Out paperwork has been completed and turned in. Our references have been contacted and our background checks are underway. We are so excited that things are moving along. The next step is to schedule a home study with the social worker. I am very ready to move onto this next step because after the home study we will be a waiting family! WOOO HOO! But on the other hand I need a little more time to get my house clean and ready for a home study.
I can't help but compare going through the process a second time to the first time. I am remembering and reliving those moments that happened three years ago. It is kinda funny that things are almost happening three years to to day apart. Thanks to the fun app Time Hop, I am reminded daily of where we were three years ago. For me, the emotional side of things are very different this time around. I know what to expect and I have much more of a "just get it done" attitude. It is funny because the first time I got really mad about the paperwork and this time I was really calm about it. Last time Brett was calm and this time he got mad. We just process things differently and at different times.
I get overwhelmed by the thought of getting ready for a home study. Thankfully we will get to work with the social worker and schedule a time that will work for both of us. No surprise visits! Most people have no idea what is involved in a home study and some times I just get a blank look when I talk about the amount of stress involved. I am a Type A person and I have very high expectations for myself. So when I know someone is going to come to my house and literally inspect it --- I get nervous! But I need to give myself some grace and relax. The social worker is not going to look under our beds for dust bunnies or swipe my base boards for dust. But I have a very messy toddler who flung tacos across the kitchen last night at dinner. Keeping a clean house with a toddler is almost impossible!!!!! But I am also nervous about the interview part of the home study. I know from experience what type of questions they will ask. When someone is trying to dig down deep into your life, you just get nervous. We don't have anything to hide but you are asked some really deep and really personal questions. This is like the biggest job interview that we will ever go on.
One thing I keep thinking over and over is "Ignorance is bliss". I think all of us go into adoption with rose colored glasses and think nothing will go wrong. Then you get some training and do some reading and you think, "We can handle this with no problems." Who am I kidding ALL parents feel this way!!! I think if we all truly knew what trials we were going to face, we wouldn't sign on to be parents. But adoption just comes with some extra stuff.... So this time around I know what can happen. I know what can go wrong. I have been there - done that. I know that I survived the failed adoption of Jack, but I don't want to feel that type of pain again. I told someone the other day knowing what to expect and what can happen is calming and terrifying at the same time. Three years ago I just let my fears run wild. This time I am trying to pray more and cling to the promises in scripture. I am still learning and growing in my faith and this is part of that journey.
The other thing that has constantly been on my mind is our birth mom. I find myself praying for her every day. Right now I pray that she is safe and healthy. Sometimes we put so much focus on "THE BABY" that we forget there is a mother who is carrying that baby right now. Will you join me in praying for our birth mom?
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Let's Get Started on Paperwork!
Paperwork - everyone loves it, right? NO! But it is a fact of life. Pretty much everything these days wants info about you. Name, address, and phone number. Adoption is no different - but they just want to know
A LOT about you.
We have gotten our packet of paperwork! Praise God for another step in the process! It took a bit to print it all off and get it organized. You can see a list of what is required at the end of this post. I have been thinking a lot about the differences between our first adoption and this one. I can only guess some of the same feelings happen when you are pregnant with your second child. Every time I get Ben ready to go out I am thinking in the back of my mind, "I would have to get a baby ready too. I would need to juggle a car seat, bag and Ben. How will I manage?" There are also the times when Ben is having a mini (or big) meltdown and I think, "What if the baby was crying now too?" I know that for thousands and thousands of years women have managed two or more children and survived, but I know that it will be a big change for our family.
I am also thinking about how I am in a different mindset this time around. The Lord has shown me so much over the past three years. I have changed, grown, and matured - but there is always room for improvement. Last time we were filling out paperwork I got mad. That's right MAD. I was angry that I had to give so much information about our family. I was literally proving that we would be good parents. It was a "test" and I was desperate to pass it. But....everyone else could just go get pregnant. No forms there. You don't have to submit your tax returns before you take a pregnancy test. You don't have to give a details emotional history of you, your husband, your parents, and siblings before you get pregnant. I just got MAD and ANGRY. Come to find out this is pretty normal in the adoption process and anger is one of the steps in the grief process. I was still grieving over the loss of not being able to have biological children. Time and prayer has done some wonderful things in healing that grief and loss.
There was also a lot of fear in the paperwork and home study process. In one of the questionnaires you have to list all kinds of emotional and psychological history of your family. It even asks about aunts, uncles, and cousins! After filling this one out, I asked the social worker, "What if I have a crazy uncle? Will you not approve us to adopt?" (Side note - no crazy uncles - I promise) She explained that the questionnaire was to help identify areas that might need more discussion. For example, if you do have a crazy uncle but he lives four states away and you haven't seen him in 10 years - no problem! But if you have a crazy uncle who lives next door and he is at your house every day - might need more discussion. Another question was do you use sleeping pills and how often. I panicked! I occasionally take Tylenol PM! Our social worker just laughed and said that was ok! But when your life is being picked apart and examined like this you just panic a little! If we had not been approved to adopt we didn't really have other options to have children.
This time around I am so much more calmer. We have been approved to adopt the first time around so there is a slim chance that we would be denied this time around. I knew how much paperwork we needed to fill out so I didn't panic when the printer just kept spiting out more forms. I am glad that there is this much paperwork and such an in depth home study. It protects the children from going to an unstable home. It always goes back to the kids. As adults we have to put our feelings aside and think about them.
So here we go - time to fill out some forms! This is what we have to do
1. Formal application
2. Adoption Preferences - what race, age, medical conditions, closed/semi/open adoption, etc
3. Picture of our family
4. SAFE Questionnaire - 11 pages of your history, education, medical conditions, etc
5. Arkansas State Police Criminal History Check
6. Child Abuse and Neglect Registry Check
7. Family History Data
8. Physical done by a doctor including a drug screening
9. Health Insurance Affidavit - proof that your family has health insurance
10. Financial Statement - list of assets and debts and a monthly budget
11. Last year's tax return
12. Copies of statements from your checking account, savings account, retirement plans, 401K, investments, credit cards, debts, loans, life insurance etc.
13. Last Will and Testament
14. Statement of Understanding - saying you understand there is risk in the adoption process
15. Authorization of release of records - saying the agency can have access to info about you and they can release info to the proper individual or organization if necessary
16. Discipline Policy
17. Exclusion Policy - states reasons why a family could be denied approval
18. Release of Information for Family Profile - so you info could be on the website and your profile book can be shown to birth moms
19. Self Study - 8 pages of questions about your personality, childhood, marriage, children, and your views on adoption
20. Special Needs Questionnaire - 4 pages of different special needs that you have to mark yes or no to
21. Copies of birth certificates for whole family
22. Copy of marriage license
23. Copy of insurance cards - health and car
24. Copy of Social Security Cards for whole family
25. Copy of Driver's License
26. Read the book Dear Birthmother
27. Read the book The Connected Child
I guess I better get started!
A LOT about you.
We have gotten our packet of paperwork! Praise God for another step in the process! It took a bit to print it all off and get it organized. You can see a list of what is required at the end of this post. I have been thinking a lot about the differences between our first adoption and this one. I can only guess some of the same feelings happen when you are pregnant with your second child. Every time I get Ben ready to go out I am thinking in the back of my mind, "I would have to get a baby ready too. I would need to juggle a car seat, bag and Ben. How will I manage?" There are also the times when Ben is having a mini (or big) meltdown and I think, "What if the baby was crying now too?" I know that for thousands and thousands of years women have managed two or more children and survived, but I know that it will be a big change for our family.
I am also thinking about how I am in a different mindset this time around. The Lord has shown me so much over the past three years. I have changed, grown, and matured - but there is always room for improvement. Last time we were filling out paperwork I got mad. That's right MAD. I was angry that I had to give so much information about our family. I was literally proving that we would be good parents. It was a "test" and I was desperate to pass it. But....everyone else could just go get pregnant. No forms there. You don't have to submit your tax returns before you take a pregnancy test. You don't have to give a details emotional history of you, your husband, your parents, and siblings before you get pregnant. I just got MAD and ANGRY. Come to find out this is pretty normal in the adoption process and anger is one of the steps in the grief process. I was still grieving over the loss of not being able to have biological children. Time and prayer has done some wonderful things in healing that grief and loss.
There was also a lot of fear in the paperwork and home study process. In one of the questionnaires you have to list all kinds of emotional and psychological history of your family. It even asks about aunts, uncles, and cousins! After filling this one out, I asked the social worker, "What if I have a crazy uncle? Will you not approve us to adopt?" (Side note - no crazy uncles - I promise) She explained that the questionnaire was to help identify areas that might need more discussion. For example, if you do have a crazy uncle but he lives four states away and you haven't seen him in 10 years - no problem! But if you have a crazy uncle who lives next door and he is at your house every day - might need more discussion. Another question was do you use sleeping pills and how often. I panicked! I occasionally take Tylenol PM! Our social worker just laughed and said that was ok! But when your life is being picked apart and examined like this you just panic a little! If we had not been approved to adopt we didn't really have other options to have children.
This time around I am so much more calmer. We have been approved to adopt the first time around so there is a slim chance that we would be denied this time around. I knew how much paperwork we needed to fill out so I didn't panic when the printer just kept spiting out more forms. I am glad that there is this much paperwork and such an in depth home study. It protects the children from going to an unstable home. It always goes back to the kids. As adults we have to put our feelings aside and think about them.
So here we go - time to fill out some forms! This is what we have to do
1. Formal application
2. Adoption Preferences - what race, age, medical conditions, closed/semi/open adoption, etc
3. Picture of our family
4. SAFE Questionnaire - 11 pages of your history, education, medical conditions, etc
5. Arkansas State Police Criminal History Check
6. Child Abuse and Neglect Registry Check
7. Family History Data
8. Physical done by a doctor including a drug screening
9. Health Insurance Affidavit - proof that your family has health insurance
10. Financial Statement - list of assets and debts and a monthly budget
11. Last year's tax return
12. Copies of statements from your checking account, savings account, retirement plans, 401K, investments, credit cards, debts, loans, life insurance etc.
13. Last Will and Testament
14. Statement of Understanding - saying you understand there is risk in the adoption process
15. Authorization of release of records - saying the agency can have access to info about you and they can release info to the proper individual or organization if necessary
16. Discipline Policy
17. Exclusion Policy - states reasons why a family could be denied approval
18. Release of Information for Family Profile - so you info could be on the website and your profile book can be shown to birth moms
19. Self Study - 8 pages of questions about your personality, childhood, marriage, children, and your views on adoption
20. Special Needs Questionnaire - 4 pages of different special needs that you have to mark yes or no to
21. Copies of birth certificates for whole family
22. Copy of marriage license
23. Copy of insurance cards - health and car
24. Copy of Social Security Cards for whole family
25. Copy of Driver's License
26. Read the book Dear Birthmother
27. Read the book The Connected Child
I guess I better get started!
Friday, June 20, 2014
Private vs State Adoptions
I have been asked a couple of times the difference between private adoption and state adoption. For the sake of this discussion we will leave out international adoption.
Private adoption
Private adoption can happen through an agency or a lawyer. The majority of the time it is for a child that is not born yet or is very young. The key to private adoption is that the birth mom and/or dad is the one who is choosing to place their child for adoption. No laws have been broken, they haven't done anything wrong. For whatever reasons, they feel like it is in the best interest of the child to be placed for adoption. The birth mom and/or dad often chooses the family they want to parent their child and works with the agency or lawyer to make an adoption plan. The birth parents are the ones driving this process and they get to make all the decisions. A social worker or lawyer is there to help guide them and navigate the process.
It is not very common to have an older child placed for private adoption. I don't know how to say this in a politically correct way - so forgive me. But parents don't wake up one day and say, "I think I will put my 7 year old up for adoption". Sadly, the more common scenario is if a parent is having trouble they turn to abuse or neglect as coping mechanism.
State adoption
State adoptions happen through DHS (Department of Human Services). There are two parts to state adoptions. The first is foster care and the second is adoption. So let's start at the beginning, this is a complicated subject and the hard part is each case is different. I will try to give you the most common situation. First, a call is made to DHS or CPS (child protective services). A report is made by someone (teacher, neighbor, friend) that abuse or neglect is suspected to be going on in a family. A case worker is assigned to the report and they follow up and investigate. If abuse or neglect is found, the children will be removed from the home and placed in foster care. A child might be in a foster home for a couple of days or years, each situation is different. A social workers is assigned to work with the parents and the goal is rehabilitation. Let me repeat: THE GOAL OF FOSTER CARE IS ALWAYS REHABILITATION AND REUNIFICATION. Sometimes the parents get their act together and make the necessary changes to have their kids back in the home. This process of rehabilitation can go on for years. I have heard so many stories of parents getting so close to meeting their goals and then they fall back into old habits. In general (in Arkansas) parents are given two years to show they have made changes. If after an appropriate amount of time it is deemed that the biological parents are not fit to be parents, their parental rights are terminated. At this point the child who has been in foster care is now eligible for adoption. They will remain in the foster care system until a family steps up to adopt them. Often the family who has been fostering the child will adopt them, but this in not always the case.
The key in state adoptions is the state government has stepped in and terminated the rights of the biological parents. Therefore the state assumes the responsibility of the child (aka a ward of the state). The state provides financial support of this child and it is in the best interest of the state to find them a forever home. This is why it is free to adopt from the state. Judges, case workers, foster parents, and child advocates are the ones making the decisions for the child.
In private adoption you rarely have and older child placed for adoption, but the opposite is true in state adoptions. Because the goal of foster care is always rehabilitation and reunification the process can take a long time. So even if a newborn is placed in foster care just hours or days after birth - it is very likely they will not be available for adoption until they are two years old. State adoptions are almost always older children and the waiting list for babies is long.
I hope this answers some of your questions. Please let me know if you would like to know anything else. Again, I am not an expert at all, I am learning new things all the time about adoption.
Private adoption
Private adoption can happen through an agency or a lawyer. The majority of the time it is for a child that is not born yet or is very young. The key to private adoption is that the birth mom and/or dad is the one who is choosing to place their child for adoption. No laws have been broken, they haven't done anything wrong. For whatever reasons, they feel like it is in the best interest of the child to be placed for adoption. The birth mom and/or dad often chooses the family they want to parent their child and works with the agency or lawyer to make an adoption plan. The birth parents are the ones driving this process and they get to make all the decisions. A social worker or lawyer is there to help guide them and navigate the process.
It is not very common to have an older child placed for private adoption. I don't know how to say this in a politically correct way - so forgive me. But parents don't wake up one day and say, "I think I will put my 7 year old up for adoption". Sadly, the more common scenario is if a parent is having trouble they turn to abuse or neglect as coping mechanism.
State adoption
State adoptions happen through DHS (Department of Human Services). There are two parts to state adoptions. The first is foster care and the second is adoption. So let's start at the beginning, this is a complicated subject and the hard part is each case is different. I will try to give you the most common situation. First, a call is made to DHS or CPS (child protective services). A report is made by someone (teacher, neighbor, friend) that abuse or neglect is suspected to be going on in a family. A case worker is assigned to the report and they follow up and investigate. If abuse or neglect is found, the children will be removed from the home and placed in foster care. A child might be in a foster home for a couple of days or years, each situation is different. A social workers is assigned to work with the parents and the goal is rehabilitation. Let me repeat: THE GOAL OF FOSTER CARE IS ALWAYS REHABILITATION AND REUNIFICATION. Sometimes the parents get their act together and make the necessary changes to have their kids back in the home. This process of rehabilitation can go on for years. I have heard so many stories of parents getting so close to meeting their goals and then they fall back into old habits. In general (in Arkansas) parents are given two years to show they have made changes. If after an appropriate amount of time it is deemed that the biological parents are not fit to be parents, their parental rights are terminated. At this point the child who has been in foster care is now eligible for adoption. They will remain in the foster care system until a family steps up to adopt them. Often the family who has been fostering the child will adopt them, but this in not always the case.
The key in state adoptions is the state government has stepped in and terminated the rights of the biological parents. Therefore the state assumes the responsibility of the child (aka a ward of the state). The state provides financial support of this child and it is in the best interest of the state to find them a forever home. This is why it is free to adopt from the state. Judges, case workers, foster parents, and child advocates are the ones making the decisions for the child.
In private adoption you rarely have and older child placed for adoption, but the opposite is true in state adoptions. Because the goal of foster care is always rehabilitation and reunification the process can take a long time. So even if a newborn is placed in foster care just hours or days after birth - it is very likely they will not be available for adoption until they are two years old. State adoptions are almost always older children and the waiting list for babies is long.
I hope this answers some of your questions. Please let me know if you would like to know anything else. Again, I am not an expert at all, I am learning new things all the time about adoption.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Will that be cash or check?
I have shared with you how much to costs to adopt and why those costs are so high. Today I want to share how families actually pay for their adoption. I had to laugh a little when I typed the title of this blog post…. does anyone write checks anymore? I should have called it debit or credit!
There are three main ways you can pay for your adoption fees: cash, loan, credit card debt. I will share a little about it of these.
CASH: Let’s just pretend you have a glorious little nest egg with thousands and thousands of dollars on hand. You can simple write a check to your agency and be done with it! I don’t think most agencies would like you to hand over rolls of cash, so a nice, neat little check will do. Also, under this category I would put debit cards or even credit cards (provided you have the cash to pay off the credit card bill at the end of the month).
But the reality is that most young families who are adopting don’t have $20,000 to $40,000 in cash just sitting in the bank. So, families look to other ways to help pay for their adoption.
LOAN: There are several companies who give loans to families for adoption fees. I have done a little research on this topic, but I am not an expert. I looked into adoption loans about three years ago and here are some basics. To get a loan for your adoption you have to go to a company that specializes in adoption loans. It is very unlikely that you can go down the street to your local bank and get this type of loan. Why? Well, there is no collateral. When you get a loan for your car, house, or boat you run the risk of the bank taking the car, house or boat back if you stop making payments. The bank is not going to come repossess your child if you stop making payments.
Also, the companies that give adoption loans charge a high interest rate. You can get a loan for your car, house or boat in the 2% to 10% interest range. When I looked at adoption loans about three years ago they were in the 20% to 25% interest range.
I know people who have used this method to help fund their adoption and have had great results with it.
CREDIT CARD DEBT: The last option is to use your personal credit cards and take on debt. You might have to spread the debt out over a couple of cards, but this is an option. We all know that babies are expensive so taking on more debt is not the ideal situation. But depending on your credit card the interest rates might be lower than an adoption loan.
Families often will mix and match from the three option above and they often choose to do fundraising to help out. And…. that is where we are right now. We are starting the process to adopt our second child and we are choosing to do some fundraising to help cover the costs.
Some final thoughts…..
The cost of adoption is overwhelming at times. Every adoptive family that I have met was willing to do whatever it takes to cover the costs. They work extra shifts or take on a second job. They make and sell items at craft shows. They sacrifice getting a new car or going on vacation in order to save money. They work hard on fundraisers. And EVERY SINGLE TIME the money has worked out. The Lord provides, people help out, and miracles happen.
We experienced one of these miracles when we were adopting Ben. We were just finishing up all our paperwork and home study stuff when we were told about the lawyer and court fees that we would need to pay. For domestic infant adoption you hire your own lawyer to help finalize your adoption in court. So this fee in on top of what you are paying to your agency. Brett and I hadn't factored this amount into our budget and we didn't know where in the world this money was going to come from. A week later we got a check in the mail from an angel and it covered 75% of the lawyer fees. About a month later Brett got a bonus at work that covered the other 25%. Praise God!
Our agency (Bethany Christian Services) has you pay some fees up front. These cover the cost of your home study and a few other things. We will not pay the biggest chunk of the fees until we have a baby and the 10 day waiting period is over. The risk of losing huge amounts of money is minimized. With our first child we had a year of waiting and in that time we were able to keep saving money to cover the “you got a baby fee”. It is my impression that families who already have a child are chosen quicker than couples who don’t have a child yet. A friend of mine only waited 17 days for their second child! So this time around we feel more pressure to have all of our funds ready to go.
I am humbled by our friends and family who are helping us with the financial side of this adoption. I have been speechless time and time again as people offer to help and give. I can’t say thank you enough!
I hope this gives you some insight into the payment process of adoption. If you have any questions I would love to answer them!
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Why does it cost so much?
How are you? Are you over the sticker shock in my last post? Do you need to sit down, have a drink? I have some sweet tea. It will be ok, I promise!
Adoptive family support
books, online training, support and counseling for adoptive families
When we started our adoption journey we knew it would cost a lot. But we didn't know an exact amount. After our first interest meeting we had the final cost. At the time we didn't have to full amount but we were trusting the Lord would provide. And he did! I think every adoptive family has had this experience. Part of the miracle of adoption is watching the Lord provide every detail and every dollar.
So why, oh why does it cost so much? Let's break it down.
International Adoption - $20,000 to $45,000
Cost varies depending on which agency or lawyer you use. It will also depend on which county you adopt from. Travel and hotel cost in a foreign county play a big part in the cost too. Most of the time you will need to spend a week to three weeks in the foreign county. Some times you have to make two or three trips to the county. Those costs can add up quickly. But what else does your money go towards? Often adoption agencies will have a staff member who lives in that country to help facilitate the adoption. If a staff member doesn't live in the country then there are travel costs for staff to go back and forth. There are visas, passports, immigration paper, etc. to pay for. In addition each country sets their own fees, so that is why you can get a wide range. The good news is that there are many grants and loans for international adoption. I am not an expert on this at all. So if you have more info about the costs of international adoption, please leave a comment and help us all learn!
Infant Domestic Adoption - $15,000 to $30,000
I can only speak from our experience with Bethany Christian Services, but I think in general most of this would apply to any adoption agency. Our fees went to pay for the following three areas: 1) Staff and general fees 2) Birth mom support 3) Adoptive family support. So let's break this one down too and talk about what the fees cover.
Staff and General fees
Staff and General fees
rent for office space
salaries for the social workers - in Arkansas Bethany has five staff members
travel expense for staff
training and continuing education for staff
Birth mom support
safe housing for a birth mom if she needs it
training and continuing education for staff
Birth mom support
safe housing for a birth mom if she needs it
food, clothing, phone, etc for a birth mom if she needs it
medical care during her pregnancy
labor and delivery costs - often birth moms qualify for medicare
support and counseling for birth moms - before and after placementmedical care during her pregnancy
labor and delivery costs - often birth moms qualify for medicare
meals or coffee when birth moms and social workers meet
retreats or conferences for birth moms
Adoptive family support
books, online training, support and counseling for adoptive families
postage for letters and packages sent between adoptive families and birth moms for a child's lifetime
subscription to Life Lines magazine for adoptive families
meals, coffee, etc when meeting with families
counseling for parents or children as issues come up over time
Just a reminder that babies are not always born during 9 am and 5 pm Monday - Friday. The social workers are "on call" 24-7. I can speak from our experience that our social workers were willing to give up sleep and be away from their families in order to help facilitate our adoptions. They are willing to take a call from a birth mom at any time!
State Adoption - FREE
In Arkansas if you adopt thru the state it is free. I was told there was a small fee, like $25 for a CPR card. But you get the point! FREE This is a great option for many families. Why are state adoptions free? Because the children in the foster care system are "wards of the state". This means the state government is responsible for their care and that costs money. It is in the interest of the state to place these children in loving, stable homes, who will care for them and provide for them financially. The issue of foster care and adoption thru the state is a huge, messy, complicated issue. I NOT an expert at all on this issue and there are families who could tell you so much more about this than I ever could.
I would love to hear from adoptive families about this topic. Did I forget anything or get something wrong? Let me know.
Do you have questions? What do you want to know more about? Let's all learn together!
counseling for parents or children as issues come up over time
Just a reminder that babies are not always born during 9 am and 5 pm Monday - Friday. The social workers are "on call" 24-7. I can speak from our experience that our social workers were willing to give up sleep and be away from their families in order to help facilitate our adoptions. They are willing to take a call from a birth mom at any time!
State Adoption - FREE
In Arkansas if you adopt thru the state it is free. I was told there was a small fee, like $25 for a CPR card. But you get the point! FREE This is a great option for many families. Why are state adoptions free? Because the children in the foster care system are "wards of the state". This means the state government is responsible for their care and that costs money. It is in the interest of the state to place these children in loving, stable homes, who will care for them and provide for them financially. The issue of foster care and adoption thru the state is a huge, messy, complicated issue. I NOT an expert at all on this issue and there are families who could tell you so much more about this than I ever could.
I would love to hear from adoptive families about this topic. Did I forget anything or get something wrong? Let me know.
Do you have questions? What do you want to know more about? Let's all learn together!
Friday, March 14, 2014
Momma said never ask these three questions
My mamma taught me to never ask these three questions:
1) How old are you?
2) How much to you weigh?
3) How much money do you make?
My mamma is a very wise woman! She taught me to be a polite, southern woman.
But....something happens when you see a baby/child. Everything your mamma taught you seems to fly out the window. People start asking inappropriate questions and make inappropriate comments. It seems to happen a lot more often or be more offensive when it comes to adoption. (I know pregnant women get more than their fair share of awkward moments!)
As adoptive parents we get defensive, we get angry, we get mad. Sorry about that. We can be very, very, very mamma bear about our kids. We want to educate our friends and family. We would love to talk with you about the adoption process. We want you to be on our side.
There is somewhat of a mystery about adoption. It is not how every family is created and grown. I want to help answer questions and remove some of this mystery.
So I am going to disobey my mamma and talk about money.... shhhhh.... don't tell her.
I am often asked how much our adoption cost. Some times I answer this question, some times I don't. It depends on who is asking, where the conversation is happening, and the general tone of the conversation. Because this is a public blog I am going to just talk in broad terms. So you aren't going to get the nitty gritty of our finances, sorry!
International Adoptions - approximately $20,000 to $45,000
Infant Domestic Adoptions - approximately $15,000 to $30,000
State Adoptions - FREE
GULP! Are you suprised? Are you shocked? Most people are. So, after people hear these amounts the next question is: Why does it cost so much? I hope to answer that question in my next post.
What questions do you have? What do you want to know about adoption? If you ask it, I will do my best to answer.
1) How old are you?
2) How much to you weigh?
3) How much money do you make?
My mamma is a very wise woman! She taught me to be a polite, southern woman.
But....something happens when you see a baby/child. Everything your mamma taught you seems to fly out the window. People start asking inappropriate questions and make inappropriate comments. It seems to happen a lot more often or be more offensive when it comes to adoption. (I know pregnant women get more than their fair share of awkward moments!)
As adoptive parents we get defensive, we get angry, we get mad. Sorry about that. We can be very, very, very mamma bear about our kids. We want to educate our friends and family. We would love to talk with you about the adoption process. We want you to be on our side.
There is somewhat of a mystery about adoption. It is not how every family is created and grown. I want to help answer questions and remove some of this mystery.
So I am going to disobey my mamma and talk about money.... shhhhh.... don't tell her.
I am often asked how much our adoption cost. Some times I answer this question, some times I don't. It depends on who is asking, where the conversation is happening, and the general tone of the conversation. Because this is a public blog I am going to just talk in broad terms. So you aren't going to get the nitty gritty of our finances, sorry!
International Adoptions - approximately $20,000 to $45,000
Infant Domestic Adoptions - approximately $15,000 to $30,000
State Adoptions - FREE
GULP! Are you suprised? Are you shocked? Most people are. So, after people hear these amounts the next question is: Why does it cost so much? I hope to answer that question in my next post.
What questions do you have? What do you want to know about adoption? If you ask it, I will do my best to answer.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
It has been a long, long time
Our blog has been silent for a long time. There are many reasons for that.... but the biggest might be that we have been raising a tiny human for the past 13 months. My last post was just after we had our failed adoption with Jack. To make a LONG story short. Four months later we became parents to an amazing little guy named Ben. We got swept up in newborn things - eat, sleep, poop - repeat! Ok so Ben didn't do much of the sleep thing.....
But my heart and head have been working and growing for the past year. I have learned so much and for a long time I thought no one would care to hear about it. But two things happened. First, someone shared with me that their church had an Orphan Sunday. This person had never heard some of the facts about orphans overseas and here at home. This person asked me, "What is foster care and what is a foster home"? I about fell out of my chair. After I recovered from my shock I realized if this person didn't "get it" then there are lots of people who don't! Secondly, I ran into a friend the other day. This is not someone I see often, if fact it has been 3 maybe 4 years, but I keep up with her online. She encouraged me to blog again. She helped me see that I have a voice and I have a story. After our failed adoption one of the hardest things was no one we knew had experienced this. I finally found a blog where a mom shared her thoughts and feeling about their failed adoption. I finally had a connection!
So, here I go. I am jumping back into this crazy world. I am not that great at punctuation and spelling and I know that I have run on sentences and I end with prepositions. But, can we just overlook all that and maybe we can all learn something, grow a little and love a little deeper.
But my heart and head have been working and growing for the past year. I have learned so much and for a long time I thought no one would care to hear about it. But two things happened. First, someone shared with me that their church had an Orphan Sunday. This person had never heard some of the facts about orphans overseas and here at home. This person asked me, "What is foster care and what is a foster home"? I about fell out of my chair. After I recovered from my shock I realized if this person didn't "get it" then there are lots of people who don't! Secondly, I ran into a friend the other day. This is not someone I see often, if fact it has been 3 maybe 4 years, but I keep up with her online. She encouraged me to blog again. She helped me see that I have a voice and I have a story. After our failed adoption one of the hardest things was no one we knew had experienced this. I finally found a blog where a mom shared her thoughts and feeling about their failed adoption. I finally had a connection!
So, here I go. I am jumping back into this crazy world. I am not that great at punctuation and spelling and I know that I have run on sentences and I end with prepositions. But, can we just overlook all that and maybe we can all learn something, grow a little and love a little deeper.
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