In my current social culture I would argue that there is nothing more universally overused as the attribute of being "nice" and possibly nothing more universally devoid of meaning. If you think about it, nice is probably one of the most often parroted words used in our conversations.
"Be nice."
"Isn't she nice?"
"What a nice mom!"
Nice tends to be a the generic fall back term for most people that we don't know well or that ultimately give us what we want.
"That person didn't get mad when I cut in front of them in line, aren't they nice??"
"My child ran behind that person's car and narrowly avoided being hit but the person acted like it didn't make them wet their pants and nearly have a heart attack. They are so nice!"
In reality, though we teach and extol "niceness" ultimately being nice is nothing more than social politeness. This politeness acts as a thin veil for honest and understandable underlying feelings. Associating speaking truth in these situations with a value laden judgement of "nice" and the implied opposite of being "mean" we are now moralizing socially constructed interactions more than actually accurately labeling behavior. For instance, if someone cuts in line in front of you when you are waiting for something, they are being rude. It is understandable that the person being cut in front of would feel annoyed. What becomes problematic, however, is that if the second person is to speak up and express those feelings they are suddenly labeled as being mean or not "nice." Likewise, we feel that people who always say positive things, or claim to always enjoy everything must be nice. I disagree--I think they must be medicated--but that is neither here nor there. The point is that having feelings about circumstances is not a moral issue but is to be expected. Consequently the implication of attaching "niceness" to so many situations creates a broader social climate which ties the polite omission of natural feelings to an empty but desirable value laden character trait.
Why, one may ask, does this matter? I mean really, being nice just makes everything nicer correct? It is easier to deal with people who don't have feelings about things and will politely let everything go. Well that's just it, isn't it? It's much easier for everyone to deal with individuals who always let them have their way. It's just....well nice. The problem with this is that ultimately we are teaching people that they shouldn't trust or give credence to their underlying feelings. When we feel an emotion that isn't happiness or agreement, we should tamp down on those feelings and make the better choice for everyone else to ultimately smile and let them have their way. This is especially true for women and girls. Research indicates that young girls are spoken to far more about emotions whereas boys are spoken to in a problem solving manner. Essentially we are teaching our young women that they should work to soothe others and control their own emotions, while we teach boys and men to just focus on the task at hand. No worries, the women will smooth the way over those pesky emotions for you. You just get what you need done!!
Now I'm not arguing that we should all be argumentative and angry all the time or turn every single situation into a battle. Obviously we should exercise good judgement in our social situations. However, I would argue that teaching people and especially women to behave in a way that they must constantly sacrifice their true feelings to obtain the label of being "nice" is ultimately training them to live in a world of artifice and needless self sacrifice. Why can't women have a task oriented personality and way of interacting as well? What would be the worst that happened if women were allowed to be less concerned with everyone else's feelings?
I have always liked this quote from the fictional comedic television show, The Unbreakable Kimmy Scmidt, written and produced by Tina Fey. The show follows a group of women kidnapped and held hostage in an underground bunker by a zealot (man) pretending to be a doomsday cult leader. In the first episode the women are rescued and interviewed by Matt Lauer on the Today Show. In an ironic twist based on recent information coming to light*, Lauer in the interview asks why one of the women went with this strange man to begin with based on her suspicions of him. The woman answers, "I didn't want to be rude." Lauer then responds, "I'm always amazed by what women will do because they're afraid of being rude." This is the issue with the concept of blanket social "niceness." Our greater feelings are called into question as being mean or rude and thus discounted always to the benefit of the other, while often to the detriment of the individual who is experiencing those valid concerns and emotions.
We need to do better in our expectations and our culture for our children and especially our girls/women. I don't hope that my children are nice. I hope that my children love deeply. I hope that they are loyal and courageous with their feelings and with the feelings of others. I hope that they develop relationships with others where they see the gift that is vulnerability and treat it like the fragile, precious offering that it is. I hope that they are fierce advocates and loud when they feel that a wrong is taking place. I hope that my children are fearless and not ashamed or beaten down through cruelty or thoughtlessness.
I struggle with this overall issue--it hurts me to live in a world where I know that I am not considered nice but also where I don't value that label. I know that "nice" is not the word to describe one such as myself. But I am also proud. I hope someday that my children will say of me that I loved hard and I fought hard for those that I loved. I believed deeply and suffered no fools. A person like that just isn't nice, damn it. But maybe they are more.
*We know of at least a few women who felt forced into their own belittling and harassing interactions with Lauer in their effort to avoid rudeness or social consequences.
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Love
I love this so much I just had to share it somewhere. Perfectly said, perfectly done. "Love the verb comes before love the noun." It's only 3 minutes long, definitely worth watching.
https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2015-05-2005-elder-and-sister-bednar-love?category=face-to-face&lang=eng&cid=HP_FR_2-5-2016_dPFD_fMLIB_xLIDyL2-1_
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Today we rode bikes to school
Today the kids decided (10 minutes later than they should have) that they would ride bikes to school. I was a little nervous for Hadley, my kindergartener. I had no idea if she could make it to school much less with all of the traffic and driving around her. I sent the kids and hopped in the car to follow them. Ada was sitting in a booster seat with no shoes and I was straight out of the shower.
Sure enough, Hadley hadn't made it to the end of the street before she was walking her bike up the hill. I felt that thrumming pressure, we were going to be late. I slowly followed and soon enough she was back up riding. Then walking again. Riding....walking. Other parents were driving around me trying to get to school on time. Pretty soon, Everett had given up. He was riding on ahead and leaving her. Greyson stuck with it though. I pulled ahead and watched to see them come up behind me. I drove ahead onto the busy road and parked in the church parking lot to wait for the kids and help them lock up. Ada begged to be let out. "You don't have any shoes!" I said. "It's fine mom, you can carry me." She responded. And I wonder why I have a bad back.
I stood in the parking lot waiting. Everett was long gone into the school and the line of kids were streaming in, but no Hadley and Greyson. A mom from my ward drove by, "They are back there a ways," she said, "I think Hadley fell." I thanked her and began to trek across the parking lot.
Another mom from our ward pulled into the lot, "Your kids are back there and one of them fell. She's crying. I tried to get her to come with me but she didn't recognize me. I'm sorry!" she said. I thanked her and kept walking.
Yet another mom drove up and yelled out the car window, "Hadley and Greyson are back there, she's crying!"
"I got it." I said as I lugged my 30 lbs of toddler down the road. Another mom had joined me on the walk as she was walking home from dropping her daughter off. We chuckled and shook our heads at the ridiculousness of the situation. It was just one of those mom moments.
As we neared the turn, yet another mom was helping Hadley up while a frantic Greyson looked on. I told him to go ahead and he sped off. "She's in my son's class." she said by way of explanation. I thanked her and dusted Hadley off. We talked for a minute, she hopped on her bike and rode to school. I hiked back, Ada now walking barefoot because my back just couldn't take it anymore.
I picked up Hadley's bike, helmet, and lock and put them in my car so that she could easily go with her carpool after kindergarten and checked on Greyson in case I needed to talk to his teacher about being tardy. It was all just fine.
At carpool time I got a call from my friend who was driving, "Did you pick up Hadley?" she asked, "I can't find her." I explained that she was probably looking for her bike and they located her quickly. She made it home and all is well.
Through all of this I wanted to be annoyed (and while part of me was) a bigger part of me just felt relieved and blessed. I worry about my kids all of the time and being a parent seems so difficult. I often feel isolated and overwhelmed. Everyday I feel like I drop them off at school, send them off to friends or their activities, and just pray that they will make it there. Today was a good reminder that I am part of such a wonderful community of people. I am so grateful to know that we aren't doing this all on our own, rather there are people watching out for our family who will dive in if we need help. What a wonderful relief. The Lord is making our burden lighter, even if we don't always see it.
And as a side note, Hadley will be working on riding hills before she rides to school again!
Sure enough, Hadley hadn't made it to the end of the street before she was walking her bike up the hill. I felt that thrumming pressure, we were going to be late. I slowly followed and soon enough she was back up riding. Then walking again. Riding....walking. Other parents were driving around me trying to get to school on time. Pretty soon, Everett had given up. He was riding on ahead and leaving her. Greyson stuck with it though. I pulled ahead and watched to see them come up behind me. I drove ahead onto the busy road and parked in the church parking lot to wait for the kids and help them lock up. Ada begged to be let out. "You don't have any shoes!" I said. "It's fine mom, you can carry me." She responded. And I wonder why I have a bad back.
I stood in the parking lot waiting. Everett was long gone into the school and the line of kids were streaming in, but no Hadley and Greyson. A mom from my ward drove by, "They are back there a ways," she said, "I think Hadley fell." I thanked her and began to trek across the parking lot.
Another mom from our ward pulled into the lot, "Your kids are back there and one of them fell. She's crying. I tried to get her to come with me but she didn't recognize me. I'm sorry!" she said. I thanked her and kept walking.
Yet another mom drove up and yelled out the car window, "Hadley and Greyson are back there, she's crying!"
"I got it." I said as I lugged my 30 lbs of toddler down the road. Another mom had joined me on the walk as she was walking home from dropping her daughter off. We chuckled and shook our heads at the ridiculousness of the situation. It was just one of those mom moments.
As we neared the turn, yet another mom was helping Hadley up while a frantic Greyson looked on. I told him to go ahead and he sped off. "She's in my son's class." she said by way of explanation. I thanked her and dusted Hadley off. We talked for a minute, she hopped on her bike and rode to school. I hiked back, Ada now walking barefoot because my back just couldn't take it anymore.
I picked up Hadley's bike, helmet, and lock and put them in my car so that she could easily go with her carpool after kindergarten and checked on Greyson in case I needed to talk to his teacher about being tardy. It was all just fine.
At carpool time I got a call from my friend who was driving, "Did you pick up Hadley?" she asked, "I can't find her." I explained that she was probably looking for her bike and they located her quickly. She made it home and all is well.
Through all of this I wanted to be annoyed (and while part of me was) a bigger part of me just felt relieved and blessed. I worry about my kids all of the time and being a parent seems so difficult. I often feel isolated and overwhelmed. Everyday I feel like I drop them off at school, send them off to friends or their activities, and just pray that they will make it there. Today was a good reminder that I am part of such a wonderful community of people. I am so grateful to know that we aren't doing this all on our own, rather there are people watching out for our family who will dive in if we need help. What a wonderful relief. The Lord is making our burden lighter, even if we don't always see it.
And as a side note, Hadley will be working on riding hills before she rides to school again!
Thursday, August 20, 2015
School started, Hallelujah!
The title of this post says it all. School started. Long live school!
In other news, as a back-to-school treat I took the kids to Thanksgiving point the other day. We had a grand time seeing the animals at farm country. There was one incident, though, that was indicative of something I have been struggling with for a long time. Namely I am so tired of other moms, grandma's, parents, etc. who live in the bubble that their child is the most special child on the planet and should always have what they want. Seriously, don't be that person.
As we stood in line for the pony ride the worker assigned us our ponies. I watched her talk to the moms in front of me.
"Could your daughter sit on the brown pony?"
"No. She has to sit on the white one. That's the one she wants."
"Ok, but there are other kids that might need the brown one. Could she do the white one?"
"No. She wants the brown one."
Etc. etc.
When the poor girl came to me I offered to just let my child sit on whatever horse was left. She gratefully accepted. I was annoyed, though. Why is it that out of 5-6 parents I was the only one who told my kids, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit?"
I eventually had to split my kids into two different rides because there wasn't enough room (another concession). Then when it was my other kids ride I actually had a mom come up to me and tell me that I had put my child on the wrong pony and that I needed to take her off. Nevermind the fact that I had been running around facilitating an earlier pony ride and had then rushed back and asked my daughter and she told me that this particular pony had been assigned to her. Nope, this mom had determined that that pony was hers and we were in her daughter's way. I finally lost my temper as I dragged my crying child off of the newly claimed horse and deposited her on another horse assuring her that it would be great and she would have fun. I walked away and said loudly, "I am so sick of other moms."
The mom awkwardly walked near me and defensively said, "I was just following what the lady told me."
"Regardless," I said, "it was really rude."
She huffed with her friend as they conspired together. Her friend said, "It wasn't a big deal."
"If it wasn't a big deal," I said, "Then why did I have to switch?"
At this point they seemed stumped at their own logic and had to be quiet. I was fuming and had to talk myself down from all of the other barbs I wanted to throw out. "I will not let them ruin my day for my kids!" I said to myself. And ultimately we moved on and it didn't.
I've thought about this incident quite a bit since, however. Why does this bug me so much? Well here it is--I am going to let all of these types of mothers and caregivers in on a little secret.
Do you see those children that you love?
The ones that you think are the best thing in the world?
That you want to have everything and think that everyone else should see it and want for them to have everything too?
We all feel that way about our own kids.
True story!!
I know, it's crazy, but my mother's heart would love for my kid to always have their pick of the ponies. I would love for them to always be the favorite student or the child always spotlighted or selected to participate. I think they deserve it and I think that everyone else should see that. But I also understand that everyone feels that way and ultimately life isn't like that. Furthermore, it wouldn't make my children very good people to always have their way. I realize that not only will they survive not getting their pick of ponies, but maybe it is good for them to experience rejection every once in a while. It creates compassion and empathy. It helps them learn to deal with failure or disappointment. And while it rips my heart out to have my son come home crying and telling me that his friend turned against him and convinced everyone to do the same, we hugged and talked about good and bad friends and the lessons that we all learn in life through going through hard things.
So here's the deal, back up. Let your kid not get their way sometimes. Be a facilitator for others rather than always being an advocate for your kid. There are times that you should fight for your kid, and by golly then you fight hard. But learn those times. Over a pony ride is just stupid (and yes, I realize the hypocrisy in my saying that but go with me because ultimately I gave everyone their way on that stupid ride except for my kids). In the end our kids will be better for it, I really believe that. They will know how to brush off failure or disappointment, how to find joy in things they hadn't anticipated, and how to fight their own battles. Bottom line, we are not the first people on this planet who have ever given birth to, raised, and loved a child. And we will not be the last. Love your family, please, but allow that others love theirs just as much and act accordingly.
In other news, as a back-to-school treat I took the kids to Thanksgiving point the other day. We had a grand time seeing the animals at farm country. There was one incident, though, that was indicative of something I have been struggling with for a long time. Namely I am so tired of other moms, grandma's, parents, etc. who live in the bubble that their child is the most special child on the planet and should always have what they want. Seriously, don't be that person.
As we stood in line for the pony ride the worker assigned us our ponies. I watched her talk to the moms in front of me.
"Could your daughter sit on the brown pony?"
"No. She has to sit on the white one. That's the one she wants."
"Ok, but there are other kids that might need the brown one. Could she do the white one?"
"No. She wants the brown one."
Etc. etc.
When the poor girl came to me I offered to just let my child sit on whatever horse was left. She gratefully accepted. I was annoyed, though. Why is it that out of 5-6 parents I was the only one who told my kids, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit?"
I eventually had to split my kids into two different rides because there wasn't enough room (another concession). Then when it was my other kids ride I actually had a mom come up to me and tell me that I had put my child on the wrong pony and that I needed to take her off. Nevermind the fact that I had been running around facilitating an earlier pony ride and had then rushed back and asked my daughter and she told me that this particular pony had been assigned to her. Nope, this mom had determined that that pony was hers and we were in her daughter's way. I finally lost my temper as I dragged my crying child off of the newly claimed horse and deposited her on another horse assuring her that it would be great and she would have fun. I walked away and said loudly, "I am so sick of other moms."
The mom awkwardly walked near me and defensively said, "I was just following what the lady told me."
"Regardless," I said, "it was really rude."
She huffed with her friend as they conspired together. Her friend said, "It wasn't a big deal."
"If it wasn't a big deal," I said, "Then why did I have to switch?"
At this point they seemed stumped at their own logic and had to be quiet. I was fuming and had to talk myself down from all of the other barbs I wanted to throw out. "I will not let them ruin my day for my kids!" I said to myself. And ultimately we moved on and it didn't.
I've thought about this incident quite a bit since, however. Why does this bug me so much? Well here it is--I am going to let all of these types of mothers and caregivers in on a little secret.
Do you see those children that you love?
The ones that you think are the best thing in the world?
That you want to have everything and think that everyone else should see it and want for them to have everything too?
We all feel that way about our own kids.
True story!!
I know, it's crazy, but my mother's heart would love for my kid to always have their pick of the ponies. I would love for them to always be the favorite student or the child always spotlighted or selected to participate. I think they deserve it and I think that everyone else should see that. But I also understand that everyone feels that way and ultimately life isn't like that. Furthermore, it wouldn't make my children very good people to always have their way. I realize that not only will they survive not getting their pick of ponies, but maybe it is good for them to experience rejection every once in a while. It creates compassion and empathy. It helps them learn to deal with failure or disappointment. And while it rips my heart out to have my son come home crying and telling me that his friend turned against him and convinced everyone to do the same, we hugged and talked about good and bad friends and the lessons that we all learn in life through going through hard things.
So here's the deal, back up. Let your kid not get their way sometimes. Be a facilitator for others rather than always being an advocate for your kid. There are times that you should fight for your kid, and by golly then you fight hard. But learn those times. Over a pony ride is just stupid (and yes, I realize the hypocrisy in my saying that but go with me because ultimately I gave everyone their way on that stupid ride except for my kids). In the end our kids will be better for it, I really believe that. They will know how to brush off failure or disappointment, how to find joy in things they hadn't anticipated, and how to fight their own battles. Bottom line, we are not the first people on this planet who have ever given birth to, raised, and loved a child. And we will not be the last. Love your family, please, but allow that others love theirs just as much and act accordingly.
Friday, May 8, 2015
A form letter for your instructor!
Dear Dr. (Insert Name Here)
Why did I receive that grade on my assignment? I did not read or follow the instructions and I didn't read the feedback you gave explaining my grade, but I'm sure that none of that matters because I worked really hard on it. That just isn't fair. I thought that maybe because I am emailing you now you could explain everything to me and be merciful because I need this class to graduate. Unlike every other student in this course, I am not just taking this class for fun so there should probably be some wiggle room for my GPA.
I also don't understand why I didn't get credit for the paper that I turned in late even though you said you don't accept late work. I couldn't buy my book because my financial aid hadn't come through yet, the internet was broken, my daughter in law went into pre-term labor, I am dealing with some mental illness, and I don't know how to use a store anymore. I realize the deadline was at 11:59 pm, but I turned it in at 12:05 so it's basically the same thing. Didn't you get the email I sent at 11:55 explaining all of these issues? You didn't respond in time so I really didn't have any other choice but to turn my assignment in late. I'm also a super busy person. I just don't think that it is fair to require people to turn things in on time because sometimes they have busy weeks.
Finally, I don't understand anything in this class and it is really hard. I don't really like using particular writing style so I don't think that it is fair that you require that of us. I don't even know how to find information about the things you are talking about. I didn't watch any of the screencasts, links, tutorials, or google any information on my own, but I could just tell that it wouldn't be helpful. I also discussed with you why I don't think that I should follow your instructions regarding how to make my assignment better. I just want to write it my way because I know how to write, so why do you keep marking it down? Why do you insist on making this class so hard? I don't think it is fair for students outside of your major to have to take a class that is so hard in your major.
I have never gotten below an A in a course before and now you and this class are ruining my GPA. I just want you to know that I am going to decimate you in my teacher ratings.
Please have mercy on me and give me a better grade. This is a religious school and Jesus said that you should be kind.
But seriously I am going to rip you a new one on my course/teacher evaluations.
Your student,
(Insert your name here)
Why did I receive that grade on my assignment? I did not read or follow the instructions and I didn't read the feedback you gave explaining my grade, but I'm sure that none of that matters because I worked really hard on it. That just isn't fair. I thought that maybe because I am emailing you now you could explain everything to me and be merciful because I need this class to graduate. Unlike every other student in this course, I am not just taking this class for fun so there should probably be some wiggle room for my GPA.
I also don't understand why I didn't get credit for the paper that I turned in late even though you said you don't accept late work. I couldn't buy my book because my financial aid hadn't come through yet, the internet was broken, my daughter in law went into pre-term labor, I am dealing with some mental illness, and I don't know how to use a store anymore. I realize the deadline was at 11:59 pm, but I turned it in at 12:05 so it's basically the same thing. Didn't you get the email I sent at 11:55 explaining all of these issues? You didn't respond in time so I really didn't have any other choice but to turn my assignment in late. I'm also a super busy person. I just don't think that it is fair to require people to turn things in on time because sometimes they have busy weeks.
Finally, I don't understand anything in this class and it is really hard. I don't really like using particular writing style so I don't think that it is fair that you require that of us. I don't even know how to find information about the things you are talking about. I didn't watch any of the screencasts, links, tutorials, or google any information on my own, but I could just tell that it wouldn't be helpful. I also discussed with you why I don't think that I should follow your instructions regarding how to make my assignment better. I just want to write it my way because I know how to write, so why do you keep marking it down? Why do you insist on making this class so hard? I don't think it is fair for students outside of your major to have to take a class that is so hard in your major.
I have never gotten below an A in a course before and now you and this class are ruining my GPA. I just want you to know that I am going to decimate you in my teacher ratings.
Please have mercy on me and give me a better grade. This is a religious school and Jesus said that you should be kind.
But seriously I am going to rip you a new one on my course/teacher evaluations.
Your student,
(Insert your name here)
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
My own lifestyle blog
So I was reading a friend's instagram feed and she was talking about a lifestyle blogger and trying to imitate some of the styles she had seen on that particular blog. What is a lifestyle blogger you ask? Well it is someone who posts pictures of their fabulous life so that you can be jealous/want to be just like them/secretly hate them a little because they are perfect.
As I read through the blog I thought, "You know, I bet those 5 people who read my blog have really been wanting me to show them how to live their lives better. I mean clearly I have really got it all together."
So I have decided to have mercy on all of you and let you in on some of my awesome lifestyle secrets.
Q. Is that your own hair and how do you achieve such awesome hairstyles everyday?
A. Uh, this is totally my own hair though it's taken years for me to perfect. This particular hairstyle is called a "ponytail." You take an elastic band and wrap it around your hair 3, maybe 4 times. Don't feel bad if you can't get it right at first. If you really need one I can post a tutorial someday.
Q. How do you achieve that stunningly hot bod?
A. Oh this old thing? Thanks! I don't know, I've just had it laying around for forever. It is probably assisted a lot, however, by generous portions of french fries and not exercising enough.
Q. How do you do it all?
A. I am just really good at things. Plus I know all the trendiest ways of dressing, teaching, decorating, parenting etc. I'm probably the best person that you know.
Q. Where do you get your amazing wardrobe??
A. I'm so glad you asked! This is one of the awesomest tips I could ever give. Buy a $4 shirt at Target to wear when you are pregnant and then you can wear it almost everyday for the next 3 years. Win, win, win.
Q. How do you keep the romance in your life alive?
A. My husband and I are always super worried about making sure that our lives stay romantic. We spend tons of money keeping our romance alive through doing plumbing together, yardwork, laundry, sitting through endless horrible soccer games, et. We can't help it, we are just super romantic people.
Q. How do you get such beautiful photos of yourself?
A. The credit for this one all goes to my amazing husband. Brian is so in love with me that occasionally he gazes at me
across a room and I look so beautiful that he is compelled to take a stunning picture of
me. Then he likes to upload it onto some sort of social media platform so that we can bask in my glory and share it with others.
If I can come up with any other tips for how you can be as awesome as me (and as slightly awesome as the rest of my family), I'll let you know.
As I read through the blog I thought, "You know, I bet those 5 people who read my blog have really been wanting me to show them how to live their lives better. I mean clearly I have really got it all together."
So I have decided to have mercy on all of you and let you in on some of my awesome lifestyle secrets.
Q. Is that your own hair and how do you achieve such awesome hairstyles everyday?
A. Uh, this is totally my own hair though it's taken years for me to perfect. This particular hairstyle is called a "ponytail." You take an elastic band and wrap it around your hair 3, maybe 4 times. Don't feel bad if you can't get it right at first. If you really need one I can post a tutorial someday.
Q. How do you achieve that stunningly hot bod?
Q. How do you do it all?
Q. Where do you get your amazing wardrobe??
A. I'm so glad you asked! This is one of the awesomest tips I could ever give. Buy a $4 shirt at Target to wear when you are pregnant and then you can wear it almost everyday for the next 3 years. Win, win, win.
Q. How do you keep the romance in your life alive?
Q. How do you get such beautiful photos of yourself?
If I can come up with any other tips for how you can be as awesome as me (and as slightly awesome as the rest of my family), I'll let you know.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Passion
I really have no clear direction of where I am going with this but whatever. I think that we landed in that realm a long time ago.
I feel like I hear a lot about finding your passion and making that your life's pursuit. Mainly when I hear anyone use the word passion I want to passionately roll my eyes. I mean really, good for those people but seriously? Passion? I guess.
--Side note--I have a list of other words that I hate more. That is a whole other post. Ok fine, Classy. Seriously? If you use the word classy you just aren't. End rant!
Back on topic, I used to think of myself as a passionate person, especially when I was younger. I think that life has just beaten me down into a much more doldrum sort of person. Anymore I look at things and think, "Whatever. I just don't care anymore. Where is a cookie I can eat?" Perhaps cookies are my passion! Something to ponder...
So I thought that I would make a list of fun things for myself that I like.
So that's about all I can think of right now. The thing is, I don't think I am passionate about any of those things. I mean when I think about being passionate it it just sounds like a lot of work. What does that even mean? Like would I die for them? Would I want my entire day to revolve around one of them? Would I sacrifice my whole life to pursue one of those things? Nope, sorry guys. I really like shoes, but I also like having money in my bank account.
Here's the thing, though. When is something passion and when is it folly? I think that while it seems boring to not really be super into anything, it also keeps you balanced. There is definitely a tipping point where you can be spending too much time doing something that you enjoy but there is usually a blow-back somewhere. In fact, just the other day Brian and I were discussing friendships and how hard it is to find time to cultivate a lot of friendships just by virtue of the fact that your time is limited and therefore you only have a certain amount to devote to many relationships. I think this applies just as clearly to our hobbies, interests, and passions too.
I guess as life evolves we evolve and find different purpose as well. Perhaps that term makes more sense to me. I am not even kidding when I say that I just had this epiphany as I was writing this. Purpose seems as though it has an element of work and grit to it. You can have a purpose that is not fun but is important to do. You don't have to love your purpose all the time but it can still be important and drive your life. New mantra guys, find your purpose--not your passion!
My purpose is to be a good instructor, a good ward member, a good neighbor, and a good mom. My purpose today is to clean the dishes, finish the laundry, and potty train my two year old. I'm not entirely passionate about all of those things--except maybe the use of toilets, I am a big advocate of that--but I will do them anyway. So here's to purpose with an occasional dash of passion. Passion could be good and add a little spice, but I think that purpose is where I will probably spend most of my time.
I feel like I hear a lot about finding your passion and making that your life's pursuit. Mainly when I hear anyone use the word passion I want to passionately roll my eyes. I mean really, good for those people but seriously? Passion? I guess.
--Side note--I have a list of other words that I hate more. That is a whole other post. Ok fine, Classy. Seriously? If you use the word classy you just aren't. End rant!
Back on topic, I used to think of myself as a passionate person, especially when I was younger. I think that life has just beaten me down into a much more doldrum sort of person. Anymore I look at things and think, "Whatever. I just don't care anymore. Where is a cookie I can eat?" Perhaps cookies are my passion! Something to ponder...
So I thought that I would make a list of fun things for myself that I like.
- Cooking
- Eating--See the cookies are making a reappearance in this post, oh and doughnut holes. I could be passionate about those...
- Running
- Clothes
- Shoes--These are very different from clothes and deserve their own category, just sayin'
- Reading
- Working
- Napping
- Sewing
- T.V. and movies
- Making ridiculous lists
So that's about all I can think of right now. The thing is, I don't think I am passionate about any of those things. I mean when I think about being passionate it it just sounds like a lot of work. What does that even mean? Like would I die for them? Would I want my entire day to revolve around one of them? Would I sacrifice my whole life to pursue one of those things? Nope, sorry guys. I really like shoes, but I also like having money in my bank account.
Here's the thing, though. When is something passion and when is it folly? I think that while it seems boring to not really be super into anything, it also keeps you balanced. There is definitely a tipping point where you can be spending too much time doing something that you enjoy but there is usually a blow-back somewhere. In fact, just the other day Brian and I were discussing friendships and how hard it is to find time to cultivate a lot of friendships just by virtue of the fact that your time is limited and therefore you only have a certain amount to devote to many relationships. I think this applies just as clearly to our hobbies, interests, and passions too.
I guess as life evolves we evolve and find different purpose as well. Perhaps that term makes more sense to me. I am not even kidding when I say that I just had this epiphany as I was writing this. Purpose seems as though it has an element of work and grit to it. You can have a purpose that is not fun but is important to do. You don't have to love your purpose all the time but it can still be important and drive your life. New mantra guys, find your purpose--not your passion!
My purpose is to be a good instructor, a good ward member, a good neighbor, and a good mom. My purpose today is to clean the dishes, finish the laundry, and potty train my two year old. I'm not entirely passionate about all of those things--except maybe the use of toilets, I am a big advocate of that--but I will do them anyway. So here's to purpose with an occasional dash of passion. Passion could be good and add a little spice, but I think that purpose is where I will probably spend most of my time.
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