MY REGRET !!!!

Daddy’s life had taken a drastic change lately.........

Daddy is very sad to inform that daddy will not get to see much of Keith boy anymore. All can be said is, mommy had remained the same person, the reason daddy chose to leave your side.......... again!!!!! YES, AGAIN!!!!!! DADDY CHOSE TO LEAVE.....

Daddy’s guilt is Keith boy is the one being affected by our adult problem. Daddy’s heart is indeed very heavy when daddy saw Keith boy. Keith boy kept holding onto daddy’s hand, and pulling daddy to go with Keith boy, as things were before. Sadly, it is not……. I am really sorry to my precious beloved boy.

Keith, Daddy is really sorry that daddy cannot be there to accompany Keith boy to play or to go window shopping as we have before.

The court order that was finalized had ordered, actually that condition was what your mommy had demanded for our divorce, that for daddy to only see Keith boy fortnightly at a specific day and specific time only, your mommy or a representative has to be present, mind you this condition also applies to Ah Ku or Grandma, as per requested by your mommy although not stated in the decree.

Daddy hopes that Keith boy will not see that your Daddy as bad-mouthing mommy. Daddy does hope that Keith boy is going to be raised up well and mommy will see the light of the need for both of us to see each other.

As money had always been a concern and your daddy used to exist in this world only as a “money-making tool”, daddy has been busy with work and mommy had indeed made it very hard for daddy to see Keith boy.

Daddy had always loved Keith boy and will always do. Please understand that daddy had never intended to abandon Keith boy in anyway. Daddy is very sorry that daddy and mommy's problem had caused Keith boy not to have a normal family. Daddy had tried very hard to make good of the whole situation but always ends up with the same result and problems.

If Keith boy ever needed anything, just give daddy a call. For now, daddy will just have to bear with the pain, living without seeing Keith, until Keith is much older and can decide for ownself, because of a very selfish act.

Now daddy just hopes that there won’t be any mind poisoning, happening to Keith boy. Daddy does agree that daddy’s decision to move on with daddy’s life has indeed affected Keith boy’s life. But Daddy do hope that Keith boy would realise that we each are given a choice and we decide it all on what our heart tells us to. When love is dead, please understand that the heart is not once broken (a single crack), it is already in pieces.

This blog is daddy’s only way of letting Keith boy to find out daddy’s part of the truth. Daddy will leave it to Keith boy to find the truth for own self.

Keith 2nd Birthday

I am very sorry for not being able to update my blog as often as I like now. Life is indeed very hard especially when you have to work things out from scratch without much help and support. Luckily I found it lately with much understanding.

I know that I have been absent from my blog for over 2 months now. I am taking this opportunity to start writing again whenever I can find the time to. My sincerest apologies to all that have hopped over to my blog only to be disappointed with the same old posting.

It was Keith's birthday last week and I manage to spend almost the whole day with him. (Well, I am glad that I can almost see him almost on a weekly basis and he is still as attached to me)

That day was not really an eventful day but it has been a very tiring day for all of us, including the Birthday boy. Elaine wanted to get cupcakes from Cupcake Chic so they bought two to try and sadly they were not to our liking, with Keith being the only one wanting to eat one cupcake and smashing the sweeter one. Guess the cupcakes were not to our liking.

This is how Keith eats his cup cake




After the cupcake we decided to go into the Curve because it was raining heavily and I have parked my car in the basement parking of Ikea. While walking towards the entrance, Keith saw the candy shop and immediately he helped himself to pick the candy :P We can really see that he indeed enjoyed himself with his lollipop candy although he cannot finish it.


He even sat himself on a bench to enjoy his lollipop.


We allowed him to have 2 rides on the mini rides then we headed to Ikea and had a little walk. Keith would as usual play with all the toys there and also the slide


Right after that, we decided to go to Jelly Q to get a jelly instead. Everybody decided to go for the steamboat opposite of the confectionery shop because we were all so hungry.

So we also let Keith have his jelly cake there too


What gave me the scare is him touching the top of the candles right after he blew it


I bought him a balloon, which he had used to repeatedly hit my sister on the head with, as well along with the gifts he got from us. I gave him a Swarovski Crystal Pig (for keeping) with a fake W910 display phone, my mom gave him a small golden piggie pendant and he also received a Jumbo-size Barney from a very good friend of my sister and I.


That did not conclude the day, we went to the Food Foundry to get a Mille Crepe Cake for all the adults and headed to a small restaurant in Taman Desa for our dinner before sending Elaine and Keith home. As usual Keith would whine when he sees me leave but I am glad in a way that Elaine and I are trying to work things out in our own ways.

My Recent Visits to Keith

I have managed to see Keith as per the agreement that it has to be in the presence of, and it was with Elaine for the past few weeks but the trouble is we still have our BIG fights. I guess it is rather hard to working things out and I am really hoping that we can start everything anew as friends. I am rather overjoyed because Keith has been rather ecstatic to see me and he is still just as attached to me but of course he has gotten more attached to his mom.

Keith has gotten quite demanding and has began to order around, even starting to ask for things but the good thing is we can still talk him out of it or to promise him to give it to him later, then he is ok already. All we need to do is to be really angry or when he does something really wrong, he would come over and keep giving the angry one his kisses.

Well, as for the toys I have given him, he is not too interested in it because I know that he had always wanted someone to be there playing it with him, only then will he be interested. Of all the toys, the one he had like most is the bus toy and the drawing table. But we all know how kids are, they always change their preference almost on a daily basis.

I wanted so very much to post up his pictures here but Elaine made me promised that I will not post his pictures up until much later on, for reasons I dunno why. Sigh!

This week have been a very expensive week for me. I have bought 2 case of Enfagrow A+ in Isetan which is retailing at RM74.90. (there is 6 tins in a case)


Before that I have went to the e-Toys warehouse sales to buy toys for Keith and a birthday present for Nicole too.

Since Keith has always been fascinated to get onto the driver seat so I got him this


This one is definitely better than those MatchBox car toys


A bus with alphabets and phonics. To him this is another car toy.


This is the most expensive one, costing RM100, not sure if he likes this one or is he going to use the teacher as a joystick


Got him a table drawing board to get him interested in writing


And lastly this standing drawing board is for Nicole but now I got to figure out how to send this one back to her.


I have also bought a Vtech Floating Boat and got a free RC Helicopter from their lucky draw.

I guess from next few months I will have to be really thrifty and to spend as little as possible. I might have to even skip some of the things that I really needed, like getting a new pair of spectacles to replace my 3 years old glasses.

My hectic Tuesday

Tuesday was a rather hectic and tiring day for me. In the morning I have to run to the LHDN alone and also to meet up with my very good friend, DD. I am very thankful for the time that DD took to help me out on many things. The other person that I am grateful with is my sister who took leave that day to help me to assist Elaine so that I can go out in the morning. While Grandma has gone back to Penang the night before for her medical checkup that day itself. By noon I took Keith, Elaine and my sister out for lunch at Tony Roma's.

The food was ok and we ordered 3 sets. Keith was the one having the most fun because he seems to be enjoying himself with all the food we shared with him.

He is taking some bread. Does he looked shocked?


He even wanted to try it with the dressing the waitress gave him. The carrot and celery was a compliment for him :D but he don't seems to like it though.


The yummy look....


Recently he has also began giving different expressions when we put him in front of a mirror


All I can say is I was totally tired by the end of the day.

Another thing that I would like to add is Keith's Portable DVD player from Citibank has finally arrived. I am very happy about it because now I do not have to share my laptop with my boy anymore to watch his children songs.

Keith is sick again!!!

I hope I am not ranting too much in my blog….. Guess life has been rather exhausting for for my family lately….. Probably the reason for our dilemma is because Elaine has calculated things to the extreme without leaving much room for a breather, I am not blaming her, just my own opinion only. It is sure tough to manage our personal lives without the maid because we are now short of hand to care for Keith, not that we really have to her carrying or caring for Keith all the time since he is not that attached to her. Now we just have to juggle between Elaine, Grandma, I and occasionally some help from my sister too. Life is surely gonna be much easier if everybody put in a little more effort to make it work.

I would like to thank those whom had passed to me their contact of maid agency. I still do not know which one would Elaine be choosing but I am really thankful and truly appreciate the help.

What really makes it tough is when people starting to snap at each other over small things. Sigh! It is sure hard on everybody. Life is never a bed of roses….. anyway I don’t think there is anybody wanting to sleep in that if the thorns are still attached to the stalk!

Funny thing is when the maids were still working for us, I would be the one to suffer all the complain against them and now that they are gone I was just hoping that everyone chip in a little extra to make the family function, since the new maids would take about 2 months to arrive. Even then we would have to be patient with them to teach them to do house chores correctly.

To add salt to our wound, Keith has fallen sick with cold, cough and phlegm again. I do realize that he tends to fall sick whenever he is close to his month old. It surely nade it harder for us trying to adjust and having a whiny Keith, especially when we get really busy in our restaurant. In this picture you can see that Keith is rather worn and tired by his sickness this time and we are rather lucky because he happen to sleep a lot because of that too...... Just that he would want to sleep with us at night and start his acrobatic sleep act in the middle of our bed...... I woke up this morning with a leg on my nose and I can see that he was also trying to reach out to grab his mom's ear.


It gets rougher when we try to give him his dose of medicine administered with syringe….. He would either cough till he puke or he would force himself to throw up…… This is his reaction as soon as he sees the syringes


Actually he vomited so many times I really feel heartbroken, he had either coughed himself till he vomited or right after we gave him half of syringe of medicine. I never minded having to change the bedsheets, comforter, cleaning him up or the mess he left. I just hated it, being ordered around. I even ordered to do three things at the same time!!!! Sigh! Guess I have became the replacement maid :P We are planning to take him to see his paed if he is still not responding to his medication so that the would administer another shot of nebulizer to hasten his recovery.....

I would sure like to thank my lil’ angel for being there and being my pillar of support during this hard period, without that I doubt I could go far!

Runaway Maids

Today is a horrible day to do this post..... Most who have my MSN would know that I am a late night bird. Last night, as usual I went to sleep at 5am But I only get to sleep until 8am. The reason for the short sleep was because my mom came rushing into our room telling us that the maids has gone missing (my sister's and mine)

Grandma has made the discovery when she was going to the bathroom. After looking thru our personal stuffs we found that we are missing quite a sum of money from Elaine's pouch (our own money and "loose change" money we keep for the cash register) We also found a half bottle of milk on the table in the hall along with our keys and their passports, which was taken from our pouch as well.

What really made us totally unprepared for this is because my sister's maid is due for home in October and mine is in December this year. my sister's maid even told my sister that she wanted to continue her employment and she requested that we send her back. We have promised her that we will allow her to go back for a month in January. We were really shock that they have decided to runaway and was even daring to steal money right under our nose. Elaine, Keith and I is sleeping in the room where the theft took place.

From my guess, she has used the opportunity to steal it when she came into our room at about 6 - 7am to feed Keith his morning milk. She only fed hin halfway thru because she did not want to force the whole bottle to Keith because he would normally starts to whine if he is given more than half a bottle. Since Elaine is a light sleeper, she is normally woken up by Keith's whining so I guess she took the caution ot that.

Despite a check with the guard house, they were unable to provide much information because ours is practically manned by foreigners too, my guess is probably Nepalese.

In my opinion, the reason for their daring act is probably due to the fact that they knew where I put their passports. Recently the government has required us, employers, to bring along their passport whenever we bring them out. It has really been an inconvenience, it would be better if we can have the immigration dept issued ID cards and have their passports kept in a safe place or even with the agency. According to the maid agency, the immigration dept has discontinued sending it out these recent years.

I have never liked the idea of having strangers, like maid, in my house because I have always felt uncomfortable with them and also thinks that there is a loss of privacy. FYI, I never spoke to my maids, they get their instructions from Elaine all the time. I am considered lucky because Keith is never attached to our maid and he never really quite liked her. Anyway the reason for us to get the maids is because we needed them to help Grandma to care for Keith (and Nicole, formerly) as well as Grandma herself too because she has been having problem with her legs and movement is rather limited lately and she had fainted once on us because of low blood pressure. Grandma herself is on High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol and Controlled Diabetes medication.

Sadly we don't have a big family so we have to resort to employing maids to help us out on out daily chores as well as taking care of our family so that we can spare more time on our business. The most depressing part of the day is losing the maid has sparked a few arguments in the family and I am being victimized all the time.

My thank for all the friends whom have given their advises, for all the concerns we have been given, for sharing with us their experiences and contacts for maid agencies, since most are closed on Sundays.

Remote Controlled Cars

Lately I have bought Keith a remote control car and Yes, I know that it is for 3 years and above I would be the one controlling the car and let him chase it or we would do something really bad and use it to scare and chase after the cats. Keith sure liked to play with the remote although he is unable to control the car, I guess he liked to use it to go after cats.

Seeing the fun that Keith and I have had with the remote controlled car, Aunty May's husband, Edward went to buy another set. Sadly he had bought the car of the same frequency and there is no way that we can change the wave and Yong Jin kept wanting to control our car because it is a more powerful and fully charged too. So you've got Yong Jin and Keith (me) trying to control the same car because his parents forgot those rechargeable batteries. Now we cannot play both cars together because the both remotes can control the same car. In fact this has caused our "zero" accident car crashed into the drain a couple times.... eeeewwwww! I know.

From this picture you can see that Keith is rotating the steering control control while Yong Jin is the one pressing on the accelerator moving forward/reverse.


After a while, fun became fear when Yong Jin turned the remote into a imaginary gun. We were all scared by his pose but Keith kept wanting to get close because the car is behind Yong Jin

Keith's Twist, Feeding and my personal message for a friend

Recently Keith has been much more active than ever but sadly I don't quite have the energy to cope, since someone is not co-operating much. Anyway what caught my attention recently is his liking to dance to tunes. He would be twisting if he is sitting down, holding his hands up in the air and shaking them while twisting if he is standing up, jumping if someone is carrying him, do the rowing motion if someone is holding both his hands or twisting his shoulders if he is inside the car.

Dang! I should have taken part in Nuffnang Twister thingy with this.... Too bad Grandma had ordered us not to give Keith any publicity of those competition kind!!! Funny thing is she is ok with the blog idea :P


I am really glad that Keith's wound had healed rather well and the scar is not that obvious. My thanks to all the advises that I got and the well-wishers too.


I have always been wanting to do this but everytime I could not as I needed one hand to hold the bottle. This time I have had the camera ready before his feeding starts. Keith takes 3 of his milk feeding like this everyday!!! Once in the early morning, another in the afternoon/evening and lastly at around midnight.

Recently many unhappy things had happened in my life. I am not using this opportunity to rant about it but instead I am taking this to thank someone really special. This is not the first time I have chatted with a stranger since I have always find it easier to talk that way. You know the "I dunno anyone from your circle of friends and you dunno anyone in mine". I am really glad that I found this special person because we have had many things in common, especially with many relating to our personal lives. We were able to match up with each others going online timing too.

Online friends never really cared on how you look, who you are, rich or not, nor is height a problem! The way true friends really are..... Not that I don't appreciate all my other friends but the trauma would have really driven me insane if not for this person.....
I really to say this:

"Thank you for being there for me.... I really appreciate your support, advice, time, sharing and trust. Most of all, you made me feel that I am not on my own"

Bad Day!

Yesterday was a very painful day for me and Keith. There was two major things that had happened and also would really have a major impact on my life.

I do not want to write this first part down but I really needed to remind myself of this incident to I will do it but I would not want to go into too much details, rather just vaguely mention it because I do not want to hurt anyone's feeling. I'll just mentioned the person as "A". I have always tried my very best in doing things to please "A" that I can, yet "A" is never seems happy. Everytime when things like this happened, the whole situation would looks as though I am always given the right to choose but I make the choice that is not in "A" favour then I am bound to get it badly..... mentally and physically too.... talk about abuse!!! (Doesn't this makes you think our of beloved country?)

I was just trying to teach "A" a lesson because I never liked being ordered and being bossed around (nobody does!) When I made my choice not offer my help to "A" because I wanted "A" to know what it takes for me to do the job. "A" tried to get the job done and was really unhappy about it. In the end when I tried to let "A" know that I faces the same helplessness when I am ordered to do the same job, I got battered!!!! and battered badly too!!!! Sigh! So much for a freedom of choice!!!!

The second major thing really breaks our hearts...... Last night I came to the restaurant on my sister's car. Keith was in the backseat with me, while Grandma sits in front. After my sister parked her car, I let Keith off the car and passed him to Grandma. I only let him go after Grandma have a good grip on him. Then I turned back to the car to take Keith's bag. I turned around and I saw Keith struggling to free himself of her grip. I guess he suddenly caught himself caught off balance when he manage to shrug off Grandma's hand and almost fell down onto the tar road face down.

Luckily Grandma caught him in time and he looked at me and cried out loud. So I picked him up and he kept hitting his chest too (the way of him telling me that he is scared) As we enter the restaurant, Elaine looked shocked and kept asking what is that on his face. To our horror, we saw this
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A 3 almost 4 inches red wound running from his eyebrow to his hair line diagonally across his forehead.


It is really sad indeed. I guess now our boy would now look like one of those characters off the Chinese fighting Man Hua 漫画 comic

Keith and Soft Toys

Compared to his cousin, Nicole, Keith is less attached to soft toys. He would not even cuddle them when he goes to sleep. The other night I gave him his Tigger and Eeyore to carry and he would walk around with them in his hands for a while and after a while he would either be passing it back to me, he would get all excited and run to pass it to me, or sometimes he would simply throw them onto the floor.


Actually Elaine and I are very glad that he is not attached to these soft toys, we felt that it is a good thing because we would not have to un-attach him later on. For some reasons for his non-interest in soft toys is very much to Grandma's dismay. She probably felt that he is missing some part of being a toddler because he is not being attached to soft toys.

Anyway since Elaine and I have never really been fancy of soft toys, I guess Keith is just getting it from us. Keith seems to be more attached to electronics though, like in the picture below, he is unsure of which to choose..... my laptop or to play catching with me.


Probably the one that is crazy of soft toys in my family would be my sister because she is still nuts about it till today. I felt that Keith is way more comfortable with his hands empty and he seems much more happier too.

Our lil' Key Man and Cleaner

Last night while waiting for everyone else to finish cleaning up, Grandma and I took care of Keith and as usual Keith would start demanding wanting this and that. In the end he had my house keys and car keys. He has been very amazed with keys. At home he had even imitated us by picking one of the key while trying to reach for the doorknob, as if he is trying to open it. Like all other kids, he also likes to play with remote too, it could be any kind of a remote control, like my car remote, car audio remote, TV remote, Air Cond remote and he even wanted my condominium pass card. He likes to point them to the ceiling while pressing on to the button.


Initially playing with the remote


Before switching to the keys


While taking this pictures I saw grandma's glass of iced water on the other end of the table has a lot of condensed water so I took a tissue to wipe it up. As soon as Keith saw me with the tissue he immediately throw away the keys. He took the tissue from my hand and immediately started to wipe the table.


He likes to imitate us doing our daily tasks. He also likes to throw away those used tissue into the waste basket by himself, if he is on the floor.

Elaine to stop breast feeding

Yesterday Elaine had pumped her last EBM for Keith consumption and so far she had been doing the EBM for 1 year, 2 months, 1 week and 1 day (or a total of 435 days) I took a snapshot of the lilypie marker so that I can keep a record of it for future reference since I will be taking it down from my header.


The reason for her to stop is because she needed to go on some medication and in taking that it is not recommended for her to BF. For a short while she will still be expressing to keep the supply coming but she will have to throw those EBM away. She agreed with me to do so after I explained to her that in doing so she could ensure that if Keith ever reacts to the milk powder, there is still her EBM to fall back to, instead of medication or adapting to another brand/type problem because all she needed to do is stop her medication for a day and her EBM is as good as before.

I know that most of you would think that I have been all talk about BM since I am a male and would never really know what all the great mums have to go through to give their little ones the best in life. Admittingly yes, I could never ever know how it is to BF but all I can say is it is really a very BIG sacrifice indeed, especially Elaine because Keith would not latch on. No matter how much I have done for her or him it is really nothing compared to her sacrifice. I am ever grateful because Elaine had been doing it for all the while without any complain nor even she mumble that it wasn't fair. She was all about giving the best for our little one.


The other reason why I was really thankful is because both Elaine and I was never BF when we were infants.

• In Elaine's case she was like Keith and would not want to latch on and there was no equipments and tools like present for EBM. Her parents have to give her S26 which she would only take minimal amount. I suspect her gastric could have started then Later on her parents found out that PoPo in fact have abundant of BM supply that she can have Aunt May, Uncle Jason and 2 more cousins latch on one after another.
  
• Whereas in my case, according to my kai-ma (godmother, whom also happen to be my eldest maternal aunt) I have had eczema because of allergy I am not sure if it was CMPA probably I have been taking milk powder since birth. By the way, my mother is a firm believer that BM is for the "Dumb and Dumber". In fact most of my relatives from my mother's side do not BF. She had even tried to discourage Elaine from giving Keith BM while my kai-ma has also told me that Keith is too underweight and suggested that we should switch to powder milk for him to gain more weight (to be more chubby and cuddly wor)