Dear baby boy,

I just wanted to tell you the last 6 months with you have been amazing.  Today you are officially 6 months old and I still can;t believe I am lucky enough to be your mom!  We have all come so far in 6 months,  from many many sleepless nights to just about sleeping completely through the night. From midnight feedings to a happy smile when you wake up for the day.  You are getting so close to crawling and it makes mama nervous since you want to be mobile soo badly right now!  You are growing by leaps and bounds, Dr S said you weighed 19 lbs 10 oz and 28 inches long on Friday which is a looong way from my 8 lb 4 oz 20 inch baby boy I brought home in April.  I just wanted to tell you that being your mama is the best thing  I have ever done, besides marrying your Dada.

You make me so happy little one, thank you for being my miracle boy!

What a bad little blogger!

Truth be told...things around here have been insane at times but also totally incredible!  Baby boy will be 6 months on the 24th and is learning at the most amazing rate.  We are rolling both ways (front to back and then back to front) and he can move around 360 degrees in a circle if he feels like it.  He loves to watch people and makes the funniest faces.  I would do a birth story but truly things went pretty smoothly, minus the emergency c section for failure to progress...got to 5 cm and that was it.  He makes me happy every single day.  His smile makes me want to burst, and I finally feel as though this is what I was "meant" to do, be his Mommy.  Aiden, I love you more than the word...thank you for picking me to be your Mommy!

August 11th

So, only a few more days until our beta for FET #1, and to be honest I am not feeling positive at all. I know the success rates for FET are not as high as for a fresh cycle, and if our fresh cycle didn't work with 2 near perfect embryos, then why would it work now? I am in bad need of a break from IF, and think if the news is negative on Friday, that I may take a 3 month break. It kills me to do it, but I am so close to having a nervous breakdown from all this stress that I think I NEED it. I said that when we started this journey that I would give BIVF, 2 fresh IVF cycles, and then consider a 2nd opinion. That would be either B&W or maybe Fertility Ceneters of New England which has an office in Dedham. I feel loyal to BIVF though, and hate the idea of maybe having to go through hoops agian getting all sorts of tests for another office, but we will see. For now, I am counting down the days til Friday! However, Kenney Chesney is this weekend, and who can be sad then? :)

August 4th

So, yesterday was quite a roller coaster of emotions which started at 5 am! As I placed my morning dose of Crinone, I realized that I had never taken the extra progesterone supplement that was in the fridge which I thought was supposed to be the night before the transfer. I was shaking in the shower and berating myself for forgetting something so important! I called BIVF and asked to have the MD call me back ASAP. Dr. B called back (whom I have never met) and without asking me any questions about the other meds I was on said "well, they are going to have to cancel your transfer this afternoon." Well that's all I needed to hear, I lost my mind! I cried all the way to work and any time someone looked at me at work.

I made the call to BIVF at 9 am, and demanded to speak with Dr. P, who I was told was in Maine for the week and transferred to Kathy the RN to leave a VM. I explained the situation, my conversation with Dr. B, and that I was so terrified that they had already thawed the embryos and that my cycle was to be cancelled! Of course, I called and cancelled my pre and post transfer acupuncture and was on the verge on tears and sick to my stomach for a few hours waiting for a call back from the office.

Just when I was about to call again, Kathy called back and alleviated all of my fears. She looked at my chart and said the reason no one had told me to take the other progesterone was because my P4 level on Friday was A-OK. She said that they were still planning on seeing me at 4 PM and to re-book my acupuncture appointment if I was still interested in doing it. Turns out that my silver lining for the day was that my 2 frosties made it through thaw, and one looked just as perfect as it was prior to freeze, the 6 cell embie was a bit more fragmented but Dr. R assured me that they expect to see a bit of a change in the embies but that the implantation quality they look at is what the embryos were prior to freezing. He was VERY happy with our thaw report and made both S and I so comfortable with the whole transfer procedure. If I didn't love Dr. P so much , I might think about changing RE's to see Dr. R since he made us laugh so much even in the midst of a very weird situation. I mean every time I am at the doctor's office now, I am always there with no pants on! How's that for weird!

I am firmly planted on the couch today, following my instructions to take it easy for the first 24 hours. Here is to sore boobs, unrelenting fatigue, and Lizzie going for a nice long vacation!

July 31st

So, the RE's office called and my lining check looked great at 8.42 mm. I had it somehow in my head it was supposed to be 8-9 mm, maybe someone said it at some point? My P4 level was low which is what they expected with giving me all the estrogen I have been taking. So the plan for now is start Crinone twice a day starting right today, continue with the Vivelle estrogen patch and when the operating room calls tomorrow with my transfer time, book my pre and post transfer acupuncture appointment. We have a total of 3 embies frozen, they will try to successfully thaw the 7 cell and the 6 cell. If for some reason 1 of those don't thaw well or become too fragmented then we will work on the last 6 cell embie. My hope is that the first two thaw well and that it will finally be my turn!!! Here's to a successful thaw, keep your fingers crossed please?

July 29th

So, we are well over a week into our first FET cycle, which Dr P is calling IVF #1A. I have an u/s and blood work on Friday to determine if my lining is sufficient and that I haven't mysteriously ovulated on my own. Donna the RN says that the estrace and vivelle patch should keep me from ovulating but as most of us know our bodies sometimes have a mind of their own. I have had next to no symptoms that I can pinpoint as being from the estrogen alone. I am feeling much better than I did the last couple of days prior to my ER last cycle. I am hoping for good news on Friday, which will make my proposed FET 8/3/09. A very good friend who is traveling the IVF route with me just got pregnant on a FET, so there is much hope for me. Also, our IVF follow up appt with Dr P went so well and even though I didn't get pregnant, they learned those last few pieces of information that we had been lacking this whole time. I am hoping for good news to announce in 2+ weeks!????

July 18th

Update on us:

We had a long talk with Dr Penzias on Thursday and decided to do a FET in between our waiting for next fresh IVF cycle. He didn't have a lot of insight as to why exactly this cycle didn't work, but says it gave them the rest of the information they really needed to know me inside and out. We would have to make take a break anyways for 1 cycle, so they FET fits in perfectly. We had 3 embies frozen, (a 7 cell and two 6 cells, all grade 3) so they will thaw the 7 and 6 cell and only thaw the other one if one of those didn't survive the thaw. I feel it's a whole lot better than taking a month of at this point, and my friend just got her BFP from her 1st FET. I started meds ( oral Estrace and Vivelle patch) until July 31st which they will do an u/s and bloods and tentative date for transfer is August 3rd provided lining looks good and I haven't ovulated in my own for some reason. Donna the RN said it's unlikely on the meds I am on, but it happened to me on one of my IUI cycle when on CD 8 my bloods showed I had already ovulated on my own. Poo to my body for being on fast forward...LOL

Here's to a popsicle baby in the Spring!!!