Redefining Failure

This semester has been a sharp learning curve for me, and has been difficult at times. But as hard as it's been, it's still been fulfilling - and I want to share why. 

I've been on the receiving end of my fair share of criticism and gossip, and have had judgment passed on me for things I've said, how I've handled situations, how I appear to be living my life, fulfilling my duties, etc. What I am sharing is in no way me attempting to throw a pity party, or to passive aggressively take a stab at anyone; I share what I have experienced in order to share what I've learned. As hard as these past couple of months have been, I'm actually very grateful. I've learned something incredibly valuable that I wouldn't give up for anything. 

I ran across this quote near the beginning of this semester, and it struck a chord with me. I saved it, and it's been the wallpaper on my phone ever since. It has been the overarching theme for what I've experienced and come to know.

These are words from a Prophet of God, and I fully believe them. They gave me hope when I felt otherwise totally inadequate or alone. There were times this semester where I felt discouraged, because I knew that no matter what I chose to do, I had already been "labeled" - words had already been spoken, gossip had already been shared, and judgment had been passed. Seeing this quote every day reminded me that I wasn't done - that I needed to keep going. It reminded me that I didn't need to be confined to what others thought of me, and that I could still know who I really was. It reminded me that even if all I had to give was another day of effort, however little it might seem, I was doing the right thing - and that my effort shouldn't, and ultimately didn't, depend on what others said about me or what they chose to do. And most importantly, it reminded me that the Lord - above anyone else - knew I was giving my best. 

The words of this quote have changed me; these experiences have changed me. I'm a stronger person because of them, and I feel very blessed that Heavenly Father has allowed me to learn as I have. 

I know that effort matters more than appearance.

I know that feeling right before the Lord is more important than having the approval of others.

I know that Heavenly Father knows exactly what you need to experience in order to grow, and that you are never totally alone. 

I know that I am loved by Him, and I know that I haven't failed.

I haven't quit trying, and I won't quit. 

And really, that is what matters.

More Than Enough

Coming home from my mission has been both wonderful and very (and that's an understatement) difficult - it is definitely harder than going out! But coming home has opened the door to new opportunities for growth and progression; I know that as much as I loved serving a mission, I need to be here now. Thinking of all of the opportunities and blessings I've been given in coming home has helped me to be happy to be here, even when I might still miss Wisconsin terribly. I'm learning, I'm growing, and I've been incredibly blessed.

"No matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it."

{President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2012 General Conference}

I am grateful for...

My family.

The blessing of finding and buying a car.

Seeing my favorite state again 

(who now ties with Wisconsin, I'll have you know). :)

Getting to spend time with some of my favorite people in that favorite state.

Being able to work as an EFY counselor all summer long - 

and for all the wonderful friends I made & learned from there. 

 Seeing my German family again.

Getting back into the great outdoors.

My roommates - I've never had better ones.

We are our own little family, and I love them all.

My amazing and thoughtful friends (special thanks to Rachael & Eric, 
my roommates, and Jared!) who made my birthday so much fun! 

Getting to see people again that I taught on my mission - 

and witnessing how much they've grown.

Being blessed to have a great job as an editor/copywriter

(and consequently sometimes feeling like Lois Lane). :)

Getting to do my photography business again, 

and working with such great (and good looking!) clients.

Finally getting to eat another good brat, 

something I've missed ever since my mission (thanks Dalton!!).

Meeting and learning from some amazing men (more than just in these photos) - 

who've reminded me that there ARE good guys out there. 

Being involved with Special Needs Institute, 

and feeling my heart get bigger from all that love.

Getting started on Family History, and helping others get involved too - 

something I've wanted to do ever since coming home from my mission.

It's been an adjustment, but it's still been so good. I'm happy to be where I am and I am happy with where I'm going. I'm grateful for what Heavenly Father has given me - it is MORE than enough; I have been very blessed.

"To live with gratitude ever in our hearts is

to touch heaven."

{President Thomas S. Monson, October 2010 General Conference}

The Beginning of the Next 18 Months

I met a girl in passing a little while ago who was from Wisconsin. She said the state could be defined by:

- Harley Davidsons
- rifles
- the Green Bay Packers
- cheese
- stubborn farmers

...and it made me beam like a proud Italian mama - I felt like I could burst, it made me so happy. Add dairy farms, old barns and silos, and I kid you not - I could not have hand-picked a more perfect place. I'm an American girl, and this is a real red-white-and-blue list.

I love hearing people try to warn me that it's bitterly cold, that the people there are stubborn, that Milwaukee is a rough place; all of it just makes me love Wisconsin even more. I've researched and planned my wardrobe to a T, I am going to LOVE those people like no other, and this white girl can speak a little ghetto. My mission call was no mistake - I know that this is where I am supposed to go.

I cannot wait for Wisconsin - I cannot wait to get out there and to share with them what has made me happier than anything else.

Starting tomorrow...
I will be a MISSIONARY!!!!!!! :)
These next 24 hours could not pass more quickly for me!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)

Retirement Plan

If you haven't seen these yet... you're in for a treat.

If you have already... you're still in for a treat.

Someday - many decades into the future - this will be me, with my husband.

And we will know how to have a good time. :)

(P.S. I really, REALLY love old people.)

A few of my favorite things: #6!

{Play catch up here: Continued from lists uno, dos, tres, cuatro y cinco!}

It's been half a year since doing one of these?!? Time sure flies when you're a person...

1. Being a personal assistant
That's my temporary job now (hugest blessing!!) until my mission, and it is fabulous because of what I do and because of who I work for. Last night she took us both out to dinner because I was working late with her to help us meet a deadline - my boss is THE bomb. Dot com. (Plus a job, period, is great: an even busier life + saving money = muy bueno!!)
2. My dayplanner
I love this thing more than I can say... I get an enormous (to THIS extent) satisfaction out of check lists and planning. Give me a calendar and I'll get you some goals, a schedule and a to-do list in no time, baby.
3. Getting referrals
I have been getting a lot of photo referrals lately from past clients and I LOVE it, I have worked with some of the best people you'll ever meet and I continue to be blessed majorly in this category.
4. The State Fair
I went to my first one EVER last week, and it did not disappoint!! Maybe that's because I also had my first slice of deep fried cheesecake? (Heaven on a stick has never tasted so good... Seriously people. Qué sabrosa!!)

P.S. Fall is a' comin!! :) Exhibit A - me and that goodlookin' pumpkin at the State Fair. (I think we took that picture after 5 other children had taken their turn... and no, I don't still play with Hotwheels too.)

(Okay okay, I admit it... I do.)

Little Reminders

I showed up tonight at the movies and realized I was a little overdressed, having come straight from something else. I felt kind of like a rebel - running out from the theater into the wet night, defying the weather. We ran through little pools of summer rain - me in my pumps and a pencil skirt - laughing about and loving together the movie we'd just seen, my best friend and I.

Driving home under that lightning-lit sky, smelling the rain seeping into asphalt and belting my lungs to country music, I leaned into the headrest and thought of how blessed I've been - and I couldn't stop the smiles from coming.

Doesn't take much to make me happy -

but dang, I've sure been given more than I could ask for.

Announcing: MISSION CALL!!

Can you guess where I will be serving a mission?!??

I'll give you some hints:

- it's in the good ole' U-S-of-A

- there are some big cities... but LOTS of farmland

- specifically, dairy farms :)

- the state beverage is milk

- they are famous for cheese!!

If you haven't guessed it by now,

I have been called to serve an English-speaking mission

for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

in...

(this is my mission picture that was submitted with my papers)

WISCONSIN!!!!! :) :) :)

I leave November 2!!!

I am so so so happy and so excited!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like this call fits me perfectly.

I cannot WAIT to teach the Gospel there!!! :)

P.S. Thank you Emily for the beautiful mission photos!

In My Element

I wanna ride til the day I die -

and then I'm crossing my fingers

that they have horses in heaven.

Made My Week

I'm not sure that I've ever seen something so short before that has had such a powerful effect on me; this is beautiful.

So watch, love and share. :)

Plan: Bucket List, Operation: Bareback

These are my jeans, covered in horse hair and dirt after riding my girl Paloma BAREBACK!! :) (I promise there was a lot more on there before coming back and inadvertently rubbing my jeans on the seat of the car - whoops...)

Operation Bareback? Crossed off the Bucket List!!! :) Muchas gracias a mi Palomita.

(P.S. In case you are out of the loop:

Paloma is my horse, and will be for the rest of the semester.

She's the outlet for my inner cowgirl - and I absolutely love her.)

Yes, This IS My Favorite Saturday Night Activity!

I have three things to say about this picture:

1. My bed has looked like this all night.

2. It took me hours to actually notice and recognize this.

3. When I did finally process the chaotic pile of books, I was secretly pleased by it.

(Bonus: 4. I am absolutely passionate about writing this research paper. Loving it!!)

Holla atchya favorite geek, homies.

DIRT-y Confessions

It's time to make a confession...

I love the smell of manure.

Every memory associated with it is wonderful to me.

One whiff, and I'm on the back porch of the house where I grew up most of my childhood - feet barefoot and burrowing in warm red dirt, our yard just as plain as the suburb itself. Breathe in, and you'll smell the dairy farm close by - strong and coming across the wind every night at dusk.

Inhale a little bit more and I'm at my first rodeo, sitting on cold, metal bleachers and shivering with the anticipation of something I'd never known before but always wanted to. I'm sitting so close to the arena that I open my mouth and the grit of dirt coats my teeth and tongue. I couldn't get enough of the barrel racing and bull riding - it'd keep me coming back every year after.

One last breath and my feet are in stirrups on the ride last summer - the majestic Tetons ahead and the Snake River winding below in a valley as green and lush as ever from the drizzling rain. Sitting high in the seat of my saddle, life never felt so good. My veins pulsate when my horse picks up speed, and we become one smooth stream of motion - one body - together.

I'm no cowgirl by birth - I've been raised in big cities my whole life. But when you love the smell of manure as much as I do and you're not afraid to get your boots dirty...

You know where your heart is. :)

Soul Sister

Her name was Jeanette.

The first thing I knew about her was her voice - then, her eyes. She came just a head above the table in front of her and she was friendly as all-get-out. "Have you come to visit me??" I turned to find the voice that spoke and that slightly-toothless smile roped my heart before I could even blink.

Her eyes were the color of warm, sweet hazel and her hands weren't afraid to touch. I sat down in the chair next to her and she took ahold of my arm. "My oh my, just look at how beautiful you are!!" she hooted. If clouded eyes could twinkle, hers did. She chuckled a little to herself, then looked down at her flamingo-pink nails. They were chipped at the ends, but the hue was still as lively as she was.

We talked about the beauty parlor she had owned in a little town in Texas. "They'd all come in, at least once a week," she said - there was a gentle pride in her voice when she spoke about it. She had a backbone - maybe not in that small weathered frame now, but that spirit of hers sure was as strong as ever. We talked of pearls and diamonds, and other things that go between just us girls - and there was something about her that made my tongue want to slip into Southern. I told her my Grandma had been to beauty school too, and that she had always looked lovely just like Jeanette. I told her about the double-strand choker I'd picked out after my Grandma had left, and the vintage clasp that went so well with those pearls. "Isn't that just lovely??" Jeanette asked. "Isn't that just lovely!" She patted her hair and claimed that she never knew what to do with it - but we both knew that she always had.

Between laughter and tales of Texas and travels, she grabbed my arm again gently - but this time, her voice became softer and those wise old eyes were intent. She was sincere when she said, "Just make sure that whatever choice you do make, you make it with the Lord. You make sure it's what He wants."

I felt it - it was sweet; it was pure. Here she was, mind half-lost with all the others around her almost gone too, but speaking with a streak of truth so real and so right that it was unmistakable. I could feel it pressing against me, and it was just what I had needed.

I thanked her and told her what a doll she'd been. She held tightly onto my wrist. "You come back and visit now, ya hear?" I could tell she felt desperate behind that smile of hers, and it made me ache because I already loved her so much. "I'll come back Jeanette," I promised. I told her I'd never seen her hair look so good, even when I had never seen it before. She chuckled some more and hooted and hollered, then her eyes gently left and she went back into her own little world.

My heart was full to the brim when I walked through that door - for feeling a love so big for a woman so small.