Love at first sight

Dear Kami,
Today is August 20th. Do you know what that means? That means it's been 3 years today since mommy and daddy met you for the first time.

How is that even possible? It seems like just a few short months ago that I sat awake late at night waiting for mommy and daddy to Skype me to let me know that they had met you. The excitement in our home was extreme as we all waited anxiously for mommy to email us a picture of you. The only picture we had ever seen of you up until that point was an outdated one that the adoption agency sent us.

After losing Autumn, I didn't know if I would ever be able to fall in love with another little, Russian girl. My heart had broken to the point that I didn't even know if it would be possible. But the moment mommy emailed me that picture, and I opened the file, I knew that it was possible. Because in that moment, I fell in love with you instantly.

The moment I saw your picture, I knew everything was going to be okay. I knew that I already loved you. I knew that I would do whatever it took to get you home. I knew that you were meant to be my baby sister.

Now, here we are.... Three years later. We have all come a long way in these last three years. Especially you, my dear.

You have gone from an 18 month old baby who would tire easily from simple tasks to a silly, extremely active 4 year old. You have gone from a baby who would be spoon fed liquid as fast as possible to a big girl who can feed herself. You have gone from a baby who would choke on anything with the littlest bit chunk to it to being able to eat a cheeseburger with no problem. You have gone from a scared, little baby to a strong-willed, sassy, spunky, sweet girl.

You are so loved, sweet girl. I could never imagine my life without you. God makes beauty from ashes. If someone ever doubts that, I will tell them the story of you. You are a beautiful masterpiece, and I can't wait to continue to watch you blossom.

I love you so very much!

Love,
Sissy

5 years later....

It has been over a year since I have posted on this little blog of mine. When I noticed the date of my last post, I could hardly believe it. I had no idea that it had been that long. What matters now, though, is that I am back! And, I am back for good :)

This summer, this blog turned 5 years old. It's so crazy to me that it's been that long since I made the decision to make this blog to start writing love letters to Laura. I had no idea all that would happen over the next 5 years after publishing my first post. I had no idea that I would be using this blog to update about Kami's adoption or that this blog would be something that I would share with my future husband. I am so thankful that I made that decision on that summer day in 2010 to create this little space. It has been therapeutic for me on a lot of days to be able to come here and just share my heart. Even though the name has changed, and I have transitioned it into more of a "regular" type blog, I still want to use it to write letters to Laura and Kami. The letters, though, won't be centered around Down syndrome and adoption much anymore.

Over time, Down syndrome has became something that just isn't that big of a deal anymore. As Laura became older, it is definitely something that has become less and less on my mind. And adoption? Adoption is also something that isn't a big deal anymore. Kami is my sister. Not my adopted sister. Just my sister. After the adoption was over, I needed more normal in my life. After 18 months of being focused on the adoption and fundraising, I felt I needed to take a step back and just embrace our new normal in life. So, with all of these changes, I felt the need to make this blog into something that I could use for whatever I want.

So, for a little update:

Laura and Kami are getting SO big! Kami turned 4 years old this past February, and Laura is turning 6 years old (WHAT?!) in just two months! I can hardly believe how fast both of them are growing. They are both so smart and are learning more and more with each day that passes.

Every time I see them, it seems like there is a new word that they are saying. They use words more than sign language these days which is awesome for me to see. Even though Kami does speak a lot of gibberish sounding words still.... which I'm still not completely convinced isn't just her talking her native language ;)

As for me? Well, I'm married now. As of May 1st of this year, I became David's wife. After almost 3 years of being engaged, it seemed as if it would never happen. But now, we have been married for over 3 months, and I couldn't imagine life any other way. I absolutely LOVE being married to my best friend.

 

Laura and Kami were both flower girls in our wedding. They did such a good job, and they looked absolutely adorable while doing it.

 

 

I was so happy to be able to have them in our wedding. They are such a huge part of my life so it was such a blessing to be able to include them. And seriously, flower girls don't come any cuter than them!

 

I will be updating this blog way more often now that I have more time to do so. Being a stay at home wife (is that even a thing?) allows me to make more time for things that are important to me....and writing on this blog of mine is definitely something that is important to me. If you want more frequent updates, feel free to follow us on Instagram at mrsashleydavila :)

 

Happy Wednesday, friends!

 

Love,

Ashley





Kami's First Year Home {Video}

Hey friends!

In honor of Kami's first year home {January 20, 2014}, I made this video of the journey of her first year home. Watching it, I am just amazed at how you can see such a difference in her from the beginning of the video to the end. I know that she has come a long way since coming home, but seeing it in pictures from the first day home until now, it really blows me away to see how much she has truly blossomed. It's a beautiful thing. So, here it is. Kami's first year home.... Enjoy, my friends. Love you all!

Love,

Ashley

Happy Birthday, Laura!

4 years ago, this beautiful, sweet, sassy girl came into this world. Tears filled my eyes as she took her first breath and let out her first cry. She captured my heart immediately, and she has had me wrapped around her finger ever since. Happy 4th birthday, Laura bug! I love you so much! To the moon and back 1,000 times x 10 :)

A New Attitude

Last night, my mom and I were looking through old pictures. Pictures from before Kamdyn came home, and pictures from right after she came home. As we sifted through the pictures, my mom kept saying "Kamdyn looks so sad in this picture" or "Kamdyn looks so sad in that picture". I took notice right away what she was talking about. In most of the pictures from when Kami first got home to even a month or so later, she just doesn't look happy. 

Even though she smiled in some of the pictures, the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Her eyes still looked sad.

Through this time, we thought that Kamdyn was just that way. We thought that she was just naturally calm and shy. We thought she was just very mellow and didn't have very much personality.

As time went on, I guess we got used to the way Kami is now. We got used to her being funny and talkative, sweet and sassy. I guess as time passed, we just forgot how she used to be and just got so used to how she is now.

I forgot.

I forgot how sad her eyes used to look. I forgot how quiet she used to be and how mellow she was. I forgot how sensitive she was. I forgot how unhappy she used to seem.

As we sorted through those pictures last night, it hit me. It really hit me about how much Kamdyn has changed. How far she's come. She has gone from being this shy girl with sad eyes to this spunky, sassy girl with eyes full of life.

Her smile is different now. It reaches her eyes. When I look at her and smile, she smiles back at me, and I can just see the love in her eyes. I can see the happiness in her eyes. She has come so far, and I love her new attitude. I have loved watching her come out of her shell. I just can't believe how much she has changed. She is a different little girl than she was 9 months ago.

This little girl is so loved and so, so happy. I am so thankful for her. God has blessed us with such a beautiful gift in her.

No Regrets

It hit me as I was sitting in our college service at church last night. As I was looking around at the people sitting around me, a thought came to my mind. Laura and Kamdyn are going to grow up, and one day be my age. They will be sitting at the college group at church.... Just the two of them. Alone. That thought scared me to death.

Then, my heart sank a little. For the first time since Laura's birth, I regretted the fact that I was not born closer in age to her. If only her and Kamdyn were only a couple of years younger than me. It scared me and made me sad that they will group up without me being there to be there for them every step of the way.... To do everything with them like my brother, Travis, who is 2 years older than me, has been there for me. I have loved knowing that I have him to do everything with me.

I won't be able to go to their first day of Jr. High at church with them or their first day of high school or their first night of college group. That thought makes me wish more than anything that we would have been closer in age. I wish that we could grow up together. Instead, by the time the reach Jr. High, I will be out on my own, married, with my own family. With my own kids to look after and take care of.

I decided to share my heart about this with my mom this morning. She told me something that really made me think. She told me that if we would have been born closer in age, I would have missed out on so much and that got me thinking. I could have watched videos of  Laura dancing, but I would have never been able to laugh with her as she spun in circles that way that I do now. I could have seen pictures of Kami's Gotcha Day, but I never would have been able to cry tears of joy and feel that amazing feeling of knowing she was free as we walked her out of those gates. I would have been able to see pictures of Laura's birth, but I would never have been able to experience the relief I felt as I heard her cry for the first time. I wouldn't remember Laura's first smile, first laugh, first breath. I wouldn't remember Kami's first steps or first words. I wouldn't remember anything. If I did, the memories probably wouldn't be very vivid.

Then, I realized, I wouldn't change a thing. I am so thankful that things happened the way that they did. I would have hated to miss first words, first steps, and first smiles. I am so glad I got to experience the feeling of sadness when we found out Laura had Down syndrome or the joy I felt when I held Kamdyn for the first time. I can't stand the thought of thinking that I would have missed hearing Laura's sweet, first cry or missed seeing the way Kamdyn has blossomed so much these past 8 months.

As I began to question why things didn't turn out the way that I wanted them to, my mom helped me realize that actually they did turn out the way that I wanted them to. I will still be here by Laura and Kamdyn's sides through everything they do. It may not be in the same way as it would have been had we been born closer in age, but it will be in the way that God intended for it to be. I am so thankful that God knows what He is doing, and that everything happens in His perfect timing. I have no regrets. How could I when I get to live my life loving these two and being loved by them every single day?

Instagram

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Love, 

Ashley