As an exercise (or mental therapy) to help me process what I just experienced, I thought I would write my feelings about being a part "An Evening with Joseph and Emma." Mostly, this is going to be my random thoughts.
When auditions for “An Evening with Joseph and Emma” were announced from the pulpit at church I felt like they were speaking directly to me. I knew I needed to be a part of this production. I didn't think I was an obvious choice for Emma. I knew I didn't look the part. When I made call backs I prayed that the right woman would get the part. Kind of hoping that woman wasn't me. I thought I already had a testimony of Emma's divine and supportive role in the Restoration. And I thought some other woman could benefit from playing the role of Emma.
Little did I understand how much my love and testimony of Emma would grow and how much I needed to grow. This has truly been a challenging and growing experience for me. It has been challenging on so many levels. Ironically, I found that some of my struggles were ones that the Lord cautioned Emma about. In Doctrine and Covenants 25:14 he warns her "to beware of pride." Oh, I wrestled with this one. I constantly found myself becoming defensive and prideful when the director would tell me what to do. Imagine that, a director directing and telling and actress what to do. The nerve of that man! I know I am childish and found myself reacting just as my four-year-old does when I ask her to do something. Mostly, I think it was my own insecurities coming out. These insecurities caused me to have an emotional breakdown about once a week throughout the course of this show. Man, I struggled with so many things about this play: learning the difficult rhythms in the music, memorizing lines perfectly, and certainly not least of all, was having to hug, and act like I was in love with someone else. I'm a happily married woman after all.
Even though I really struggled with myself and overcoming my weaknesses, I always felt like I was the right woman for the role. I came to see how the Lord began preparing me for this role last year. Last year at this time, I was teaching Gospel Doctrine and one of the lessons was about husbands and wives. Since we were studying the Doctrine and Covenants the lesson used the example of Emma and Joseph. While preparing I felt very strongly that I needed to focus the lesson more heavily on Emma. I dove into research about her. What I shared in that lesson was just a slice of what I learned and came to understand about her. Also, about that time I was invited to perform with ladies from my mission in a musical readers' theater about the organization of the Relief Society. Being a part of it reignited my love for performing and early church history. I then decided to start volunteering at This is the Place Heritage Park again. Last summer I also read "History of Joseph Smith by his Mother" (I recommend it to anyone. I LOVE this book. It's the best account of his life). Also, I know I was being prepared for this role through my mission in Nauvoo and all that I learned and experienced there.
This is my favorite line from the play, "And that the Lord always hears our cries. Though at times, our patience may be tried to the very edge of endurance." I love this line because I feel this so often. Through the course of this play and all the struggles I had, I knew the Lord heard my cries, but was allowing me to go through the trials and exercise my faith so that I could grow.
I felt honored and overwhelmed to play the role of Emma. I hope I justly portrayed Emma’s love and faithfulness to the Lord and Joseph and Emma’s vital role in the restoration of the Gospel. One of the songs was called "All that I Am." The first time I sang through it my understanding of Emma changed for forever. The song tells that the Lord called Emma to serve Joseph and comfort and support him. I came to realize that Emma faithfully lived her purpose in life. She was called to be "a comfort unto my servant, Joseph Smith, Jun., thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness" (Doctrine and Covenants 25:5). Her supportive role to Joseph was a necessary part in the Restoration. She did just as the Lord asked her and any that misjudge her are in error.
These past two+ months have been busy but thanks to loved ones we were helped along. I couldn't have done it without my mother-in-law, Sherry and mother, Cheryl for countless nights watching my girls so I could go to practice. Knowing my girls were cared for made going out the door each night stress free. I am so thankful for inspired friends that called to check up on me and let me vent and cry to them. I thank these friends for their encouragement and advice. And of course, I thank Stephen. He supported me with his patience, kindness, understanding and love. Truly, it wasn't until after receiving a priesthood blessing from him that my emotional breakdowns stopped. His blessing finally gave me the comfort and peace I needed.
Thanks to all of you that came to show. I hope you felt the spirit of the show. The writer and composer, Randy Lee Rowley, did an amazingly inspired job with this musical. The account is completely historically accurate. The music is beautiful and so touching. I am so glad I was a part of it.
Joseph (Nate Brown) and Emma (me)
My mom and me. Maybe she's who I got my dark hair from?
The whole cast
