think that we even touched on his concerns from Friday, but he certainly brought up other concerns that he had with dating me, and after hearing everything that was brought up, I seriously have no idea why he liked me, for he didn't know me, didn't want to get to know me, and if he thought that he did, he certainly didn't like what he was seeing, and didn't know if he was committed to it. I signed off-line crying, he emailed me directly after this, but I was not online until the next day, and did not get this ..... low and behold get a phone call from him, no, didn't want to talk, he just hurt me, so I didn't answer, justifiably..... then a phone call from this girl in my ward, calling to see how I was doing because blahblah-blah, didn't answer that either. The next morning I got a text from him, which I responded to, and then went to class to come out to find a concerned voicemail from my mother.
Dan had emailed my father to apologize for hurting me, and wanted to let him know that he thought I was a daughter of God. WHAT?!?! yes, that is what I was thinking too..... I wait, and there is no communication from him. I did get some beautiful flowers from my roommates though who were concerned over my emotional well-being. SO NICE of them. They, along with a few kind family members, got me through these past few days. I have to learn how to laugh at the situation, bah-ha, well, I guess he wanted it to end. After all that has happened. What else was I to conclude?!?! Monday night I called him to see if he had anything to say in his defense, and yes, he felt justified, he felt badly that he had hurt me, but he still honestly had those concerns, and I was still hurt/hurting by the comments, so was probably not the most patient or kind in responding to him. I asked him what he would have done had I not called, and he said that he would have done nothing. He asks what that means of us, and I honestly responded that I was still hurting and was probably not in the most rational state to make a decision, and that I realized that. He asks if he can call me the next day, I tell him that I will be in class/taking a test until 10-10:30 at night, he then responded that he was leaving town on Thursday and wouldn't be back until Sunday, so would it be alright if he called then....... sure you can do what you want.

Wednesday morning rolls along, and I feel like it would be better to talk to him in person, and that this needs to get resolved, and that I was still hurting, and thinking about his concerns, and email him asking if he would be willing to meet later that night. So, I headed over to his place, get there, and he talks about his day, asks me about mine, and then talks about his plans for the weekend, and then well, breaks up with me. He said after all that has happened between us, it is just too hard, and that now that I was committed to making this work, that he had to question himself, and found that the previous week he found himself doubting and felt like it wasn't supposed to be. There you go. So I guess that I am a free woman again. I'm excited to spend more time with my roommates, and I don't want to be with someone that thinks poorly of me, so I guess it is for the better. And yes, I know that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that I am young yet, but it still hurts.

So, now that I have written my novel, I think that I have answered the bulk of the questions that I will get in the next little bit. And the fact that really only my family, Abby and Danielle read this, I guess that I would want you all to know what is going on anyways, so there it is, the story.

the end.

WOW. It hurts when someone you love and trust tells you all of the things that are wrong with you. When your family does it, or when it comes from church leaders this chastisement is to help make you better and stronger. It is a trial that makes you seek for improvement and makes you better.
But then there is the type when it is from someone you thought loved you, and then you realize that no, no they really do not, they don't know you and are accusing you of things, and are pushing buttons that are far too sensitive to mean for it to be anything but hurt. I guess that is when you have to walk away and try to still think of them as individuals who are trying their best to do the Lord's will, but are just very, very self-conscious that they have to attack you.

"I am a child of God, and He has sent me here. Has given me an Earthly home, with parents kind and dear. Lead me, Guide me, Walk beside me. Help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do, to live with Him someday."

Questions

What motivates me? What is it that I want to improve in my life? What would make me happier? Am I productive with my time? Do I do everything that I should? Am I taking the right steps toward the future that I want in the end? I question myself.
I don't know if I am doing the right thing, there are times when I know that everything is in place and right, and then there are times when things seem off kilter. I don't know where my interpersonal relationships went. I miss having two-way friendships. I miss people who tell you their problems and their joys and the things they learned that day. I miss laughing and doing fun things just because. What have I done differently? When did I change? When did everyone else change? I don't like taking on the role of being the only one who tells about the problems and issues, and feelings, and emotions, and joys in life. I don't like the role of only listener either. I don't want to talk to people only because they want to hear about the 'gossip' in your life.
Maybe it is because I read my friend's blog, and because I hadn't read in awhile I was catching up, and she mentioned two things that hit home for me - all of the people in her life, how they influenced her and the role they played in her life; and then her concerns, her questions, wondering if she is short-changing herself. Both got me thinking, am I doing that as well? Have I made the most out of the blessings that Heavenly Father has given me?
Well, I have no answers, but there you go, my thoughts for tonight.

popsicle cabin

So, I made a model of the cabin so that Mom and Dad could check it out and see if they really do want THIS in on their lot in Waterton...... I hope the real thing looks better than this... but the inspiration WAS the cabin. Actually, I made it on a date, it was fun, but certainly different. He was a nice guy, but there was nothing there, I probably wont be going on a second date with him. Just not much to talk about, it was a slow conversation, and he teased that I was being "sassy" and the approach just didn't work for me.

Six Quirks

1. when I get stressed I pull out my eyebrows
2. I, apparently, talk in my sleep
3. if you push down a button to say what drink you are drinking.... please make sure it is the right one.... I might be tempted to change it if it is inconsistent
4. if you find me in the car I will probably be trying to beat you at finding perdidles and perdunkles
5. I am very thorough, or at least try to be - therefore some things take me a REALLY long time
6. (from Tiana, thanks for thinking of something for me) when I get really excited and have something to do in the other room, I RUN there, I don't walk, I run!

Change

I am ready for change. I am pretty confident that I am doing the right thing for me right now, but I am going to try really hard to get done with all of my schooling by the end of summer semester this next year and then to be teaching after that. I am SO excited and think that I can probably do it, just as long as I don't decide to take on any more endorsements.
Also, I have decided to that another door of my life is opening up. I am realizing that I am really growing up. I need to be mentally there not just physically, or by age, or by standards set up by everyone else. I have chosen that I am ready to grow up. (Yes, Abby and Hill, this is a BIG step forward, I can't believe that I am actually alright with this, but I am) After two days of immersing myself with the scriptures and evaluating my life, praying and pondering.... I spent from 5-11 thinking, and then the next hour with my roommates hashing out my intentions, but I think that the changes in my life are going to be for the best, and I believe that Heavenly Father is pleased with this decision.
So, watch out world, a new and improved Emily is on the way. With all the old quirks, but with new and better equipped understanding.

Mom for a weekend.

What a weekend. I love my nieces and nephews, and I am glad that I can help out, but it sure puts things in perspective when you are the number one person responsible for four little children for three days. It is easy to forget how much work goes into a day when you are only taking care of yourself. But from waking up to "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" and realizing that it is you they are really calling, and wanting help from, to getting every one fed and in bed without upsetting them is quite the task. I considered it a success though, I got them all fed, dressed, playing outside for more than an hour, laundry done, a floor washed, fed, a piano lesson given, to church on time and looking decent, scriptures read, nap taken, and forts made. The kids were really very good, and I love them so much.


I really feel like it was a great weekend, and was really glad to be there. I'm glad that I could do something for someone else rather than just myself, and as I came back to the life of a student, well, I really felt like I am really grateful that one day I am going to be a Mom and that I will be helping my children learn and progress and feel love. I am more excited about that than becoming a really good teacher (which I am very very excited about, but this trumps it). Chad and Gentry both asked if the task of babysitting for the weekend did me in, and I'm not going to lie, I was grateful to come home and go to sleep, but I was sad the next day that I was only serving myself. It was satisfying doing everything with them, and even seeing Maya and Brynn light up as they came over to play and saw me at church. So, did it burn me out.... no, but I am grateful that the Lord has set up a system that we only start up a family with one child and work our way up from there.
(the picture is of Isabel and me snuggling on Sat. night)

The Things You Do For Those You Love

So Jess was just having a BAD day, nothing really seemed to go right, she was feeling like the world was just against her, that she wasn't really happy, has to make a lot of hard decisions soon, and as a result, well she was just down. Oh, to top it off, she got FOUR parking tickets last night for parking illegally, she didn't know when she parked there..... it was just too much to bear. I didn't want to see her hurting and so I went to thinking:

So what does one do when they see those they love hurting................. make them laugh of coarse!! Jess went into the bathroom and came out to a CRAZY, SEDUCTIVE Emily while the Beatles "HERE COMES THE SUN" was playing on full blast in the background. We had a mini dance party and you know what, it was AWESOME. She truely smiled and laughed and it was a good thing to do. So although it is something I have not done since girl's camp, and even then it wasn't THIS good, this is one of the things you do for a roommate that you love.

Roommate Bonding

So, after a week I am already making great friends with my new roommates, we are doing good things together and have established good traditions, like spiritual thoughts, apartment prayer, and laughter. I've enjoyed having Hannah Wertz as my roommate this past week, and am excited that we are going to be together for the rest of the year. It has been fun because we finish each other's thoughts and say the same things every once in a while. She is an art teaching major, and is REALLY good at art. What a talent she has. She will be good to keep me grounded this next year too.
So, what have we done you might be thinking for "roommate bonding" well, the first day I was here we went the the mall shopping together, and Tiana got some really cute pants. But more importantly, we went camping last night, and what a treat that was. I loved being in the mountains, and the BEAUTIFUL scenery, and the fire, and swedish fish, and s'mores, and sleeping together in a tent, it was a lot of fun. A great 12 hour stretch.
It was a great time to think about life and the things that are important to me: things that I want to become, things that I cherish, things that never want to change. I worried about what it is that I can do for Abby, I miss and cherish her, what a great experience for her, but starting out is always hard. I hope that Danielle enjoys her semester in London since she has worked SO hard to get there. I was brought to think about my first kiss ..... what a strange story. And to make dreams to go to Africa and see the elephants :) I guess it was a good reflective evening. and a great way to start off the semester - doing something fun that didn't take too long.

ps: in the picture - me, Jess, Hannah, Katie, and Alex

Fall Semester 2008

other: How are your classes?

me: AMAZING, I am so excited

8:26 PM other: tell me why you are so excited

8:29 PM me: oh, I don't even know how to explain why I am so excited..... I get to go and be in the classroom... of a high school at least 40 hours this semester, I get to go hiking once a week, I have the opportunity to learn about a whole skew of religions throughout the world, and to learn more about the WHY of all the questions I've asked before in General Chemistry that they always said.... it is to hard, you'll learn about it later if you still care, and the thing is.... well, I DO care, and I am excited about it... that is the only word I can think of to explain the emotions I feel right now toward school and this semester,

8:30 PM it is like I am cheating the system, and getting more out of the semester than was intended for me

it is going to be hard, but that doesn't seem to deter me at all right now, it is really good

8:32 PM other: Keep up the good work; don't let this excitement fade as the stress of the semester builds.

me: hopefully

8:33 PM

other: Are you going to let it fade or not; I think if you decide now and commit to that course of action, you'll have nothing to fear

me: good point

8:34 PM I'm not going to let it fade, I really am excited for my course load this semester, it should be really good.

Utah Shakespearean Festival

What a treat this has been to me over the years. This past weekend I went with my parents down to the Utah Shakespearean Festival to see all of the plays down there. It was an intense and edifying experience for me. We arrived at 9:40 am and went in to see Father Mike at 10. This was a play about love. Love in your family, love towards your faith, love towards another individual. Much to learn and think about here. Once this was done we went out into the Grove and discussed things we learned, things we didn't understand, things we observed. And found out great news that Mom and Dad no longer needed to stress about a very large check being in the mail, phew, glad we could now enjoy the rest of our vacation. Then at 2 we went in for Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew. I don't recall ever seeing it before but how it was portrayed was absolutely beautiful. I loved how with Kate you could visibly observe the change in her nature, the emotions she was feeling through her acting. It was very good. And now I know where the phrase "Kiss me Kate" comes from. Then dinner, and the Greenshow, and then back in the theatre house for another three hours for Cyrano de Bergerac which I LOVED. I think I fell in love with the story in 8th or 9th grade when Mr. Olsen showed it to us and put it all in context with the French mentality behind it, and listening to it in French was just something else, it truly was. This was a wonderful production and showed me a side I had never seen before about the nature of Cyrano himself, and his faults of never seeing past his nose himself, and how THAT affected the story completely. It was a great story and production though. Basically the three days were nonstop fun and entertainment, it was a lot of fun, my parents have really made this a special time for me, it is really nice, and a great way to end the summer. Well the next day was Germaneous Seeds and odd production of finding a balance between maintaining a healthy balance between living one's life and developing relationships of responsibility, and how through the years people handle those situations. Then Fiddler on the Roof which was so powerful. I loved the story and felt like I learned a lot about life from it. And having Aaron Haines play the Fiddler was really really amazing. I was so proud of him up there on the stage with all of those equity actors. I really enjoyed it. Next was Othello, and I just hated Iago SO much, he was just so evil and none of it HAD to happen. And then Othello's change in mentality, it was just shocking. Well, then the The School for Wives which really was for husbands to realize that they can't assume ANY woman is really stupid and naive, especially when it comes to matters of love. Two Gentlemen from Verona, was a Shakespeare classic with the dog on stage, and these young characters learning about themselves and the art of love.
So that was the plays, but the drive home was certainly entertaining as well. My Dad was down memory lane, tomorrow will be 40 years to the day that he first laid eyes on my Mother, and he remembers it..... and told all about it. Then he sucked her into the game, and they both were remembering their lives from way back when, it was so much fun to listen to. You learn a lot about your parents that way. I really enjoyed that. It was a great trip, and a great close to the season. Just now on to the new.

Memories

Oh, I love to go through old stuff. I went through my "Religious Drawer" at home. It basically has everything that I couldn't/can't bring myself to through away. It includes quotes, and handouts, and booklets, and some great ideas, and some fun memories. And I LOVED going through it, it totally made my day yesterday. It inspired me to be better, and to laugh more - and at myself..... Mom helped me to do that. Oh man, I have kept a lot of junk through the years, and I probably still have kept a ridiculous amount, but I did good, and like the stuff that I kept.
It made me realize though WHAT a role the Young Women's Program played in my life. I would not have been as happy, or focused, or became the person I am. And you know what?!? I'm still learning from those things that they gave me. I loved reading the things that I said I wanted in a future spouse.... I decided to keep those, they can still come in handy as I yet make that decision... and my testimony, and the talks I kept that were particularly inspiring to me. My Seminary Journals, and notes that said I was special..... it was a great day yesterday.
And what is even better is that it inspired me to be and do things a little bit better. I've been looking, trying to find that drive to get me going for this next year, and was coming up short, but I found it now and am ready to start this next year.

AZ part three

That evening was the one that I was most concerned would either be a flop or a success, and with starting it out with listening to Brooke's magnificent harp playing and weeding the lawn with Von I was hopeful. They have a beautiful lime tree that my family would certainly use up, and they barely touch, so I decided to make them all a drink (Chad's secret recipe) we started out, but then had to go to the store for some evaporated milk, which was so much fun to go and get. Danielle and I were in a silly mood and were teasing each other, what was great was that as we were checking out the guy had problems and watched us and decided to play along. It was really fun, "that doesn't count" "it should too!" The drink ended up not being so good, I will have to get more instructions on how to make it, but that was alight. Because the evening wasn't over yet, it had barely just begun. We went out with Brooke, Steven and Carson. I was really glad that Brooke came with us just because I have been the younger sister and loved going with my older siblings places as they went out and had fun, so I was glad that we could do that for her. Hopefully to make a memory, but even if not it was a good experience and had fun. It was the first time that Danielle's party had ever been to the Cheesecake Factory. It was fun to go and get dessert then to go bowling. At first things just were backfiring on us, but the two boys did a great job at making the most of it. We went to a different alley and then played pool and air hockey while waiting and it was a lot of fun. I couldn't have asked for more. It was a great trip.

AZ part two

Steven was so much fun to be with. He then took me out to my Uncle's and with jill's help we found it lickity-split. Doug's instructions were perfect as well. I found the key easily enough and was quickly exploring their beautiful house. We made the comment to each other that it was so much bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside. And their cat was SO friendly and practically showed us the house herself, from the big windows lining their back wall to the upstairs rug. It made me laugh to see that Doug had a "drink fridge" upstairs. I guess brothers will be brothers and that is why we have jill. I especially loved looking at their pictures: one of grandpa as a soldier, of them, and their kids, of the temple, I loved it. Steven left and I was ready to head out in their Ford truck, got in it and for some strange reason it wouldn't turn on, I was starting to sweat (we'll pretend that was only from the heat). So then I am looking around in the car, processing information and click, click, click.... it is a stick.... o.k, figured out how to start the car.... but that wasn't enough, and I quickly came to my senses that I was NOT going to be driving someone else's car in a place I do not know especially in a system that I do not know how to drive, and called up Danielle to come and pick me up. At first I was really disappointed but even before Danielle arrived I had realize that it actually turned out better this way. I hadn't figured out how I was going to get back to the airport or sleeping arrangements, so this ended up being better. While waiting I further explored the house. They have a spiral staircase (I love that I am running into those in the most random places) and a beautiful brick patio that I was lucky enough to spend half an hour on in the beautiful sun. And then to go and see their tortoises and grapefruit tree. I was glad that I had the opportunity to go there and have time to myself in those two days. Danielle certainly had fun teasing me that I don't know how to drive "clutch" and maybe it is something that I should learn, but.... I guess that is going to have to wait for the right opportunity.
I was really glad to see Danielle and to have time to spend and talk with her despite that it took her twice as long to get home as it did to come and get me because of the traffic. But I have got to tell you that the scenery in Az is beautiful. I loved driving and seeing the palm trees and the cacti and the pretty flowers, it was fun. Next I got to see Danielle's house which I wasn't surprised to see belonged to Danielle and her mother. They had a "green room" and a "blue room" and it looked like their house was just themed down to the smallest detail and just immaculate. I feel bad that they felt like they needed to clean everything to impress me, but it certainly looked good. Her mother was kind enough to serve us a lasagna dinner shortly after we arrived, but there was an air of uneasiness that was present, I felt slightly uncomfortable intruding in on their home at that point. I was grateful that her sister Kim was their to talk about the first day of her internship. It was fun to see Breana and see Dan in her element at home and with friends. We went to Coldstone and talked outside it was fun. (catch-up, Breana is Dan's best friend from growing up, and is getting married in Dec - I can sympathize with Dan in her thoughts surrounding such an event) Next we saw 'Penelope' at her house and laid in bed talking.
The next day it was great to be able to get up and relax in the morning with just the two of us there. Then Kathy and Brooke came home (they were getting ready for high school to start on Mon -meaning 9th grade - big stuff) and we went over to the mall for a make-over for each of us, a first for Brooke, it was cute to see her so nervous. Then it was fun to share in Dan's traditions of getting black and white chippers. Kathy was really funny about loving how her daughters looked after their mack-overs. She kept telling them how BEAUTIFUL she thought they were, that their eyes just popped now, and then how she thought that we were the three most beautiful girls in the mall right then. She certainly loves her daughters. We next went to a golf course for lunch and it was great to see the family enjoying themselves.
That evening was the one that I was most concerned would either be a flop or a success, and with starting it out with....
(to be continued....)

AZ part one

Well, I am here in Arizona and I cannot believe how at ease I feel. I guess I've only been here 5 hours, but even the preparation felt natural. I guess that proves my parents right again - I have become quite the traveler. It was a cinch though: dropped off, got my ticket, went through security, then to the atm, waited, read a good book, got breakfast, on the plane and reading some more - that REALLY makes the time go by SO much faster. I got to Az right on time, and then Steven Chicoine was so kind to coe get me and help me to feel comfortable here, he was awesome. And he make the beginning of this short trip just excellent. What a great guy he is. So kind and helpful and giving. And boy did I chuckle when he pulled up to pick me up in his black infinity with black leather seats.
He picked me up and showed his current apartment and the one he will be moving to shortly. Both of them are SO nice. They are REAL apartments, almost like a home in and of themselves with silver handles, wood floors, large windows, patios, and .... a garage - yes, even a garage. Although his choice of entertainment isn't necessarily always mine, I was very impressed with his choice of decorating and living quarters. You know, the more time I spend around him, the more of an education I get. I learned what a "cougar" is - well, a different cougar than an individual that goes to BYU, - and what a hooka is, and I doubt I would have learned that any other way.
Then he wouldn't let me get lunch, despite my efforts. But he took me to a cule little place that I would come take my father back to if I was ever back again. The atmosphere was GREAT, they grilled the hamburgers on this wood burning stove - it was so fun. The Chuckbox had great pictures and great company, and aparently it is famous on campus, which make it even better. It was also fun to have all the buildings pointed out to me and to walk around compus and see their Union Center, a classroom, and then to even join a beginning ballroom class for a few min. I was grateful to have been exposed to ballroom before that though, and then to be associated with BYU. We went into the class and Steven felt comfortable joining, so we went in and danced - he is pretty good. We were doing swing and the teacher came over and danced with me, just a bit and said "you didn't learn here" hen asked if I went to BYU. Then he stopped class and made a point about my form (positive statement) and how great the BYU dancing program is. It was really fun. It was nice to feel cute too - I am sure that helped.
Steven was so much fun to be with. He then took me out to my Uncle's and....
(to be continued....)

a Closing chapter

With my brother closing such a big chapter of his life it makes me wonder, have I experienced a close on my life? Have there been big changes that have closed to me that I can't go back to and that altered my life? I think for me they were mostly subtle, it wasn't like I ever moved or that any immediate family member died, the horses and animals, but they have moved on in stages, it is all on stages. Going to college was big, but then I didn't really go far and in reality I can still go home almost whenever I want, was it a closing of a chapter? Thinking back, yes. But I didn't realize it as it happened. My friends moved on, either going on missions or wanting a different direction than I was headed. I moved on. I have realized that, I don't want to be back in high school. I am ready to move on with my life. I'm not quite sure when it happened, like I said it has been in stages, slow progress along the way. But that chapter of my life is done. Kinda sad, but good too. I will always have fond memories, and always hold dear those things, but that is all it is now.... memories, they are different now.

REading

I love reading, I have since I was little, I remember first reading so that I could stay up later, or at least that was one of the reasons. I remember sitting on my sleigh bed (I loved that bed) and reading SO many books. My nephew, Court, he reminds me of that, being able to go through a good book in no time at all and enjoying every minute of it. Well, being on vacation and having down time while driving and on airplanes has been frustrating, so while in Iowa I picked up a book "Hold Tight" by Harlan Coben. Well, I picked it up on the 28th, read just a bit because we were busy, then yesterday and today we were traveling awhile and I had a lot of time to read, and well, it is done. I don't know if I would categorize it as "virtuous, lovely, or of good report" or at least I wouldn't say that about the first half of it, yet the book was a grabber and very well written. I liked how it was written from... well, I don't even know how many, but MANY perspectives, yet not overdone. I would say it would definitely be rated PG-13 if it was a movie.... would I recommend it: if you are in for a murder mystery and having it feel like it could be in your neighborhood then yes. I felt like once you got past the tragedies that there were some thought provoking and good things to learn from in it. O.k, there you go. If you have a good, uplifting book to suggest to me, please let me know.

Inspiration

so my sister has inspired me to keep this updated so that other people can see what is going on in my life, however, I don't feel like there is really anything important that anyone would care about, but I will try to be better.
I guess the news in my life right now is first that I am TRAVELiNG like crazy these next few weeks, and have WAY more on my to-do list than I have time for, but I am going to try and make the most of it. Let me share: Got out of school moved home the next day (Fri), on Monday I graded exams ALL day, got home at 8:30ish and packed for a camping trip, was camping with Jess for three days, and the next Sat I was driving to Canada with my parents. Loved it there, loved the weather, the company, the activities, and ALL of it. Was there for three weeks, got back on Sunday morning(after almost killing my parents because I convinced them to pull an all-nighter just because we could) Monday I wasted my morning and early afternoon trying to get tickets to AZ then went down to Provo to pay rent (which guess what!?! this is the only week that they are not open..... my luck) but I did get to see Jessica and Abby, that was good, as well as Dan. Then today there was lots to do: send package, start quilt, finish fence, weed, make dinner..... pack (sometime tonight) and then tomorrow morning I am heading off for Iowa to see my brother, I am SO excited, it has been a year, and I haven't even met my newest nephew yet. I'm also excited for Sean to be graduating, it is fun that his life is changing and progressing, I am also excited just to talk with them. It is good to reconnect with my brothers and since it was so much fun being with Chad and his family these past few weeks, I know it is going to be great being with Sean this next. I haven't finished my agenda with you though.... so I get back next Wed, and then the following Monday (if I can get tickets) I am leaving for AZ to go and see Danielle, and hopefully do some fun things with her. If you have any ideas for me, PLEASE do share, I am running up short. I'll be there 'til Thursday. Then home for a few days, and off to N. Carolina to help my sister out as she is moving back home :) THEN I will be home for two weeks before school starts, and in that time I need to IRON, I swear it never ends, MAKE a QUILT, FIX a WATCH, UPDATE my photo album that goes in the apartment, HELP around the house, and there are probably more things, but I can't think of them right now... the packing is seeming ever more present. I'm excited for the busy-ness, and I am sure that I will be ready for school when it comes too.
the only other "news" in my life right now is that I broke up with Dan, it was weird, and an interesting learning experience for me, and sad to do it... he was everything I had ever dreamed about in a husband-to-be when I was little, but I know that it is the right thing to do, we weren't meant for each other. I hope for his sake that he can move on quickly, and progress towards his righteous desires in life. And as for me, I will be watching for the Lord's time to show itself. I know I can trust Him, He hasn't left me alone yet.
Well, that is it. May you all keep blogging so I can keep in touch with the happenings of your lives.
- me

boys camp

NOT, THIS IS GIRLS CAMP!!

Jessica and I had SO much fun camping at Strawberry Reservoir down at Soldier's Creek. We were in Loop D at site 14. The best site at Soldier's Creek. Man, we make a GREAT team. It was SO much fun. But seriously everything you could think of to do at a boys camp we did. Slept under the stars in a tent, hiked, fished, napped, played with fire, trespassed (in a way) and did things even better than boys would have thought of to do, like playing games, writing haikus, singing, it was good. Reading, spiritual thoughts, picking up worms, the laughing seagulls, and the chipmunk/squirrels/rodent things, great music, great food, the bathroom cleaner than our apartment's. It was so worth our time and money. And we are going to do it again! Man I love her SO much. Who would have ever thought in the two years I have known her that we would have come to know each other so well, and to compliment each other so well, she helps me to be better daily, and I am so grateful for her. Trying to figure out how the two lakes are connected on top of the mountain, discussing our families, futures, plans, hopes, fears, discussing the gospel, and inspirational thoughts, relaxing, playing, laughing, it was perfect. So I guess it is official, SUMMER has begun and us girls are just as good as you boys, true feminists. (yes, that was in Josh's memory) Happy Camping!

Squirrels - A haiku by Em and Jess

1 Squirrels so cute and small
pitter-patter go their feet
we giggle at them
2 Jess fears hitting them
running fast across the road
suicidal squirrels
3 Em likes to peg them
rocks are made for hitting squirrels
they think it is food
4 Squirrels are really dumb
projectile rocks, not food
Really, squirrels are dumb
5 Despite their efforts
squirrels will not get our wheat thins
We fight to the death

Weekend

Well, I think that I had a very very fun weekend, and am very grateful for this memorial day. Friday I finished homework, worked (aka: wrote an exam key) went laser tagging and watched Dead Poets Society, which was a great change to the monotonous things of everyday living. Then Saturday was amazing, first to have a CLEAN apartment, and then to get lots of perfect gifts, and to attend an amazing birthday mad-scientist party. THAT was definitely the highlight of my week, it was SO much fun. The kids loved it, I loved it, and we had WAY cool stuff for them to learn about and explore. Sunday was a great reflective day, just like it should be. It ended great too, with my rolling on the floor laughing at an apartment of boys as they 'performed' I'll see what I can do to post the video shortly, I first have to figure it out, but they were SO funny. Anyways, then this morning has been great too, we hiked the "Y" in the rain, and then came back to our apartment to have breakfast, which turned out so well due to the help of lots of people, thanks too all of you. Anyways, it was a great weekend. Happy Memorial Day