Dear Baby...

The following is a copy of the letter that I included in Silas's birthday scrapbook that he will be able to read someday.

Dear Silas-

Happy First Birthday! What an amazing year it has been. You have grown up so fast and I really feel like I’ve been growing up right along with you. So many good things have happened for both of us this year. Today, I am constantly thinking back to the day that you were born. What a busy day! You were perfect right from the start. You were born after only nine hours of labor and came into the world face up. I like to think it is because you were geared up and ready to meet your family. I didn’t choose your mom and dad until the day you were born. They were instant parents and they handled it beautifully like old pros. When they came to the hospital the next day, your brother and sisters couldn’t wait to meet “baby brother.” Isaac was so exited about having a little brother; he thought you even looked a lot like him. They loved you before they had even met you. I don’t think that I really “picked out” a family for you, they were already your family, and we just had to find them.

It wasn’t an easy thing placing you for adoption; it was actually the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I knew I just couldn’t deny the strong feelings I had that you weren’t mine. I was just the babysitter until your mom and dad could come. Never doubt that I love you though. You have taught me so much about true, unconditional love. Your life has created a lot of positive ripples, so many of those in my own life. Never doubt the effect one person can have either. You’ve helped give me the courage to return to church and once again pursue goals I had set for myself long ago. One thing I decided way back in July of last year was the type of person I would become. I wanted to be someone that you could be proud of, someone that you could look up to as an example. I have kept that in mind as I have made decisions and really think you would be proud. I have made so much progress this year. As you are taking your first steps, I am taking my own baby steps on the road of life. I’m including some song lyrics along with this letter. It is a beautiful song about adoption. It really makes me think of you. I always get a little misty whenever I hear it. Once again, Happy Birthday! I love you so much. You will always be in my heart and in my prayers.

Lots of love, hugs, and kisses,

Stephanie

The song lyrics I included in the letter were from a song
by Michael McLean titled From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours.

So many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure if I could ever hope to trust my judgment anymore. But lately I've been thinking, because it's all I've had to do. And in my heart I feel that I should give this child to you.

Chorus:And maybe you can tell your baby when you love him so that he's been loved before by someone who delivered your son from God's arms to my arms to yours.

And if you choose to tell him and if he wants to know how the one who gave him life could bear to let him go, just tell him there was sleepless nights I prayed and paced the floor and knew the only peace I'd find is if this child was yours.

Chorus

I know that you don't have to do this, but could you kiss him once for me the first time that he ties his shoe or falls or skins his knees?and could you hold him twice as long when he makes his first mistake and try to tell him that he's not alone? Sometimes that's all it takes. And he's not alone. I know how much he'll ache.

Chorus

This may not be the answer for another girl like me and I'm not on a soap box singing how we all should be. I'm just trusting in my feelings and I'm trusting God above,and I'm trusting that you can give this baby both his mother's love.

Crazy Kid

Oh. My. Goodness. Pictures do not even begin to show how cute this kid is! He is such a chubby, happy baby. Being able to see him in person was quite an experience, in all the best ways. My mother and I met the family at a park for lunch. We all had a nice picnic lunch, exchanged some gifts, and just talked as if no time had passed since our last visit. I like to give his siblings gifts whenever I give him something so I brought bubbles for them to play with. I remember loving bubbles when I was their age and they seemed to get a kick out of it too. It was so wonderful being able to talk with and see the family. i had been so nervous but that eventually gave way to excitement. it turned out that it wasn't awkward for me at all and it didn't seem like it was for them either. The only thing that was hard was realizing that, to Silas, I was a stranger. He didn't know me so he didn't like me holding him. It's understandable but I just wish I could have gotten a better picture with him. He loves the camera and totally hams it up whenever someone takes his picture but it was hard trying to get him to pose with me. Apparently, his way of smiling right now consists of throwing his mouth wide open and showing off his teeth. What a cutie! I look forward to visits in the future when he's more mobile and capable of play. He's not quite walking yet so just being held or sitting while others got to play was a bit frustrating for him. What a great baby and an awesome family!

ONE YEAR

Happy First Birthday! It is hard to believe that it has been a full year already. I can only shake my head in disbelief as I look back on what had taken place in my life during that time. The Lord has truly blessed me in so many ways. As Silas has been growing and developing, I have been doing the same in my life, though in a different capacity. I am so grateful for everything that has happened, both the good and the bad. These experiences are what have helped mold me into the person I am today.

I am looking forward to seeing the family again in a couple of days. Who am I kidding? I am downright giddy. How fun it will be to see everyone in person instead of just photographs. I have a special love towards Silas's siblings so I am excited to see them again also. I have really gone back and forth over what I could give Silas as a birthday present, he is provided for so well that I worry about giving him something he already has. I finally decided on creating a scrapbook. Scrapbooks might turn into an annual tradition yet! It is a themed book, the ABC's of his first year. A is for adorable, B for baby brother, etc. It is coming along nicely but I have a feeling I will be up late on Friday putting the finishing touches on for Saturday morning.